Adventures in Albany - Day 16

Today’s topic: Psychiatry.

My general theory for psychiatry now is thoughts. A crazy person thinks too much.

If the thoughts are generally sad ones, like guilt, worthlessness, and suicidal, then the person would become depressed.

If the thoughts are general happy and grandiose, then the person would be more manic.

If the thoughts becomes like a voice on its own, it becomes more like a schizophrenia type disorder.

Content of the thoughts, intensity of the thoughts and the frequency of the thoughts are what makes a person crazier than others. But we cannot not think, at least I can’t. I tried meditation before, and they told us to not think about anything, not to have any worries on our minds. I can’t stop thinking. I wasn’t thinking about my problems or anyone else’s problems. I just can’t stop thinking about things. I would be thinking about breathing, thinking about not thinking about anything, thinking about how dark it is, etc. Maybe I am crazy.

I just wish that my thoughts are focused so that I can pass my exams.

Joke of the day:
To a worker in a scaffolding business: “Hey, how are you holding up?”
I was laughing inside throughout the whole consult.

And I was also thinking of other greeting for other jobs:
To a deepsea fisherman: “Hi, business keeping afloat?”
To a Coles cashier: “Hello, everything checking out okay?”
To an exterminator: “So, what’s been bugging you?”
To a property salesman: “House everything?”

Adventures in Albany - Day 15

Today’s topic: Criminals.

Crime is bound by law, and is bound by what is considered the norm. If everybody thinks that murder is a normal thing, then it wouldn’t be a crime to do it. Every religion tells us to be peaceful, and that killing is wrong. However, just basic common sense is enough to keep you from breaking the law.

My conclusion is that all criminals are mentally ill.

That’s what I felt when I visited the prison again today. I guess it is in the Hippocratic Oath that I shall not discriminate who I doctor, but sometimes I do not feel like these crazy people deserve any medical treatment. It gets hard though, if we start labeling them as crazy, as they can use it as a defense against their action. But the fact still remains; no sane person will kill someone else.

On a lighter note, I had dinner with Dr. Tompkins and her family tonight. She took me on the scenic route from the city centre to the hospital, giving me a good view of Middleton Beach. It was really beautiful to see the beach and the ocean. All I needed now is time and transport so that I can enjoy the sun and sand more easily.

Dinner was simple, but I really enjoy being in a family environment. The dogs were extra friendly, and the children are just as shy. Dr. Tompkins read a few bedtime stories and I was actually intrigued by the stories and I was brought back to my own childhood with bedtime stories.

Actually, I cannot remember many bed time stories. I remember borrowing a book from the public library with 365 stories in it. It is mostly short stories, so it was a fast read. And given that I was probably 9 years old, I managed to read the entire book just in time to return it a week later. My parents encouraged us to read a lot. I guess they would have read a few to me. You can never place a price on books. I love books.

But nowadays I tend to pick my books. There are some that I cannot last reading, there are some that I cannot put down until it ends. I haven’t read any books of late. I brought a novel with me, titled, “The GoodFellas.” It is supposed to be a nice read, but I have to wait until I have the mood to read it. And yes nowadays I prefer watching stuff…

Not Happy New Year

I haven't spend Chinese New Year with my family in ages. I cannot remember when it was. Everything was still the same routine, but it felt all new to me. Partially because of so many new additons to the family. And this time round, I also had to drive a lot more in the dangerous roads of Malaysia... As of today, The Star records a total of 14 fatalities from 937 accidents and 11,126 summons from Ops Sikap XIX.

Driving is hazzardous. While I was cruising along just under the speed limit, out shoots cars both on the right AND left (yes, even the emergency lane) with speeds of over 140kmph. I wouldn't mind them usually, but what they do is to turn on their headlights so that you can see them coming from behind. If you pretend not to see, they drive so close to your car, you feel as though they are breathing down your neck. As if we don't need to go to where we want to go in a hurry.

