Year 5
This isn't really about studying in Singapore, but I was still in Singapore at this time. I applied to be a house tutor, which basically puts me in higher than the block head. I don't have to study, but I have to tend to the welfare of the boarders. I had to do my share of administrative matters in exchange for a free stay in Boarding. And of course I needed to support myself to LIVE in Singapore, so I set out to find work.

I went to where my seniors used to work, as they had a fun time working there and earn close to a thousand dollars a month. So I decided to work there, but all didn't turn out well. The management had already got their business running and not keen on temporary workers. My seniors had a fun time because they helped the business from it's opening days. Everyone was learning with each other and enjoyed everything together. But now, they were quite established and had difficulty training us new people.

Most of my hours were concentrated on giving out flyers at the nearby escalator. Whenever they had a slow business day, our manager would come to me and observe and critique the way I did the promotion. He would "show me the way to do things" and when the business starts getting busy, he headed back and I continued the distribution. It irritated me at first, but I had to learn. I enjoyed giving out flyers. On the one hand, I didn't have to wait on tables, but I had to stand there without a chair for ages and ages, until they decided that the traffic is too slow or the business is roaring.

There were other restaurants in the area and their employees also had their share of distributing flyers. I made a few friends that way. We just stood there, giving out flyers talking to the potential customers, and occasionally chatted with each other. Some of them were like me, waiting for their A-level results and some were still studying.

Every morning, I was there at 11am to clean up the tables and laying out the utensils. When people came, I took down orders and served them drinks. Got ready the appetisers and served them. I distributed flyers. It was MONOTONOUS yet so many things that I could not adapt to. We all had some degree of scolding, and we adjusted from time and time. We learnt new things and were thought more difficult tasks. At the end of the day, we packed up the utensils and I had to throw away the rubbish. That was my day.

When my results came back, I decided to quit. To look for other jobs. And at that time, there was the SARS outbreak. The highest paying job at that time was the medical screening in schools as it was a high risk job. My friend and I took it. We made lots, just for that few weeks. And that was my last job. The money that I earned lasted until mid-May. After that, I was living off my parent's money. I failed.

Also, after the results, we had to apply for our university courses. I wanted to do medic, or at least dentistry. And given my history of interviews, I screwed everything up again. I got Engineering. I was offered the ASEAN scholarship. I could stay in Boarding for free and get free studies PLUS allowance. (my friend, Jonathan took my place instead and is enjoying what I could have...) But I chose to do Medicine instead.

So here I am, back in Malaysia. In IMU. Studying medicine.

Thus ends my career and life in Singapore... I still think back and really feel distant from all my friends that I have made then... I miss them all...

Cheerio.

Adapted ASEAN song... one of my favourites

It only takes a spark to get a fire going.
And soon all those around, can warm up in glowing.
That's how it is with God's love,
once you've experienced it,
You spread His love to everyone
You want to pass it on.
(pass it on, pass it on, pass it pass it, pass it on...)

What a wondrous time is spring, when all the trees are budding;
The birds begin to sing, the flowers start their blooming.
That's how it is with God's love;
Once you've experienced it,
You want to sing"It's fresh like spring";
You want to pass it on.
(pass it on, pass it on, pass it pass it, pass it on...)

I wish for you my friend, this happiness that I've found.
You can depend on us, it matters not where you're bound.
I'll shout it from the mountain top - ASEAN!
I want the world to know;
The Lord of love has come to me,
I want to pass it on.
I want to pass it on...

Year 4
Another new year brings in many new faces, again in Boarding, in the ASEAN community and in the Band. Another batch of juniors to teach you new things and people who will look up to you. A new year is a time to meet new people and make more friends.

I've never felt so lost before. Now I am the super senior, nobody I can turn to except the adults and myself. At this time, I needed my friends more than anything, to confide in and to share my feelings with. Juniors and friends turning to me too. This was the time that I felt so close to people, yet still distant from everyone.

My studies were affected. I failed a few more subjects and I didn't understand the lessons. I slept in lectures and didn't do my tutorials. Comparing this final crucial year with when I first came, this was a different me. I was becoming lazy and over-confident, yet worried about everything. I failed in Biology and Chemistry, and yet excelled in Maths. My english was improving, but will never be good. Imagine speaking the language all your life and it being your forte, I reallised I will never be as good as they wanted us to be.

I had to study, I knew I just had to start, but I was getting distracted easily. I could never find the will power to start. I could tell everyone to study and buck up, but I could never do it myself. I relied very much on friends to keep me out of the depressing state. I really miss them. I felt stronger when I'm with them. There are also times when I would crawl to my friend's room and sleep with them, instead of my own bed.

Towards the end of the year, we all had to step down from our CCAs. I felt more lost when I had to step down from the Band. I was no longer playing the anthem and school song. I no longer had to meet in the Band room. I was to queue up with the rest of my class and that felt weird. Change. Change feels funny. Change needs to get use to.

Finally, there were the A-Levels...

...working in Singapore

Year 3
From the first school in Singapore, to the first Junior College in Singapore...

