Kan't Keep Kuiet

Letter to my friend...

2011-04-11T02:53:00.002+09:30

Dear J,

I've been walking down memory lane lately, and I was reminded of you. It was so long since I have written to you. I guess I have been working a lot and not really thinking about all the things that plans that we have made together. I was really just going through each day without thinking and I feel as though my brain is rotting from all the mundane things that I have been doing.

I miss the discussions that we have had, the "What if," questions, the ambitions, the plans we had as we grew up. I almost forgotten why I wanted to be a doctor in the first place.

The story has changed over the years, I could never pin point when I really wanted to be a doctor. There was a time when I really believed in Evolution, where it was survival of the fittest, the weak are not deserving of this harsh world. Modern medicine defies that theory. I did not like the idea of not just the fragile and weak, but also the nasty and sinful genes being passed on to the next generation. I hated humans for defying the laws of nature.

I loved animals, and I still do. I wanted to be a zoologist, a biologist, a nature photographer, a vet. I wanted to help animals more than I liked humans. My favourite author is James Herriot. His witty and artistic description of his adventures of veterinarian was very intriguing. I could understand all the jargon. Even now, after being through med school, the jargon made more sense and his tales of patients/owners really sounded like my own patients.

My parents discouraged me from pursuing that career. I took the "next best thing," which was treating humans.

What I liked about animals was their innocence, their basic instincts. If you remembered the series "The Walking Dead," where it was either you losing your higher functions as a zombie, or heightening your will to survive as a survivor. That's the same as animals, the basic need to survive. The selfish gene theory.

Anyway, children's minds work similar to animals. They live of basic instincts, something that cannot really be taught by others, but can be manipulated. Treating children was like treating innocence.

I sat in a surgery while I was in JC. It was the basis of my essay for entry into med school. I sat in a reconstruction of a cleft palate of a young girl. It was more than just cosmetic, but the surgeon explained that this surgery will change her life. She would be able to live normally. I watched a life changing surgery, as I decided that, that was what I want to do. I want to make a difference in someone's life by using what skills God gave me and helping them out.

Now that I have re-ascertain what I want to do, this is what I shall work hard for...

Yours Truly,

Ken Rhee.

Strangers: Angela

2011-02-01T01:13:00.003+10:30

The following are fictional writing and any resemblance to actual events are purely coincidental:

It was supposed to be just another day at work; long and uneventful, but safe. Who would have known that my boss was such a jerk? I had to leave. He had no right to come on to me like that. He came into my office, with a promise of a long awaited promotion. But he also brought in his 'moves,' hinting that I will never get out of my position if I do not sleep with him. I thought I had to, but the more I dwelled on it, the more disgusted I was of myself for even thinking of it. I was fortunate that the strong smell of his cigarette stench emanating from his mouth when he tried to kiss me brought me back to my sense.

I managed to hold on to my tears all the way to my car. There, I let it all out. I sat in there, for almost 2 hours, hating myself for letting such a thing happen. I am pretty sure that I just just lost my job, a job that I kept through the recent bad economic times even though a lot of my ex-colleagues had to be laid off. I was proud of my job, I loved my job. I could not help but thinking the reason why I managed to stay while so many others had to go, was that that creep wanted me in bed with him. I cringed even thinking of his stupid face.

I wanted to drive. I wanted to drive on and on and on forever. I did not want to go back home to face my family after what just happened. So I drove.

Until I ran out of petrol 10 minutes later. I parked my car by the roadside, with the fuel indicator glowing bright. I realised I parked right in front of an MRT station.

I wiped my tears and tried to look my best, bought the most expensive fare and boarded the train. It was crowded as usual. I was forced to stand but all I wanted to do was to curl up and cry.

All men are evil, I started thinking. Men are evil because they crave power. Power over others, power of wealth, power of position. My boss was an ass. My 'boyfriend' is a self-absorbed narcissist. My dad pushed us to do way beyond what we could. I hate men, I don't need them. Sometimes I just want to live as a spinster with my 7 cats and 3 dogs.

I managed a smile as the person standing in front of me was wearing a t-shirt with a cartoon cat and a dog being best buds.

"So you CAN smile," the man with the shirt suddenly spoke.

"Excuse me?" I was stunned.

"You've been crying. But I'm glad there's still something that is cheering you up." He smiled and looked away as if nothing happened.

I wiped my eyes again. I guess they must have been red or swollen or something. And probably now my cheeks are probably red. This day was not meant to happen. If only I didn't stay back longer than I should. If only I would have said 'no' straight up. If only...

"You should smile more. You look prettier if you do."

"Excuse me?" I stared into his eyes, trying to decipher what he was trying to do.

"I am not sure what happened, but he's not worth crying and being angry over. Everything happens for a reason. This could be the start of something."

"I don't think you understand my situation at all." But in actual fact, he nailed the gist of what happend to me. Was it written all over my face?

"I am sure I don't. I'm just voicing my opinion. I'll stop now. I'm getting off soon anyway." He smiled again. And with that, he alighted and was gone.

That was 2 years ago. I have since started my own business with a few friends. Life has been good. I know I was not that all nice to him, but the guy in the cat and dog shirt really helped me that night. I dwelled on it, pondered at what he told me, finally concluding that he was right. That night, I made a change in my life.

How often nowadays, do you see a stranger on the train and actually cheer you up? Or even just casual talk for that matter. Everyone is so engrossed in their daily lives and ignoring everything else that is going on around them. Most of the people I see on the train all have that look, that they have only one track mind, to get from A to B. I guess that is how I used to be as well.

I do wonder, if I could ever meet with that guy ever again. I would love to thank him for what he said to me that day.

Sizzling Singapore Summer - Part 1

2011-01-29T03:35:00.007+10:30

I will never be able to forget the way she looked up at me lying down in bed. The look will shall forever remain in my memories. The moment I saw her, only a few days ago, it was lust at first sight. Yes, LUST, and not love nor like, and we both knew it was never going to last the moment our eyes met.

The days we spent together went fast. Two days was long enough for a fire to engulf the both of us, but too short for it to ever mean anything. We spent every second of my short time here in Singapore together, in the confinement of the cheap hotel room we found on such short notice. Our belongings dumped in the hotel's locker room, there was nothing to disturb us upstairs.

It was a rainy day, the day we met. I was feeling gloomy myself, just coming out of the Kwan Yin Temple at Bugis. Against all my non-adherence to the principles of astrology and soothsaying, I went in to pray. I had not set foot in this temple for almost 5 years, when I used to frequent it back in my Singapore days. The familiar scent of incense of the joss sticks, the cluttered shoes surrounding the central carpet, sound of clicking bamboo of the Cham Si... it all brought back fond long ago memories of rituals i've done over the 6-7 years around my education in Singapore. I was happy and free then. And after 9 years, I find myself drawn towards finding out my fortune, written on a flimsy piece of pink paper.

I asked how my life would be for the new year. Prediction BAD. All I remembered was, my crops/silk worms would fail, I will lose a court case, I should think about moving house, pregnancy will be dangerous, business will fail, my investments will drop. I specifically asked about my love life, but i guess I really should be worrying about other things. It did end by saying I will persevere. But it didn't really sound like I will.

I struggled with the umbrella I brought. Perhaps it was old and rusty, or perhaps I didn't know how to use it, but with a hundred things going through my mind at that time. My clothes soaked up the falling rain, my shoes soaking up whichever raindrop that missed. Already, I was not happy with what I have achieved over the last year. The girl that I liked rejected me. I did not get into any program to further my studies. I lost a great deal of money on poor investments. Knowing the dark future ahead, I was ready to break down and create my own puddle of tears.

Then, she appeared out of nowhere. She was holding up an umbrella over me, and she was smiling at me. At first I was stunned. Why would anyone stop and help this crazy guy sitting in the rain trying to open a rolled up newspaper, shouting vulgarities? But she was pretty. I wouldn't say she's the model I-want-to-have-sex-with-her type of hot. But there was just something about her that made my heart flutter. All I could think of was how she must be a really kind soul that helps anyone in need, and she probably will save the next guy who has a nervous breakdown in the middle of the street in the rain as well. To her, I was probably one of the damsels in distress who can't even take care of himself. I looked down at my wet shoes.

"Let's go get you dry."

I was stunned. She held my hand and pulled me to the sheltered walkway. Her hand was both cold and warm at the same time. I could tell that she was in the cold rain for a while, but yet her hands stayed relatively warm. It was like magnetic or magical touch, as I felt a jolt of electricity that made my heart pump even faster. She let my hand go and closed her umbrella. Without thinking, I started walking. I can't remember whether I was following her or she was following me, but we walked on for a while.

"Where do you live?" she asked me.

"I'm not from around here," I finally managed to say. "I'm here on holidays."

She smiled and told me that she lived on the other side of the island. Then she suggested something that I would never have thought she would, "Let's check in at the next hotel we see and get you dry."

I just nodded. And soon found ourselves in a small room in the SEA hotel.

I then sat down at the bed and stared into nothing. So much had to happen to me, and now this; A beautiful young lady who came to my rescue, looking so alluring and compassionate. I don't know what was written on my face, but she sensed that my mind was cluttered with worries and burdens. She told me that everything happens for a reason. I didn't pay much attention to what she was saying then. It was something along the lines of salt, and hope and believing, and smiling.

"I like it when you smiled back at the temple."

"You were watching me?"

"I have a confession to make. I am strangely attracted to you since I saw you at the temple. I cannot explain it. And when I saw you sitting in the rain, I knew I had to meet you."

I tried hard to digest what I have just heard. "You're really pretty, too," was all I could muster.

Then she laughed. Her laugh was even more alluring. As if I needed another reason to fall for her more. I smiled.

After a short pause, she came up to me and started undoing the top button of my shirt. I was again stunned, but I stood up in surprise. She held her spot and I found myself standing right in front of her, the lumps of her breasts just touching my chest. She still smiled and continued unbuttoning my shirt. Her eyes, after undoing the second button looked at my lips, and I knew that she wanted to kiss them. I let her finish the buttons and I slowly leaned forward to kiss her. I did not encounter any rejection and she leaned forward to meet mine.

I licked her lips, encouraging her to open them. She reciprocated and we were engaged in an intensifying french kiss. She pulled off my shirt and slowly run her warm magnetic touch down my chest. I put my hands around her waist and back, and pulled her closer. I rubbed her back as sensually as I remembered how. I didn't know how far she wanted to go, but she lifted up her blouse a little and directed my hand to the back of her bra. I stalled, but continued caressing her back. She quickly undid her blouse and threw it to the side. Her hands dug into my back, and I took it as a signal that she wanted the bra off NOW. I complied and unclasped her bra with a quick pinch.

She drew back and smiled at me. Her eyes seemed to sparkle, making it the second most memorable moment. She was so beautiful.

(( insert detailed erotic description here ))