I am also very annoyed at those cars who decide to take the emergency lane to zoom past the queue to get to the head of the line, bypassing a few hours wait. We were already 1 hour in the jam, moving slowly in que, when we see a third lane forming before our eyes. If you imagine, the gate only allows two lanes in, and those in the third lane cutting in at the beginning of the que, making those who are already in the line wait longer. Not only does the authorities not punish them, but even started directing traffic so that the third lane is allowed in. Oh yeah, not to mention, the third lane was the bus lane, and so the busses make the 4th lane and cars follow them... and... you can guess the rest.

So my thoughts are, that those who are ruthless, cut queues, and have no regards for traffic rules get where they want easier than those who follow rules. Why bother having rules.

And don't get me started with breaking rules and bribes. As if this country has any integrity at all. I mean look at the politics.

I feel that drivers think only for themselves and never give a moment's thought to other road users. If someone gives you way for you to cut in, it is because you're 'pro' at cutting in. If someone doesn't, he's an asshole. The only thing preventing accidents from happening is you not wanting your own car to get damaged.

If you remember from 'A Beautiful Mind', where John Nash gets the idea for governing dynamics and his Nash Equilibrium, if that is applied to driving, I am pretty sure that everyone will be a safer driver and everyone will be happy. But as of now, I conclude that most drivers a selfish pricks.

Wall-E

I recalled watching this animal documentary, trying to identify which breed of dog is the smartest. One of the test I recalled was a test to see how a dog would retrieve a snack from under a low lying table. Most dogs would be using their snouts to push and shove the table to get to the snack, but they identified the smarter dog would be using his paws to reach for it and pulling it out. Conclusion, using another appendage that suit the situation better to achieve result with least hassle.

I guess that is the gist of what my definition of intelligence is. To achieve a result with the least possible hassle. If you are smart enough, you would be able to bypass the drudging slower methods to accomplish something. For example, you would be using icecubes to cool down a drink rather than waiting for it to naturally cool down or blowing on it till it is bearable. But to make icecubes... Some intelligent person decides to make icecubes for that purpose, and intelligently does it, so that he can enjoy cool drinks without having to wait a long time.

So, what it seems to me is that laziness, and the strife to have a more relaxing lifestyle, has made us intelligent.

Or intelligence has made us lazy...

Which brings me to today's review, Wall-E. The humans potrayed in the movie are blobs, who are slowly losing the function of their bodies. They travel around in hovercraft thingies, with a computer screen in front of thier eyes 24/7. Everything they need is given to them. They also start to lose their identities. Well, that is what I saw anyway...

This comes with all that technology that make our lives easier.

Laziness: the cause and effect of Intelligence.

The Mist

The Mist is a film adaptation of Stephen King's novella with the same name. Yes, a novella is shorter than a novel... but longer than a novelette.

Anyway, the most striking feature about this story is how different people react in FEAR. I just find it interesting to find out how you would see yourself as one of the characters in the movie. After you've decided, 'Yeah, that's who I want to be,' the ironic thing is at the end of the movie...

In fear and panic situation there would almost always be:

1. The Unlikely Hero - This is the person who just does the right things at the right place at the right time. Just like Die Hard. There are other people in the same situation, but his/her actions would make people listen and follow him/her.

2. The Biblical Preacher - This would be the person who starts preaching that whatever is happening is an act of God. He/she believes that they are being punished for all the sins that they have committed and begs everyone to repent and seek salvation. Depending on how psychotic the person is, the situation may blow out of proportion.

3. The Unbeliever - This is the person who is denial and still believes that it is just a prank. He/she believes that nothing is wrong and everything will be ok. He/she argues ardently and may turn violent until he/she: A. dies or B. believes.

4. The Wannabe Hero - This is the person who wants to be of use and tries desperately to help. He/she would be thinking of various plans or gadgets to annoy people and usually does not help the situation. It is usually potrayed as a young teenager who ultimately gets in the way and die.

5. The I-Told-You-So - This is a very annoying character. All he/she does is to spew out comments stating the obvious. He/she would bad mouth anyone and will dampen any spirit. In a movie, you would wish that the character would died early and usually would get cheers from the audience whence he/she dies.

