Adventures in Albany - Day 23

It hurts to know,
You don’t feel the way I do,
It hurts to know,
There’s nothing I can do.

It hurts to know,
no matter how I feel,
or what I show,
My fate is already sealed.

It just hurts so much,
When I think about it,
Like my future and such,
The pieces just don’t fit.

It hurts to know,
I’ll be leaving,
It hurts to know,
I can’t do a thing.

It hurts to know,
I’ll no longer be with you,
Without your positive glow,
I find it hard to start anew.

It hurts so bad,
I cry every night,
It hurts, and I am sad,
To be in this plight.

It hurts to know,
That this could be the end,
That I have to go,
My love, my dear friend.

Adventures in Albany - Day 20

It is a wonderful day.

And all I could think of is you.

I wished that you were here with me. More so, because I needed someone to take photos of me, but I also wish to share the moments with you.

I want to tell you how much I hated those who kill whales.

I also want to tell you that I also understand that people needed to earn a living from it.

But more importantly I want to know what you think about it.

I want to show off my knowledge of whales, of nature, to you. I want to show you how much I care about nature.

And I want to know how much you care.

I drove around the natural rock formations, wishing that you were navigating beside me.

And I wished that I could drive you around, instead of being driven.

I wanted to watch the waves with you, as they rhythmically splash into the rocks, creating mists of white. Just like my feelings are when I am with you, a sense of calmness among the haphazard chaos.

I want to know what your feelings were.

I felt like I could spread my wings and fly if you by my side, as I stood at the peak of the hill overlooking the peninsular.

I wanted to complain about how tired I am walking alongside the coast, but if you were there, I would only think about how the coast looks as beautiful you.

And finally, as I stood watching the sunset, I wish that I could sit through every sunset with you from this day on, till the end of days.

I wish there was a you.

Letter to My Friend IV

Dear J,

Yup, if you noticed my slower and slower reply, it usually means that I have a little too much on my mind right now. I have just handed in all my reports and assessments done last night. Although we have done all the work, we're still expected to turn up for tutorials in hospital. I am a but annoyed, but on the other hand glad that I am getting some good teaching.



I am going to watch Stomp 09 tomorrow night. THAT I have been looking forward to for about a month now. And since all my work is done, I will not have much worried left and I can fully enjoy the show. I've talked so much about why I love Stomp, I won't waste time typing it out... BUT I LOVE STOMP. heh. I do wonder do you get to see any theatrical stuff over there. I'm pretty sure you can watch all those orchestral stuff there. Which reminds me of the Lord of the Rings Symphony that was going around back when it was a hit. Did you manage to catch that?



A few other things that are on my mind... It's been over a week now since I've heard from her. An optimistic notion would be that she has not been online for that amount of time. I know it has been getting a bit busy nowadays... The pessimist in me also says that she's avoiding you because she's not looking for a relationship... with you... But realistically, I am just going to wait and see. It is a mind numbing wait.



Now with my internet cap resetted, I managed to obtain some old movies for my entertainment, and that has been occupying my time when I am stressed. I also managed to catch the season finale of Heroes. It really has become twisted, and there are things that I wish were back to normal. Peter's original ability was the best, same like Sylar's. In Villains, the storyline became really perversed. I liked Villains on the other hand because they made everyone's powers both good and evil, and it really depended on who had it. That was the core message that Heroes had. I also liked the fact that there are always ways to kill even the strongest of the Heroes. Now, for Redemption, I am not looking forward to it as much anymore, as my favourite powers are gone. But it just made me think more.



My phone was giving me problems this past week. At first, I thought it would be cool not to be reachable, but it wasn't. I had to make so many phone calls to the phone company to get it settled. Hopefully everything is solved now. The only thing left is the $30 credit that disappeared during this transaction. It is just so annoying.



Right, sorry this letter is mostly about my worries and thoughts. I will get to replying your last letter in my next. Until then...



Ken Rhee

Letter to my Friend III

Dear J,

I have to confess that I have a lot of things going on with me now. It made me think back about my life and reminisce about my past and how I got here. It made me think about you. I haven't seen you or talked to you in person for a long time, and i do relly miss the friendsip that we had. It's really good to hear from you

Ok, enough of the sad talk.

I tried watching Dollhouse, but I dunno why I cannot follow it. I gave up on Greys Anatomy too. I haven't watch Southland though. I watch The Listener too. I cant help but think about how Heroes first started and how they got used to their powers. This time it is focused on one person revealing his past and his adventures now. I suspect a hidden conspiracy going on as Heroes did at the beginning. Perhaps as the series progresses they will add that in, but I really hope it doesn't. But I have to agree that the addition of the telepathic healing girl in the latest episode was disappointing. Somehow I felt like it could take the mutant path too...