to be continued?

~~~ this writing is purely fictional ~~~

The Epic Egyptian Experience - 21 January 2011

2011-01-25T05:35:00.000+10:30

I have to say, last night was the best night on this journey so far. I guess that the 5-star conditions finally set in for me. Or maybe it was because I lack sleep from the long journeys, interrupted hours, and uncomfortable seats. I was dead tired, so much so that I could not hear my brother snoring at all. I didn’t even hear him get up, or his alarm ringing. I had a very comfortable bed with nice cooling blankets, and air conditioning, and I really wanted to just continue sleeping there. It wasn’t that I wanted to continue dreaming. Strangely, I was dreaming about hospital and work.

Anyway, my brother finally woke me up, as we were to head to our first stop of the day, the Temple of Edfu. The temple is also known as the Temple of Horus, where it was fabled that Horus resides.

Our guide also explained the basic layout of the Egyptian temples. The first thing you will see is the great wall entrance, or pylons. These walls were huge, with 4-6 flagpoles in front and murals carved into them, usually signifying the person who made it and who the temple was for. The pylons then opened into the open court, where commoners are able to congregate to pray or give offerings to the gods and priests. This court also would have a row of pillars just inside the walls of the temple. Another set of pillars is found in the Hypostyle Hall, which is a roofed portion of the temple, open only to priests and royalty. Then at the end of the temple, there will be a sanctuary, where the idol of the God would sit. In this case, there would be a statue of Horus sitting in an altar in the sanctuary. Variations of this layout would incorporate the side rooms for making perfumes, incense, surgical tools etc.

Every year, the priests would organise for Horus’ wife, Harthor, to be brought from her temple to meet up with Horus in his temple. During that time, there would be a large feast that would last a week, celebrating their reunion. Both of the statues of Horus and Harthor would be placed together in the sacred chamber and they would supposedly do what married couples do.

It is such an interesting concept that is polytheism. Just like the Greek and Romans, the Egyptians worshipped many Gods, in the forms of human like behaviour; Gods having wars with one another, killing each other, consummating and producing offspring. What was different was that the Egyptian Gods also had heads of animals, like Horus, Sobek, Bastet, Anubis. Each God had different rituals to them, which had to be done to the letter, as not to anger them.

The culture of the ancient Egyptians was so strong, such that the Greek and Romans who came to conquer Egypt were captivated by the culture and kept it going, despite them having their own believes and rituals to follow.

Then, suddenly about 2 thousand years ago, it all changed, polytheism was looked down on. The so-called Gods were too human like in nature, fallible. Perhaps their beliefs were shattered when they found another civilization that flourished under different Gods. So the idea of monotheism, where there was only one true God and this God is all encompassing, omniscient, omnipresent, Omni-whatever. And before you know it, Islam spread across the nation and stuck.

I find it surprising that Christianity did not stay long. Even though the Holy Crusade extended its reign and left their mark in the temples, Islam still prevailed. Perhaps by the time they reached Egypt, the Crusaders were corrupted and conquered with tyranny and corruption, instead of the noble idea that it was originally from. The temples were defaced, graffitied with their crucifies, and even the sacred temples were defiled by common folk entering them, pillaging and looting. The ceiling, as our guide pointed out, still bore the soot that came from the fires that were made by the Crusaders.

Even now, new graffiti can be seen added to the walls, despite all the signs as to not touch the wall placed everywhere. I would very much like my name to be on such a historical site, but don’t they ever think that if everyone does it, there won’t be a historical site any more?

Fortunately, most of the structure still remained intact. The magnificent front wall of the temple still stood strong, almost complete. The murals still retained most of their carvings and some even still have their paint intact.

I just hope that the amount that we pay to visit all these sites will be used for the restoration or protection of these ruins. Interestingly, the Arabic/Islamic countries only need to pay 2LE, or 1LE if they are a student. I cannot think of the logic behind that, but it does attract tourists from Africa and the Middle East, including Egyptians themselves. We joked about picking up Arabic, just so that we can pull off being from an Arabic country and only pay 2LE and avoid tips.

We learnt an interesting phrase from 4 local post-grads on holiday. “Ana Mesri” meaning, “I’m Egyptian.” They were in the same tour group as us, sharing the same guides. They were a friendly bunch, and we became friends. Being Egyptians, they were a source of useful information, like where to go, where to eat. My father would be sharing his frightful experience with the traffic in Cairo, and complain about giving tips everywhere, and listened to their explanation of their life in Cairo. Their presence definitely added to the experience.

It made me think about what I would be able to say about my own country. Honestly speaking, I have nothing nice to say about Malaysia, nothing good to share. Perhaps I could talk about the beautiful jungles and scenery, or wonderful food, which can all be found all over the world. To cut things short, I am not patriotic at all towards Malaysia and I am glad that I am not living there.

I guess one thing that I appreciated from Malaysia is that I learnt how to respect other religions, races, traditions and cultures, something even Malaysians don’t ever learn. When in Rome, do as Romans do… or in this case, ~Walk like an Egyptian~

The Epic Egyptian Experience - 20 January 2011

2011-01-25T05:14:00.000+10:30

The next ruins we visited were in Abu Simbel, 3 hours away by bus. This meant that we had to wake up at the ungodly hour of 2 am, to be able to make it at sunrise. Of course, we missed the sunrise again, being in the bus. I was on the West side, so I had lots of shots of the fading moon instead.

The bus was much more pack than usual. I should clarify that this microbus, what we termed it, was a larger than normal van that had a 5 rows of 2-1 seats, and the passageway was made such that it could hold one more seat per row, which was what they did. If that wasn’t bad enough, I had to choose the seat where the wheel was, so I had no legroom at all. Fortunately I could not sleep, so I could constantly move as to not let my leg fall asleep, or cramps, or clots.

And it being a 3-hour ride, with no stops in between, we had to put our bladders to the test. All I could think of was that the human bladder can hold 600mls and the kidney produces 60mls an hour of urine. Technically we would be able to hold for 10 hours. Of course, statistics never do us justice.

Abu Simbel ruins were worth it though. Again the ruins were reconstructed from another site a few meters below, now submerged underwater by Lake Nasser. To think that we drove 3 hours and we were still at the lake made by the dam at Aswan.

One of the 2 temples had the 4 large statues of the Egyptian Pharaoh, Ramesses II, that were 3 stories tall. It was not as big as Mt Rushmore, but putting into consideration that these were built in ancient times without the use of modernized tools of today, it really is a marvel. Not only was it a temple dedicated to Ra-Horakhty, Ptah and Amun, and to Ramesses himself, but the temple was made as a symbol of supremacy over the surrounding area, to make the population feel puny and insignificant standing beside them. I dare say that they achieved their goal.

The second temple a few hundred meters away had 6 smaller statues; this time was of Ramesses II’s wife, Nefertari, portrayed as Harthor. You were still dwarfed by the size of the statues. Like the other statues, these also were entrances to a temple inside. Photographs were strictly forbidden inside the temple, but they had similar layouts. The temple had different chambers with pillars and walls full of engraving and hieroglyphics. They probably told glorious tales of the kings and gods.

The perimeter of the ruins had a fence, patrolled by guards both on land and in the lake. The Tourism Police was what they were called. Taking bribes was their job, after looking after the place from actual thieves. They would offer to take your pictures, for a small price. They will offer to take you to forbidden areas for a price.

After an hour, we started our way back to the microbus and it was another 3-hour journey back to Aswan. We arrived back at the hotel just in time for lunch. We said goodbye to our fellow companions from the microbus and quickly finished what was left on the buffet table. Shortly after, the cruise set sail.

Did I mention that our hotel was on a cruise ship?

The “Aton” was the name of our cruise ship, one of over 400 such ships going up and down the Nile. Our ship was not as lavish as some others, but it was still deemed as a 5-star hotel. The ship was not as big as ocean liners, but would probably fit 5 stacks of 9 average size busses. The top deck was carpeted in synthetic grass with a small swimming pool at the front. There were also many chairs for sunbathing under the Egyptian sun and watching the scenery passing by. Despite cruising slowly along the Nile, it was so stable. If you kept still for long enough, you could feel the engine churning, but otherwise, indoors, you would not know that we were actually moving.

Our next destination was the town of Kom Ombo, housing another set of ruins, a temple for both Horus and Sobek. Much to my dismay, we did not wait for the guide to explain what was going on. So we ended up exploring aimlessly around the ruins without knowing what the temple is for. We eaves drop on the other tour groups, their guides explaining various bits of information here and there. Eventually, I managed get an accelerated explanation from our original guide. He described the Egyptian calendar, which was engraved onto one of the walls. It turns out that the Egyptians also had 365-day calendars, also divided into 12 months. However, they had 10 days in a week, and 3 weeks in a month, with the extra days for God celebrations. Their calendar also corresponded with the seasons, such as for harvesting.

It is interesting to know that an ancient civilization like this followed a solar cycle, rather than the lunar one that we see in almost all the other civilizations. The lunar calendar was probably easier to follow on a daily basis and the moon phases are easily predictable. However when you worship a sun god, like Amun-Ra, I guess you should follow a solar calendar instead.

Ra soon set on us, and it grew dark, so we had to make our way back to the cruise ship, and before we knew it, we set sail again down the Nile.

The Epic Egyptian Experience - 19 January 2011

2011-01-25T05:13:00.001+10:30

The next leg of our journey was a 15-hour train ride from Cairo to Aswan. We started at 2200hrs yesterday and the train slowly made it’s way down alongside the River Nile. Unfortunately, the so-called First Class cabin’s windows were hazy with mildew. We could just make out silhouettes of date trees under the moonlight. We were at first disappointed, but we will eventually be cruising down the Nile soon.

The cabin had space for 6 people, but for the first 30 minutes we enjoyed the extra 2 seats. Eventually, a group of French people boarded the train at Giza, taking up the last 2 spots. They weren’t a friendly bunch, I guess mainly because they don’t speak English. But it was late at night anyway, so we just minded out own business and tried to get as much sleep as we could.

I did not get a good night’s rest. The seat did not incline enough to get a good backrest, there was no pillow or support for my head, and the constant droning of the train tracks was more than an annoyance than anything. I decided to keep my iPhone’s player on for as long as the battery would last. Surprisingly, it lasted me the night and still had 50% left.

In the morning, the French group left, and the two seats were then filled up again by newly weds from Jordan. Fortunately, they were much friendlier and kept us entertained in this long train journey. And at last we reached Aswan, home to the famous Aswan Dam and Upper Dam, an hour late. We got down from the train, said goodbye to the couple and to 2 other Chinese girls from the next cabin, wishing them a wonderful holiday…

Only to meet them again on our way to see the Dams and Philae ruins. Although we were in different hotels, our itinerary were organised by the same guides it turns out. The Dams were huge, one built after the other, one bigger than the other. It was not as big as the Hoover Dam, it was not even really unique. Why we paid 20LE for it, I still do not understand.

After the 10 minutes allocated to take photographs, we had to leave for the Philae ruins. The ruins were relocated after the dams were built, when the lake behind the dam was formed. The ruins were more majestic than the ones that were in display at the Museum, and having a guide to tell us a bit more about the history of the place was really better. He told us of the story of the Gods, Isis and Osiris, and Seth, of how Seth killed Osiris and scattered his remains all across Egypt and how Iris had to grow wings to scavenge for his remains. Eventually, Osiris was reformed and Isis gave birth to Horus. Horus then waged war against Seth, and lost his eye in the process. Horus was gifted an eye, which was as powerful as a falcon’s eye. That is why Horus is always depicted as having a falcon’s head.

Our guide also told us the history of the ruins, having 3 different influences incorporated into the ruins; the Greek, Roman, and the Holy Crusade. All of which left their markings on the Egyptian architecture. In modern times, it was called vandalism. The pillars that once bore the hieroglyphics of the tales of Isis and Orisis, now had random Greek writing and crucifixes carved into them. Almost all the faces of the carvings were scratched out, particularly the face of Isis, as it had more male features, so says the guide. Also, the Christians shunned polytheism.

The ruins were as tall as a 3-story building, and to think that they had to cut it up, transport it to higher ground, and reassembled piece by piece. Just like a 3D jigsaw puzzle, only actual size. It was one of many such ruins along the Nile that had been relocated because of the dam.

The ruins were located on an island in the reservoir lake, Lake Nasser. We had to ferry across in a motor-powered boat. The boat ride allowed us to, for the first time of our lives, touch the waters if the River Nile. Maybe it was just my imagination, but touching the water felt different than touching any other water. It was sort of thicker, as though mixed with algae from being stagnant behind the dam for so long. It also looked darker than normal fresh water, supporting my theory. I was so tempted to drink from it as well, but the thought of having gastroenteritis at this point in our vacation stopped me.

We got back an hour before dinner, so we decided to visit the Aswan bazaar. The Al-Khalil bazaar that we went to yesterday was more crowded than this one. Yesterday, we had to traverse the slum areas inside the walled section of Islamic Cairo, through alleys, through mud and dirt. When we finally got there, it was a real busy market place. There were vendors everywhere, even approaching you announcing, “1 Dollar, 1 Dollar!” “Everything 5 Pound!” It was easy to get lost in the bazaar, lost in the crowd and lost in the price wars. Luckily the taxi driver warned us, “Look yes, No buy.” Which was what we did.

The bazaar in Aswan, although less crowded, felt much bigger. The streets themselves were wider and we had more room to navigate through. The vendors were just as aggressive, approaching us, spewing out all their greetings in the Asian languages. Being friendly, they ask where we are from, welcoming us into their stores. When you have nothing to buy, it was easy to just smile and politely say no.

Unfortunately, when I am in a manic mood, there was so much I want to buy. And once I get reeled in, I find it hard to turn them away. So I left with two souvenirs, much to my family’s disapproval. There was a big silence on our way back to the hotel.

I guess I would never be able to survive in Egypt. I don’t like bargaining because I am never good at it, and I am always the one who gives in first. In my defence, the peddlers are still trying to earn a living; I’m giving them charity. My mother told me not to be so soft hearted.

The Epic Egyptian Experience - 18 January 2011

2011-01-24T15:53:00.001+10:30

Culture
One of the places in Cairo that was mention worthy was the Egyptian Museum of Cairo, where most of the artefacts recovered from the various pyramids are displayed. These ranged from huge stone gateways, or what was left of them, to tiny figurines made as jewellery. All of them tagged and numbered, for ease of cataloguing by the curators. Evidently, there was a joint venture between the Egyptians and the Japanese going on and the artefacts were presumably going somewhere…

What disappointed me about the museum was it was all for show, and nothing much to describe the culture. There were small cards with a short description of the artefact in display, but that was it. There was no family tree, no epic tales, and no folklore. It was really, to me, a display of rocks and really old stuff.

Perhaps if we did pay extra for a guide to take us around and describe what was going on, it would have been a better experience. They would be telling us interesting things like the paint on this statue was of its original state, or those hieroglyphics depict the tale of someone doing something epic, or these sarcophagus contained the body of so and so’s niece and her viscera were contained over the other side of the museum.

I was also disappointed because my favourite part of Egyptian history, the animal gods, was not clearly defined. After spending 3 hours in the museum, I only could name a few of them; Osiris, Horus (raptor), Sakhmet (Lion, goddess of war), Anubis (jackal), Bastet (cat), Isis (winged).

There were many hieroglyphics on various walls and papyrus, of which I could only imagine told tales of glory or adventure. I found small scarab shaped talismans with hieroglyphics, described to contain the story of a wedding, and another about a hunting party. As I do not know how to read them, I could only joke and infer that these hieroglyphics were probably some kid’s picture book, or the stories are actually newspapers comics. But I guess the experts have deciphered it and they ARE what they say they are.

I was also intrigued when we got the section of practical artefacts. Not the figurines but proper everyday items. Items that are essentially unchanged over the millenniums that we still use today. A wooden device with long teeth arranged neatly in a row, A COMB! A hand held device with a metal paddle, beautifully decorated, A MIRROR! A straight, long device with markings on them, A RULER! A hollow tube with small holes at strategic points, A FLUTE! An upside down V with a piece of string tied from the angle to a weight, A THINGAMAGIC THAT FINDS STRAIGHT ANGLES!

The other section that intrigued me was the jewellery. Not so much of how shiny and colourful they are, but some of them were se elaborate, and made up from tiny pieces of material. I could not fathom how they made such tiny little beads, smaller than the ones I were using, and weaving them so tightly together. There were also shaped components, smaller than your fingernail, with intricate detail, like the eyes, or feathers.

I won’t say that the museum was a total waste, but it would have really been better if there were more information about their life and culture of the world oldest civilization. It would have also been better if they actually let us take photos in there.

Jumping forward in time to the last few centuries, we visited the Citadel, housing Islamic Egypt. Inside the walls, were a few mosques and the military museum. The mosques were magnificent, both on the inside and the outside. The first one had 2 rows of pillars on the inside circumference, each pillar had a tale to tell. The decorations around the top were different from each other. One of them even had a cross, signifying that the “Holy Crusade wuz here”. Others, we’ve been told, were from Greek, Roman origin, some from Luxor, Persia and others I did not catch.

The second mosque was more majestic that the first. The inside was lit with a thousand lights and chandeliers made from crystals. The dome was beautifully decorated with murals, as though it was made from stained glass. The carpet subtly had decorated rectangles, arranged for worshippers for tier prayers. There was also a beautiful golden door situated just off the centre of the room, leading to a flight of golden staircase.

Jumping ahead in time to the last few decades, the military museum showcased the latest wars that Egypt was involved in, particularly World War 2 and their independence. Again, the museum did not capture my attention. The writings on the wall were in broken English and did not seem to follow any particular order. I could not clearly see Egypt’s involvement in the war. At the end of the museum, there was a Hall of Martyrs, with hundreds of photos of war heroes, and a miniature of the commemorative structure of these martyrs, but again, no caption.

The citadel was also situated on a hill overlooking the whole of Cairo.

A snapshot of Cairo does no justice to the city. A photo would only tell you that Cairo was perpetually in a mystical fog or haze or mist, which doesn’t seem to lift at any time of the day. The pyramids were barely visible in the far distance. You can clearly see the scattered bricks, of never finished buildings or ones that have crumbled, Almost all the of them were coloured with dust and dull colours, like the city have not been looked after for a long time. Visually, you knew that the city was alive though, because of the fresh colourful litter that were scattered in the streets. The other thing that ensured you that the city was alive is the sounds of cars beeping and their engines roaring. Then every now and then, you would hear whole city in prayer, the mosques booming in unison. You could even feel the ground reverberating beneath you. The city of Cairo was very much alive.

That was our trip through the history of Egypt in 1 day.

The Epic Egyptian Experience - 17 January 2011

2011-01-24T01:51:00.001+10:30

Night Life
I’ve been to camps before – staying out in the middle of the jungle, staying in classrooms of our haunted school and in our own backyard. Camping in the desert was different. It was how the nomads of African deserts lived for centuries, and we are keeping that tradition alive. Of course, we had our trusty 4WD, but we got down into the sand to make the experience as real as possible.

Like every other camp, there was a campfire. I did not see how it was lighted up, but the fire got going almost immediately. It was necessary as the wintery white cold sand was beginning to chill us to the bone. We all gathered around the fire to warm ourselves up, while the cook went to prepare the food. Dinner was simple; roast chicken, rice and vegetable stew. After dinner, we gathered around the fire again to have a bit of minted Egyptian tea.

They also taught us a board game, of which I cannot find the name. It was played traditionally in the desert sand, using a 3x3 grid. Each of the 2 players has 3 pieces arranged in a row in front of them. Taking turns, each player shifts one piece at a time to the remaining empty spots. The objective of the game, is to form another line of 3 pieces other than the original one, either in a row, column or diagonally. It may sound simple, but can prove to be challenging.

Our other entertainment for the night, as with every camp, was song and music and dance. Despite being in a desert, in the middle of nowhere, no signs of civilization as far as the eye can see, spirits were high. Instead of sharing ghost stories, they were singing songs were about love and beautiful girls.

Having only one young female in the camp, she was the target of many flirting from the locals. She, as with her husband, is a doctor back in Malta, where they were from. Malta, as it turns out, is a country island half the size of Singapore. The couple explained that it was one of the last countries to gain its independence from the British rule and is now part of the European Union. That gave us an idea of where it was, but no one knew where this country sharing the initials MAL with us was. Malta, is situated south of Sicily.

The night grew colder and my parents and brother retired into the warmth of the 4WD while I continued to play around with my camera. The skies were not as clear as I would like but I had some good shots. As I explored further, I spotted a desert fox, one of our unexpected guests for the night.

This was my first encounter with wild animals in the desert and you can only imagine how excited I was. I quickly alerted my parents, and grabbed my telescopic lens and flashgun. I took as many shots as I could, before the bright light of the camera flash eventually chased it away. I could not wipe the smile off my face.

Our other unexpected guests were from the other camp, 4 young, pretty Asian girls and their guide. They were probably lured by the lively music of our camp. They joined in the song and danced around the fire. Being the shy guy as I am, all I did was took photographs. Before I could muster any courage to approach the group, they decided that it was time for bed and left for their own campsite.

Our guides erected the tents, as fast as you could tell the joke:
“I’m a tepee! I’m a wigwam! I’m a tepee! I’m a wigwam!”
“Relax man. You’re two tents (too tensed)”

The night was cold. We had to use thick heavy carpets to wrap ourselves up. For me, all was well until at about 4 am, when I woke up as usual. It was raining. I had to use a second layer of carpet, and even that was not enough. That was how cold it was. From then on, it was a restless cold night. Even the guides were saying, it was the first drop of rain for over 10 years in the desert. I lay in the tent curled up, with 4 layers of clothes, and 2 inches of blankets around me, wishing that the rain would stop by the time the sun rises.

Alas, the rain didn’t stop and the sun did not rise. The cloud cover was thick and dark. The rain was icy cold. The sand was as damp as the sand in the shoreline. The wind was freezing. There wasn’t much we could do, apart from taking photos of the cold scenery. We could not have any breakfast, and all we could do was pack up and head for Bahariya.

It was such a disappointment that it had to rain the day that we were in the desert. The trip back was just a reverse of what we saw on the way to the campsite, finally ending up on the bus back to Cairo, catching up on sleep that we’ve lost in the desert cold. Before we knew it, we were back in Cairo, just in time to see the sunset and the brief nightlife in downtown Cairo.

We walked across the Nile, to a little park. Annoyingly, it had an entrance fee of 1LE but since it was so cheap, we paid and went in anyway. The lights from across the river was no Clarke Quay, but it was still quite colourful. After walking by the other occupants of the park, I realised that this is a supposedly romantic and secluded spot for young couples. It wasn’t particularly romantic, I thought, and it was definitely not secluded. But the park was full of benches and couples engaged in their own little world, enjoying each other’s company without any care or concern of things around them.

We left them to their own, and headed back to the hostel, passing through the busy streets of Downtown Cairo. Downtown Cairo is like Sungei Wang – Bukit Bintang, but extended to whole district. The streets were brightly lit with the various neon lights, advertising the numerous products the shops had to offer. The streets were filled with peddlers and pedestrians, each going about their business, very much like Pudu Raya on a daily basis. The only thing missing was pirated DVDs.

That was the two extreme ends, I would say, of how nights can be in Egypt; the one of nomadic campfires, and the other with colourful neon lights of a busy city.

The Epic Egyptian Experience

2011-01-18T06:54:00.001+10:30

16 January 2011

It was evident how jet lagged I was when I woke up snugly and warm in bed… at 2 in the morning. I did manage to catch a few more hours of sleep, but I knew they were just restless naps. Doesn’t matter, today’s trip gave me the opportunity to catch up on some more sleep. Today, we head deep into the desert.

It was a 5-hour bus ride to Bahariya, an oasis city that houses 40,000 people, it’s conditions very similar to the generic Arabian towns seen in all those movies. Instead of sand coloured walls, it was mostly white chalky bricks. The city was alive, with everyone going about their normal daily activities. The main road was paved but covered with litter found in every other country and caked mud. The smaller streets and alleys were the basic gravel/sand, with fewer potholes than the paved one.

The bus ride was long, going alongside the train tracks. The scenery was rather plain and repetitive; sand, sand, rock, sand, ooo nice rocky formation, sand, rock covered with sand… you get the picture. If you don’t I took a few dozen for your viewing pleasure.

After alighting from the bus, we were hurried off in a 4WD truck and departed from Bahariya. We first passed through a desert with many little hills scattered across it, both were covered with black granite, which gives it the name, Black Desert. Our first stop was one of those granite-covered hills. It looked majestic from the foot, and the scenery was promised to be just as great.

For a person who is scared of heights like me, it was a daunting trip up. My feet grew cold, my hands shivered, as all blood seemed to have drained from them. My heart pounded with fear, screaming at me to stop climbing and think about the even scarier trip down. I could not look up and dare not look down. I stared into the ground and slowly made my way up, with the promise of a magnificent panoramic view in mind. I will say, the trip was worth the effort.

The trip down… was just as nerve wrecking.

Next stop was lunch, which was what I think is a typical meal, of the bread, yogurt salad, normal salad, dhal… and potato chips fresh out of a Pringle’s bag. The only thing that I can say is that the meal just makes me crave meat.

After that short break, we were on the road again, to the White Desert. The White Desert was indeed white, made from chalky limestone as far as the eye can see. With the matching temperature, the guide appropriately welcomed us to Alaska. The White Desert is one of the National Parks of Egypt, and hence an entrance fee was imposed on us. Also, there were many checkpoints along the road, which I would not be able to tell you what they were for. Egypt being Egypt, our guide drove off road into the desert to by pass all the checkpoints. Driving on desert sand is scary, listening to the roar of the wheels skidding through, vehicle threateningly swerving and wavering but never loosing its ground. Thank God for the 4WD, but I think I would have preferred a dune buggy.

The two main attractions in the White Desert were the Crystal Mountain and the stone formations scattered across the desert. The Crystal Mountain was named so because of the abundance of quart crystals with their sharp jagged edges and subtle lustre.

Next was the essentially our camping grounds, surrounded by huge rock formations made from limestone. Weathering and erosion over the years carved the rocks, akin to the Pinnacles in Western Australia. There were name shaped and sizes, including mushrooms, a camel, sphinx, and a chicken beside a tree.

Unfortunately, in our excitement, we missed the time and missed the sunset. The whether was not kind as well, and defiantly placed clouds directly over the setting sun. Fortunately, we managed to acquire wonderful pictures of the ‘sunset.’

Shortly after, we arrived at our campsite. A fire was made and we sat around the fire, played games and sang campfire songs. We also shared camp with a doctor couple from Malta, an island country smaller than Singapore. The wife provided endless entertainment, being the only young female around and subjected to the flirting from the locals.

Dinner was simple, roast chicken, rice and vegetable stew. We gulped it down hungrily, and that was the first bit of meat I had in 24 hours. Desert was an orange and we continued our campfire entertainment over a cup of mint Egyptian tea.

It got colder throughout the night and my family retired into the warmth of the truck, I stayed out taking more photos of the night desert scene.

I also got more excited when we were visited by 2 unexpected guests. One of them was a desert fox. It was actually kind of expected as we did have some nice smelling food, and one of our guides is a master as making goat sounds. I managed to get my first shot of wild animals in Egypt.

The other guest was the other camp, which had 4 pretty Asian girls. They were probably lured by the lively music from our entertainers. They joined in song and dance, and all I did was take photos. No wonder I am still single.

Eventually the night had to end, and we headed back into our tents…

The Epic Egyptian Experience

2011-01-18T06:47:00.001+10:30

15 January 2011

Transportation.
It was a painstaking 13-hour flight, chasing the sunrise. You would imagine that you would actually gain the number of hours in the day by crossing several time zones, but unfortunately, I gained them in the middle of the night. So, it was a long, long night. A long restless night. And to add insult to injury, they made us taxi from one end of the runway to the other, where the terminal was.

But nevertheless, we were in EGYPT!