6. The Lovers - This is the couple in the situation. The female counterpart would usually be protected by her male counterpart, or find out that he's a selfish prick. If the situation allows, they would be making out or having sex somewhere. In the movies, they would die during, or after sex.

7. The Scardy Cat - This is probably where most of us sit. He/she would be terrified of the situation and resort to hiding in a corner in fetal position. He/she would not want to move from the spot and would not listen to anyone, no matter how logic it is. In hopeless situations and if the person is depressed enough, he/she would commit suicide.

Every panic movie would potray these 7 roles or a mix of them. There can even be more than one person in a particular role.

In The Mist, there was a scene discussing the reactions that were happening and how it will lead to people killing one another. Like in The Lord Of The Flies. One guy pointed out that it was in their nature to react that way... bringing in religion and politics as examples. If it happens at times out of crisis, then what more when IN crisis? Even with a common enemy, people will still have different view points and sides will be taken.

Anyway, a good psych watch for me. And if you do plan to watch it, take note of the ironic scene at the end. It is so ironic that it is not funny at all.

Who's hot, Who's not?

I have a lot to complain about, but since the people I am complaining may come across this blog (though really slim) I shouldn't mention any names. This thought has been brewing for ages, and I finally found solid facts that support my feelings. This is a result of my psychological evaluation of the people I know.

I was asked recently what my interests are in. I couldn't tell you exactly what it is, but I can tell you that I hate politics (even that, I like the psychological side of things). I could probably talk to you about everything else, though limited. So in a way, I am easily pleased. Yet, this group of people manage to not please me at all. They have their good sides, as with all of us, yet it is their bad side that is getting to me. I am just annoyed with their behaviour, this inconsiderate careless attitude of theirs. UNCOOL.

Come to think of it, it is hard to describe it without saying who they are... All I can say is, though they are friends, I am thinking that I should stay away from them as much as I can.

On a lighter note, I have met some people who are more of the people I like to hang around with. Though our meetings are a bit superficial, I am sure that friendship can really be cultivated with them. People that I can talk to about anything about. Like movies, games, tv shows, music, philosophy, religion, etc.

Looking forward to our next meeting...

Love Struck

They say it isn't fair to like someone when you have someone else in mind. But there is a story of a ladder of friends/potential girlfriends that every guy possess. There is that epitome of the perfect girl I have in mind, and then there is that nice girl within arm's reach. The question is whether I will give up waiting for something that may never happen and settle for the next best thing, or persue the unreachable hoping that everything is as perfect as I imagined.

Or like any buaya, persue all targets and make a decision then.

I cannot tell you much of the girls I have in mind, as I do not know them that well. It isn't the beauty that is attracting me, it is something deeper that I see in them. Something that makes me want to know them. If only I dare myself to go talk to them more...

The interesting part of this tale is my REM dreams. I was getting married to someone behind a veil. I have no idea who it is. I see and feel my friends around me, but her identity remains a mystery to me. Everything seemed perfect. Then suddenly...

Violence everywhere. Aliens or monsters or undead or shambling corporate presence appear and we engage in an all out war with them. My instinct was to protect this wife-to-be and everyone else around me. It was like going through a Die Hard movie. The funny thing is that this isn't the first time I had this dream. I have had several similar dreams of me getting married to someone behind a veil and a battle after or during. I never knew her name...

Racism

Another rant...

I was travelling to Freo Hospital the other day. I can't help but being racist. Sure you cannot discriminate against another race, but this is ridiculus.

They are a loud bunch, as with most of their race. Talking loudly and talking about who screwed who and who fathered who. Some things are I don't want to hear, but it is hard to ignore. And there we are, learning about their cultures and that we should respect them, etc. I do not respect them at all as they do not deserve it.

True, some of them are cultured and civilised. Some of them are outstanding, some of them soft spoken. But when 99% of the encounters with them are the same, I find it hard not to be racist.