I'm also watching Lie To Me. I don't understand why you don't like it. Although I try to look for these micro-expressions, I still don't see people any different. And I certainly do not try not to do all these tell tale signs. I'm pretty much the same person. I've done a bit more reading about microexpressions and all that. apparently only something like 50 people have been identified to have the ability. It's a rare thing so don't be afraid people start reading you. You should really try continue watching it.

Speaking of reading, have you read any books lately? I haven't have time to read anything. I need fresh material. The last book you recommended... All Creatures Great and Small... to feed my interest in animals. I vaguely remember how close I came to wanting to be a Vetenarian... But I guess it also made me think more about saving lives, hence me doing medicine. By the way, I found that there's a series out though, like 30 years ago, based on the books.

By all means please send over your completed works. I look forward to listening to them. If it was just as good as before, I'm pretty sure I will like it. And I really look forward your songs when you DO have a muse. I know having a subject of interest definitely have some impact on my creativity level. It is not just about impressing someone, I am proud of my creations.

Anyway, I will let you know if there is anymore progress on my side. As of now, it doesn't look good. At this point, I just want to tell someone all about my day, all the good things... and hear their day in return. But I will let you know if there is something to tell.

I am looking forward to hear about your next world adventure.

Ken Rhee

Letter to my Friend II

Dear J,

That was a fast reply. Glad to hear you alive and well in UK. I have always wanted to travel there. It is so rich in it's history, but I guess it is because we studied so much of Asean history, I am actually bored of it. I would love to see the medieval castles and stonehenge and all that historical stuff. I'll definitely make plans to meet up with you there someday. You can poke my belly then.

Yes, I still love my play of language. I'm still that punny guy you know so long ago. I still like writing, creating poetry and thinking of some long winded flowery description of simple things. I annoy my juniors sometimes with it. Haha. I haven't been doing it much though. The last poem I wrote was last year and it was a crappy one not about my feelings and all. But, the next one I create, you'll be the first to read it. Or rather, I'll put it here as usual and you can read it then. The ongoing one is about the girl I like and the way she makes me feel. Cheesy and cliche, I know. That is why it is taking so long. I want it to be different and still romantic. How's your music composing going?

How did I ever forget the debates we had about evolution and creationism. Endless nights of pleasure of speaking your mind. I miss those times, all those topics that we talked about. I have to say that evolution was the most interesting dscussion yet. We will definitely have to continue that debate again and other topics yet to come. And possibly more things to say, now that we've grown a little. I'll look forward to your opening statement. ^_^

Yeah, well, the reason why I like this girl so much is still a mystery to me. I guess I started noticing her after I had my dream. I mean I dream a lot, and dream of other people, but seldom have any impact like this. And when it does, it will stick to me until something happens. She's sweet, nice, independant, friendly... and thats the extent of how I can describe her. I have to admit that I do not know her at all, yet I am so attracted to her. Yes, she is pretty. I would tell you more, if there is anything to tell. And no I am not telling you her name so that you cannot stalk her out. I know your skills are better than mine. Anyway, what about yourself? Is there someone existing that breaks your vow of celibacy?

You don't have to tell me. Everyone is telling me to go for it, give it a try, you'll never know. I'm hoping that you would say something different, like you always do. I still take your words in high regard, so you better live up to it. haha.

Apart from that, well, I have been watching a lot of TV shows lately. And movies. But I think I'll let you go first. Else, this letter will go on forever... Till then, good luck with your job interview.

Ken Rhee

Letter to my Friend.

Dear J

Hi, how have you been? I am sorry that I have not been writing to you in a long while. I kinda lost your contacts so I am writing to you in the most bizziare way I can think of. (No one visits here anyway...)

Anyway, I have been alright. If you read down, you'll see that I had been at camp last weekend. It was good. After my friend left, my other friends came on the next boat. Somehow to me, they are the sunrays that were seeping through that cloudy morning. I am really grateful as they were the few who helped me pass my exams last year. Unlike you, who conveniently disappeared to some European state. Sheesh.

Haha. Anyway, that day turned out pretty good considering that it was such a gloomy morning. I keep using that word... I cannot think of a better one. Dark. Dementoric. Apocalyptic. Anyway, I took part in the tug-of-war later that day, which to this day made me ache all over. It is probably my punishment for not keeping fit as I should have. Remember that annoying belly that you always talked about and like to make fun of? Well, I have it now...

That night we played cards, and then head to the pub. The music was nice. Very dancable, very relaxing. Oh, and it was on an astroturf. I took off my sandals and danced barefooted. It is a feeling that I have not felt in a very long time and it made me remenisce about my days back in Singapore... I remembered bringing you there, so you should know what I mean.