Customs was easy, we got through without much problems. We navigated our way to our baggage claim and headed out to meet our driver, Ahmed. We definitely needed a driver, because driving in Egypt is CRAZY.

The Egyptians mastered driving and made it into an art. It made driving in KL and Penang like driving in a n empty parking lot. Traffic lights have no meaning, zebra crossings are just paint on the road, traffic police are just for bribing. Cars weave in and out as and when they like, all they need was a toot of the horn. Jay walking was also rampant, but certain traffic conditions made it almost impossible to squeeze in between the cars. There were no motorcycles, just for that reason.

What surprises me is that there were no accidents. No accidental bumps, no near miss scratches, no road raging (thus far). Most of the cars were scratched and full of bumps, some had broken windows, and all of them caked in dried mud and sand. With that type of driving, you cannot possibly get out of the car, scream and yell at the other driver waving a clobbering stick; you’re equally at fault. Despite all that chaos, everyone is careful.

After a short break at the hostel, Ahmed drove us to see the pyramids. The first set of pyramids was in the Dashur district. It was just a one simple basic pyramid and another a few kilometres away that was the Bent Pyramid, Snofru. That pyramid was out of bounds, protected by the military. The first one, the Red Pyramid is the last and most complete pyramid, we get to enter. It was a steep climb up to the entrance, and then a steep climb down through a tunnel to the centre of the pyramid. All the artefacts have been removed to the museum, so there was nothing much to see. But it was still worth it; I have now been into one of the mysterious pyramid.

Ahmed then took us to the second set of pyramids; in Saqqara one of the oldest one around, and even though it was in the stable shape of a pyramid, it was crumbling into ruins. Next to it was the Step Pyramid, Pyramid of Djoser.

Finally, we then made our way to the Giza Necropolis, housing the most famous pyramids, the Giza pyramids; Khufu, Khafre and Menkaure, and the mystical Sphinx. It was located in a protected zone, and the only way to get to the pyramids was by horse, camel or carriage. We chose the former two.

Horse was typical, saddle and rein, and the controls were straightforward. Pull left to go left, pull right to go right, pull back to stop. Kick the horse to make it run, which I tried a few times but didn’t work. I christened my horse, Horse. Horse was a good horse. I like Horse. Horse avoided puddles of water too. Horse makes me feel like getting a horse in Australia, to ride whenever I want to feel the wind in my hair. Horses were cool.

We took turns, and I also get to ride on the camels, the stubborn one among the two that we rented. Camel riding was a bit more daunting; the saddle was just a seat that felt like it was going to topple at any moment. There was only a stump at the front in which you can hold on to, but it being attached to the saddle that you were already not certain of, didn’t make me feel any better. Add on the fact that camels are taller with the saddle even higher; it just made my fear of heights kick in. Did I mention that I rode on the more stubborn camel? The one that stands up despite you not being ready? Yeah, scariest ride ever.

Our first day in Egypt.
Types of transportation used:
1 plane
2 horses
2 camels
1 car

Number of pyramids seen:
11

The Epic Egyptian Experience

2011-01-16T03:10:00.000+10:30

14 January 2011

I am not too sure why I suggested Egypt when my parents asked me to suggest an alternative holiday destination. We were planning a trip to New Zealand, but the flights were all fully booked. I really wanted to visit New Zealand: Middle Earth, land of sheep, and southern most landmass before Antarctica.

Perhaps the image of Egypt was stuck on my mind. I remember Dr Woods showing off his photos just 3 months ago. Or could it be the image of Devastator climbing the pyramids in Revenge of the Fallen. Or could it be the adventures of Jack in Matthew Reily’s books I have just read last month. Or is it the references of Egyptian culture and art in the Uldum zone in Cataclysm.

Whatever it was, it is becoming a reality.

After booking the tickets, the preparation started. It was also the end of my internship, which is another emotional rollercoaster for me, which I shall not dwell upon this time. It was a 2-week period of tightening things up at work, cleaning up my house, getting my life organised and packing up. I was also part of the Valete Dinner, which is another story to tell.

Before I knew it, I was already on my way to the Adelaide Airport. It was very strange to find out that the driver was the same driver who picked me up from the airport after my Canberra trip. I was surprised he remembered me and even remembered what I wore at that time. Unfortunately, I have no recollection of him, but I recalled what I wore; my blue UWA jumper. Small world.

I arrived at the airport, checked in, had breakfast, boarded the plane, occupied 2 seats, stretched out thinking that this flight is like the most expensive movie theatre with good service. I browsed through the inflight entertainment catalogue and found movies that I wanted to watch surprisingly. I managed to catch 2 and 2 halves of a movie. Megamind was hilarious, Christmas Carol was scary, and both of them would have been nice in 3D. Megamind was straightforward, nothing much to say about it. Christmas Carol’s dialogue was hard to understand but I caught the gist of it. But it was not as exciting as the story is well known.

The other two movies were Eat, Pray Love and Life As We Know It. Julia Robert’s film was dry and I eventually dozed off, mostly because I was dread tired after the 2 weeks of sleep deprivation. I didn’t know what direction the movie was headed and it wasn’t comedic, so I decided not to continue watching the movie. Life As We Know It was better, AND THE BABY WAS SO CUTE!!! Sadly, I could not watch the ending as by that time, I was fast approaching Singapore.

Received a few messages on my phone, one of them regarding me leaving my car in the parking lot. To think that I have been parking in the streets all this time, subjected to vandals before, in the harsh weather, and they had to make a complaint that I parked inside the compound. Such is life.

I wasn’t going to let that tie me down and headed to my sister’s place. It was a MRT ride of memories, thinking of my time in Singapore. I can’t believe it has been 10 years now since I have left the country. This was where I first learnt my independence, where I started growing a conscience and character and personality. This was where I became the person I am now. It was a long tiring ride from Changi to Clementi.

Then, the moment I have been waiting for, for a year, I finally get to play with my niece. She is as cute as I remembered her, grown bigger and has more personality, defiant little princess, loud piercing lallation. She proudly parades around with her 3 favourite toys, her bolster, doggie and platypus. She had stranger anxiety at first, so she was wary of me. It took her a few hours to warm up, but by that time, we were already heading off to the airport for our next league.

The Greatest

2011-01-03T13:06:00.002+10:30

"I knew this boy... who was really wonderful to me. The first time I saw him was in freshman English. He wore a baseball hat on the first day of school, and our teacher made him take it off and his hair was all pasted on top of his head, and he smiled at me while he tried to fix it. We watched each other after that. And I started to feel like I knew him. I looked at his yearbook picture so often I knew his face by heart. Our senior year I took piano, and he had soccer, so we would pass each other every day after school in the exact same spot. And it became something I looked forward to. So much so that I could tell you all the days that he was absent because those were the days I was disappointed. And sometimes he would look at me, sometimes he would turn away, and sometimes it would be so intense that we would start looking at each other from the very beginning of the steps. And then on the last day... he talked to me. And everything he said was exactly how I pictured it would be. And he felt the way he felt in my dreams and I thought everything was happening exactly the way it was supposed to. And I was the happiest I've ever been. Happy and scared all at the same time.And if he had signed my belly he would have written something comforting. I was in love with him. That's why I'm keeping this baby. I was in love with him for four years. I barely knew him, but everything was exactly how I imagined it, everything was just how I pictured it. I had to keep this baby. I think he was the love of my life." -Rose

A beautiful sad tale, about a family dealing with grief after the loss of the son... Made me shed a tear...

Gulliver's Travels

2010-12-28T18:38:00.003+10:30

I have to say, I didn't enjoy the movie. I only remember 2 things that were funny enough to laugh out loud. Rest of it was painful, and a complete waste of 3D effects. Even the introduction short film, Scrat's Adventures, was a pathetic waste of 3D resources. You would not know the difference if it was in 2D. Really. Wasteful. Painful.

I also this remake of a classic. Jack Black's character just reminds me of Ben Stiller's movies, which is really annoying. It's just about a guy who tries so hard to be someone he is not, trying to act cool or macho without the desired effect, and just digs his own grave even deeper.

Yes, it spawned from insecurity and cowardice, something I am very familiar with. But this is just an extreme of what is capable. I guess that is my take home message from the movie, be honest even though it hurts your ego.

So the two funny parts:
Gulliver putting out the fire
Re-invention of brand names and slogans. G-pod.

The Walking Dead

2010-12-23T22:18:00.002+10:30

I don't usually like watching horror films. Even if I do, I watch it, or playing something scary, I'll do it during the day.

So why am I so attracted to this particular post apocalyptic zombie fear fest show then?

There have been many reasons why zombies came to be. Voodoo magic. Lacking full consciousness. Losing one's mind. Psychotropic drugs. Reanimation virus. Parasitic aliens.

Evolution has made it such that we have several parts to our brain and thinking. The Cortex, the most visible and distinguishable part hosts the hight functioning, reasoning, thinking, solving. Then, theres the midbrain, which hosts our instincts, flight or fight responses. Stripped of higher functions, you are reduced to simple animals, who just wants to survive.

They have simple equations, simple principles, and the way those instincts manifest can be surprising.

1.
Something alive = Food
Sound = something alive
therefore,
Sound = Food.

so they will follow the sound until they find food.

1.1
Fellow zombie is following a source of sound/food.
Follow fellow zombie to get to source of sound/food.

1.1.1
Horde of zombies following a source of sound/food.
Horde joined by second horde. Zombie parade.

1.2

Fellow zombie brushed hand against door handle.

Fellow zombie must have found food behind door

Must get through door to food.

Smells dead, acts dead, sounds dead = probably dead

Smells not dead, acts not dead, sounds not dead = probably food.

On the other hand, the survivors have adapted to the apocalypse.

There is the type that despairs and commits suicide or merciful homicide.

There is the type that despairs and look to others for hope, strength in numbers.

There is the type that bands others in a dictatorship to protect themselves.

There is the type that is reduced to cannibalism to survive.

There is the type that turns to religion.

There is the type that turns to science.

There is so much about the human psyche in The Walking Dead. That is why I love the show, the concept. I can't wait for season 2.

Skyline

2010-12-01T18:17:00.003+10:30

What do you get if you cross the protagonists of District 9 and War of the Worlds?
Skyline.

What do you get when you combine brain hunting zombies with alien technology?
Skyline.

What do you get if Independence Day and War of the Worlds had no glimmer of hope?
Skyline.

The ideas behind Skyline isn't new. Aliens attack. Humans die. Humans fight back. What made it interesting was that:
1. Aliens had a purpose. Brains.
2. Humans die. But becomes fuel for aliens.
3. Humans fight back. And lose.

Similarities between zombies and Skyline aliens:
Both want brains.
Both don't want to stay dead.
Both have brains as weak points.
Both can't be stopped by the army.

Things I don't like about the movie:
Meaningless introduction. Kinda like bad scary movies, all about sex crazed teens.
Slow progression. Really a bunch of "No, we wait here where it's safe," vs "We have to get out of here."
Stupid characters who think they have it all figured out. I-am-cool-because-I-have-a-weapon attitude. Well, you died, they didn't. Nyeh.

Things I like about the movie:
Dog fights

Human Heart

2010-11-29T20:25:00.003+10:30

I fell for this glassy eyed girl once. She was mysterious, and everyone stayed away from her. But it intrigued me, like a moth to a flame. She always had headphones on. She will never initiate a conversation with you. But she will engage with you when you talk to her, just like any ordinary person would. But she’ll gaze into the distance, like she is preoccupied with the world’s burden.

And her smile. She smiles as if she was happy for you but harbour all the sadness for herself.

Her hair was ethereal, long and wispy, like a permanent breeze going through her hair, emitting the sweet smell of her perfume.

And no one ever knew where she was from. She did not go to the same school as us, but there wasn’t any other school in town. After class, you can see her walking past the school gates. But no one knows where to or where from. No one really bothered to know I would think. Those who tried to follow her, will fail to track her. Some were brave enough to ask, but they never got an answer. I guess that is why no one bothers, and everyone stayed away.

I was so allured to her.

I finally, after months and months of collecting scraps of courage, just enough to get the words, “Hi,” out of my mouth.

“Hi,” she replied, smiling at me.

Clearly I didn’t think past that. She waved me goodbye as she walked pass me, with a giggle.

It was another week before I had enough courage to approach her again. This time, it went smoother. I didn’t want to pry in the beginning, so we just chatted about the latest movies, or pop songs. I would like to think we bonded, got to know each other. We didn’t talk about her past, despite me revealing my family, my childhood and my aspirations. I never knew where it was going, but she whispered to be once, that she enjoyed chatting to me.

It went on for weeks. The more we talked, the more mysterious she became. Instead of telling me her past, she shared her dreams, bringing me into her fantasy world of princesses and dragons and knights in shining armour. She was different from any girl I’ve dated.

Finally, one day, I tried asking her why she always had headphones on. She smiled again, her ever sad smile. She told me that it was her song, a song that keeps her strong, keeps her going. I’ve heard ‘favourite songs’ before, but the way she described it, her song was her life – passionate, if any good word fits. I really wanted to know what this song was, or what the lyrics said, but I was contempt with her answer.

The other burning question was where she was going. Again, she just smiled and whispered into my ear, that it was a secret, and that she could not tell me anything. It was something that I should not know about. Naturally, it just made me more curious. I’ve always tried to follow her beyond the end of the road, but she would always stop me. The more I pressed on, the faster she disappears around the corner. In the end, she made me promise that I must not follow her anymore.

But my curiosity took the better of me. I didn’t meet up with her that day. Instead, I hid in the bushes where I would always lose her. She didn’t see me. And so I followed her. Followed her through the park, into the forrest… up to a small little house. Awaiting for her at the door was a tall figure in black. The twilight sky cast a heavy shadow, and I could not make out his face, but the man was clean shaven with sharp features. I could not see his eyes hiding behind a hood.

She went into the house and the door locked behind her. I heard the man talking. I could not make out the words, but I felt frightened by them. I feared for her safety. Was this what she goes through every day? I had to go closer.

The words became clearer. The words were spoken in fear itself. "In the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ... It is he who commands you... It is he who flung you from the gates of Heaven to the depths of Hell... Be gone from this creature of God... Be gone... In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit... In the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ... It is he who commands you... It is he who flung you from the gates of Heaven..."

This doesn’t seem right.

Then I saw her.

She was standing in the middle of her room, arms stretched out in a cross, in the centre of strange markings on the floor. Her eyes were closed, but she was looking around, angrily. In the corner of the room behind her, the cloaked man was curled up in a corner, with a bible and cross in his hands. He was chanting the words over and over again, "In the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ...”

I clearly did not know what was going on, and I probably shouldn’t have barged into the room.

The girl looked at me, with her eyes still closed, her gaze fixed onto my eyes. She smiled, but this time, it was not sad. It was happy… happy but evil. The smile turned to laughter.

She opened her eyes.

And it was not the glassy eyes that I looked into before. Well, one of them wasn’t. It was dark. I don’t know if there was an eye, but it felt like a chasm. It felt like all hope was being sucked out of me, the more I looked into the dark eye. I tried to look at her other, gentler, hopeful eye, but I couldn’t.

I was frozen. I couldn’t move. I blacked out.

And I dreamt.

I dreamt I was a knight, rescuing a princess guarded by a sleeping dragon. The princess came up to me, and whispered to me, telling me everything I wanted to know.

My princess was a chosen vessel. She had to bear the burden of a demon; a demon that would have caused the destruction of the world if not contained. No man made structure was able to contain such an evil spirit, such that they had to use a human. Only the human heart was strong enough to fight the demon to keep it at bay. However, the heart only had that many beats in it, and it only had the stamina to keep it for a day.

The "In the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ...” mantra weakens the demon, so that the heart could continue on for longer. And that was the song she would have to listen to every day, every hour, every second of her beating heart.

They also figured a way to release the demon once a day, allowing the heart to replenish itself and build the strength to fight the demon again for another day. So that the chosen vessel could continue living. Living a near normal life by going through this ritual every day.

And that was what I stumbled upon.

She told me that I messed things up. She was sad that it happened, but it cannot be reversed. For the first time, I saw her frown.

I didn't know how long I was out for. Everything looked like a blur, I felt glassy eyed. I felt like the worst was over, and the nightmare had ended. I felt calm, finally. Can't feel any worry or burden anymore.

...but something was amiss...

... I can't feel any worry...

...I can't feel...

...Why can't I feel anything...

...What's that sound...

...I hear something... droning... like a broken record... like permanent headphones on...

...oh no...

"In the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ... It is he who commands you... It is he who flung you from the gates of Heaven to the depths of Hell... Be gone from this creature of God... Be gone... In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit... In the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ... It is he who commands you... It is he who flung you from the gates of Heaven..."

Substance abuse

2010-03-21T04:48:00.001+10:30

I think I am drunk, drunk with your love,
I think I'm going insane, crazy for you,
I'm addicted to your love, I can't get enough,
You have my heart, I beats only for you.

Poetry

2010-03-02T00:35:00.001+10:30

From the darkness you came to me,
Unbeknownst, I failed to see,
Love was lost to me already,
Lost was I, until you came to be,
Majestically you appeared in front of me,
Opening my eyes to such beauty,
Opening my heart to such serenity,
Nothing shall ever compare to thee...

Schizophrenia. Part 1

2010-02-25T23:13:00.002+10:30

I cannot trust anyone. I am my own man. A wise old man once said, "If you didn't go looking under the bed, the monsters won't be able to get you." I laughed at that, and now I regret ever looking. The more I dug, the more I found and it is eating my very soul...

I used to be a successful man. I had a career, I had a family, I had a life. Everyday, I would wake up, make love to my wife, spend breakfast with my kids, make another successful sale at work, and be home for dinner and to kiss the kids goodnight. I had friends who enjoy watching a good baseball game on tv over a few cans of beer. Life was good.

I cannot pin point where it all went downhill. But if I had to put an event or day to it, I would say it was the estrange phone call I recieved from my brother. His voice was trembling, as if Death was behind him, as if the world was going to end. I could not make sense of what he was trying to tell me, "...dogs are watching ... they know ... it is not what it seems ... the pier ... the fish are your friends ..." It was all nonsense, but being a brother, I called the acute crisis line on him. He died a week later in his own room at the asylum. It was put down to suicide, but I was not convinced.

I felt guilty. I was the one who put him there. But I slowly realised that what he had been saying all this time was true. As I visited the asylum to claim his body, I could hear the men in black suits and dark sunglasses even though it was 40 degrees indoors. They were saying that the task was completed, that the Dogs were unhappy that they had to clean it up. I had to investigate further, to seek redemption for what I had done.

It spiraled downhill from then on.

I made enquiries and searched every archive that was within my reach, to find out what Dogs mean. I searched every spelling I could think of, DAWGS, DOGCE, DOCKS... with no avail. Just when I was heading home from the library, I saw the men in similar suits outside. I slowed my pace, trying to get the gist of their conversation. The caught me eaves dropping and quickly walked away, pretending that they had a phone call. I knew they were spying on me. Dogs are watching. All I heard was "Bulls and the North Pole." I cracked my head what it was in relation to Dogs.

I was engrossed in my detective work. I called in sick. I did not go to bed, and I did not see my kids off to school. My wife tried to ask me what was going on, but I could not admit to her that I was responsible for my brother's death. I guess it was my fault also, but she started seeking help from other friends... And because of that I started to see who she really was...

...to be continued...

Patient

2010-02-21T01:28:00.005+10:30

Patients. Patience. I am intrigued that the two words sound the same. Patient, Patient.

Could it be that the patient have to be patient to be seen by a doctor? Well, I think its more likely that we doctors have to have patience with patients.

I'm currently on the psychiatric ward. Patience is what I need to get by. Sometimes, I feel like slapping them really hard. Sometimes I want to bang my head to the wall.

I rememebered that I sat in with a patient and we talked for almost 2 hours. I never spent that much time, even as a student. It was a complete waste of time, though I did manage to get more information from that interview, but it was still time wasted. At the end of it, I had to give up. After I reported what happened, my consultant told me to maintain a professional distance, choose your battles wisely.
So never again will I get too involved in my patients. I am there to be their doctor, not their friend.

I used to cold, when I was a medical student. I tried not to get drawn into the patients' lives and had no heart whatsoever. They told me as a student I had to have a good amount of passion towards the job, as it will dwindle as I progressed. I don't think it has dwindled at all. I seem to care more. I don't want to do my patients wrong. I want to help them.

But. Idiots fall sick. Sadly, idiots fall sick more often than not. Drug users mostly. Smokers. Obesed. Narcissists. There is a lot of them to go around. Too many. And although it is painful to treat them, we have a duty of care. And we get abused because of it. I am used to being a 'Yes man.' And I see myself continuously being stepped on. Will I still have that patience and passion?

Anyway. I don't know if I should feel troubled, when I start believing my patients' delusions. Is my heart too soft?

1 Month

2010-02-16T18:18:00.002+10:30

I've been on slightly over one month of service in TQEH. There are good days, there are bad days. I don't feel that I have learnt anything, but I know I have been approaching other people for help less. I guess I am learning something but there is never enough knowledge.

Last week was a really interesting week. A lot of things happened which makes life seem a bit more enjoyable.

I managed to catch 2 movies, "Up in the Air" and "Valentines Day." Up in the Air is an interesting movie, basically about a guy who tell other people about their bright future and yet not harboring any future of his own. When he did think about a future and changed his way of life, things really did not end up well for him. I don't know whether to agree to not change your way of life, or to change it for the sake of a girl. Twice it appeared in the movie, following a girlfriend/boyfriend to a possible future ended up bad for them. Even from personal experience, I felt that I have followed other people's decision and it did not always turn out so good for me. So I am more inclined to say, "stick to your own future." If the relationship ends, then it is not meant to be. If it continues, then there might be a chance... whether you want to take that chance...

The second movie's title speaks for itself. It is essentially a larger intricate web of stories revolving around cliche themes of Love and Romance, similar to "Love Actually" but Americanized. However, it was a really good movie and I really enjoyed watching it. It starred an all star cast and I would recommend watching it if you are a hopeless romantic.

This was the first time I watched movies in the cinema this year, all thanks to Evelyn who decided to spend her week off from work to visit us in Adelaide. It was really fun to have her around again, kinda like having our old gang back in Perth. I really missed those times and I am really looking forward to going back to Perth for graduation.

Sadly, Evelyn could not stay long and had to leave right before we had our "Reunion" Dinner at Wei Shen's place, despite my efforts to pay for her ticket back, like what we did for the Singapore trip. Of course, due to unforseen circumstances and unfortunate events, it was probably better that she went home early. Anyway, we had really good food, and even had our Lo Shang which was a little token to remind us of home. It was great fun playing Taboo and Mafia. It was really a new family away from my Perth family away from home...

That, and an excruciating workout session at the gym leaving me in all sorts of pain at the moment. That's my eventful week. Hoping my life continues to be this interesting.

Jim

2010-02-02T22:00:00.002+10:30

I was introduced to Jim last week. At first, I thought to myself, no harm in just knowing Jim. It would just be a casual meeting and we would both part our ways and never to see each other again. In fact, I was so unmotivated that I forgot that I had made an appointment with Jim.

I was half asleep on the bus, as I made my way back to the city. It was a long and tiring day, despite it being only a Psychiatry rotation. Things did not go my way throughout the day. All I wanted to do was to go home and lie down in bed. Strangely, I opened my eyes just to check that the bus was not going the wrong direction, and at that moment, my eyes caught Jim as the bus drove past. Only then I remembered that I had to meet up with Jim that evening.

I could have continued going and just missing Jim. It wasn't a big deal if I didn't go, but I decided 100 meters later to press the bell. I got down with still doubts about going to this meeting. The more I thought of it, the more I became reluctant. But I continued walking to Jim.

Jim was quite nice, it turned out to be. Jim is well equipt with the latest stuff and I could see myself enjoying being around Jim. There was so much that we could do. Jim even reassured me that I can visit whenever I want, and do whatever I feel like doing. Jim only charged a reasonable amount, for me to enjoy the facilities which he provides. A small price to this relationship I was about to take.

Eventually, without much persuation, I signed my name and I became a friend of Jim.

I walked away realising what I had done, but I could not think of what the consequences will be for being Jim's friend.

I didn't really think about it much after, but Jim called me a few days later to set another meeting. I went, half excited, it being my first time, and mostly nervous as how I would perform. I was out of touch with all of it and I have not done it in a very long time.

However, it went quite smoothly, and I was proud of myself. I used to be able to do so much more, and I am just hoping to get back to that level. I hated it when my friends assumed that I was weak, without knowing me or what I am capable of.

After that session, I went to another one of Jim's services. It was a half dance, half workout session. I really enjoyed the session, but I was such a beginner that I had difficulty following everything that they were doing. But it really brings back memories of numerous dance practice sessions back in IMU and in Singapore. I really want to go back into dance...

Anyway, that was my experience with joining the Gym.

The Curved Horizon and The Invention of Lying

2010-01-01T17:13:00.003+10:30

For the first time, I noticed that the horizon was curved. Maybe it was the refraction caused by the multiple layers of the airplane window, or the effect of the sun setting right in the middle of my view, or maybe it was the fact that I was flying 5000m in the air. Whatever the case, the view was magnificent.

Only a thin redish glow across the horizon served as a reminder where the sun laid down to rest, the sky darkening above it as the night creeps in. There was a clear demarkation between the dark blue of the Indian Ocean and the diminishing warmph of the now orange sky, highlighting the curved horizon.

With some srange reason unknown to me, I was captivated by the scene as we flew further south.

We have always been taught that the Earth was spherical. Early astronomers and physicists were rediculed and condemned for postulating such theories. The world, then, was flat, and was at the centre of the universe. I can only imagine the ramifications will be if the scriptures of the holy books mentions that the Earth was indead the centre of the universe. Perhaps religion would fail back there and then.

The curved horison reminded me that Science prevailed that round, in the never ending debate between the delusions of evangelists and the dreams of scientists. I do not claim that science and religion are exclusive, but there are real grey areas which are stil being debated today, like evolution and creation of the universe.

I guess that is the human's need to seek the truth in all things...

Which brings me to a movie we just watched, "The Invention of Lying." What will happen if lying and falsehood and deceit never existed? The movie potrayed a really good example of what the world would be like.

What really got me thinking was, at the same time, the movie can also be called, "The Invention of Religion." The movie mocks the 10 commandments on two pizza boxes, describes the beauty of the afterlife which no one knew, potrays the evolution of procreation beyond genetics, starts the story of making a story, and even shows the delevoping of a conscience... All created from lying.

When did the human race start lying? Would religion come into play if not for lying? How can they believe that an afterlife exists when no one can truly tell us what lies beyond? What would the world really be like if not for lying? Would we even bother about seeking the truth about all things or would be just take everything for granted as it is?

It was a really good movie for my mind to watch right before the new year.

Happy New Year, everyone.

The Tides

2009-12-09T03:13:00.002+10:30

I refrain from using the word "roller coaster" to describe how I have been these past few weeks, and instead, I am using "the Tides" as my title. Partly because I couldn't spell the word 'coaster' but also because I think I was stagnant and it was not a ride.

I finished my final exam exactly 1 month ago. For the others, it was the last exam they will ever have. For me, it was just the beginning of the end. It was the beginning of the long train of goodbyes, people leaving me as they head off for their well earned holidays. This is why I cannot use 'roller coaster' as I am the one stationary and others are zooming around me. The exam was hellish, one of the more difficult exams I've been through... But eventually, I got the good news the week after with the phone call.