Even in the taxis to and from the airport, the taxi drivers have nothing else to say but to complain about another particular race or foreign worker. I come from a multi-racial country, studied in a multi-racial environment, but yet... It's like they WANT to be treated differently.

Yeah, I don't know whether it is just me or them.

Stress makes you Stupid

It starts with a Nut. An Almond nut. The Amygdala.

Or so we were told today by our charismatic and entertaining lecturer, who is a psychologist. Everything starts when we are born, everything that we are starts there. How we express ourselves, how we react to stimuli, how we interpret things, how we cope with life events. As we develop, our mid brain develop first; thats where all our autonomic responses are processed. Then comes to the lymbic system where most of our emotions and fears are. Last is our cognitive function such as speech and rationalization. And everything is a learning process that begins when we are born, with our attachments to the people around us and the environment.

So, I am the way I am, because that's how I have learnt and have been since then.

But...

Who am I?





I never like to talk. I prefer typing. To me, typing eliminates most of the emotional side of things, body language, tone; something that I do not handle well. I would probably score good marks on a EQ written test, but put into a real situation I don't think I will be able to convey genuine empathy, sympathy and end up with just apathy.

Which brings to the next part of the lecture: EMOTIONS. :)

The basic idea is that emotions are in the lymbic system and not in the cortex. So when you get stressed or emotional, you aren't thinking rationally. So, as an aspiring General Practioner, we have to learn about how TO handle difficult patients and how WE handle difficult patients.

Then the question arose, to avoid getting stressed and becoming better doctors, do we forgo our stressful studying practises?



When you are stressed, it has been proven that more blood goes to your lymbic system and midbrain than your cortex, to you appear to be less intelligent. STRESS MAKES YOU STUPID

So when you relax, more blood goes to the rest of your brain and you are able to process information better and makes you be less emotional and more rational. THE BRAIN IS LIKE A SPONGE; IT ABSORBS BETTER RELAXED

On Crying

I find it interesting that there is a different quality of a child's cry compared to an adult. Most babies and children I know cry out loud, demanding to be heard, screaming their hearts out. Older ones cry softly, sobbing to themselves. Adults just shed tears. I believe that all of us go through an equal type of sadness, but what makes us cry to ourselves and what makes kids cry out loud?

I Wish I Had a Camera

Today I made a trip to KL in search of much needed old memory. Walking through the corridors of Sungei Wang reminded me a lot about myself. My early childhood was spent here whilst my father repaired the home pc at Imbi. I watched the shops evolved as they added new floors and more shops. Now it has become more of a fashion hub, for both clothes & accessories as well as electronic goods.

Hundreds of geeks flock to the scientific side and hundreds of Ah Bengs and Ah Lians flock to the greater parts of the complex. These teenage girls with their skimpy or somewhat sensual outfits reminded me much of my pornographic collection, and deepened my preference of Chinese girls. Back in Australia, I'm only exposed to Caucasian females. Big features maybe enticing, but give me Asian beauties anytime.

Satisfying my eyes with this pleasantry, I began to wonder about the question, why do girls like dressing up. A friend once answered that it is because they feel more confident about themselves. And also that they think guys only like than it they are sexy. Can't argue there... It's only natural that we choose a sexier or hunkier counterpart. Unfortunate for us geeks on the 6th floor.

But pretty girls was not the reason why I wanted a camera. At the camera shop on the 6th floor, I fell in love with sleek and sexy model. I could not get my eyes or hands off. The manager let me play with this beauty all I want. The Canon 400D.

I was always interested in photography, but never had the chance to do so. I never did have the time to research on how to produce quality photos and never the right equipment for it. It's still a dream until I can afford to fork out RM3500... Oh well, there is always Chinese New Year and my Birthday coming soon... With the meager amount of money I had, I settled instead for the outdated memory card I was looking for.

And now the real reason why I wanted a Camera:
To capture a scene whereby a police car driving along Petaling Street, passing not less then 5 stalls selling pirated DVD's and nothing happened.