As I mentioned, I chose to come to National Junior College for the wrong reason. And I was left all alone with no seniors, no friends to tag along. My first day was scary, but I put on a little courage and instantly made a new friend, Jason Wong. I wonder where he is now... He gave me a really interesting point about Singapore's education system. It's a vicious circle, the better gets better and the unfortunate will never prosper. The best students get where the best schools and become better, where as the slower ones will never get as good teachers. I wanted to be a big fish in a small pond, and regarded NJC as a lesser JC, but for others, this was their first choice. This was the best choice. I had to rethink my arrogance...

Anyway, since I was also in the thrill seeking and experience finding mood, I joined the Symphonic Band. In the middle of last year, I began an interest in music, mostly movie themes, and decided to take it further by joining the Band. This wasn't a good year to join as there was a competition and I had to choose between getting an award or to learn something new. I got the award, but only a Silver. I missed the chance of learning something new. But I was posted in the Percussion Section and soo, I was banging here and there on the instruments. Percussionist were usually unnoticed, but the things they play were mostly SOLO acts. Many things happened and I did get the experience I wanted.

I tried to pick up my interest in helping others, but I could not join the Interact Club there. I just didn't have the time nor the will to do it. It was disappointing. Another reason why I tried to join the Interact Club, was to at least get a leadership position to boost my record. But I couldn't get it.

I also tried my luck with the Student Council and the House Reps. I failed very badly and didn't get through the interviews. Have I told you that I do not do well in interviews? The only interview I know I did well was the one that got me into IMU. Not even the one that got me into the top school in Singapore. Anyway. I didn't get ANY roles at all. The Band took up all my time and with late night practices, the Band Room became my second home. Third actually, considering my second home was Boarding.

Speaking of Boarding, I had to give up my post to the secondary school students and they gave me the role of treasurer. I screwed up that post too.

I had to switch classes after my O-Level results, and that lost me my Class Rep status too. Anyway, with all the switching around, the only friends that I could turn to was the ASEAN scholars. At first, I was the only one in my class, and the only one from Boarding. When I switched class, there was another 2 of them, and now I could get information of outings. And I enjoyed the outings. I can't really say that I bonded well with them, as I was also a part of my Band, Class, and Boarding. I'm everywhere but no where.

The year was a disappointing year, and my arrogance was finally shattered. I am no longer the best and can never be the best. There are people better than me and I can only struggle to keep up.

But for the best of it, I had a support of good friends...

...to be continued in the most stressful time of my life

Reminiscence
It's been over 2 years since I left Singapore. Frankly, I miss the place. I miss my school, I miss my boarding. I miss all my friends. I really miss turing to my seniors for advice and being the elder brother to my juniors. I miss my teachers, and boarding masters. I miss my bandmats, especialy my fellow percussionists. I miss the rest of the ASEAN scholars, whom I meet 3 times a year and never get to know better...

I left for Singapore on 27th December 1998, and came back 6th July 2003. 4 and a half years there and the many ties that was formed just leaves me with mixed emotions.

It's too short a time to know half of them half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of them half as well as they deserve.

Every year, for that 4 years, I've seen people go and people come. It's just so sad sometimes, but I can't stop the change, no more than I can stop the suns from setting...

Year 1
My first year. My first room. Two chinamen and a fellow Malaysian from Batu Pahat. Professor Who and Lychee, and Cacing and me...

It was a new place for me and I have to learn to adapt. I had a plan before coming, and that was to do homework in the afternoon, and study new things at night. It was a good plan while it lasted. Lazyness took me as my discipline went away. But good boy I remained...

Raffles Institution was the top school in Singapore and I am questioning why I was sent there. There were 5 of us in my batch. I first felt that I was better than all of them, given my history in my hometown. But I was wrong... I was average, only an average.

I failed my first English test. I have never failed English. English was my forte. English was my mother tongue! But failed I did. But we all had to take extra English classes. And in this class, this was the first time that I had to do lines. I shall never forget the word that I spelt wrongly: immediate.

Made a few friends, a few enemies... There were strange folk about. Crazy people they say, and extra too. But I enjoyed being friends with my friends. Martin, Jonathan, Elvis, the Vietnamese (interestingly there are 4 of them and all had hair similar to the Beatles)... just to mention a few...

I started to read a lot. It started with a book list that we were supposed to read. And for the first time, I began reading out of my normal Star Wars stuff. Isaac Asimov, Douglas Adams, Michael Crichton, Orson Scott Card, James Herriot, Frank Herbert, J.R.R. Tolkein, etc... they were interesting reads. And i grew to like Michael Crichton's books. As for the author of the Lord Of The Rings, I couldn't understand his books at all and I gave up there after.

As the year drew to a close, Elvis pioneered a video production in which I was proud to be a part of. This was my first experience in video editting and working in a committee. This was a task that was a dream, and became reality. And only now I can recall and say that this project was built with a dream, and that they can come through with hard work and committment.

...to be continued in the next year