I've dreaded phone calls for a long time, especially since I failed my 5th year the first time round, and recieving 2 calls saying that I failed. This phone call was not as bad, and was more of good news to me. I already knew that I had to resit a couple of assessments long ago, and it was not a surprise to me. Even more good news was that I only had to do 2 weeks instead of the 4 weeks as planned previously. This would mean that I could have some time to have a short holiday. I have to say, though I still fear phone calls, I enjoyed recieving that one.

After that, there was the Dedication ceremony. That was goodbye to many of my friends, many of which I would probably never see ever again apart from the Convocation next year. I could not dedicate with them, I could not be up there to hear my name called, I could not be proud to have my parents in the crowd to cheer me on. I had to rush to obtain as many friends' signatures as possible, and in the process forgot to spend time with the people that mattered the most to me. It was a happy occasion, but it was a really sad day for me then, very emotional... I almost cried...

The following Monday, I started my remediation. Again it was many ups and downs. Scared by the consultant and got grilled, but had a good time in the wards. A different consultant marked my assessments, which gave me better marks than I expected, but I had to show my log book and got grilled again. I was pretty broken at the end of it though. But I got through.

I finally made it. I finally graduated from 6 1/2 years of Med School. The relief was overwhelming. I was happy that I have passed. I was nervous of starting afresh in Adelaide.

That was a Friday... and I had no hopes of getting home early. And I grew sad that I could not meet up with my friends in Singapore. I grew sad that I had said goodbye to everyone, especially to those whom I will really really miss. I miss them already...

Friday, they promised that I would get the documents ready on Monday. But Monday, the deans were busy with the 5th years' results. Tuesday, they still were busy... I was already half annoyed by then... But they finally gave me a call at lunch time and had it all prepared for me. And that was it. I was done. Officially, with documents and all, I was done.

I finally could book my flight home and pack all my things.

My life in Perth could fit in 4 boxes.

That was my 'ride'. So many ups and downs, more than what I could fit in here. Ironically I felt stagnant, like the tides, rising and falling throughout the day. I stay there, watching things come, and friends go. I never liked saying goodbye, and I said it more often tham I would have liked. I am really going to miss all of you. I am emotionally drained, but the burden have finally been lifted off my aching shoulders. A chapter ends, and another one begins.

Vivendi ratio, Moriendi ratio, Amandi ratio, Pugnandi ratio

2009-12-01T00:14:00.005+10:30

I feel that most apocalyptic movies try to potray different aspects of the end of times, mostly the good human qualities such as honour, justice, heroism, self-sacrifice... But 2012 showed many other real human reactions. Despite the cheesey storyline and exagerated graphics (which were still cool), I acually kind of like it.

How would you handle the end of days? Living life as there is no tomorrow? Drowning yourself in indulgence? Taking your own life to prove that you are stil in control? Doing what is good and right until the end? Congregate en mass in prayer? Make amends with long lost relationsships? Spending every last seconds with someone you love and care about?

What are you willing to do before the end? What are you willing to give in order to survive?

In 2012, they could only save a selected few. Who would you choose? This was like selecting the 23 people for the next Zion in the Matrix. You would want the brightest scientists, best leaders... I would also think they will select workers and fit and healthy people. But in reality, to undertake such a project, they needed so much funding that they have to sell seats to the rich and famous as well. And some of the rich and famous are not nice people... I felt that it became more of a political, business-like situation, which tickles me a lot.

It was so also hilariously iconic to see cameos of famous figures. Imagine a moderately obese lady with in a blue English schoolgirl outfit and matching blue bowler hat, carrying a big typically old lady handbag dragging her 2 Welsh Corgie dogs. Imagine an Autrian sounding blond in front of a podium annoucing to the people of LA that everything is alright.

Anyway, there were also many miniscule plots which at first I thought just wasted time, but actually potrayed these human reactions and added to my experience of the show. They could have done more destruction and less of the adventure stuff in the movie.

There were also many interpretations of the movie which I found interesting. Like how the 3 major developed continents (save Australia); North America, Europe, and Asia were the ones that made it... just like Christopher Columbus and his 3 ships found America... and how they ended up going to Africa, where human life first begin...

Concurrently, this movie just reminds me of my last two weeks here. It was all about goodbyes. I would probably never see any of my friends here in Perth anymore, not for a very long time. I hate to say goodbye to the people I care about. I said too many goodbyes these last two weeks. I am exhausted with all emotions that I have been feeling. I wish that we all can be in same ark, to start our new working lives together... I don't know what I would give to have that.

I will miss all of you...

FlashForwards

2009-11-13T01:34:00.003+10:30

What if you had a glimpse of your future, down to the very feeling you will be having at that point in time? What if you felt so sure that this ‘future’ you experienced will come true? Would you strive your best to achieve that ‘future’? Or would you do whatever you can to prevent it from coming true? Or would you just let time runs its course?

Is our future set in stone, with every second of our lives already been predetermined? Or does our future change depend on what we do? Does everything we do determine what effect will happen in the future and what we do is an effect of what happened in the past? Is the future then, theoretically calculatable with all the factors, internal and external, considered?

Can time not be a linear progression? Or is it an ever diverging multiverse, creating alternate universes where different scenarios are occurring?

All of these questions arose in my head just by watching the first 10 minutes of the show FlashForward.

Everyone in the world experienced the world in 6 months time, and with all the information gathered, they were painting a mosaic of what it would be like. Everyone could log in, share their experience and affirm what other people have posted, and creating a clear picture of the future.

Sounds easy enough, but what the show constantly debates about is whether this future is the real future or just a possibility of a future, or just a dream... I am intrigued about the idea of time travelling, may it be via a modified Delorean, or a stationary machine with a window for which you can watch time pass you by. However when it comes to the age old paradox of, “If you travelled back through time and killed your grandfather, would you be born to commit such an act?” and “If time travel is possible, why haven’t we seen anyone from the future?” I have a hard time taking a stand.

On the one hand, I like the idea of linearity, everything that will happen, has happened. Getting a visit from a future you means you will be going back to visit in the future. You won’t be able to kill your grandfather no matter what you tried, and your grandfather can tell you of the tale that someone tried to kill him. I like the idea of Chaos Theory, Butterfly Effect, or Ripple Effect, where one small event would have sequential causes and effects which eventually leads us to where we all are now, and will continue to cascade to our futures. It does also get depressing when you think about it, that whatever happened in the future, will happen and there is nothing you can do about it. In other words, whatever you have done or are doing, it will lead up to that future.

On the other hand, I wish that time travelling can happen, so that we can ascertain the truth about what happened in the past. Is the earth really 6 billion years old? Did the chicken come first? Did Sam really steal my crayon? I also wish that I can travel to the future, just for curiosity.

The closest possible technology I can think of to allow time travelling is cryonics. Of course it doesn’t work the other way around…

Anyway, it doesn’t stop me from wanting to know my future in 6 months time, even if it is just for 2 minutes and 17 seconds.

May this series fare better light than Lost is now…

Exams

2009-11-03T22:44:00.001+10:30

I used to know a lot of things. I even called myself ‘Jack of all Trades, Master or None,’ because I know a little about everything, but nothing more than that. I cannot claim something to be my forte. But even now, I cannot claim the title of ‘Jack.’

Of course I haven’t been reading as much as I used to, indulging myself in trivial entertainment. There is simply too much to know about everything. I am guessing that there is more studying needed to know a little about everything than to study a particular subject.

Which brings me to the point, I need to study. My exams are just a few days away.

Anyways, it is not stopping me from planning for after exam activities, which mainly include visual entertainment. This is a list of movies that are I want to watch (in no particular order):

the informant
daybreakers
astroboy
up in the air
from paris with love
a christmas carol
alice in wonderland
couples retreat
9
did you hear about the morgans
transylmania
fame
fantastic mr fox
the vampire's assistant
pandorum
avatar
cloudy with a chance of meatballs
new moon
one good man
adventures of power
julie and julia
blind date
white on rice
peter and vandy
inception
gentlemen broncos
the boys are back
pretty ugly people
the box
gamer
armored
the men who stared at goats
the lovely bones
the blind side
the wolfman
untitled
the forth kind
youth in revolt
brief interviews with hideious men
how to seduce difficult women
book of eli
toy story 3
law abiding citizen
precious
black dynamite
you cant handle the tooth
oh my god
invictus
bad lieutenant
serious moonlight
the flying scissors
valentine's day
humble pie
uncertainty
the imaginarium of doctor parnassus
takers
the messenger
that evening sun
stan helsing
bull
amelia
splinterheadsthe road
everybody's fine
motherhood
love

Now, back to studying.

An Excerpt

2009-10-28T01:29:00.004+10:30

...At first I could not accept your reasons for leaving me. You meant the world to me. I give you everything I had and I would even bring back a piece of the moon if you asked me to. I gave you my heart, but all you did was to stab it with a rusting serrated knife. It hurts so much when you left me. You created in me a big gaping void that I cannot fill up. I have tried everything, but I only seem to have made it even bigger.

You left me in a blazing desert, under the scorching sun. I feel like a dried up pile of bones with no will to carry on. All I can see are illusions of you in the horizon, illusions that I cannot reach even if I tried. Even when the sun sets, I am stranded in the cold lonely night. My tears have all dried up, and I cannot sleep with the feeling of sand in every crevace of my body. I feel like my blood had also turned to sand, making my heart ache with every beat. I tried hating you for leaving me this way, but I cannot blame you for it. I am my own fault, and you deserve better.

I am pathetic. I am tired of crying all night and bothering the people I know. They would eventually leave me, just like you did. I am all alone with no one to care about me. I long for a gentle hug, but nobody would even approach this hideous fiend that I have become. I don’t even recognize my face in the mirror anymore. The loneliness is already eating me, like an overpowering shadow creeping up on me, taking every sense of light that once gave me hope.

I have no more hope. I have no more feelings. I am numb, and I hate being this way. I am drowning in the dark waters, not being able to see which side is up, but I can feel that I am sinking deeper and deeper into the dark chasm. I am suffocating; every breath I take is saturated with poisonous fumes and every breath I give, I feel like a part of me is leaving. I cannot see the light anymore.

I know nobody would notice if I am gone. Even if they do, they would probably find a replacement in an instant. I've done my best, but it is never enough. I am dispensable and I feel like an overused, crumpled up piece of scrap paper at the bottom of the rubbish bin. I find myself waiting for the incinerator to turn on, to finally end my pathetic life. I really don’t see a point in living anymore.

There is nothing left for me in this world. I have lost my purpose. I am a failure. I cannot keep up with even the simplest of tasks. I feel stupid. I hear my conscience telling me that I should keep trying, but I know that it is pointless to continue. Everything that I have done has gone unnoticed or ridiculed. There is always something wrong, and I can never make anyone happy, especially you. I am just wasting everyone's time by being here. The world will be a better place without me in it.

The closest analogy that I can think to explain how I feel is like I am being mauled by a lion. I am contemplating proving that theory. It would be soothing to know that I would be in the company of the creatures I admire, but I do not deserve to be happy when I die. I deserve more unforgiving pain for my failures...

~This is purely a fictional writing. Any resemblance to person(s) contemplating or have already committed suicide is purely co-incidental.

Its better to have love lost, than to have never loved at all... BUT...

2009-10-09T13:28:00.004+10:30

Should I smile because you're my friend? Or cry because that is all we will ever be?

There are times when I can't decide whether to see you or not, I want to see you because I miss you but there are times when I don't want to see you because everytime I do, the fact that you don't see me the way that I see you hurts me even more...

A million words would not bring you back, I know because I've tried.
Neither would a million tears, I know because I've cried.

Forget the times you walked by,
Forget the times you've made me cry,
Forget the time you held my hand,
Forget the sweet things if I can,
I can no longer pretend,
I have to remember now that you're just a friend.

When I look at you my heart skips a beat but later that beat could mean a lifetime of tears wasted on something I knew I could never have

How can you be friends with someone if every time you look at them it makes you want them even more?

My heart was taken by you, broken by you and now is in pieces because of you

Its hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone if your heart still does.

Even when I pour my heart out to you, I'm not sure it shows, that I love you more than you'll ever know.

Sometimes it's hard to love someone because you're so afraid of losing them

I was reborn when you first kissed me. Part of me died when you left me. But now I still live, waiting for the day you return to me.

The hardest part of dreaming about someone you love is having to wake up.

There is one pain I often feel which you will never know because it is caused by the absence of you.

Who do you turn to when the only person who can stop you from crying is the one who is making you cry?

I understand that with loves comes pain, but why did I have to love so much?

The part that hurts me the most, is knowing that I once had you and then lost you...

The worst feeling in the world is giving all the love you have and knowing it will never be returned.

Its hard to pretend you love someone when you don't but its harder to pretend that you don't love someone when you really do.

How do you heal a broken heart? I have no idea where to start because everything I do reminds me of you.

Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and you can never have them?

As I sat here I was trying to think of all the times you hurt me and made me cry... Hoping and wishing it would make me like you less. But it didn't. Because all the times I could remember were the ones when you showed me that you cared... I didn't want to believe that you ever did. You walk by me everyday and say hello. Everyday you take time out to listen to me. You talk to me, smile at me, laugh with me, and have fun with me. Well, I talk, smile and laugh too, but inside I'm hurting. Deep down it hurts to be with you because I love you and you are only a friend.

The weirdest thing happened the other morning... I woke up with tears in my eyes... and one rolling down my cheek... and I knew I must have been dreaming of you again.

I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care,I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there, I'm not supposed to wonder where you are and what to do, I'm sorry I can't help myself, I'm in love with you.

You're not worth the tears, you're not worth the heartache. I don't know why I give you the time. You're not worth the pain, you're not worth the emptiness. I don't know why I wish you were mine.

One day you'll ask me, "which is more important to you, me or your life" I'll say, "My life" and you'll go and leave me with out knowing that you are my life...

I'm sorry for crying over you, because I said I wouldn't. But I didn't promise you that, because I knew it would be a promise I would never be able to keep.

Nothing hurts more than realising she meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to her.

Never say "I love you" if you don't really care,
Never talk about feeling if they aren't really there.
Never hold my hand if you're going to break my heart.
Never say you're to, if you never plan to start.
Never look into my eyes if all you do is lie.
Never say hello, if you really mean goodbye.
If you really mean forever, then say you will try.
Never say forever 'cause forever makes me cry.

Taken from Really Sad Love Quotes
Inspired to collect by (500) Days of Summer

Funny Story

2009-09-28T21:13:00.002+09:30

I felt lucky tonight. We've been going out for more than 2 years already and I have been dying to hear him pop the question. He has been hinting about a special dinner date and even bought me nice jewelry for the occassion. Only I don't know what the occasion is.

"I'm sure of it." That's what all my girlfriends say. "He's the one."

I tried on a few dresses that night. It was so hard to choose the right one for tonight. I don't want to look too sleezy, but I don't want to look too casual. I wanted something that said, I'm serious about this. It took a while, but I got there in the end. I know he likes white, so I went with my silky white skirt and lacey white blouse. It took me another hour for the make up and hair, but it was worth it.

I got to the rendezvous point and he was there waiting for me patiently. I greeted me with a warm hug and a peck on my cheek.

"Hi Princess. You look great." I smiled back. "Shall we?"

I nodded as my heart raced even more. We were headed to a classy restaurant! He really did go all out for this night. I'm sure of it now.

Dinner went uneventful. Thoughts were racing through my mind, of how he would propose. Would it be the ring in the champange? Or a strong of violins? Or just a speech and getting down on his knees in front of everyone. My heart beat so fast, I thought I was going to faint. The anxiety was just overwhelming.

Dinner ended and nothing happened. I can't say I was disappointed. I know he still had a whole night planned ahead, but I thought that the restaurant would be a more romantic place. He'd better live up to my standards.

As we walked out the door, a gust of cold wind blew past us. As if a reflex, he gave me a squeeze which restored my faith in him, instantly warming me up despite the cold air. I smiled again.

Then, when I least expect it, he got down on his knees.

I couldn't help but I burst out, saying how much I love him and how much I wanted this to happen. I was saying Yes before he could say anything.

Then I realised that he was looking at me with a perculiar look.

"Isn't that what you wanted to say?"

"Honey... I am just tying my shoe laces..."

I Care

2009-09-28T09:12:00.004+09:30

I want you to know, how much I care.
I want you to show, but only if you dare.
Your every happy every woe, every dream every nightmare.
Your every high and every low, I really wished you'd share.
I'll make it snow, if that is what you declare.

For you, I will go, just about everywhere.

For today and tomorrow, I'll always treat you fair.

My love can only grow, this I swear.

The Last Dance...

2009-09-26T20:33:00.001+09:30

Everyone looked pretty last night. And the night was beautiful.

But no one could compare to how beautiful she looked that night. I cannot even begin to describe her how she looked, but she looked good. No, she looked better than good; she looked great. She looked so elegant. It wasn’t that her dress was bold or daring, but she stood out in my eyes, I could spot her a mile away. She normally looked good without any make up on, but tonight, it augmented her natural beauty. All I wanted to do was to look at her and gaze into her eyes.

All I know is that she makes me feel nervous. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to act. I never said how nice it was to see her. I never complimented how good she looked in her dress. I never really told her how I felt and how she made me feel. Her mere presence just makes my heart race. Her radiance fills my insides with warmth but I would still shiver.

I wished that I had more time; more time to warm up and dare myself. I needed more time to loosen up, to let go the weight that is on my shoulder, to stop worrying about everything that had went on in my life, everything that has yet to come. I couldn’t do anything, and I didn’t do anything. And thus that is why I remained quiet. Maybe a few more drinks later. All I can think of is that I regret that the night had to end… but it had to end.

Balls are the one of the only times where everyone can dress up. And I really appreciate the effort that all the girls put up yesterday. They all looked so good in their dresses with their hair-dos. It was really a great night.

Growing old

2009-09-22T15:29:00.000+09:30

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9.. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret,you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19.. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36.. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood..
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time.. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

Adventures in Albany - Day 26

2009-08-15T22:36:00.002+09:30

This would be my last weekend here in Albany. I thought of going to Denmark to visit the Dinosaur museum, but I was lazy to walk down and hire a car. Well, that and I'm broke and I haven't really done my log book.

Instead, I stayed in my room and watched anime. I watched a couple of animes to pass the time. By couple, I mean 3; and by anime, I meant anime series. I also typed out most of what I have into my log book, so I cannot say that I have wasted the whole day.

One of the Anime I've watched was Ride Back. It's a story about a ballet dancer who injured herself and was never to dance again. However, she manages to, through futuristic motocycles called Ride Backs. It's a motorcycle essentially, but is able to transform into a humanoid form on wheels. The computer balance system goes really well with sense of coordination, from her glory days as a dancer, such that she was able to pull off majestic stunts on it.

At first, it was a story of a girl struggling to cope with her downfall, and turning to riding this new invention by accident. However, the show slowly progressed into a war between an opressing government and a rebellion, with her in the middle. I got confused as who the target audience was, but I would think that only anime fans who just watch anime for the sake of watching anime would watch it. I would say it is more targetted for guys because of the cool machinery and battle scenes, but then it has many feminine qualities such as a female protagonist with a passion for dance.

Maybe, it was meant for the girls, but also attract the guys with graphics and explosions, kind of like adding a love scene in an otherwise action pack movie. Commendable effort this time.

I can't say which part attracted me more, but I did like the storyline; political/military oppression and media corruption, struggles with barriers in life, AWESOME IMAGINATION AND GRAPHICS.

How far are we from that kind of technology? It doesn't seem far...

Adventures in Albany - Day 25

2009-08-15T00:45:00.000+09:30

Highlight of the day: I sutured my friend's grandma. I sms-ed him, and he thinks it's cool too.

The day started with normal ward rounds and sutures in the morning. I managed to signed off a procedural sheet for 3 sutures that I had done. Again, I really felt that I am doing something with these hands that God gave me. I started doing Medicine so that I can work with my hands and my brain. I feel that both represents my being. I don't have a golden figure, or a golden kick, or a golden voice, but I have my hands and my brain.

I've mentioned about my fear of getting dementia, or losing control of my brain and thinking. I don't think I have mentioned much about my hands. I like craftwork. I started out liking origami, which slowly branched out to other art stuff, including drawing and paper crafts. I slowly branched into beads, and jewelry at the beginning of the year. I am proud of what I have done, but I do wish that I can use them for something much more useful.

That's how I first got interested in Medicine. I wanted to do surgery. My second choice was dentistry, where again, there is a bit of handwork. When I failed to get into either course in NUS, I went to IMU, with the intention to be a surgeon in Singapore. I didn't like the racism in Malaysia, and I never wanted to go back there. Singapore was the next best thing and I really liked it there. However, IMU being in Malaysia, I had no choice if I wanted to be a surgeon.

In IMU, I had less chances to use my hands, but I still did arts and craft. I still have a model Titanic with weekly parts that I have to finish, but I never had the time to complete. Model making was the next handiwork I could do with my hands and I enjoyed it. Now that I think back, it really deviated a lot from what I initially started out with.

Then, I came to Perth. I really enjoyed scrubbing in and taking part in the surgeries I observed. I liked to watch the surgeon's nimble hands doing sutures, tying 5-0 and 6-0 threads onto blood vessels or doing perfect subcuticular stitches. Despite that, I had really little experience doing the sutures myself. Neither surgical terms I had allowed me to do that.

However, when it comes to being in ED and GP, and having a GP who lets me do stuff, I managed to finally do what I wanted to do all these while.

The question now is: Where do I go from here.

Adventures in Albany - Day 24

2009-08-14T01:21:00.000+09:30

After disappointing news yet again from the job agencies in WA and NSW, the chances of me staying in Perth is no longer visible. I would have to either take up the job offer I have in Singapore, or to attempt to contact other states in Australia where I did not apply. I never had the intention to leave Perth, but to leave Australia entirely is a different question. I still could not decide which is better; to go back to my original plan to work and live in Singapore nearby family and familiar territory, or to venture forth into the unknown but still be in the health system of Australia.

Conclusion still pending.

Apart from that, its a small victory for me in GP land. I finally got a praise, albeit sarcastic in nature, that I do know something at least, from my 6 years of training. They say that you can throw away half the stuff you learnt back in pre-clinical years, but this year, I find myself going back to the stuff that I memorized so hard to pass my exams in IMU. They are called fundamentals for a reason and I have to revisit mine in order to get through this year at least.

Even the basics of explaining to patients what a disease is, proves to be a challenge. You can treat the disease all you want, knowing it inside out, but I still find it hard to explain to the patient without jargon and make them aware about their conditions and the basis of treatments. Basically, explaining the whole hour worth of lecture on a topic in 7minutes or less.

After GP, I took a detour, travelling on a different route to get back to the hospital.
Notes to self:
1. Don't travel in the dark through a graveyard if you don't want to be scared.
2. Don't stop to smell the roses (in this case stop to take photos of calla lilies) in the dark in someone's yard.
3. Don't give your home address to evangelists.

Adventures in Albany - Day 23

2009-08-12T18:51:00.000+09:30

It hurts to know,
You don’t feel the way I do,
It hurts to know,
There’s nothing I can do.

It hurts to know,
no matter how I feel,
or what I show,
My fate is already sealed.

It just hurts so much,
When I think about it,
Like my future and such,
The pieces just don’t fit.

It hurts to know,
I’ll be leaving,
It hurts to know,
I can’t do a thing.

It hurts to know,
I’ll no longer be with you,
Without your positive glow,
I find it hard to start anew.

It hurts so bad,
I cry every night,
It hurts, and I am sad,
To be in this plight.

It hurts to know,
That this could be the end,
That I have to go,
My love, my dear friend.

Adventures in Albany - Day 22

2009-08-11T18:50:00.000+09:30

Highlight of the day: Punch biopsy

Lowlight of the day: Staring into nothing at the end of the day.

I finished another Anime series, titled, “Zam’d,” a drama set in a fantasy world where North fights South with innocents in the middle, science versus religion, good and evil, cause and consequence, love and hate.

The pace was very slow, but it was intriguing to watch. Every scene added to a very rich storyline. Everybody had a role to play in the plot. Each character was developed nicely and their personalities really were obvious. What made me want to watch it even more, was the dynamics of each of the relationships between the characters. It seemed like everyone had a story of their own, and it intertwined with each other. The last few episodes revealed all of the relationship resolutions, dealing with all those conflicts.

I probably relate to it, because of those conflicts. I would probably call it internal emotional turmoil, having mixed feelings about myself and my surroundings. I almost cried at the last few episodes when each of the conflicts resolve. It is nice to know that there is an ending for everything, and that things will work out. No matter how much I want things to remain as they are, or change for the better, things can go the other way as well. But everything will be alright.

At least that is what everyone tells me.

Adventures in Albany - Day 21

2009-08-11T00:46:00.000+09:30

Post holiday.

Having a car made me lazy, as I could stay up late and take my time driving down. I pumped petrol at a gas station all by myself (first time yo) and returned the car well before it was due. Driving was fun. I miss driving already.

Being able to drive means that I wouldn’t be depending on other people for transport. I can go anywhere I want, whenever I want, without any worry of what the driver thinks. It was like taking my own holiday during the weekend. I found myself stopping to wait on the whales to surface for minutes. For that brief 1 second worth of air spray and a glimpse of the dorsal fin, I can spend 20 minutes just standing there. I would also spend a great deal of time on taking a picture of a flower. I mean it is just a flower, I don’t know if anyone would share the same enthusiasm as I do towards macro shots.

I like flowers, I don’t know why. I don’t know since when either. I used to like taking photos of animals, but all my photos of them sucks the life out of them. They lay there inanimate and 2-dimentional. Maybe it is my technique of photography, maybe it is my camera, but I cannot seem to get the right shot. So I think I shall stick to flowers, where I can still capture their essence in a 2-dimentional picture. I am just thinking how many dimensions I need to capture if I want a good picture of an animal though.

Anyway, I managed to sit in with Dr. Knight today, just because Dr. Legget was on call and was not in the practice at the time. Having a much more enthusiastic teacher who lets me do things makes me feel more involved and I grow more confident by doing it. It was also a challenge to tell patients what diseases they have. I have never described Thrush or Hypertension to a patient before. I know what they are, I know what they can do and I know how to treat it. But it still feels weird to explain it to patients. Well, I have explained things to my parents, I guess that is a start.

This is sort of my final week of my term here in Albany. I really felt like I want to stay here in Albany a bit longer, or am I just regretting for wasting time earlier. I have to stop taking the good things for granted and missing out on opportunities when they come knocking.

WAKE UP.

Adventures in Albany - Day 20

2009-08-10T00:54:00.000+09:30

It is a wonderful day.

And all I could think of is you.

I wished that you were here with me. More so, because I needed someone to take photos of me, but I also wish to share the moments with you.

I want to tell you how much I hated those who kill whales.

I also want to tell you that I also understand that people needed to earn a living from it.

But more importantly I want to know what you think about it.

I want to show off my knowledge of whales, of nature, to you. I want to show you how much I care about nature.

And I want to know how much you care.

I drove around the natural rock formations, wishing that you were navigating beside me.

And I wished that I could drive you around, instead of being driven.

I wanted to watch the waves with you, as they rhythmically splash into the rocks, creating mists of white. Just like my feelings are when I am with you, a sense of calmness among the haphazard chaos.