Psychiatry
This is a very depressing posting for me. This posting will make you start to think about the different people around you and understand why they act the way the act... and then you start diagnosing them with psychiatric illnesses. They are amongst us.

Heck, there are even movies about these people, and even real life celebrities who have psychiatric illnesses. Some professions just needs a person to be so, accountants should have a compulsive disorder, lighthouse watch should be a schizoid, actors be hysterionic... They are more prevalant than you think!

Anyway, back to my posting... Psychiatry is a very long process, from long history takings, long management, and long list of problems and treatment.

Long History. Tomorrow, I will be sitting for an exam, that will test my presentation skills and diagnosing and management. Today, I sat for one that tested my interviewing skills. I failed miserably. I declare the session unjust, but I know where I went wrong. I was probably to familiar with the patient and knew her diagnosis before I sat down to interview her. That led me to only have a checklist and not ask in detail about her change. That cost me dearly. Depressing.

Long List of Problems. The list is almost endless. Mood disorders - Depression, mania, depression with psychotic symptoms, mania with psychotic symptoms, hypomanic, hypothymic, cyclothymic, bipolar I, bipolar II, etc... Anxiety disorders - OCD, PTSD, generalized anxiety, social phobia, specific phobia, agoraphobia, panic attack, etc... Schizophrenia. Schizophreniaform. Schizoaffective. brief Schizo... Drug induced... Sleep disorders... Sexual disorders (which reminds me of what we did in Moral Studies; necrophilia, zoophilia, paedophilia, homophilia, etc...) ... erm... that's all I can remember apart from the Dementia/Delirium and other medical causes for psychiatric problems.

Long List of Treatment. Each grouping has it's specific drug, but since each disorder can overlap into the other, the drugs will also overlap. It's just too long a list to do here. And that's just the drugs. There is also the other Therapies, like CBT, ECT, hypnotism, acupucture, etc...

Long List of Management. I am getting tired of listing down stuff. It's a long list. There are many ways to manage psychiatric patients.

The only difference in the outcome is whether the patient complies or not. Some do. Some don't know they need to. Some don't get better anyway. So it's sad.

It's hard not to get depressed in here.

Stealth

What caught me was the part about AI. AI that went beserk and waged war against humanity and the bad stuff. We've seen it in The Matrix, we've seen it in I, Robot, we've even seen it in The Terminator. So what sets this movie apart?

The movie covered everything. Reasons for and reasons against. EDI was made for a purpose, to fight for humans. Basically fight a battle for us against the enemy. No more recieving news that your sons and daughters have died in service to the country. And furturmore, high percision, high accuracy, and no mistakes. Computer can do all that.

Though, there is a quote that states that to be human is to make mistakes. Can a computer make mistakes? It does what it is told. It follows a set of rules that it must strictly abide to. Reminds me of a couple of fellow medic student who does things by the book. No room for improvision, go haywire with the slightest contradiction, and panic when things are not like the book. That is life. Humans are about adapting, computers at its current state cannot adapt. The beauty about humansis that we do not have a limit like computers do. Sure, we have certain limitations, but our brain can go beyond physical limitations, and I think that is what sets us apart.

The idea behind Artificial Intelligence is that it has the capability to learn. It has a higher capability to learn than most humans. It can learn everything, from baking a cake, to designing a building. It can also learn how to poison someone and to destroy a building. It all depends on who teaches it. This is another similarity with humans. Many people in the world are brainwashed with the wrong teaching. Who in the right mind would blow himself up in the middle of the street? or wage war against another group of people? And the factor that sets us apart is morality. A computer would not know whether what it is learning right or wrong... and even we find it hard to differentiate what is right and wrong. This is something that we can never fully understand too. In medic, we would be facing dilemmas and we have to decide on what is right and what is right. Right for the patient, right for the politics that goes around. We learn that this action is right in this situation, but there is also the patient's possible reactions or politics which makes the action wrong. There isn't a guideline for everything, and definitely not for instincts and hunches, and that is why AI cannot be programmed to handle everything.