It was pretty much the same from then on. Got home all tired and broken...

And this week is assignment week. All of it is due this Friday. Even so, I don't know why I found the time to have dinner and coffee with a few friends last night. We talked about life in general, starting from the Big Bang... Evolution vs creationism... our younger days and upbringing... growing up with taxes and morgages... to eventually death. At the end of it, I do not know why, but I felt that I wouldn't mind dying tomorrow. I mean, not only do I escape the fear of handing up assignments on Friday, but not to suffer all the pains and despair of the world. I doubt that anyone would mourn for me, nor do I want them to.

Which also brings me to what a friend told me. Live life with no regrets. I would certainly regret not saying how I feel to this particular girl. I do, feel like I want to spend every giving minute with her as though I were to die the next. I wish I can muster that courage to do that. I wish I had more fear of not knowing, than the fear of being rejected. I wish, I wish...

Anyway, enough from me. I do wish you read this and reply me soon. Do take care.

Ken Rhee

Love Struck

They say it isn't fair to like someone when you have someone else in mind. But there is a story of a ladder of friends/potential girlfriends that every guy possess. There is that epitome of the perfect girl I have in mind, and then there is that nice girl within arm's reach. The question is whether I will give up waiting for something that may never happen and settle for the next best thing, or persue the unreachable hoping that everything is as perfect as I imagined.

Or like any buaya, persue all targets and make a decision then.

I cannot tell you much of the girls I have in mind, as I do not know them that well. It isn't the beauty that is attracting me, it is something deeper that I see in them. Something that makes me want to know them. If only I dare myself to go talk to them more...

The interesting part of this tale is my REM dreams. I was getting married to someone behind a veil. I have no idea who it is. I see and feel my friends around me, but her identity remains a mystery to me. Everything seemed perfect. Then suddenly...

Violence everywhere. Aliens or monsters or undead or shambling corporate presence appear and we engage in an all out war with them. My instinct was to protect this wife-to-be and everyone else around me. It was like going through a Die Hard movie. The funny thing is that this isn't the first time I had this dream. I have had several similar dreams of me getting married to someone behind a veil and a battle after or during. I never knew her name...

I'm in love...

I've always been thinking what exactly do I want in a girl. As far as I can tell, I don't know what they are, but I've noticed some sort of pattern with the girls thatI've liked, in cluding this latest girl.

I've also thought about a fact about birds from National Geographic. It states that male younglings, when older, will try to mate with someone who resembles the first face that it sees, meaning its mother. So if you look at the story of the ugly duckling, it will in the end look for a duck for it's mate, instead of running off with other swans... Of course if I bring this to the human world, falling in love with your mother is just... sick... Anyway, in the humn world, this would be termed Oedipus Complex.

My point is that, I love my mother. Not in that way, but I think I've realised that I like girls who show some features of my mother. My mother is authoritative, which comes with the perks of a ateacher. She thought us and instilled the discipline in us as far as I can remember. And this is a trait that I've noticed in the girls I like. THis girl that I like is a lnatural leader. She commands well, and is able to capture other's hearts. She takes charge of various activities and would take on daring aadvenntures...

I'v always looked up to my mother. She always taught us maths, which stil remains my most favourite subject (though I have not done it in a long long long long time...) My mother is smart. She can speak most chinese dialecs, solve most maths questions... I do feel sometimes proud when I can teach her somehting, like in computing stuff, and teacher her sudoku was fun! I've aleays been attracted to smart women. I wouldn't fall for those helpless dumb blonds if you know what I mean. Being able to say the right thing at the right place in the right way has always attracted me.

I guess my weakest point would be how much they care. Not just to me, but to other people, and not just the "Have you eaten yet?", "Your hair needs combing," comments, but my general well being. Not so much of telling me what to do, but more like telling me how to improve myself. Teach a man to fish, and I'll somehow get there... Not just advice, but someone who unerstands me and is able to cheer me up

Putting all the pieces together and adding a few points of things that I like over the years, I've created an image of a perfet person, at least to me. This girl that I've fallen for is caring, kind, authoritative, smart, talented, strong and bold, beautiful... The saddest thing is that she's unobtainable. For one, I think she's way out of my league, and that she likes someone else. And that she is an anime character...

The guy that she likes is not a perfect boyfriend, not a perfect person socially either, but I do wonder what can a guy offer to a girl such as her. The only thing that he does is annoy her and protects her with his life. He would go to extreme measures to ensure her safety. I guess what girls really want is some form of security. Someone who can make them feel safe, protected, someone they can depend on.

Am I right, ladies?