I want to know what your feelings were.

I felt like I could spread my wings and fly if you by my side, as I stood at the peak of the hill overlooking the peninsular.

I wanted to complain about how tired I am walking alongside the coast, but if you were there, I would only think about how the coast looks as beautiful you.

And finally, as I stood watching the sunset, I wish that I could sit through every sunset with you from this day on, till the end of days.

I wish there was a you.

Adventures in Albany - Day 19

2009-08-09T00:51:00.000+09:30

Depressing version:

I woke up too early for my taste, so that I can catch the sunrise. I kept making trips back and forth from my room to the car, forgetting small stuff like my jacket and glasses. By the time I was on the road, it was already quite bright, and I missed the first light.

When I got to my chosen lookout point, I could see the sun rising, but the sun was rising from the mountains, and not the sea as I thought it would be like. The weather was also cruel, being so cold and cloudy. I guess I should have gone to another location for me to catch the sun rising from the sea. But I was too late to go anywhere else.

Towards the end of sunrise, the rainclouds were already covering most of the morning sky. It even started drizzling as I drove back to my room. It didn’t look at all enticing weather.

I got on board the catamaran sail boat hoping that the weather will improve. We all sat down and listened to what the captain had to say. He gave a lengthy speech about random stuff, and after the other ships had set sail, we set off. Being set off late and trudging along at a slow pace, I could see the other boat in the distance. What irritated me was that there was a whale next to that boat and not ours. By the time we got close enough, the whale was moving away.

We decided to move to the deeper waters to find other whales. Though the captain had a good feeling that we might find whales at a certain spot, some guy on the boat thought he saw a whale behind us. So we turned around, away from the calmer waters to the deeper side. It was 30mins before we found anything. We tried to follow it, but it was moving away as expected. By then, it was already time to go back and so we did.

Oh yeah, my camera battery ran out 1 hour into the tour, before we saw any whales. I really wished that my camera battery lasted longer, and that I had more control over the functions of the camera, like focus and zoom. I also wished that I had more memory in the camera so that I can take endless shots without any worry.

Because of the chase that we did, we arrived back late, and I was too tired to go anywhere else fancy. So I went to the Amity Ship museum to see what was there. I had to pay $4 for the entry, and I learnt NOTHING from that. I didn’t get any good shots either. I listened to a relatively boring commentary about the origins of Albany and explored a claustrophobic ship. I got bored easily.

I ended up going back and taking a nap. By sunset, the clouds did not want to clear, so I decided not to go to the ANZAC memorials. The evening was partly wasted in the end.

Happier version:

I managed to catch the beautiful sunrise today. Despite it rising from the mountains instead of the sea, it was still beautiful. The sky turned from black, to blue, to red, to orange and back to sky blue. That’s half the spectrum of the rainbow, and that’s even before the sun was up. When the sun finally appeared, the sun rays pierced the darkness of the clouds and the land. It was really a sight to see.

I got back into the car when the drizzle started, and headed back to my room. I quickly downloaded the pictures I just took so that I can have an empty memory card for the whale watching tour. I had time to kill, so I went to upload them to facebook.

I don’t know whether I chose the right boat to be on, but I was sort of glad that I choose the catamaran. The skipper was a cheery person, who gave interesting stories and facts about his adventures. He gave facts about the surroundings and the wildlife that appeared throughout the journey. I liked the way he treated the whales not as exhibits but as living creatures with feelings and fears. I really admire him for that.

After spending time with our first encounter with the whale, we went to search for other whales. We managed to find one after an hour of searching. The whale actually jumped out of the water. It was really a sight that I wanted to witness for myself, but I never thought that I would actually see one. It was really a majestic sight, even though it was for a split second, and I would remember it forever. After following it around for a while, the skipper decided that we were bothering them more than anything, so we headed back, hoping to catch another whale or two.

Although we didn’t at least I managed to see whales in the wild. I was happy.

I went on to visit the other attraction in Albany town centre, the Amity Ship Museum. The ship itself was a disappointment, but the museum next door was much more exciting for me. I found out once more that I like natural history rather than human history. I don’t know why, but I find animal skeletons intriguing. It is not that I want to see lots of it, I just feel that these little things that makes me think about how much similarities we have with animals. I felt part of nature once again today, and that I am happy being on this Earth.

Adventures in Albany - Day 18

2009-08-08T01:29:00.000+09:30

07.08.09 Happy birthday, Evonne Toh. ^_^

I finally managed to rent a car for the weekend. My driving skills are a bit rusty, but I got used to the car after a while. I remembered that I was a bit more scared at driving back when I helped Evelyn rent the ute. I don’t know why I was ok this time round. Maybe because it is an automatic? But I had fun driving around today.

I have the weekend planned out. Tomorrow I will be starting with a whaling tour in a slight shower. Hopefully the whales come out to play like they have been doing lately. I remembered that I love Humpback whales. I hope to catch a glimpse of them at least. I hope I hope I hope.

I also watched a Ben Aflek movie on TV, Man About Town. The movie was the journal of Jack, a successful man in the script writing industry. At the beginning, they show him in a journal writing class, which intrigued me. Lesson two, write about your secrets. It really felt wrong, to write about things like that. Journals are meant to be personal, but in the event that it gets stolen, these secrets will be exposed, like in the movie. However, the more I think about it, these secrets are the essence of any good story. Jack tells us his secrets, and in the process, we learnt why his wife cheated on him, and why she still loves him. I really like the movie.

It told me how to write journals.
It told me about taking that leap and going for what you dream and not sit there waiting for someone to take it away from you.
It told me about forgiving and forgetting.

I like the scene where the two of them stood across each other, with a salt water fish tank in the middle. Although they were face to face talking, they really were an ocean apart. The ending though, showed them IN the very same tank, together at last. I dunno if the writers purposely put that in, but I was intrigued with what I found. Maybe I read too much into the movie, but I took many lessons from it.

I was annoyed though, because my father called me halfway to tell me about my niece, just as they showed the climax of the movie. I missed out on the revelation between the two of them. I missed out on the play of words used during their telephone conversation, as his responses were applied to multiple listeners. Now I have to get a copy of the movie so that I can watch it again.

At the end of the day, I commend on the script writers and the creators of the movie, for such an interesting movie. I hope that I can improve my journal writing skills. I feel like creating another blog, and make it an anonymous blog with really deep personal journal entries. Who knows…

Adventures in Albany - Day 17

2009-08-07T00:33:00.000+09:30

It was kind of a depressing day for me.

It started out with a worrying dream/nightmare. I cannot remember the details of the dream but the feeling that you get after the dream lingered and it made me worry that something bad was going to happen. Perhaps it was just anxiety, but I don't know what of. May be it was nothing.

The day started with normal consults, with me realizing that I cannot get into the mode of a GP consult. It was annoying. I couldn’t think on my feet, and I struggled to keep awake most of the time.

There were a few familiar ‘difficult’ patients who make my day worse. There may be something going on, but the way they present themselves is really not appealing. They bring in every other aches and tingling sensation, obscuring the true definite symptom. Although I like the variety of GP, sometimes I just cannot or don’t want to handle these type of patients.

I just felt like an inadequate doctor sometimes when these things happen. Later in the afternoon, my GP kept sending me out on errands, which made me feel that he did not want me in the room. It felt like I was not performing as well as he would like and probably seeing me as disinterested. I am interested, I just don’t know how to act interested.

Maybe if there was something that I was really interested in, I would be more active and engaging, but after the mentally exhausting morning, I didn’t really seem to be able to get into gear. I guess it is just the fatigue that you get from taking a jog after not exercising for a long time. It is true that I am no longer fit, but am I no longer fit mentally?

At the end of the day, I was drained and I couldn’t do much else.

Even planning for an exciting weekend seemed impossible.

We’ll see…

Adventures in Albany - Day 16

2009-08-06T01:14:00.001+09:30

Today’s topic: Psychiatry.

My general theory for psychiatry now is thoughts. A crazy person thinks too much.

If the thoughts are generally sad ones, like guilt, worthlessness, and suicidal, then the person would become depressed.

If the thoughts are general happy and grandiose, then the person would be more manic.

If the thoughts becomes like a voice on its own, it becomes more like a schizophrenia type disorder.

Content of the thoughts, intensity of the thoughts and the frequency of the thoughts are what makes a person crazier than others. But we cannot not think, at least I can’t. I tried meditation before, and they told us to not think about anything, not to have any worries on our minds. I can’t stop thinking. I wasn’t thinking about my problems or anyone else’s problems. I just can’t stop thinking about things. I would be thinking about breathing, thinking about not thinking about anything, thinking about how dark it is, etc. Maybe I am crazy.

I just wish that my thoughts are focused so that I can pass my exams.

Joke of the day:
To a worker in a scaffolding business: “Hey, how are you holding up?”
I was laughing inside throughout the whole consult.

And I was also thinking of other greeting for other jobs:
To a deepsea fisherman: “Hi, business keeping afloat?”
To a Coles cashier: “Hello, everything checking out okay?”
To an exterminator: “So, what’s been bugging you?”
To a property salesman: “House everything?”

Adventures in Albany - Day 15

2009-08-05T01:12:00.001+09:30

Today’s topic: Criminals.

Crime is bound by law, and is bound by what is considered the norm. If everybody thinks that murder is a normal thing, then it wouldn’t be a crime to do it. Every religion tells us to be peaceful, and that killing is wrong. However, just basic common sense is enough to keep you from breaking the law.

My conclusion is that all criminals are mentally ill.

That’s what I felt when I visited the prison again today. I guess it is in the Hippocratic Oath that I shall not discriminate who I doctor, but sometimes I do not feel like these crazy people deserve any medical treatment. It gets hard though, if we start labeling them as crazy, as they can use it as a defense against their action. But the fact still remains; no sane person will kill someone else.

On a lighter note, I had dinner with Dr. Tompkins and her family tonight. She took me on the scenic route from the city centre to the hospital, giving me a good view of Middleton Beach. It was really beautiful to see the beach and the ocean. All I needed now is time and transport so that I can enjoy the sun and sand more easily.

Dinner was simple, but I really enjoy being in a family environment. The dogs were extra friendly, and the children are just as shy. Dr. Tompkins read a few bedtime stories and I was actually intrigued by the stories and I was brought back to my own childhood with bedtime stories.

Actually, I cannot remember many bed time stories. I remember borrowing a book from the public library with 365 stories in it. It is mostly short stories, so it was a fast read. And given that I was probably 9 years old, I managed to read the entire book just in time to return it a week later. My parents encouraged us to read a lot. I guess they would have read a few to me. You can never place a price on books. I love books.

But nowadays I tend to pick my books. There are some that I cannot last reading, there are some that I cannot put down until it ends. I haven’t read any books of late. I brought a novel with me, titled, “The GoodFellas.” It is supposed to be a nice read, but I have to wait until I have the mood to read it. And yes nowadays I prefer watching stuff…

Adventures in Albany - Day 14

2009-08-04T00:44:00.000+09:30

I really had fun in GP today, being able to take a few histories and examinations. I also managed to do a Pap smear. Sometimes I feel like I am on top of things, asking the right stuff, knowing what the patients want exactly, but other times, I couldn’t answer all of the GP’s questions. But as far as Diabetes, heart failure, or hypertension, the treatment is ABCD. It’s only which ABCD it is that is making me annoyed at myself.

A is for ACE-inhibitors or ARB, both can be used in all three conditions.
B is for Blood pressure and beta-blockers used to control it.
C is for Calcium Channel blockers, or cholesterol control.
D is for Diabetes treatment, Diuretics, Digoxin, and the all important Diet.

I do guess that these simple acronyms help a lot with remembering things, but not all things can have an acronym, and not all are easy to create. There are some acronyms that really make things easier, but there are others that make life more difficult sometimes. Oh well, I guess I can’t live without it.

Adventures in Albany - Day 13

2009-08-03T00:42:00.000+09:30

The bright golden orb emerges from the depths of the cold blue sea, releasing rays of energy that pierces the darkness of the night, slowly illuminating everything in sight. It seems like life itself start changing from dull monochrome to full vivid colours as life should be. Beautiful flowers open up, doing their best, but futilely try to outbloom the majestic sun. The clouds try to taint and darken the glow, but are eventually overwhelmed by the greatness of light. The once cold ocean and sand eventually warm up in the mere presence of this sun. It is definitely a sight to see.

I even slept early last night so that I could go watch the sun rise, a rare sight on the west coast of Australia. I marvel at the beauty of nature, of the celestial bodies that surround us, but today it was lost to me. I couldn’t wake up.

I guessed there is always tomorrow, or next weekend. The sun wouldn’t die out on me, nor do I plan to die out on it anytime soon. I watched a few anime to kill time, and not before long, I headed out to the city. The reason for taking a 45min walk? To eat KFC and use Facebook.

I guess I can say I am addicted and socially deprived. However, I only got to talk to one person, Sue Yin. She was heading the Les Miserables outing when I got back to Perth. I have only heard about the play, playing the ensemble piece, singing Morisson’s version of “Do You Hear The People Sing,” and listening to “On My Own” when I am alone. I was really looking forward to watching it. I haven’t been into the Regal Theatre in Subi, and I do wonder how big the stage was, but I hope that it will be worth it.

But first, I have to pass my GP exam.

Adventures in Albany - Day 12

2009-08-02T00:37:00.000+09:30

I automatically woke up at 0730 today, despite sleeping relatively late last night. This would be my first weekend here in Albany, and the skies were clear and sunny. It was really great weather to be out there exploring, visiting the various touring sites and getting great pictures. I was really looking forward to a weekend of fun.

However, laziness set in and I ended up watching a Jap drama called “Puzzle”. It is about a manipulative English teacher in an elite boys’ school, where she, and 3 of the students take part in various riddle/puzzle competitions or mysteries mostly dealing with a play of words and Japanese characters. I guess it would be more captivating if I am versed in Japanese. I do like these puzzles/riddles and play of words, no matter what language.

That’s why I like watching Minami-ke and How I Met Your Mother and the like. Their puns and play of language really amuses me and amazes me of how brilliant and creative the human brain is capable of.

Also, I am also amused by the teacher’s acting, changing from a sweet innocent cheerful teacher, to a stuck up manipulative know-it-all. I am amused by how men especially, are easily fooled by a nice well mannered, innocent looking girl, giving in to the girl’s demands and requests. Personally I hate girls who are like that, giving me puppy dog eyes or a seductive pout to get what they want. Of course it is my fault for easily giving in to anyone’s demands; I just want to point out the wrongness in it. In the series, she managed to wiggle out of every tight spot, blaming the mishap to the 3 students and in the process, making her look good. Everyone else was oblivious to it, but she was pretty.

Anyway, that was my Saturday gone. All my plans to walk to the city to explore were taken over by this series.

In the evening, Finding Nemo was showing on TV and I was hooked onto it. Again, it is one of those Disney movies which I don’t mind watching again, more so since it was about animals. I wasn’t too sure about the truth about what is shown, but a lot of it mimics what happens in the animal world. Watching Dory and her forgetfulness also makes me wonder about memory loss and the inability to make new memories. In Memento, it was really distinct inability, but in the case of Dory, something stuck. I guess the same with 50 First Dates, that feelings will grow, but not the factual memory. Watching Dory was fun, but watching Marlin ignorant antics makes me angry at times. He doesn’t trust anyone but himself and his perception of the world. He doesn’t give anyone else the benefit of doubt, not even his own son. Of course it ended with Nemo being kidnapped, him embarking on an epic adventure, and him realizing his mistakes, etc. I guess it is another tip on parenting, to allow children to learn and grow on their own. Protecting is one thing, but overprotecting would be too much.

Adventures in Albany - Day 11

2009-08-01T01:29:00.001+09:30

I had a whole day in the hospital today. I started out in surgery, with laporascopic sterilizations and a vasectomy. The GP didn’t let me scrub in, but I guess I see his point of not being able to do anything nor get any closer. And yes, I don’t learn anything from it. I guess I just felt like I would feel more useful if I did. I guess that is how I feel nowadays. I don’t know whether my presence in this world actually makes a difference. I’m not suicidal, but I don’t think anything will change if I just disappear for a while…

Even for ED, I didn’t feel like I did anything. I still had to check with more senior staff about any diagnosis or treatment. I still lack the confidence in saying what I thought the actual diagnosis is, with a fear of getting the wrong diagnosis and getting a law suit on me. Probably one day I would be able to confidently say what I thought the diagnosis was like I do to simulated patients. For now, I struggle with the lawsuit at the back of my head. Am I ready for such responsibility?

I also called friends back in Perth just to see what they were up to. I am definitely the jealous type, seeing how the grass is always greener on the other side. I wished to be back there, so that I can have fun. But I guess I will have the weekend to enjoy my ‘holiday’ here in Albany. Like yesterday, I just wish that I can share this adventure with someone.

Tonight, I was able to catch the 4th Harry Potter movie on TV. I like the hair styles and costumes of the characters better than any other of the Harry Potter movies. Of course their acting was just as atrocious. I recognize the actor who played Cedric to the one that played the guy in Twilight. After having not read the book for so long, I had to watch the movie to understand it. However, I didn’t agree with most of the elements in the movie. Some things could have been done better, portrayed better, acted better. However, they sort of did a good job with the romance between Ron and Hermione. They first started it back in the third movie and in the forth book. Looking back, I did wonder why she was more in contact with Ron, staying over and writing more than with Harry. Perhaps that’s what happened.

I also managed to waste my time playing simple games, free from PC Powerplay. They are so simple, but yet addictive. These games were the “build-your-own-game” competitions which takes away most of the steep learning curve needed for games like Civilization, Ceasar, Final Fantasy, Mass Effect and the like. Those games take more time to develop, trying their best to impress their fans, and somehow made it not as original. However, I do like the stories they have in the RPG’s that I have played, something that isn’t there in the simple games.

Adventures in Albany - Day 10

2009-07-31T01:29:00.001+09:30

My body is aching. I couldn’t do as much running or walking as I did yesterday, but I guess I wasn’t ready for this much work in such short period. I guess I have to take a day off running or walking tomorrow. Luckily I will be in hospital for the whole of tomorrow. I cannot imagine, that just 10 years ago, I was able to run 2.4km in less than 15mins with ease, do 12 chin ups, etc. I always thought that I could still do all that. Even back in IMU, I tried for the 100m dash. I did get a good timing, even though I had not done much exercise in a long time. I just thought that I would always be as fit as before. But that is just wishful thinking.

Apart from that, I saw really interesting things today. I started with an infant circumcision. It was different from what I’ve seen or experienced. The baby only required ONE nerve block. Whether it was effective or not, we’ll never know coz the baby cried anyway. They also had specialized equipment for it, a small plastic tube device, which allows the surgeon to just snip the foreskin off and not need any suturing at all. Maybe because it is an infant, but the procedure took less than 10mins. I do wonder sometimes, how it will feel or look like to have a foreskin after puberty. I do remember how it was like before my circumcision, but I guess I will never know. I also wonder how the boy would grow up not even knowing what having a foreskin feels like, and how he feel when he compares and finds out that he’s the odd one. Probably nothing, but that is just my curiosity.

After that, we went to the Albany Regional Prison. I saw another penis there. This time, it was a hypospadias. I’ve only seen minor penile abnormalities, but this hypospadias really span the entire shaft. If the shaft was shorter, and he had a smaller glans, I would really have mistaken it for a female vulva. I often have dreams of having an abnormal opening on my penis. It is just that weird feeling when you pee, and that you feel the urine on your side or clothes. It really made my hair stand, to see such deformities and somehow relate to it. But of course, I DON’T HAVE ANY ABNORMALITIES.

I ended my medical day with an actual vulva. She had 1st degree tears after giving birth to a huge baby with a squished nose. I was instantly reminded of coneheads and Chui Han’s story about how her head was deformed because of a forceps assisted delivery. After seeing the babies, I felt like I could become a GP obstetrician. When you get to know patients that way, I guess delivering their babies and managing them after really made me feel adequate, that I am doing something and seeing the results. I wondered whether my friends would let me manage their pregnancies though. It would be interesting.

Recreationally, Dr. deKlerk took me to the wind farm after the prison visit. The scenery there was spectacular. The windmills themselves were magnificent, towers of white standing tall in the sun. A dull humming, droning in the background as each blade sweeps pass amidst the cool breeze. Its shadow, equally big, eerily glide across the ground and bush, going round and round. It felt like if I could get a hold on one of the blades, I would be instantly tossed up in the air and I would glide into the air with much ease. Of course, if I let go at the wrong time, I would fall straight into the ground.

The sea view was also breathtaking. Torbay had a nice stretch of rocky beach near the wind farm. I was told that when the tide is low, there would be nice spots on the rocks for fishing. However right now, the tide was high but the waves were more than enough to satisfy my. The waves broke haphazardly, almost in a rhythmic song. The waves looked tall, forming the tunnels they’ve always shown on TV. I loved to see the luminous glow of the waves as they thin out before they break into a white mist. I felt that I could stay there for hours, just enjoying the view. I just wished that I could have shared it with somebody.

Adventures in Albany - Day 09

2009-07-30T01:29:00.000+09:30

I decided to walk to the practice and to take a jog after, to try to lose some weight and get fit, so I can attract girls. I could only do 10mins jog, but I managed to walk to the beach. Unfortunately it was dark by the time I got there, so there wasn’t much to see or do. I took several snapshots and watched a red sunset and took a dark and scary walk back to the hospital. I decided to call some of my friends so that I wouldn’t feel so lonely. It was quite a good adventure, though. I just wished that it wasn’t so dark so fast.

When I got back to the hospital, I remembered that they were having the drinks session for Camille. I wanted to make an appearance, but drinking wasn’t my thing, and it was in the city centre. I shudder at the thought that the person driving me back would be a little drunk and I don’t fancy appearing in the newspaper tomorrow. But, if I can, I tip my glass to you, Camille. She was the one who approved my internet access, but now, I can’t access it. I do wonder whether her absence meant that my access had been cut off, but it shouldn’t matter. I went to see them again today, and tried to grant me access, but tonight, I am without internet again.

I guess I would have to live without it and use my books to find out the various treatment and management of the things that I have seen today. And tomorrow I have to present a case to get some sort of evaluation of how I am progressing as a medical student. I have time to present the case, and I have to do a good job to see that I am improving or not. I hope I am.

I went to see one of Dr. Mildenhall’s patients early this morning. He had been bugging me to see him since he was admitted on Monday. I wondered what ‘typical’ presentation he would have. It turned out to be a myocardial infarction in a very fit and healthy 50 year old man. He started having the pains a few weeks back, after he takes a 30min jog. Why do these things happen to people who seem to be doing the right thing in life? What justice is there about life? “Those who deserve death, live on, and those who deserve life don’t, but who are we to decide?” was the quote that Gandalf said. I guess as a doctor, I would be able to do something about this. And I am almost there.

I saw a couple of babies and pregnant mothers today. I still have that fatherly instinct which makes me want to cuddle and pamper a baby of my own. I also have been harbouring the feeling of owning a pet, from visiting www.icanhascheeseburger.com too much. I saw a poster of a few pets being sold and I walked past the pet shop on the way to the practice today. I really want to go in and buy a pet. Can I afford a pet? Will I be a good carer? I think that I can, but my sea monkeys are dead.

There was also another patient we saw today who is on trial for custody of her own children. There was history of drug abuse and domestic violence, and I cannot help but think how much she doesn’t deserve to have them. They say that people growing up in abusive families will turn into abusive parents themselves. I guess there is some truth in it, taking examples from the animal kingdom as well. If not taken care of, the animals tend not to care as well as others in the same species. This is a type of evolution process and part of the selfish gene theory, which allows the species to continue. It is not just limited to mammals and birds, but also some reptiles, amphibians, fish and invertebrates. Yet, there are always exceptions, especially among humans where this happens. Now that she has gotten rid of the negative influences, her lawyer and her doctor is trying to help her gain custody. I have no right to judge, but I do hope that she is able to handle them and give them all they need, and not harm them in any way. And I do hope that the children turn out better than their parents and have a clean and proper life.

Adventures in Albany - Day 08

2009-07-29T01:29:00.000+09:30

I started out with surgery/anaesthetics this morning, a reminder that I have to re-learn everything that I have read up before for anaesthetics. I guess I need some tough love, but I am sure that I am benefiting from all that. I wondered how I learnt things previously, how I was able to grasp most concepts really easily, getting through exams easily with top marks. I can remember things like from games and movies, but when it comes to factual medical knowledge, I don’t know why I am not able to remember them. I am almost graduating, and yet I am still not up to par. I can see my friends becoming better and better, but I don’t feel like that at all.

The same thing happened to me again during my GP session with Dr. Liz. It was all last year’s stuff, things that I strived to know for the exams. Now that the exams are over, I do not know why all that knowledge is slipping away, especially when I would need it all for the rest of my life. I am getting confused with how I should be approaching the medical problems and how to manage them. Every day, I feel like my knowledge resetted itself and I have to go through all that all over again the next day.

I guess now that I have cut back on WoW, I should get started on all that knowledge building again, and GP would help me get started. But here I am, again with this problem. I do not know where to start and how to get started. I guess I shall start on reading up on what I read up yesterday and a bit of what I learnt today.

Today also, they printed the news about the late Dr Camille Michener in the West Australian. I can’t believe that someone so young, talented, friendly and nice have to go like that. I don’t know her at all, but I managed to help her in surgery, and she helped me get my internet access at the hospital. It was her last day in Albany and was heading back to Perth to continue her training when she was involved in a car accident on Friday night. I can only think about how I was on the same highway that same night. I am really thankful that Aleisha was a careful driver and that nothing happened to us at all. Life is strange and it works in such incomprehensible ways. Is there karma going on? Why would God take such life away?

Carpe diem, et momento mori. Seize the day, for we are mortal.

What is mortality? Why are we mortal? Is there death, so that we can experience life? Isn’t that what she was doing – bringing in life into this world and to delay death?

I am brought back again to what I am doing here. Although I am deprived of internet, I managed to get access to facebook and blogger. I am still pretty much addicted to it knowing how much my life has been ruined. I spent almost an hour on it, just forcing myself to be on the net, despite no longer having anything to see. I guess that is addiction for you.

Adventures in Albany - Day 07

2009-07-28T01:29:00.000+09:30

I just got back from the airport, after sending a patient with an aneurysm causing left 3rd nerve palsy. I really wanted to be on that plane, which was heading to Perth. I wanted to fly with the flying doctor services, maybe it be just to transport patients or to go out to the bush to treat patients. Perhaps it was a wrong choice to have Albany as my posting, as I would not get that much chance to fly out there. I guess it is something I ask too much of, since I am already not doing well in normal medicine.

But I had lots to do today. I started at about 0845 with ward rounds. The GP had a lot of patients in the hospital, being on call over the weekend. We saw a whole heap of patients, ranging from a newborn to a fractured hip. I tried my best to sound interested and tried asking questions, but I was dread tired, and I really don’t know what to ask.

After rounds, we headed to various age care facilities around Albany. I found a quote on one of the doors, which reminded me again about why I do not want to get dementia. “Disinhibition lifts and the ego diminishes, allowing the spirit and soul to grow.” I am still afraid of what remains when I am free from any disinhibition. I want to know whether I am a fiend or a friend, whether I am mindful or mindless, but yet, I am worried about the truth. It also got me thinking about what will happen to me when I am at that age, being in a nursing home, or will I be living independently alone in my own place. I hope that I will not get dementia. I would rather die.

Adventures in Albany - Day 06

2009-07-27T01:29:00.000+09:30