And the real purpose in this blog: Will computers ever replace doctors? It replaced many jobs already. This movie talks about AI replacing pilots. And with every AI movie, humans prevail. Why? Because we can take chances, take risk againsts the odds, we can accept, we can dream. So my answer to my question is, no.

Though, maybe one day... And there is no use for humans... I picture a tiny blob on a pedestal, surrounded by machines for everything. Actually I can't picture anymore. There would be no purpose of life... well, that's another story...

What is it with people and queues?

(I feel somehow like Dr. John Dorian saying that...)

Well, it's more like 'What is it with Malaysians and queues? I just attended an Indian wedding ceremony, and it's buffet style dinner. And whenever guests have to witness an hour long ceremony while their stomachs growl, the desire to get to the food first is greater. And that's when queues fail.

I remember about 7 years back when my father and I went to the PC Fair in PWTC arriving in the wee hours of the morning. (Well, before the Fair gates open anyway.) There was a queue to enter. Why was there a queue? I don't really know. But there was one. It stretched from the doorway, all the way back to the escalators, and, I think, down the not functioning escalators. Looking back, I think it will be quite noble to do that, queuing up. Shows a little 'respect' or 'face' to those who really came first.

Then, when the gates finally open at 10am...

All hell break loose. Those at the back rushed forward and people queuing behind me were rushing past me to the door first.

What's the point in queuing?!!

Back to the wedding... the queue started. And I was standing behind a guy to queue up for the food. A couple in front of him were standing side by side and I guess he family started queueing behind her. If you picture it nicely, you will notice that now, there were 2 lines merging into one, where the couple were standing. I looked at my brother and at the line that was forming NOT behind us. I nudged him to suggest queuing up behind the longer line. We did. But the same thing happened. Another line was branching out again. Crap.

Luckily though, the other line didn't last and more people queued up behind us. Anyway, we got to the food finally and refills were constantly bring brought out.

Everybody was going to get the food sooner or later. I guess the hunger drives people to be not thoughtful. I just hate it when people are impatient. I hate it when people drive up so close behind my car, edging me to drive faster. Though I hate it, I let them off. I don't mind waiting. They won't learn anything even if I do say something.

I hope people will learn someday...

Newer stuff... somethings in life aren't always as they seem, some sad looking person maybe experiencing the greatest love of his life. Another person who is happy to the stage of euphoric, he may be torn deep inside. A leaf isn't a leaf when it has six legs and feelers and moves about. A wolf can hide in sheeps' clothing. One word: deceit. Okay, maybe a few more, lies, false, deception.

My point is, I guess, is that we are all living in a world full of lies. So whom do we trust? In a friend whom you could confide in? A loving partner? Parents who are always there for you? Some higher power which we feel but not seen? For some, these things work, for others, this is a load of crap. I don't know which am I...

How can someone believe in something so much and yet commit a crime that is against his/her own principle? I mean a person can boast so much that he is an avid recycling kind of guy, but still litters in the parks. They speak so much of Greenpeace but still polute the environment with car fumes. Do these people deserve to live? I guess they should, they have to make the world balanced. Good vs Evil, Black against White, Angels vs Devils, Elf vs Orcs, poor vs rich, stupid vs intelligent... But I know some do not know that they are wrong. Nobody told them.

Where do you think you stand? Where do others think you stand? It's hard for me to say where I stand in life. Someone can tell me that I am doing great, another can say that I am a pile of crap. I guess my mother was right in a way, I'll never have a girlfriend, with this attitude of mine. As much as I believe there is bound to be someone in this whole wide world for me, I also say that there will be one for every other idiot there is. I may not amount to much to some, and I guess I wouldn't be much in the world; I'm just a grain of sand on the beach, a thread in a carpet. But I am happy that I have made my mark here. I'll die happy.

All I can say is that, nobody knows me, and I am waiting for someone who can enlighten me, be my friend. Is that so hard to do? I guess it is. I am the way I am, and if you don't want to accept me for who I am, well, you can make the sun set in the east, I wouldn't really give a damn. I may end up lonely in the world, but at least I won't have you there.