I woke up, feeling as if I did not sleep at all last night. I was plagued by unpleasant dreams all night. Perhaps it was due to the double thickness in my quilt, making me sweat. Or perhaps the dread of saying goodbye again. Either way, I could not, or rather did not, want to go back to sleep.

I decided I would benefit from taking a morning walk. The weather was a bit chilly, but was wonderful. Although I was going through so many emotions, I still felt warm and fuzzy inside, despite also having many cold negative feelings. Having an uncertained future made me I feel regretful that all of this had to happen and sometimes I wish that I could turn back time. But with there is always that little bit of Hope at the bottom of this Pandora’s Box I opened.

I reached Evelyn’s place on time, although I did not get to finish what I started. However, given the circumstances, I guess there wasn’t much else I could have done that morning. I guess the next best thing was to spend time with some friends. We watched TV while waiting for the rest. They showed a very interesting video clip of a unique wedding ceremony, with funky music playing while the bride’s maids and grooms grooved down the aisle. It was such a special, joyful, and beautiful event, I cried. I wished I had such sporting support and I wished I could do the same for them.

Soon, the rest of the people arrived and we got started with writing the profiles. I was amazed at our creativity, a big difference from my intern friends. It took a while to get things running, and we didn’t actually finished it, but the foundation was already there. I was thankful that I had an interesting profile, but I felt bad for not contributing much to the other’s profile. It made me wonder about my claim to fame creativity and power of English though. When did I lose it? Why did I lose it? And added to the fact that I have not been doing so good, I do wonder what is wrong with me and what changed. I miss my old self.

After finishing off what we could, we headed back to Nadia’s place for lunch. Lydia prepared an English Breakfast meal, which was great. We started talking about Malaysian breakfast meals and I started to miss them. I was already able to make my own nasi lemak and almost able to make wonton mee, but being in Albany would make it difficult to prepare them. Oh well, I will still have 4 weeks to go.

I did some last minute packing, but still forgetting things to bring down. Luckily it wasn’t anything major like the last time. I now have to make a trip to the store to buy them. I couldn’t blame the last minute packing, but I blamed more of my lack of organization and lack of keeping lists. All I could think of is how much I need to get my life organized again. I’ve been told time and time again, that I need to get my priorities straight. I guess that’s what I have to do with this rotation.

Adventures in Albany - Day 05

2009-07-26T01:29:00.000+09:30

We had an early start today. We were lucky as the weather was kind for Aleisha to drive safely. I had a nice short sleep last night, but I was still tired and still needed to sleep along the way back. I felt bad that I could not keep awake to entertain Aleisha. In the end, we agreed that I get to pay her for her troubles. At least that satisfied me a bit…

The first thing I did when I got back was to pack the power cable into my bag. I wasn’t going to forget it again this time round. Strangely I could not find the desire to switch on the computer. Somehow I knew that there was nothing for me there anymore. Maybe I’m anhedonic, or I could just be realizing my own failure. I do realize how much it has ruined my life. The question is whether I can do anything about it, and whether my life is still salvageable. Maybe once I have my life again, I would have a chance. But for now, I do feel pathetic, and I guess I would understand why I am still single. I have long ways to go. For the mean time, I just lay down in bed to mull over things.

I followed Evelyn to get the stuff for the steamboat after lunch. I managed to buy some instant drinks to bring back to Albany, something that I rarely see in Australian shops, not sure why. Perhaps they think that it is better to have fresh drinks or something that they can alter to suit their taste. I don’t know why I do not have such an opinion about taste as others though…

We bought what we liked to eat. Perhaps this is why I don’t have an opinion, it is because I follow the norm. Anyway, I’m just glad that there was a steamboat organized, just because I was back in town. Preparation was fairly simple, mostly because I didn’t have to do anything.

I went to Evelyn’s place earlier to play with Facebook Graffiti. It was so easy with a stylus pen and a touchscreen. I wished that I had these gadgets on my computer, so that I can play more with Graffiti. I was also thinking about how I can use the stylus to play WoW. I do wonder if it will be faster or more interesting to do so. Too bad I don’t have the cash to own such a system.

The steamboat was usual. I was full quite fast, I don’t know why. Perhaps not eating this much for the past week or so have sort of made my stomach atrophy, and also I need to endeavour the lack of food in Albany for the next 4 weeks. Anyway, we didn’t do much during or after the steamboat. They decided to go out to play Guitar Hero at Timezone, and I couldn’t resist the temptation of playing a game. I haven’t played a game for a week, really. However, I couldn’t go past medium difficulty. I still loved “Paint it Black” by the Rolling Stones, but there was a new song that we played, although I cannot remember the title. All I know is that it was nice to listen to and fun to play as well.

After a while, I grew tired, having traveled the whole day today, and the thought of traveling again tomorrow really made me want to curl up in bed and sleep.

Adventures in Albany - Day 04

2009-07-25T01:29:00.001+09:30

I managed to wake up earlier than my alarm today, with terminal insomnia. I reluctantly took a shower and got ready, with too much time to spare. The weather was bright with clear skies, but I was still filled with dread. I gave myself 45mins for the walk, and I managed to get to the practice on time, with loads of time to spare. It was also a very normal day at the practice. I managed to do a bit of cryotherapy, but that was it.

I had the afternoon to get access to facebook access. I managed to obtain access to the Albany UWA campus, but in the process, I think I disabled my access to the main campus in Perth. Even though I now had access to it, I still wasn’t able to use my account on the computers. I could only use the local password, but I guess I cannot complain because of the lousy feeling that I have been feeling throughout the day.

I was able to catch the bus back to the hospital for my afternoon of ED. Again, the bus had a different number then the one scheduled, but the guy waiting with me at the stop reassured me that it was the right one. I was not happy with the schedule that I picked up at the visitors centre, which was dated 2004. I am not sure if they have changed the schedule since then, but having no fixed guides as to when each bus comes by was really irritating. When I got back to the hospital and checked the net, I got a reply from the bus company, but they also gave me the 2004 one. I guess I cannot say anything for them to be the only company in Albany.

I introduced myself to the ED, but there was nothing for me to do. There were stuff happening, but I wasn’t really in the mood to do anything. I tried to access blogger from the Shed’s computers, but just like facebook, blogger was banned as well. So I had nothing to do at all that evening, so I went back to my room to take a nap.

Aleisha called just as I woke up from my nap, giving me time to get packed and ready to head back to Perth. We made a quick pit stop at Woolies after picking me up and we headed back to Mt. Barker, where she was stationed. The weather was almost perfect, making the journey safe. Her allocated accommodation was a home meant for visiting locums and their families, so the room was really homely. It even had a computer, albeit a Pentium 2. There was a TV with a DVD player as well. I managed to watch a movie titled Secondhand Lions, starring the kid from Six Sense. The movie had so many elements of everything, adventure, reality, romance, family, deception. Because of the undetermined theme, the starting was a bit weird and hard to follow. But if you endured, the first 1 hour or so, the story made a lot of sense and was actually touching.

Although it wasn’t captured in the movie, the ending also showed a series of comics from the boy’s adventures with his pet lion. It is the things like that which adds to the movie, giving it more depth. These things are not needed in the movie, but it really tells us what he does at the farm despite not having anything around and that he actually had a life. In contrast, I am not doing anything and just lazing around in that same situation.

Adventures in Albany - Day 03

2009-07-24T01:29:00.001+09:30

It rained last night and was dragging on to the morning.
Fortunately, I was in surgery in the morning, so I was rather dry.
Unfortunately, I forgot most of my anaesthetic stuff.
Fortunately, the GP/Anaesthetist was nice, teaching me stuff and let me insert an LMA.
Unfortunately, it was hard to put it in and there were complications.
Fortunately, it was not my fault and these things happen.
Unfortunately, there was no other patient I could do it to that morning.
Fortunately, the obstetric registrar asked for my help and I actually did something.
Unfortunately, the monitor was on my back.
Fortunately, they were nice to show me interesting stuff.
Unfortunately, it turned out that the ovarian cyst could not be found.
Fortunately, they found the ‘cyst’ to be an enlarged appendix.
Unfortunately, with that size, it was more likely to be carcinoid.
Fortunately, after removing it, it didn’t feel like a carcinoid.
Unfortunately, the histopathology would not come back after a week.
Fortunately, the GP was nice enough to let me know when it does.
Unfortunately, I had to leave the nice GP early to go to the practice.
Fortunately, there was a bus that I was able to take to the city.
Unfortunately, even after calling Chui Han for help, I could not catch it in time.
Fortunately, I found a time table at the chemist at IGA.
Unfortunately, it started to rain when I was leaving IGA.
Fortunately, Dr, Knight was able to give me a lift to the practice.
Unfortunately, he had to make a pit stop first.
Fortunately, we visited a nursing home, making it somewhat educational.
Unfortunately, we went to the dementia ward, my least favourite ward.
Fortunately, we didn’t stay for long, and left shortly after.
Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough time for lunch.
Fortunately, we had an interesting conversation in the car about end of life care.
Unfortunately, even though I don’t want to be a burden, I felt like I am.
Fortunately, I can take it as motivation to do better.
Unfortunately, there is so much more I need to do.
Fortunately, there are nice GP’s and tutors around to help me get through this.
Unfortunately, my afternoon session didn’t go as I planned.
Fortunately, I was able to take patient blood pressures at least.
Unfortunately, most of my readings were off and needed rechecking each time.
Fortunately, I was allowed to do a cardiovascular examination on a patient thoroughly.
Unfortunately, I missed the diastolic murmur.
Fortunately, I got the other findings and was confirmed with an echocardiogram report.
Unfortunately, there was nothing else to do that day.
Fortunately, I was able to catch the last bus back to the hospital.
Unfortunately, I boarded a different bus than the scheduled one and had to pay a fare.
Fortunately, it was the right bus anyway, and I got back safely.
Unfortunately, it was so early; I didn’t know what to do then.
Fortunately, I met Dr. Michener from surgery, who helped me get internet access.
Unfortunately, they blocked facebook and blogger on the computers.
Finally, and fortunately, I managed to log onto MSN and chat with Chui Han.

Adventures in Albany - Day 02

2009-07-23T01:25:00.000+09:30

I realized today that I have a so much to learn and remember to become a doctor. Today, I saw a whole range of patients, which spanned throughout my entire medical studies. It started with a suicidal depressed patient with a personality disorder, one of Dr. Knight’s patients in the hospital. We briefly talked to her to see how she is coping, and interestingly she wrote a letter to her parents telling them her feelings. I was brought back to my own experience with depression, suicidal ideation and family matters. I hope that I don’t have to go through all those feelings again.

Dr. Knight then finished giving me a tour of the hospital and took me to the practice, where I was given instructions and schedule for my attachment. That morning, I was attached to the only female doctor in the practice, Dr. Tompkins. She saw lots of Obs & Gynae patients, and I struggled to recall all that I have learnt last two years. There were a couple of Pap smears and antenatal checks, but there were also the medical cases and geriatrics and polypharmacy as well. Later that day, I was attached to another GP, Dr.Wasiun, who specialized in Anaesthetics. He had a few pre-admission patients, which reminded me that I need to study that for my exams as well. Both of the GP’s also had a few paediatric cases as well. It was clear that I have lost touch with most of what I have learnt throughout the years, but at least I know where I stand right now.

My tally, I covered psych, O&G, paeds, anaesthetics, gen med, and geriatrics, all in one day.

However, the highlight of my day was when one of the mothers who came in handed me her baby to hold while she assisted in the examination of her other child. My heart melted and the paternal emotions start building up. I completely ignored the rest of the consult as I tried to talk to the baby. The baby was anxious and was reluctant to suck on the dummy, but he occasionally smiled. It wasn’t the “Aww, so cute,” feelings, but more of the “I want to protect you,” feelings. I can only guess how a father would feel towards his child, and I think what I feel is close to it. I was reminded of the lines from 17 Again, starring Matthew Perry and Zac Efron. It was the scene when they were handing out condoms and Zac Efron stood up and gave a wonder speech of what it was like to hold your first baby girl in your arms. I would quote it here if I can remember the exact words.

There used to be a saying that the first daughter is the reincarnation of the father’s lover in a previous life. I find some truth in that statement. It does explain why the feelings fathers have towards their first born daughters are greater. It is really the feeling that you have to protect her from all harm, giving her all you can give. It is really the same type of feeling I would share towards my lover first. I do hope I am a good father.

That evening, I tried exploring Albany, but as with Perth, everything closes at 1700hrs. I managed to find the UWA campus and the RCS campus were, but I didn’t really find much else. By then, it was getting dark. Luckily, I was to have dinner at Dr. Knight’s place, so he called me and I managed to get a lift to his place. It turned out that he was a father of 3 hyperactive girls. I learnt about Australian culture about meals and bed time, and also got several tips on parenting. I found out that children will become more hyper as it gets closer to bed time and it is usually because they are tired. It sounds contradictory, but true enough, they fell asleep the moment they were sent to bed. I have a lot to learn about parenting...

I left shortly after they went to bed, and Dr Knight took me to the RCS campus, where I managed to borrow several books to make up for my lack of internet. It made me realise how much I relied on internet before, and how easy it is to have the internet to replace all the books that I took home that day. With these books, my room looked more like a study area. Now all I need is the motivation.

Adventures in Albany - Day 01

2009-07-22T01:29:00.002+09:30

At the end of any day, especially since when the weather is so gloomy, all I want to do is to see that certain rainbow, to tell you about my day, about all the good and bad, all my thoughts and feelings, and to hear yours. But like a rainbow, you are not always there, and sometimes you will not appear when I really want to see you.

But when I least expect it, I managed to see three rainbows on the way down to Albany today. The weather was so gloomy when I woke up today, with extra dread, sadness and anxiety that I have been experiencing over the past few weeks. I really didn’t want to leave Perth at this moment. Although I would only be 6 hours drive away, it is still a long way and I already promised myself not to make any trips back though.

My housemate was kind enough to drive me to the busport. The ride there was the usual ‘business’ conversation, me telling him about why I was going down there, him telling me about his new uni timetable, me reminding him about paying the rent, him reminding me to transfer money into his account, etc. Otherwise, it was a smooth ride and I was at the terminal at 0830. And right outside, there was the first beautiful rainbow. It had both ends of the arc touching the horizon. Just as with you, the mere sight of it made me feel happy.

The sight of the rainbow eased the fears I had and I managed to catch up with some sleep. Of course, being extra tired from not getting enough sleep the previous night made it easy. I never knew how to handle good-byes, except from what I have seen on TV. Like, “Don’t look back,” or “Can I write to you?” or “You’re the only one he said good-bye to.” I don’t think that I can pull it off, saying something original or meaningful when I say good-bye. I have changed locations so many times in the past, and I would think that I would have gotten used to it by now. But I haven’t. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”, I hope, but there is also the opposite, “Out of sight, out of mind.” At least for now, I am already missing my friends, but I know I am still just a phone call away.

The journey was all so familiar to my days in Singapore, having also showed a movie. I could have read the book I brought but I occupied my time solving the 5x5x5 cube and watching Toy Story 2, a movie that I have seen it many times. The message that I got out of the movie was, “I would rather see him grow up than to not be loved at all.” I do not know what to make of the quote. Could I live to love someone and watch them grow up and in the end be cast away? Do I have the capacity of unrequited love and not to expect anything in return? It got me thinking about my feelings and how ideal I want my future to be with a family, but am I really capable of doing such things? It really sounds like a quote that is said by a parental figure of some sort. As it is, I am already not giving anything back to my parents. With such atrocious grades, I feel like I am a failure to them.

This is my goal here in Albany – to NOT be a failure to them. The room I was given when I got here was very conducive for studying. I could not get any internet, there was ample light, and it was quite cosy. There were facilities for everything. It doesn’t look too bad for a start, and I definitely have a good feeling about this rotation.

Letter to my Friend VI

2009-05-21T15:02:00.001+09:30

Dear J
Sorry for the late reply. I just started a new term and we're just getting down to doing the intern work. I am glad to be in my team, because I get to see all the fresh patients from the Emergency Department, with all their untreated medical illnesses. They really have great signs, like pulmonary edema, heart murmurs, etc. Well, some better than others. I had a demented old lady who came in, was quite aware of where she was, but while I was talking to her, she started becoming drowsy and well... long story short, the next day, she didn't remember me, couldn't tell me correctly where she was, or why she is in hospital. And I have to write a report on her to be marked.

Apart from that, I went on a movie spree. Well, not much of a back to back or day after day, but I watched half a dozen movies since I wrote to you last. Lets see if I can list them down:

X-Men Origins: Wolverine - awesome movie, but elements of which did not follow the original comics, but was still a good watch.
Star Trek - The awesome beginning to a whole fandom that is Star Trek. I enjoy the pewpew war in Star Wars, but Star Trek is about how space adventure is meant to be. I converted to a trekkie fan after the movie too.
Angels & Demons - the title has not much reference to angels or demons, though it can be potrayed by the struggle between science and religion, the revalation of the antagonist's good and bad side, or just by the sheer number of angel statues in the movie. The puzzles stuck with the book, mostly, and left out the contraversial ending of the novel. But it was still a good watch.
The Notebook - it was different from what I thought it would be. Touching and sad... but a fairytale.
The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants II - it was like watching a familiar story, of childhood dreams and promises falling apart, growing older and travelling down your own path in life. Friends will be friends, but we will have to leave the nest one day.

Thats all I can think of, movies that struck and stuck.

Apart from that, I was meant to tell you my adventures in gambling. I guess everyone will be enticed by it at some point in life. It is such an easy way to win. The thrill of winning releases hormones that make you high, so you want more. That's if you win. If you lose, you fill with regret and makes you strive to 'win back' that money. The only thing that can save you is to know when to quit. Preferably before you actually put money down, but anytime down the road is always good.

Not only in Burswood Casino, my friend also started me on buying Lotto every week. The jackpot has rose to 20million and we still dream of having that much money. Sadly, even being educated, math-inclined individuals, we still want to try our luck with it. It's only $3.70 a week, but having $15 a month is equal to me playing WoW. Just that I have no chance of earning anything from WoW.

There is also a syndrome or condition or something about gambling. It applies to relationships and it was what I experienced in my past. My ex would throw tantrums about things that she is not happy about, expecting me to make things better. Sometimes, yes I feel guilty and do something about it, but other times, it became annoying or helpless that I didn't or couldn't do anything. It's like gambling. Sometimes she wins and gets what she wants, but she also loses. Eventhough losing hurts, but she would still went on with her behaviour hoping that things get done. And she kept doing it. and doing it. and doing it. and eventually I lost it. That's gambling for you.

And so what is this 'inspiration' doing to you? What does it add to your life? You have to tell me more than that...

Until next time.

Ken Rhee

Letter to a Friend V

2009-05-08T14:58:00.003+09:30

Dear J
Sorry for the late reply. It was the end of the term and I had case reports and things to hand in and get signed. But it is finally over. Surgery is over. It really got me thinking about why I wanted to do surgery before. I like the getting down and DOING something and seeing the result... But I find myself unable to get around the barrier which is Internship. Basically we were expected to follow the intern around and doing what they do. Sadly, there is nothing much we can do and I did not get much out of it at all. Over all, I thought my surgery term was crap. Fortunately I had a very good consultant who was eager to teach and get us thinking about the basics for medicine. I really appreciate the teaching...

Anyway, how are things going now? I heard your music and it is GOOD. It is the sort of music that I play when I am trying to study. Not so loud, yet inspirational, and not sleepy. I don't see (or rather hear) anything that you can improve on. I like it as it is, but if you are going to 'improve' it, send the new copy over. So are you going to send it to a recording company or something? And you have to tell me your source of inspiration. It did sound like you were writing it about someone you fancy. SPILL!!!

My story still did not change much from the last. I am still waiting for a sign, but it doesn't really look like there's anything. I could have been imagining all of it. It is depressing, but strive on, I guess...

Yesterday was interesting. It started with me waking up late, reaching late. Fortunately, so were the doctors. Unfortunately, they had to start seeing patients immediately. Fortunately we didn't have to sit in boring clinics. Unfortunately we didn't do anything either. Fortunately, I took a day off and went home. Unfortunately I played the whole day. Fortunately I finally got an item from Ulduar. unfortunately I think I overbidded on it and found out that my old one was just as good if not better...

And I went to Burswood Casino after raid. Unfortunately I lost $30. Fortunately the 1:1 exploitation worked. Unfortunately we lost everything. I'll tell you more about my adventrues and thoughts in the next.

Ken Rhee

Letter to My Friend IV

2009-04-29T15:13:00.004+09:30

Dear J,

Yup, if you noticed my slower and slower reply, it usually means that I have a little too much on my mind right now. I have just handed in all my reports and assessments done last night. Although we have done all the work, we're still expected to turn up for tutorials in hospital. I am a but annoyed, but on the other hand glad that I am getting some good teaching.

I am going to watch Stomp 09 tomorrow night. THAT I have been looking forward to for about a month now. And since all my work is done, I will not have much worried left and I can fully enjoy the show. I've talked so much about why I love Stomp, I won't waste time typing it out... BUT I LOVE STOMP. heh. I do wonder do you get to see any theatrical stuff over there. I'm pretty sure you can watch all those orchestral stuff there. Which reminds me of the Lord of the Rings Symphony that was going around back when it was a hit. Did you manage to catch that?

A few other things that are on my mind... It's been over a week now since I've heard from her. An optimistic notion would be that she has not been online for that amount of time. I know it has been getting a bit busy nowadays... The pessimist in me also says that she's avoiding you because she's not looking for a relationship... with you... But realistically, I am just going to wait and see. It is a mind numbing wait.

Now with my internet cap resetted, I managed to obtain some old movies for my entertainment, and that has been occupying my time when I am stressed. I also managed to catch the season finale of Heroes. It really has become twisted, and there are things that I wish were back to normal. Peter's original ability was the best, same like Sylar's. In Villains, the storyline became really perversed. I liked Villains on the other hand because they made everyone's powers both good and evil, and it really depended on who had it. That was the core message that Heroes had. I also liked the fact that there are always ways to kill even the strongest of the Heroes. Now, for Redemption, I am not looking forward to it as much anymore, as my favourite powers are gone. But it just made me think more.

My phone was giving me problems this past week. At first, I thought it would be cool not to be reachable, but it wasn't. I had to make so many phone calls to the phone company to get it settled. Hopefully everything is solved now. The only thing left is the $30 credit that disappeared during this transaction. It is just so annoying.

Right, sorry this letter is mostly about my worries and thoughts. I will get to replying your last letter in my next. Until then...

Ken Rhee

What is your deepest fear?

2009-04-27T03:04:00.001+09:30

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~ Marianne Williamson

Letter to my Friend III

2009-04-27T00:28:00.002+09:30

Dear J,

I have to confess that I have a lot of things going on with me now. It made me think back about my life and reminisce about my past and how I got here. It made me think about you. I haven't seen you or talked to you in person for a long time, and i do relly miss the friendsip that we had. It's really good to hear from you

Ok, enough of the sad talk.

I tried watching Dollhouse, but I dunno why I cannot follow it. I gave up on Greys Anatomy too. I haven't watch Southland though. I watch The Listener too. I cant help but think about how Heroes first started and how they got used to their powers. This time it is focused on one person revealing his past and his adventures now. I suspect a hidden conspiracy going on as Heroes did at the beginning. Perhaps as the series progresses they will add that in, but I really hope it doesn't. But I have to agree that the addition of the telepathic healing girl in the latest episode was disappointing. Somehow I felt like it could take the mutant path too...

I'm also watching Lie To Me. I don't understand why you don't like it. Although I try to look for these micro-expressions, I still don't see people any different. And I certainly do not try not to do all these tell tale signs. I'm pretty much the same person. I've done a bit more reading about microexpressions and all that. apparently only something like 50 people have been identified to have the ability. It's a rare thing so don't be afraid people start reading you. You should really try continue watching it.

Speaking of reading, have you read any books lately? I haven't have time to read anything. I need fresh material. The last book you recommended... All Creatures Great and Small... to feed my interest in animals. I vaguely remember how close I came to wanting to be a Vetenarian... But I guess it also made me think more about saving lives, hence me doing medicine. By the way, I found that there's a series out though, like 30 years ago, based on the books.

By all means please send over your completed works. I look forward to listening to them. If it was just as good as before, I'm pretty sure I will like it. And I really look forward your songs when you DO have a muse. I know having a subject of interest definitely have some impact on my creativity level. It is not just about impressing someone, I am proud of my creations.

Anyway, I will let you know if there is anymore progress on my side. As of now, it doesn't look good. At this point, I just want to tell someone all about my day, all the good things... and hear their day in return. But I will let you know if there is something to tell.

I am looking forward to hear about your next world adventure.

Ken Rhee

Letter to my Friend II

2009-04-24T20:15:00.000+09:30

Dear J,

That was a fast reply. Glad to hear you alive and well in UK. I have always wanted to travel there. It is so rich in it's history, but I guess it is because we studied so much of Asean history, I am actually bored of it. I would love to see the medieval castles and stonehenge and all that historical stuff. I'll definitely make plans to meet up with you there someday. You can poke my belly then.

Yes, I still love my play of language. I'm still that punny guy you know so long ago. I still like writing, creating poetry and thinking of some long winded flowery description of simple things. I annoy my juniors sometimes with it. Haha. I haven't been doing it much though. The last poem I wrote was last year and it was a crappy one not about my feelings and all. But, the next one I create, you'll be the first to read it. Or rather, I'll put it here as usual and you can read it then. The ongoing one is about the girl I like and the way she makes me feel. Cheesy and cliche, I know. That is why it is taking so long. I want it to be different and still romantic. How's your music composing going?

How did I ever forget the debates we had about evolution and creationism. Endless nights of pleasure of speaking your mind. I miss those times, all those topics that we talked about. I have to say that evolution was the most interesting dscussion yet. We will definitely have to continue that debate again and other topics yet to come. And possibly more things to say, now that we've grown a little. I'll look forward to your opening statement. ^_^

Yeah, well, the reason why I like this girl so much is still a mystery to me. I guess I started noticing her after I had my dream. I mean I dream a lot, and dream of other people, but seldom have any impact like this. And when it does, it will stick to me until something happens. She's sweet, nice, independant, friendly... and thats the extent of how I can describe her. I have to admit that I do not know her at all, yet I am so attracted to her. Yes, she is pretty. I would tell you more, if there is anything to tell. And no I am not telling you her name so that you cannot stalk her out. I know your skills are better than mine. Anyway, what about yourself? Is there someone existing that breaks your vow of celibacy?

You don't have to tell me. Everyone is telling me to go for it, give it a try, you'll never know. I'm hoping that you would say something different, like you always do. I still take your words in high regard, so you better live up to it. haha.

Apart from that, well, I have been watching a lot of TV shows lately. And movies. But I think I'll let you go first. Else, this letter will go on forever... Till then, good luck with your job interview.

Ken Rhee

Letter to my Friend.

2009-04-23T19:53:00.004+09:30

Dear J

Hi, how have you been? I am sorry that I have not been writing to you in a long while. I kinda lost your contacts so I am writing to you in the most bizziare way I can think of. (No one visits here anyway...)

Anyway, I have been alright. If you read down, you'll see that I had been at camp last weekend. It was good. After my friend left, my other friends came on the next boat. Somehow to me, they are the sunrays that were seeping through that cloudy morning. I am really grateful as they were the few who helped me pass my exams last year. Unlike you, who conveniently disappeared to some European state. Sheesh.

Haha. Anyway, that day turned out pretty good considering that it was such a gloomy morning. I keep using that word... I cannot think of a better one. Dark. Dementoric. Apocalyptic. Anyway, I took part in the tug-of-war later that day, which to this day made me ache all over. It is probably my punishment for not keeping fit as I should have. Remember that annoying belly that you always talked about and like to make fun of? Well, I have it now...

That night we played cards, and then head to the pub. The music was nice. Very dancable, very relaxing. Oh, and it was on an astroturf. I took off my sandals and danced barefooted. It is a feeling that I have not felt in a very long time and it made me remenisce about my days back in Singapore... I remembered bringing you there, so you should know what I mean.

It was pretty much the same from then on. Got home all tired and broken...

And this week is assignment week. All of it is due this Friday. Even so, I don't know why I found the time to have dinner and coffee with a few friends last night. We talked about life in general, starting from the Big Bang... Evolution vs creationism... our younger days and upbringing... growing up with taxes and morgages... to eventually death. At the end of it, I do not know why, but I felt that I wouldn't mind dying tomorrow. I mean, not only do I escape the fear of handing up assignments on Friday, but not to suffer all the pains and despair of the world. I doubt that anyone would mourn for me, nor do I want them to.

Which also brings me to what a friend told me. Live life with no regrets. I would certainly regret not saying how I feel to this particular girl. I do, feel like I want to spend every giving minute with her as though I were to die the next. I wish I can muster that courage to do that. I wish I had more fear of not knowing, than the fear of being rejected. I wish, I wish...

Anyway, enough from me. I do wish you read this and reply me soon. Do take care.

Ken Rhee

Post Camp

2009-04-20T11:10:00.008+09:30

I have a feeling that Blizzard has my timetable with them, coz they release major patches when I am not free. They released WotLK a week before my finals last year... and this time, they released 3.1 the week with my camp on the weekend.

Brief outline of patch 3.1:
Ul-doo-ar raid finally opens with new bosses and hard modes. Mobs actually are HARD to go through. Bosses are harder and much more fun.
New gear, especially T8 and legendary healing mace.
Argent tornament, new means to get pets and mounts. I still do not understand the story behind it as I was too busy to explore it.
Spell/talent revamp. Mana regen nerf. I hate it, but I hope my build is still viable as before.

So there's all these new changes but I have not fully emmersed myself in all of it. Heck, due to some changes in schedule, I don't actually have time to do more than just the raid this week. Somehow I get a feeling that these are all signs that God doesn't want me playing anymore >.< Right... and the reason why I was away during the weekend: 6th Year CAMP! Originally from another batch, I started out only know a handful of people there. I got there way earlier than the rest and I was so lost in that first hour. I didn't see anyone I knew and I don't know who the rest were, so I could not find where we were supposed to meet. Only when I saw familiar faces at the registration booth that I calmed down and started enjoying myself with the food and drinks. I probably drank too much wine too fast, and I ended up with a headache for the rest of the afternoon. A slight mishap, but I immediately I made new friends. As the sun was setting, we finally made our way to the boat to get to the island. This boat was different from the one I was on last year, and there were no seats out in the open. So I couldn't get a good shot of the sunset, but this was the only thing I could muster.

The stars were emerging as we started our walk from the jetty to the dorms. I got my wish, somewhat... to walk under the stars with her. We finally made our way to the dorms. The first thing I noticed were the herd of Quokkas in the courtyard. Last year, I really wanted to get good shots of quokkas, but this overabundance was just scary. Anyway, we all found beds to sleep in (I got a single room which was good) and we got ready for the night's party. Dress code: Mad Hatters.

There was supposed to be a prize for the best hat, so I put a little bit more effort into making mine. Sadly it didn't win me the prize, but I had fun. There were really good hats, and there were party hats on the table for those who were lazy to bring their own. After dinner, we all hung around gossiping, chatting, getting quokka's drunk, etc... What I really wanted at that point in time was to leave the rowdy drunk crowd and head to the beach and walk in the cold sand with the stars in the sky. It was sad to go alone, so I didn't. Sigh.

We ended up playing asshole 'big two' which I do not like at all. The fundamental flaw in the game is the winner usually stays the winner and it is hard for the loser to move up. Although I was very much against the game, I joined in anyway. I remained in the lower half of the rankings and hated it. Luckily, they did not include shots of vodka as a punishment just yet. However, when we DID include it, some of us were too tired to continue. heh.

The night was horrible. My room was at the entrance, so there were too many people walking in and out shouting and laughing every now and then. It took me a while to get sleep in the end, but I managed to in the end. UNFORTUNATELY, I was plagued by unpleasant dreams.

The next morning, I got up to a gloomy morning. The weather forcast was said to be thunderstorm in the late morning, and I can sense the incoming storm. In all directions, you can see the rain falling in the distance. There was only small patches of sky, and occasionally we'll see a ray of golden sun seeping through, reminding me that there is always light in time of despair... cheezey, but there it was. We walked her to the jetty that gloomy morning, as she was leaving on the early boat. We said our goodbyes and I was really sad to see her go...

Easter 09

2009-04-13T01:44:00.003+09:30

Some people go to church and become Christians only on Sundays. Me, I go once a year. It's Easter once again, and I make my annual trip to church in Curtin.

The Easter service held by the Zion Praise Harvest was better this year. They called in a guest speaker who was also an ex convict, 3 time world kungfu title holder, ex hired thug, ex body guard, who basically told his life story and how he became a christian. To me, it is not one of those typical 'everything was going bad, but Jesus showed me the way' story. Although it did boil down to that, but I find his story interesting. Due to copy right issues I don't think I should provoke an ex-murderer and tell this story here...

He ended his talk with a nice presentation, about heaven and hell, and how we all have impure souls coz we all are lying thiefs who thinks of murder. So we are all going to hell.

Then he says how we can save ourselves. Instead of the 'become a christian, baptise, etc' talk, he gave it in two steps. Turn away from all the things that are wrong. And to surrender yourself to Jesus.

I have told many people that the only thing that is stopping me from becoming a Christian is today, the part of where Jesus is ressurected. The believing in Jesus. The surrendering of my soul to this... being...

I do not know what surrendering to Jesus entails that is different from what I have already been thinking and doing. And how different will I be if I do that. It's just mind boggling...

Also today, I met a new friend, an intern graduated from Adelaide. She really made my day today, and I do want to thank her for that. And it being Easter at Curtin Uni, I get to listen once again to the girl with the beautiful voice. And again, I did not have the courage to go up to her to say, "You have such a beautiful voice, and after one year, I am still in love with your voice." I really wish that I can get to know you and listen to it again...

On a side note, I went to see Dragonball: Evolution later that night. Graphics were good, but the acting was mediocre and the story was lacking. Only Goku had his character development laid out, and the others were poorly done. Master Roshi's pervertness was only shown at the beginning and no where else. Yamcha was super calefare, with a sudden love sparks with Bulma, of all people. Chi Chi's plot was disjointed and when Mai assumes her identity for a scene, continuity confusion!!!

Revelations at the end was so random, yet predictable. Suddenly confusing advice from the start of the show miraculously fall into place and suppose to make sense.

Reviews were right. 3/10.

Happy Easter everyone...

UNINSTALL

2009-03-25T01:36:00.001+10:30

by Chiaki Ishikawa

It came from beyond the extreme reaches of our reality,
It came to laugh at our naive existences.
I am puzzled by the truth that slips through my hands even as I cover my ears.
Where in this thin body do I find the strength to stand?

Uninstall, uninstall.
I was told that I am just one of the countless specks of dust on this planet,
But that is something I cannot yet comprehend.
Uninstall, uninstall.
I have no choice but to pretend that
I am a warrior who knows no fear. Uninstall.

Our subconscious grows sharper without us realizing.
When I open my eyes to the contourless presence below my bed,
I am devoid of any feelings,
Except an impulse to destroy everything and anything.
Since I can’t even choose the season of my passing…

Uninstall, uninstall.
If there’s no one left to replace me,
Then I will take that regular daily life and
Uninstall, uninstall.
It makes me want to end everything with these hands.
It’s not a bad thing to uninstall.

Random stuff

2009-03-10T22:52:00.004+10:30

I don't know what to blog about, so this is just a list of things that happened:

Again, people celebrated my birthday. Good thing was no cake. Other thing was I got Frosty for my present. Though I don't want it, but it happened and I am glad that it did. Why can't people not celebrate my birthday?

Watched countless of movies and shows. Finally getting back into Anime. I just hope there will be a batch to watch when I go to rural GP.

I organsed a BBQ for IMU-UWA student/doctors. Arrived late, left some chicken in the fridge, didn't get to talk much to the juniors, forgot my camera. Other than that, it went well... or so they say. I hope they had fun.

Finally started Uni again. And finally I can say I am a 6TH YEAR STUDENT. I was so used to saying 5th year, it takes a while getting used to. Like still writing '2008' in 2009.

Was very happy on Monday.

Nightmares

2009-02-10T02:05:00.004+10:30

Lately, I have been plagued by nightmares. Not really scary ones, but enough to wake me up a few times at night in a cold sweat. It doesn't help that mosquitoes are constantly buzzing at your ear. I mean, I switch on the fan to blow away the mosquitoes, and end up awake because of un-oiled buzzing fan noise. Unrestful sleep.

Dream 1:
I attribute this dream to too much travelling during the CNY period and watching too much Amazing Race Asia. I mean they screened the whole season 3 back to back on CNY day.

So in my dream, I drive/run from toll-gate to tell-gate, and have to do various tasks there, to get through to the next toll-gate. While being chased by something... Another team, with guns or something. Anyway, its just running and running...

Dream 2:
I can't think of any reference for this one, but it is about me being a spy in the other team's camp, and the teams are like police vs terrorists. They really kill. At least in my dreams. Then something like a get together, a contest if you will, between the two factions. And I am in between the whole mess.

In the end, I end up running from the two factions, through neutral cities. And for some strange reason I am suddenly resourceful, like Macguyver, in escaping...

Dream 3:
I probably miss my computer too much with this one. I dreamt that I finally reached home, where my computer is. And instead of playing my favourite game, I get too much distraction to play it. It isn't much of a nightmare, but it is really weird. I dreamt as though it was second nature to me to turn on my computer when I get home, but I don't use it. It was like it became a habit to turn it on, but not to use it. I DON'T NOT USE COMPUTERS. I don't know how else to discribe it. It wasn't me in my dream. IT WASN'T ME.

I cannot remember my other dreams, but it was weird dreams. I am pretty sure I will get more tonight... we'll see...

Edit:
Dream 4:
As I suspected, I will have another bizzaire dream and it came through. I dreamt that I was in Singapore, trying to locate the 5x5x5 Rubik cube. While I searched the stores along Orchard Road, I stumbled upon a charity function, and unintendedly won some prize. I also manage to meet up with my band mates from NJC, who also helped me look for the cube. Despite that, I didn't get the cube. And suddenly it was a race to the airport and it was nearing my departure time.

I guess this dream stemmed from my desire to get hold of the cube and me worrying about making it on time for my flight tomorrow. I know for a fact that even though we check in 2hours earlier, we can still hang around doing nothing for quite some time before boarding. But my last flight home, we were actually called to board, something that never happens to time conscious people like me and Chua... weirder things have happened though...

The Spirit, Inkheart

2009-02-09T01:22:00.003+10:30

These are the two movies which I managed to catch during this holiday break. I cannot believe how cheap the movie tickets here are. RM6 for students. I'm paying 2 times that in Australia... which makes it 5times more once converted. Anyway...

The Spirit.
In the spirit of comic-to-big-screen movies, The Spirit manages to retain its comic-like angles and colours to bring out the story of a guy who cannot die against a villian who cannot die. Both without any super powers except that they regen so fast that they cannot die. As for the name, it was so-so, The Spirit of the City. But I like to be the hero. He is suave, and every sentence he says to a girl, instantly melts her and catches her heart. And he was 'just being nice'. I wonder what will happen if he TRIES to get a girl.

What about the villian? The octopus. No meaning behind it until the end, where he shows that he has eight of everything, and explodes into 8 parts flying away with a trail of smoke, making him look like an octopus. His henchmen were funny... but no added value to the movie.

Oh, and the highlight, the girls... All of them beautiful, Eva Mendes being the most. Almost nude scene. Or not almost. I wouldn't know. Because they censored the part in Malaysia. Thats the only thing I don't like about Malaysia. They censored those scenes. And intense kissing scenes. I don't see a reason why they should. But they could, the would, and they did.

Overall, I like those comic to screen adaptations coz of the new camera angles and colouring which is usually unheard of in movies, making new angles in cinematography.

Inkheart
I also like to watch book-to-big-screen movies like City of Ember, Narnia, LotR, etc. even though it spoils the book. One thing it takes away is the imagination, and it plants fixed images, like that it did to the Harry Potter books. Some things, cannot be put to screen, like thoughts and the beauty of descriptions and best left in the book.

What I like about this movie is that it is a book about books. I manage browse through the book, to find acknowledgements at the end, with references to all the books that the author uses in Inkheart. It was more than what I've seen in the movie, and I know that they left out chapters from the book. It isn't just about the number of books used, but they use the original text, and not some 'modernized text' version. It makes me want to read those books. I know the story, but I would probably never recognise the original version when I see one.

Basically what this movie did was rekindle my love for books and story writing.

What I miss the most about watching movies in Malaysian cinemas are the caramel coated popcorn... I dunno why I prefer diabetes over hypertension...

Not Happy New Year

2009-01-31T23:55:00.006+10:30

I haven't spend Chinese New Year with my family in ages. I cannot remember when it was. Everything was still the same routine, but it felt all new to me. Partially because of so many new additons to the family. And this time round, I also had to drive a lot more in the dangerous roads of Malaysia... As of today, The Star records a total of 14 fatalities from 937 accidents and 11,126 summons from Ops Sikap XIX.

Driving is hazzardous. While I was cruising along just under the speed limit, out shoots cars both on the right AND left (yes, even the emergency lane) with speeds of over 140kmph. I wouldn't mind them usually, but what they do is to turn on their headlights so that you can see them coming from behind. If you pretend not to see, they drive so close to your car, you feel as though they are breathing down your neck. As if we don't need to go to where we want to go in a hurry.

I am also very annoyed at those cars who decide to take the emergency lane to zoom past the queue to get to the head of the line, bypassing a few hours wait. We were already 1 hour in the jam, moving slowly in que, when we see a third lane forming before our eyes. If you imagine, the gate only allows two lanes in, and those in the third lane cutting in at the beginning of the que, making those who are already in the line wait longer. Not only does the authorities not punish them, but even started directing traffic so that the third lane is allowed in. Oh yeah, not to mention, the third lane was the bus lane, and so the busses make the 4th lane and cars follow them... and... you can guess the rest.

So my thoughts are, that those who are ruthless, cut queues, and have no regards for traffic rules get where they want easier than those who follow rules. Why bother having rules.

And don't get me started with breaking rules and bribes. As if this country has any integrity at all. I mean look at the politics.

I feel that drivers think only for themselves and never give a moment's thought to other road users. If someone gives you way for you to cut in, it is because you're 'pro' at cutting in. If someone doesn't, he's an asshole. The only thing preventing accidents from happening is you not wanting your own car to get damaged.

If you remember from 'A Beautiful Mind', where John Nash gets the idea for governing dynamics and his Nash Equilibrium, if that is applied to driving, I am pretty sure that everyone will be a safer driver and everyone will be happy. But as of now, I conclude that most drivers a selfish pricks.

Trip to Ipoh

2009-01-22T18:01:00.007+10:30

I went to Ipoh the past two days. I managed to watch "The Spirit" (which I will write on later) and buy some of my new year clothes. I was also dragged to accompany my mother in a course to string beads/crystals into jewelry. I've posted up the final products on my facebook album, but I'll post two samples here:

This has a retail value of RM 190

This has a retail value of RM 120

Everyone says I have talent in doing handy crafts. I have inherited this from my paternal grandmother and my mother. And being a boy, I have broaden my interest in crafting stuff to robot models, particularly Gundam ones.

Me being good at handyworks is one of the reasons why I got into medicine. What does that got to do with being a doctor? Well, it is more of being a surgeon.

But it is going take a while before I can use my hands for that. So in the meanwhile, I am just going to indulge myself in making these stuff.

Oh yeah, the jewelry, I am selling them, so if you are interested, please let me know.

Other than that, my trip to Ipoh was uneventful. Except for a glimsp of beautiful girls. Which made me feel more lonely... and desperate...

Earth

2009-01-18T22:34:00.003+10:30

To be screened again as a US version, narrated by James Earl Jones is the 2006 release of Earth, previously narrated by Patrick Steward. I am not sure why this trailer captivated me more than the first one. Maybe it was because I didn't have the facilities for watching it, or it wasn't hyped enough... I mean I enjoyed March of the Penguins. This should be my thing. But somehow it escaped me the first time. Not going to miss it again this time. Yes, I am marking Earth Day as a day to watch this documentary.

What captivated me this time round was the trailer music:
Love & Loss by TSFH
Sigur Ros by Hoppipolla

I've embedded the second song onto this blog for you to listen. The first song is more captivating, but a short 1 minute song. Both of them are nice, at least to me.

2009 hosts a very good range of movies which I would like to watch. Here is a small list of what I want to see:
Curious Case of Benjamin Button - A baby with features of an old man grows into a young man. I must know the ending.
Push - Another movie about people with special powers.
Gran Torimo - War veteran in multiracial neighbourhood
9 - post apocalypic animation about stuffed toys. Released on 09.09.09. ^_^
Transformers 2
Star Trek
Caroline - Stop motion capture movie brought to you by the same people behind Nightmare Before Christmas. Oh yeah, in 3D.
Inkheart - Children adventure book.
Watchmen - Superheroes.
The Spirit - Another comic to screen movie. Plus girls.
Angels and Demons - Prequel to The Da Vinci Code. I love Dan Brown's novels.
X-men Origins: Wolverine - People with powers. Again.
Dragonball Evolution
Terminator: Salvation
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
Harry Potter & The Half Blood Prince - 3rd last movie...
G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra - Based on the cartoon of the 80's. Reliving your childhood.
AstroBoy - Another CGI animation.
Sherlock Holmes - All time favourite mystery solver.
Underworld 3: Rise of the Lycans - Prequel to the Underworld series. More background story of Vampires and Werewolves.

There's more... I just can't remember them all.

Budget Flights

2009-01-14T20:08:00.003+10:30

I hate budget flights. Yes, they are cheap. But I think I prefer comfort more.
Back in the mid year holidays, I was saved by having the seat where the emergency exits were. They had more leg space and I was comfortable.

However, my other experience with budget flights left me with crowded spaces. The worst was Air Asia with the 'reclining' chairs actually reduce the space that you have. And in the end, it was still not reclined enough to get a good night's rest. Not to mention the lack of entertainment. I could not find the catalogue to buy stuff from, and the pay-per-view entertainment was not good enough. Even though I bought a novel to read on the flight, I was too tired to read it. Unfortunately, it was not comfortable enough to sleep either. In summary, I hated the flight.

I am not the only one who complained though. It also appeared in one of the editorials in 'The Star.'

Yes I am pampered. Someday, I will get my own jet.

Comedy Hour

2008-11-05T21:05:00.003+10:30

Almost everyone I know are using Facebook. Gone were ecircles, egroups, circles99, communityzero, and friendster... The fad totally skipped MySpace. Or I missed it. Well, at least no one added me to their list of friends. I could be more proactive on MySpace, provided that the site ALLOWS me to log in. In short, I gave up on MySpace and went straight to Facebook.

Facebook is also where I heard of the name George Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008). Everything I know about him is through Wikipedia. But I have heard his material. What intrigues me is his way of thinking, and most of the thing he says is very true and it feels like he read my thoughts and made it... "good" comedy. If I could voice out like that, I would be saying the same thing he says.

I also like the way he presents his material. He strings it all together, in one fluent speech, rambling about a point in one breath. I wish I could do that, especially in exams where pauses makes you look stupid. He is just amazing.

I proceeded then to look for his material online and I stumbled across one of the first stand-up comedian I ever heard, Garrison Keillor from the Lake Wobegon series. His style of comedy is somewhat different. He does a lot of descriptive stuff, which improves the imagination process and my English as well. He tells stories, memoirs and announcements from Lake Wobegon, which are hilarious. I especially liked his story of his time in the choir, and the parodies of the songs he sings.

Yeah, I'm listening to uneducational stuff instead of studying...

Peter, Penn and Sandler

2008-10-22T00:11:00.004+10:30

I happened to come across Russel Peter's latest show. He is a stand up comedian who focuses on racial jokes. He predominantly makes fun of his own race, the Indians, to minimize the hate and makes it all the more funny. He does not take everyday things and add racial elements, but more of taking racial everyday things, like school, food, shopping, etc.

Loads of laughs. Adding to his repertoire of his Chinese and Indian jokes, are jokes about Arabic, Jews and deaf people. Most of his jokes are hilarious still, some pretty obvious. However, he broke out of his racist jokes and made jokes about deaf people. Still true and funny, but I foresee that this path will take him away from race as a source of jokes.

Harold & Kumar 2
My other review today is Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. Another hilarious movie focusing on drugs as the hip thing to do. They get into trouble because they both are of a different race and some racist agent decides that all other races are terrorists. Hence they get thrown into a prison in Guantanamo Bay. This agent goes all out attacking all other races which just pisses me off. He is like the epitome of what is wrong nowadays, with racism. I mean racism is one thing, but he is outright ignorant about other cultures in the world.

Don't Mess With the Zohan
Adam Sandler's latest movie about an Israeli super agent who was tired of the war and escapes to America to become a hair stylist. It shows a community of immigrants trying to survive in America being cab drivers, electronic salespersle and other similar jobs. Although it quite stereotypes the immigrants, I still like the movie because it also shows that once they are out of their war-ridden countries they are able to openly accept others into the community.

Anyway, the theme I seem to have today is about racism. I never liked it.

Phones

2008-10-17T03:49:00.003+10:30

I've decided that I have a fear of phone calls. I tried googling for the correct term, but the closest I got to it was telephobia, which is a fear of telephones... and nomophobia, whis is the fear of being OUT of reach by phone (eg. no batt, out of coverage).

I used to like phone calls, coz it is always someone familiar, something good or exiting... partially coz I don't have that much people wanting to call me, but it is always nice.

I also agreed with my GP teacher that people who break up over the phone or sms because of not answering the phone are really dumb... until I experience it for myself. I look back and sometimes I can say, teacher, you probably never experience it before. Sometimes I say, teacher, you're right that these people are stupid and shallow.

I thought it all ended... until last year when the fear arose again. After my end of year exams, that one dreaded phone call shook the core of my soul. I lost my appetite for... well... til now still.

It worsened when I moved to my new place with new home line and all that. I started to recieve all types of phone calls, from telemarketers and from people I don't really want to talk to.

Yet, I do not turn off my phone.

Maybe I should turn it off... and MSN too...

Oh well...

The Great Mother Spode

2008-09-03T01:49:00.001+09:30

I finally start my last rotation of the year. Obstetrics and Gynaecology. This is the term I like the most. I don't know how it can be different from others, but it is.

Today's review is the very much awaited game, Spore . I bring it up because just like Obstetrics, this is about creating life.

Spore is a game which encompass elements of several games into one.

It starts as the Cell stage. Players control a cell, with flagella and other appendages, slowly gathering parts from other cells and evolving. Think of it as playing Pac-Man without walls eating DNA material getting bigger and bigger until…

The Creature stage. Similar to the cell stage, you go around collecting DNA or appendages/parts like hands or claws or wings. Along with the cell stage and the later stages, there are 3 ways to get through it, either terrorize and beat the DNA out of the others, or to be peaceful and coax others to give DNA to you, or have a mixture of the two. Then when you gather enough DNA to have a big enough brain…

Tribal stage. After getting a bigger brain and have more followers, you then discover fire and start your own tribe. Again, you can either kill off other tribes or get them to join you. Then when you get enough tribes to join you…

Civilization stage. This stage resembles Command & Conquer, with design your own vehicles and buildings. Basically conquer the whole world, either kill everything, or religiously attacking… or trading time consumingly. Then one day, you develop space flight…

Space stage. You have the whole universe to play in. You have the same civilizations you played with on another game, and downloaded stuff from people over the net, and even EARTH!

Over all, the game is something new, with old elements. I like the game because, like obstetrics, it is all about bringing new life into the world.

Next rotation

2008-09-01T12:29:00.001+09:30

I finally got my new harddisk running and everything should be going smoothly as it should. Everything seems to be running, and I pray nothing happens to it now. The only thing is that my computer freezes when I am utilizing too much graphics. Time to upgrade my graphics card. The question is, whether I should get something that really boosts my graphic experience, or just get what is cheap? Next step, monitor...

I also get to do all the online stuff and overdued reports and assignments. Funny that even though I know the theory of writing reports, I can never get about doing one right. Is it because I don't have enough experience? or because I don't read what other people have done? Either way, I am lacking in that part still. Though I do not have to do any reports until next year now.

I am on my first day of a new term, O&G. The last term. Which means I have 11 weeks before my exams again. I have 11 weeks to revise what I have learnt over the past 2 years. 11 weeks to get into gear and pass the exams this time round.

If not, that is the end of my career in medicine.

"Now I know your not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true" ~Gabriella, High School Musical

Wall-E

2008-08-27T16:20:00.005+09:30

I recalled watching this animal documentary, trying to identify which breed of dog is the smartest. One of the test I recalled was a test to see how a dog would retrieve a snack from under a low lying table. Most dogs would be using their snouts to push and shove the table to get to the snack, but they identified the smarter dog would be using his paws to reach for it and pulling it out. Conclusion, using another appendage that suit the situation better to achieve result with least hassle.

I guess that is the gist of what my definition of intelligence is. To achieve a result with the least possible hassle. If you are smart enough, you would be able to bypass the drudging slower methods to accomplish something. For example, you would be using icecubes to cool down a drink rather than waiting for it to naturally cool down or blowing on it till it is bearable. But to make icecubes... Some intelligent person decides to make icecubes for that purpose, and intelligently does it, so that he can enjoy cool drinks without having to wait a long time.

So, what it seems to me is that laziness, and the strife to have a more relaxing lifestyle, has made us intelligent.

Or intelligence has made us lazy...

Which brings me to today's review, Wall-E. The humans potrayed in the movie are blobs, who are slowly losing the function of their bodies. They travel around in hovercraft thingies, with a computer screen in front of thier eyes 24/7. Everything they need is given to them. They also start to lose their identities. Well, that is what I saw anyway...

This comes with all that technology that make our lives easier.

Laziness: the cause and effect of Intelligence.

The Big Bang Theory

2008-08-11T13:23:00.003+09:30

Quoting Stephen Hawkings... nah, I'm talking about a different 'The Big Bang Theory'. It is a sitcom that airs before HIMYM, another favourite of mine. The basic idea of the show is about 4 nerds/geeks who, despite their academic brilliance, are idiots around beautiful girls, like their neighbour. Their neighbour, Penny, is one hot babe. Seriously.

What makes me laugh at myself though, is how much I see myself in their shoes and well, that I actually understood everything they said. Yes I mean stuff like 'Doppler Effect' and 'Schrodinger's Cat' and their various Star Trek, Planet of the Apes and Comic book quotes.

This is like a total opposite of HIMYM with Barney's ever flirtatious comments, with the stuttering and blank faces when confronted by a girl. The most hilarious moments are when the 4 of them huddle up together playing Halo or building some interesting contraption and when Penny exclaims out 'I'm taking off my clothes now,' and NO ONE pays attention.

Maybe it is just me in this particular time, but I feel so connected to them. I am also shy around girls, especially around the ones I like or those I don't know. Of course I don't go silent like Rajesh or spew out random flirting quotes like Howard, but I still have difficulty talking and entertaining them. My father once told me an acronym for conversation topics, WONDERFUL:
W - eather (eg. This is like the coldest day ever!)
O - ccupation (eg. What do you do for a living?)
N - ews (eg. Hey, did you see the Olympic Opening Ceremony the other day?)
D - ay (eg. How's your day been?)
E - xtol and compliment (eg. I love those shoes! Where did you get them?)
R - ecreation (hobbies, movies, music, etc)
F - ood (eg. I miss Malaysian food)
U - seful/useless Information (kinda like this post...)
L - ife and Love (eg. My girlfriend knitted this sweater for me)

I still haven't mastered it yet. But by just KNOWING the theory behind it, I am proud to say that I am a NERD!

The Mist

2008-08-06T21:38:00.006+09:30

The Mist is a film adaptation of Stephen King's novella with the same name. Yes, a novella is shorter than a novel... but longer than a novelette.

Anyway, the most striking feature about this story is how different people react in FEAR. I just find it interesting to find out how you would see yourself as one of the characters in the movie. After you've decided, 'Yeah, that's who I want to be,' the ironic thing is at the end of the movie...

In fear and panic situation there would almost always be:

1. The Unlikely Hero - This is the person who just does the right things at the right place at the right time. Just like Die Hard. There are other people in the same situation, but his/her actions would make people listen and follow him/her.

2. The Biblical Preacher - This would be the person who starts preaching that whatever is happening is an act of God. He/she believes that they are being punished for all the sins that they have committed and begs everyone to repent and seek salvation. Depending on how psychotic the person is, the situation may blow out of proportion.

3. The Unbeliever - This is the person who is denial and still believes that it is just a prank. He/she believes that nothing is wrong and everything will be ok. He/she argues ardently and may turn violent until he/she: A. dies or B. believes.

4. The Wannabe Hero - This is the person who wants to be of use and tries desperately to help. He/she would be thinking of various plans or gadgets to annoy people and usually does not help the situation. It is usually potrayed as a young teenager who ultimately gets in the way and die.

5. The I-Told-You-So - This is a very annoying character. All he/she does is to spew out comments stating the obvious. He/she would bad mouth anyone and will dampen any spirit. In a movie, you would wish that the character would died early and usually would get cheers from the audience whence he/she dies.

6. The Lovers - This is the couple in the situation. The female counterpart would usually be protected by her male counterpart, or find out that he's a selfish prick. If the situation allows, they would be making out or having sex somewhere. In the movies, they would die during, or after sex.

7. The Scardy Cat - This is probably where most of us sit. He/she would be terrified of the situation and resort to hiding in a corner in fetal position. He/she would not want to move from the spot and would not listen to anyone, no matter how logic it is. In hopeless situations and if the person is depressed enough, he/she would commit suicide.

Every panic movie would potray these 7 roles or a mix of them. There can even be more than one person in a particular role.

In The Mist, there was a scene discussing the reactions that were happening and how it will lead to people killing one another. Like in The Lord Of The Flies. One guy pointed out that it was in their nature to react that way... bringing in religion and politics as examples. If it happens at times out of crisis, then what more when IN crisis? Even with a common enemy, people will still have different view points and sides will be taken.

Anyway, a good psych watch for me. And if you do plan to watch it, take note of the ironic scene at the end. It is so ironic that it is not funny at all.

All Things Bright and Beautiful,

2008-08-05T02:12:00.002+09:30

taken from a christian wedding hymm

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.

Each little flower that opens,
Each little bird that sings,
He made their glowing colours,
He made their tiny wings.

The purple-headed mountain,
The river running by,
The sunset and the morning,
That brightens up the sky;

The cold wind in the winter,
The pleasant summer sun,
The ripe fruits in the garden,
He made them every one;

The tall trees in the greenwood,
The meadows for our play,
The rushes by the water,
To gather every day;

He gave us eyes to see them,
And lips that we might tell
How great is God Almighty,
Who has made all things well.

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.

This is where James Herriot got the names for his collection of books. I can't remember when was the last time I read the first book, 'All Creatures Big and Small'. My first interest in Veterinary. Which I guess led me to Medicine...

Who's hot, Who's not?

2008-08-04T20:11:00.004+09:30

I have a lot to complain about, but since the people I am complaining may come across this blog (though really slim) I shouldn't mention any names. This thought has been brewing for ages, and I finally found solid facts that support my feelings. This is a result of my psychological evaluation of the people I know.

I was asked recently what my interests are in. I couldn't tell you exactly what it is, but I can tell you that I hate politics (even that, I like the psychological side of things). I could probably talk to you about everything else, though limited. So in a way, I am easily pleased. Yet, this group of people manage to not please me at all. They have their good sides, as with all of us, yet it is their bad side that is getting to me. I am just annoyed with their behaviour, this inconsiderate careless attitude of theirs. UNCOOL.

Come to think of it, it is hard to describe it without saying who they are... All I can say is, though they are friends, I am thinking that I should stay away from them as much as I can.

On a lighter note, I have met some people who are more of the people I like to hang around with. Though our meetings are a bit superficial, I am sure that friendship can really be cultivated with them. People that I can talk to about anything about. Like movies, games, tv shows, music, philosophy, religion, etc.

Looking forward to our next meeting...

Love Struck

2008-08-01T20:35:00.001+09:30

They say it isn't fair to like someone when you have someone else in mind. But there is a story of a ladder of friends/potential girlfriends that every guy possess. There is that epitome of the perfect girl I have in mind, and then there is that nice girl within arm's reach. The question is whether I will give up waiting for something that may never happen and settle for the next best thing, or persue the unreachable hoping that everything is as perfect as I imagined.

Or like any buaya, persue all targets and make a decision then.

I cannot tell you much of the girls I have in mind, as I do not know them that well. It isn't the beauty that is attracting me, it is something deeper that I see in them. Something that makes me want to know them. If only I dare myself to go talk to them more...

The interesting part of this tale is my REM dreams. I was getting married to someone behind a veil. I have no idea who it is. I see and feel my friends around me, but her identity remains a mystery to me. Everything seemed perfect. Then suddenly...

Violence everywhere. Aliens or monsters or undead or shambling corporate presence appear and we engage in an all out war with them. My instinct was to protect this wife-to-be and everyone else around me. It was like going through a Die Hard movie. The funny thing is that this isn't the first time I had this dream. I have had several similar dreams of me getting married to someone behind a veil and a battle after or during. I never knew her name...

Weekly Update

2008-07-09T13:53:00.001+09:30

I did something today that I have not done in ages... yes, seeing patients is one of them. But what I am referring to is listening to music, with lyrics that is. Yeah, this all sparked with High School Musical. That and High School Musical 2. And Hairpsray. After stopping listening to Hairspray songs, I quickly went back to soundtracks and songs that I have no idea what the lyrics mean, like jap songs, etc...

Then came High School Musical. Yes, I may be one of the only people who like it. Acting and storyline aside, I'm in it for the dance moves... and the sweet young thing called Vanessa Anne Hudgens. But yeah, the dances are awesome. I really wish sometimes that I can go back to the days where I have friends who would like to copy the dance moves and perform. I miss those times. When I hear the music, I picture the dances, and that what makes me listen to them more. HSM2 was even more vibrant and wild. I can't wait until HSM3 comes out in November. Thank you Kenny Ortega.

The other thing, seeing patients... I am currently in a team which divides the patient load into 2, so effectively, we get new patients every 10days. It is good for the doctors, but not so good for us medical students. I've seen everyone on the list, some demented, some just too old. But I've talked to all whom can on my list and it is time to venture into other student's terrirory. But I lack the motivation and the discipline.

The reason why I am lacking this, as with last year, is my continued addiciton. This time I have a lvl64 paladin on a totally different server. This will make 3 different 70's on 3 different servers. I failed to acquire the scorchling pet for my priest. I've got the relatively best items for my druid and I now have my epic flying form. I am stuck doing nothing now again. Miya coaxed me into creating a shaman on a horde server, which means it will be the 4th lvl70 on another server... though, I would have covered all the healing classes available in the game. I can't wait to see what the Arch Druid does. We'll see how far I can go to 70 when my account expires end of the month.

I need motivation. I need discipline. I need help.

I hate travelling

2008-06-30T19:02:00.005+09:30

I hate travelling. It is mainly because whilst travelling, one cannot do much. By that I mean, you cannot really get any work done while on the move. If you are in a vehicle (provided you're not the one driving) you can do quite a bit, but still limited. If you're walking, nothing other than listening to music or calling a friend on the phone. I wish that some day, I can surf the net or watch a movie while on the move.

I recently travelled to and from Singapore on one of the budget flights available. It was my first time, and I have to say, I TOTALLY HATED IT. There was no entertainment, no food, and no space. Even the air stewardess were not particularly attractive. I remained quiet on the journey, as with the other passengers beside me. I can't even sleep well like I normally would. That is 5 hours I will never get back.

I had to travel light, since there was a low luggage weight limit. I only armed myself with a couple of magazines I bought at the airport and my passport to bring on the plane with me. Even that, the magazines were not enough. I got bored pretty fast and I was restless throughout the journey.

On the way back, it started out bad too. I had more magazines with me, which still didn't last me the journey. I could have bought a novel, but I couldn't decide which to buy. The most annoying thing was, I was alone in Singapore and my flight was delayed 3.5hrs. So by checking in 2 hours before the original time, I had about 5 hours at the terminal. I was dumb enough not to catch a movie or something outside, and checked myself into the departure hall. I guess I deserved the torture.

Towards the end of the wait, I even met Evelyn, whose flight was 4 hours ahead of mine. Her flight was delayed as well. I vowed that I never want to travel budget flight ever again. But for that to happen, I need to pass. You get the picture...

THEN, on the filght itself, after I got myself comfortable in my designated seat, I was disturbed by the stewardess to move to another seat. I didn't think much of it at first, but then I started thinking, why am I supposed to move? Aside from the fact that I had a GIRL sitting next to me, I didn't really have a reason to say no. So I shifted... to the emergency exit seats... There were 4 of us guys there. As I wondered why I relenquished my seat next to a girl to sit with 3 other guys, the air stewardess came to talk to us:

"I need you guys to learn how to open the emergency exit doors if anything happens. Now you do this this this, bla bla bla... More information on the booklet."

WTF.

The guy next to me looked at me and left the seat to his original seat.

So, I was there alone, occupying 3 seats, with larger than normal space for my legs. I guess there was a benefit after all... But still wasn't enough...

I hate travelling.

Racism

2008-06-30T19:02:00.004+09:30

Another rant...

I was travelling to Freo Hospital the other day. I can't help but being racist. Sure you cannot discriminate against another race, but this is ridiculus.

They are a loud bunch, as with most of their race. Talking loudly and talking about who screwed who and who fathered who. Some things are I don't want to hear, but it is hard to ignore. And there we are, learning about their cultures and that we should respect them, etc. I do not respect them at all as they do not deserve it.

True, some of them are cultured and civilised. Some of them are outstanding, some of them soft spoken. But when 99% of the encounters with them are the same, I find it hard not to be racist.

Even in the taxis to and from the airport, the taxi drivers have nothing else to say but to complain about another particular race or foreign worker. I come from a multi-racial country, studied in a multi-racial environment, but yet... It's like they WANT to be treated differently.

Yeah, I don't know whether it is just me or them.

A Calling

2008-05-19T01:45:00.004+09:30

Architechs are hot. So says the random chick in HIMYM. Girls dig architechs.

They build something out of nothing; like God. So says Barney.

My housemate is a budding architech. I see him spend hours in front of his Autocad programs designing his project. I see him spend the another few hours on his drawing table piecing up together the building he was designing.

It reminds me of how I loved to cut out and build models from the Quest collectible book series and the more recent publication, Build the Titinic and Build the Bismark. I also loved building toy models such as miniature GUNDAM models and planes by Tamiya.

The question is, was I ever fit to do medicine in the first place? Failing the course is a major disappointment, but could it also be a sign?

The long table...

2008-05-18T03:03:00.003+09:30

Another birthday celebration, another dinner party. The birthday girl got a new radio, a scarf, and a box of chocolates. She celebrated with a lots of close friends and had a wonderful time. She turned 21... again...

I would like to go into my thoughts on birthdays again, but I shouldn't. However, I would like to extend my distaste for any special days, including, Mothers' Day, Valentines' Day and New Years. Why must I have a special day to do all that? These days have been highly commercialised, with card companies and florists reaping the benefit.

I used to get excited whenever I found out that a day was named a certain day, like Grandparents' day, or Secretaries' Day, or Sister's Day, or Rememberance Day, or Earth Day, or Hugging Day, or Sweetest Day, or May Day. The list goes on... I guess what sparked my awareness of this commercialization is the increase in prices of mooncake and the explosion of jelly mooncakes, tiramisu flavoured, ginseng flavoured, snowskin mooncakes and what not during the Mid-Autumn festival. While others enjoy their mooncake with their favourite durian flavour, I see a lost in the tradition and history behind them. I applaud those who can tell me straight up without referring what mooncakes started out as.

Same goes for birthdays. Why do we celebrate birthdays?

Time...

2008-05-16T19:24:00.005+09:30

I just reformatted my HD and reinstalled all the programs that I needed...

Now I am in the process of adding sites to my bookmarks. I guess it became a habit of mine back when I was in Singapore to visit a certain series of websites, decipher.com, ecircles.com, circles99.com, communityzero.com, hotmail.com and a few more that I cannot remember. Anyway, I since it was imprinted in my memory, I decided to visit them for old times sake. Or rather I was lost to which sites I currently visit nowadays...

Surprisingly, my old circles99 groups are still there. I even checked the M203 group, which surprisingly had visits all the way since 2006 where we all dispersed from Bukit Jalil campus, albeit the once a month random visit. Last entry was Febuary this year and the previous one was August 2006.

With this feeling of nostalgia, I confided in my partner in crime, Raj, and visited old chat programs, mainly ICQ and Yahoo! Messenger. ICQ was THE chat program of the last century. I vaguely recalled my number, thus I spent 30 minutes locating ME. 41290931. I remember the time when I refused to use MSN because ICQ does it all. Anyway, I logged in... and... found no one online... (2hrs later while writing this, it is still empty). I can't really say that I am surprised, but I had a look at all my contacts, most of whom I had not talked to in a very very long time. (I also checked my 7 Yahoo! Messenger contacts, who were also not online...)

Even at one time, Friendster was a huge hit. I still see many of my contacts there log in and update stuff, but I seldom log in there now... I am putting up a message that I have permanently moved to Facebook. Yeah, Facebook... the replacement for Friendster, which replaced circles99, which replaced communityzero.com, which replaced ecircles. Facebook looks like it is going strong. I doubt that it will fall apart anytime soon. With all the applications (Graffiti, my favourite), walls and connectivity, I would give it 1 more year at least. Though, with that being said, I know of a few friends who already gave up on facebook.

Of course there is the everlasting Blogs which existed in my life since 1999. Never really got into blogs... but it's out there...

I also have a MySpace page and MSN Live Spaces. I also recently recently registered under twitter.com, pownce.com, orkut.com and jaiku.com. All ready to become the Internet's Top Community Program. Stay tuned. As for my websites, I have this blog and Picassa. And not to mention the various free porn sites. Seriously, not going to mention them.

I've come to a point where there are so many Tom, Dick and Harry Community programs, I just want to stick with one although no one wants to stick with it anymore. I used to join all these things bcause I was afraid of being left out. Frankly, I still am, but I decided to keep in contact to the people who matter and those in the immediate vicinity. I mean, like getting home addresses and occupation and stuff. It sounds like I only know a person for their use... HAHA...

I guess this is how the times have changed over the years...

Curse of the Photographer

2008-05-13T02:30:00.007+09:30

I can't sleep. It's 1am in the morning on a Tuesday.

Anyway, I decided to blog. This is what happened last Sunday.

I can't really tell you much. By random chance, I was bestowed the opportunity to organize a gathering for the IMU student/doctors that were currently in Perth. It took little planning. I kept thinking that it was easy to organise a BBQ. Get sausages, book a pit, cook, eat, leave.

I started the invites earlier in the week, giving them notice to book their calendars. Then I started thinking of what my menu should be. This was what I started out with:
Sausages
Salad
Pizza

Easy stuff. Buy sausages, buy salad + dressings, order Dominoes on that day.

Then I decided that I crave for sushi. I didn't want to order those and decided to make it instead. I still think it's not a bad idea, but the people involved would tell you it isn't. Well... I'LL DO IT AGAIN! So, the ingredients for sushi? seaweed, japanese rice, vinegar, salt, cucumber, zucchini, egg, sugar, tuna, tartar sauce, japanese mayonese. Time taken... 2hours.

As I worry that we would not have enough food, the sausages became 3 types of sausages to a total of about 50 pieces, 20 slices of bacon/ham and 20 pieces of premarinated chicken wings.

As for salads, it became coleslaw which I made, fruit salad which I made, and potato salad which Wei Kuei made. All of which had so many left over, it was my breakfast lunch and dinner for a few days.

Luckily I didn't order the pizzas.

Also, I had Evelyn make eggtarts for me. The eggtarts, though, ended up to be eggtarts and fruit tarts. Effectively, the amount of food doubled or tripled the amount I set out for at the beginning. I had so to take home all the leftovers, it's not even funny. Not to mention the bottles of coke, fruit juice, marshmallows, gummybears and Doritoes that were left unopened.

So, the bill...

Meat stuff (sausages, bacon, chicken wings)
$39.56

Sushi stuff
$17.43

Salads
$13.98

Eggtarts
$21.60

Unopened food
$25.13

Sauces/Dip
$9.80

The look of everyone's faces and the joy of having organising a BBQ?
~~Priceless~~
$127.50

Oh yeah, the title.. basically means that as a phtographer, you will never get good shots of yourself.

Game Freak

2008-05-05T21:02:00.003+09:30

This is a Quesionaire that I found which was meant for game developers. I've modified it to suit to the general gaming community. I'm just gonna tag it, as how every chain main starts...

Right now, my desktop...
... is in the process of a slow upgrade, starting with the CPU and motherboard. Maybe by the end of next year, I would have a totall new computer (which would probably be obsolete by then, sigh). At least I can enjoy World of Warcraft.

Games have taught me...
... so much, I don't know where to start. Don't spit into the wind. Take everything in moderation, even World of Warcraft! There is no cow level. Kane refers to Cain from the Land of Nod. Guybrush Threepwood is able to hold his breath for ten minutes. There is ALWAYS a way to solve a puzzle in PoRTaL.
Seriously. There are many lessons to be learnt from games, if you know how to look. Love, loyalty, Lawful Good, Creativity, Death.

My games are...
...ranging from 16-bit Platform games to First Person Shooters, from point-click strategy to Real Time Strategy. The only games I dont play are sport simulations and racing games. I play everything else.

My favourite game...
...has yet to be revealed to me. Top 5:
World of Warcraft
Half-life 2
Starcraft
The Longest Journey
Freespace 2
Haha, I just realised that they are all of different genres. Goes to show how diverse my interests are.

My latest game...
...was PoRTaL. Awesome game. My kind of game. Full of puzzles.
Storyline was also intriguing. You start out all alone is a test chamber with an annoying song on the radio. Really annoying. You start then jumping into blue/yellow portals completing seemingly easy tasks, level by level. Then you pick up the blue portal gun, then the yellow portal gun, and now you are on a portal spree! Then same theme playing on another radio... portal that away... nice....
Then the puzzles get tougher and tougher. By the time you know it, its the end of the tracks for you. But defiently, wanting to play with more portals, you jump away at the very end, and thus starts the actual game, with enemies and tougher terrain. At the end of 4 hours, the familiar tune starts playing again, but this time, I really am enjoying it. I downloaded it and its replaying over and over again, yet I am not one bit annoyed. Haha!

My next game...
...that I am anticipating a lot is Spore. Yes, more than Wrath of the Lich King. Its SPORE. Spore promises a game that spreads what Civilization and Empire Earth does and go back to even before humans existed. Yes, the game starts out with single cell organisms and goes on to high tech space colonization. And this is where I can guess Star Wars gets their idea for aliens. Kind of like the game Evoluion: The Game of Intelligent Life, but they are based on real fossil records. But yeah, SPORE!!!

When I go to games stores...
...I look for the cheapest games that I either want to play, or played, but would like a copy of the original.

In ten years, games will...
...mourn the loss of WoW expansions...

I will retire when...
...I die. I shall play games for as long as I live!

(the following questions removed)
i.The best part of the creative process is...
ii. I develop for PC because...

Graffiti!

2008-05-03T13:56:00.003+09:30

Yup, without my WoW addiction, I found another addiction: Graffiti.

There are some really awesome graffiti done by other people, and I can only scratch the surface of how they manage to plan and produce such beautiful images. So far, I have only been using my mouse, which limits how much I can do. Some of the images I've seen require the use of a stylus and touchpad thing. It would be really useful to prevent my mouse hand from acting up again. Come to think of it, it was set off by WoW addiction in the first place...

I got into graffiti so much so that I have no inspiration to blog. Thus ends my blog mania from that one little glance with a girl I saw only briefly.

Rubik's Cube Party

2008-04-26T00:01:00.004+09:30

I came across an article in the Reader's Digest in my GP the other day. It just struck me as interesting and something that I would definitely like to try one day. I just need at least 8 other crazy friends willing enough to participate in this outrageous idea. If you are not familiar with a Rubik's Cube...

"As you know, the Rubik's cube has six sides and six corresponding colors: BLUE, GREEN, RED, PURPLE, YELLOW, AND WHITE. Unless religious obligations mandate a monochromatic wardrobe, I expect you have some clothes in these colors. You should try to wear as many items of clothing in as many different colors as possible, in effort to vaguely mimic the appearance of one side of an unsolved Rubik's cube. Your goal will be to leave the party wearing only one of the aforementioned colors, thereby solving the puzzle. To achieve this goal, you will be expected to exchange items of clothing with other guests. As with a real Rubik's cube, this is a puzzle of strategy. Negotiations (often involving alcohol) are likely to take place, along with the inevitable underhanded tactics and coercion normally practiced only by the ballsiest politicians."
Full article here

Its just whacky.

Speaking of colourful, I found this the other day:

If you're puzzled over why this ugly looking insect I put under colourful, it actually is a larva of a lady bug. Its been ages since I saw one, and I just happen to come across it on the way to work. Neat, huh?

Have a colourful day!

Rottnest

2008-04-21T22:27:00.006+09:30

After 22km of cycling carrying 10kgs on my back, being in the cold and wet form the rain, getting painful swollen gluteus maximus from an uncomfortable seat, having friends shouting at me to hurry up, and going through 2 runned down camera batteries later...

The day started, just as any other,
But 6am on a Sunday was quite a bother,
Back aching from sleeping on the floor,
Cold damp weather seeping through the door.

Got up, got dressed, prepared nonetheless,
Packed up just as Sichang arrived with the rest,
So down to the train station we headed,
“Expect several showers,” was what we dreaded.

It rained once, on the train to Fremantle,
But when we got there, the weather looks settled,
We were all excited as we marched on board,
But the moment we sat down, we all got bored.

So we took out the cards and played ‘Bluff,’
And got seasick as the sea was rough,
It rained the second time, whilst on the ship,
I wondered how many showers we’ll have on this trip.

Luckily the rained stopped when we docked,
Straight to the bicycle hire shop we flocked,
All seems wonderful, all sunny and dry,
But it rained again, made me want to cry.

We flocked to Dome, to have some hot drinks,
Now ‘weather’ was taboo and became a jinx,
When our last companion finally arrived,
Our excitement and enthusiasm was somehow revived.

The first thing that we did on the trail we rode,
Was to get lost at the very first fork in the road,
Map-reader was blamed and we should reappoint,
But anyways, we ended up at a nice lookout point.

Victory was short-lived, as it rained again,
Got under a hut, to shelter from the rain,
Seriously, it was becoming a pain in the butt,
At least there were posters on quokkas in that hut,

Finally, “Screw it, we are wet anyway,”
Said Chua, as we were fed up to pray,
So we cycled in the pouring rain,
Both the weather and us, were insane.

There was no shelter that we could see,
But the rain stopped in 15 minutes, thankfully,
We made a stop, and took some great shots,
But it rained again, this time LOTS.

We pursued and we endured to our next stop,
Up a hill to the lighthouse at the very top,
The lighthouse was white, plain and classic,
Standing tall, but was closed to the public.

Luckily, there was a little quokka nearby,
It looked wild, but it was not at all shy,
As we said goodbye, and zoomed downhill,
King’s bicycle broke and he had a bad spill.

A 4th year, a 5th year, a 6th year and an intern,
And having no first-aid kit was a concern,
Luckily a guy passed by, with some bandages,
And King survived with abrasions and scratches.

We continued to pursue and endured,
All wet, tired, aching, and with one injured,
And the winds were strong and hammering,
Even with my weight, I was staggering.

But finally we reached the furthest cape,
Celebrating and enjoying the scenery with mouths agape,
But then it hit me with this annoying fact,
We had to cycle all the way back…

Reluctantly leaving such a beautiful place,
Making our way back to home base,
But with such an uncomfortable seat, alas,
It was, literally, pain in my ass.

After a total of 22 kilometers,
Body aching, down to all my toes and fingers,
Camera batteries were all spent,
Glad that that was the end of the torment.

We got some rest and something to munch,
And some Quokkas joined us for lunch,
Too tired and not bothered to chase them away,
Phang gave them chips to keep them at bay.

After returning the bicycles we rented,
I still felt a little discontented,
We went to the beach, to serve my need,
We found a place, with lots of seaweed.

We laid down our bags on the nice beautiful sand,
And I went to test the water firsthand,
Then I stripped down, not wanting to care anymore,
Jumped in, and was frozen to the core.

So everyone instead, decided to play with the sand,
Chua engraved our names in the sand,
Sichang architecturally made a ‘man’,
And I castrated it with a swift back-hand.

As we head back towards the jetties,
Phang exclaims that he lost his keys,
People starting to crowd, to catch the last ferry,
And it was also becoming drizzly.

Despite fighting against a horde,
We managed to get on board,
But the waves were brutal with another rain,
Making us sea sick all over again.

And at the end of the day,
Butt and back aching to my dismay,
I just want to curl up into bed,
Wishing that I had spent the day here instead.

Ken Rhee

2008-04-19T01:17:00.004+09:30

Hi, my name is Ken Rhee.
Henry?
No, Ken Rhee.
Kendrick?
No. Ken. Rhee
Ken what?
Just call me Ken.

I have introduced myself as Ken Rhee for so long, and it's not something that anyone can pick up first off and remember it. It takes time getting use to. So, to save that few seconds of people's time, I introduce myself as Ken now. Though, I rather people call me Ken Rhee whenever they can. But with that being said, they can only call me Ken Rhee after knowing me for a while. So as a message to all my friends (well, those reading my blog anyway) to call me Ken Rhee and not just Ken.

Strangely, when I told my friend to do this, she decided to call herself Ken Rhee too. She would not respond to her own name now, but will look if I call her Ken Rhee. It takes time getting use to, but saying 'Ken Rhee' is a mouthful... to me at least. Yet, I always like it if someone calls me Ken Rhee. I know it may be hard for you, but I really appreciate you all now. Thank you.

Yeah, I am saying my name now repeatedly in a few different tones, which I unfortunately cannot convey them through the blog. From a semi-erotic tone to a blasting angry tone.

SAY MY NAME!

Yeah baby, SAY MY NAME!

ken rhee

bzzzt

2008-04-14T19:37:00.003+09:30

A picture is said to be worth a thousand words. That's why in OSPE's we are required to do lots of descriptions on a bunch of cells that look all the same and make a pathological diagnosis. BUT no, I am not going into some medical mumbo-jumbo discussion about this topic. What I want to say though, is about body language and non-verbal communication. (Yeah, sounds medical again, but no)

It is like given a picture of a person, facial expressions and body language can tell a lot. If I extrapolate that to a series of moving pictures, like a video, more information can be added. Then, add sound into the mix, and you get something REAL LIFE, with literally millions of bits of data.

This is interesting because a what may sound like a grunt is actually a series of sentences in a complex mixture of high-/low-pitched noise compressed into a short burst of sound. So a:

'Hmrph'

could actually mean:

'I waited for you for so long, but you didn't call or let me know that you will be running late and I started to get worried that something dreadful might have happened to you on your way here, but here you are not even with the slightest idea of how I worried I've been and how I felt, I wish you would be ever so thoughtful and to let me know about these things in the future.'

And what may look like a simple frown may actually be gestures and movements that lasts for only a few miliseconds and are so fast that our naked eyes miss out on the elaborate dance of Swan Lake that the person is performing. Yet, our brains can fully interpret that:

a raised eyebrow

actually means:

'You are not being serious, are you? I mean, you've actualy paid a ridiculus amount for something so miniscule, are you sure it is actually worth it? There has to be a really good reason to why you have done such a thing and I want to hear it now. It better be good. You're such a spendthrift, you know that? It's like money grows on trees for you, doesn't it?'

So why am I elaborating on this subject? This is the summary:

RS: X
Ken: A
RS: but X!
Ken: D, A.
RS: Y...
(10 mins later)
RS: X
Ken: C
RS: Z
Ken: C. A.
RS: XXX!!!
Ken: D. C.
(10 mins later)
RS: X :'(
Ken: D
RS: XXX!!!
Ken: B.
RS: Y
Ken: B!
RS: Y

Click on comment to find out more.

Isn't life easier with all these short ques?