UNINSTALL

by Chiaki Ishikawa

It came from beyond the extreme reaches of our reality,
It came to laugh at our naive existences.
I am puzzled by the truth that slips through my hands even as I cover my ears.
Where in this thin body do I find the strength to stand?

Uninstall, uninstall.
I was told that I am just one of the countless specks of dust on this planet,
But that is something I cannot yet comprehend.
Uninstall, uninstall.
I have no choice but to pretend that
I am a warrior who knows no fear. Uninstall.

Our subconscious grows sharper without us realizing.
When I open my eyes to the contourless presence below my bed,
I am devoid of any feelings,
Except an impulse to destroy everything and anything.
Since I can’t even choose the season of my passing…

Uninstall, uninstall.
If there’s no one left to replace me,
Then I will take that regular daily life and
Uninstall, uninstall.
It makes me want to end everything with these hands.
It’s not a bad thing to uninstall.

Uninstall, uninstall.
I was told that I am just one of the countless specks of dust on this planet,
But that is something I cannot yet comprehend.
Uninstall, uninstall.
I have no choice but to pretend that
I am a warrior who knows no fear. Uninstall.

Weekly Update

I did something today that I have not done in ages... yes, seeing patients is one of them. But what I am referring to is listening to music, with lyrics that is. Yeah, this all sparked with High School Musical. That and High School Musical 2. And Hairpsray. After stopping listening to Hairspray songs, I quickly went back to soundtracks and songs that I have no idea what the lyrics mean, like jap songs, etc...

Then came High School Musical. Yes, I may be one of the only people who like it. Acting and storyline aside, I'm in it for the dance moves... and the sweet young thing called Vanessa Anne Hudgens. But yeah, the dances are awesome. I really wish sometimes that I can go back to the days where I have friends who would like to copy the dance moves and perform. I miss those times. When I hear the music, I picture the dances, and that what makes me listen to them more. HSM2 was even more vibrant and wild. I can't wait until HSM3 comes out in November. Thank you Kenny Ortega.

The other thing, seeing patients... I am currently in a team which divides the patient load into 2, so effectively, we get new patients every 10days. It is good for the doctors, but not so good for us medical students. I've seen everyone on the list, some demented, some just too old. But I've talked to all whom can on my list and it is time to venture into other student's terrirory. But I lack the motivation and the discipline.

The reason why I am lacking this, as with last year, is my continued addiciton. This time I have a lvl64 paladin on a totally different server. This will make 3 different 70's on 3 different servers. I failed to acquire the scorchling pet for my priest. I've got the relatively best items for my druid and I now have my epic flying form. I am stuck doing nothing now again. Miya coaxed me into creating a shaman on a horde server, which means it will be the 4th lvl70 on another server... though, I would have covered all the healing classes available in the game. I can't wait to see what the Arch Druid does. We'll see how far I can go to 70 when my account expires end of the month.

I need motivation. I need discipline. I need help.

HIMYM

The days I had without WoW were horrible. I've tried various things to get me through. But I got depressed nonetheless. I find little interest in whatever I do, like studying and sleep.

The only thing that cheered me up was watching and reading comedy. First up was How I Met Your Mother. Starring Josh Radnor, Cobie Smulders, Jason Segel, And even Alyson Hannigan from the American Pie series and Neil Patrick Harris from Doogie Howser M.D.

The sitcom is mainly about how Ted met his wife but it is never revealed so far who this girl is. So every week, Ted hooks up with a new girl, and with his hilarious bunch of friends, the story gets very interesting. What I like about the show is the excessive use of puns on almost every situation. I also admire the works of Neil Patrick Harris. He not only does the most jokes, but he also come up with various ways to flirt with women and new rules and theories about life and dating. This show is just... AWESOME.

I'm also curently listening to one of the songs from the Civilization IV soundtrack, entitled 'Baba Yetu'. Again, this harmonized singing with a tribal rythmic beat in the background just makes me want to dance my heart out. I decided to research on the song to find out what it means. Well, I found out that it is actually Swahili. And the more surprising thing is the translation: taken from here

CHORUS
Our Father, Jesus, who art
in Heaven. Amen!
Our Father, Jesus
Hallowed be thy name.
(x2)

Give us this day our daily bread,
Forgive us of
our trespasses
As we forgive others
Who tresspass against us
Lead us not into temptation, but
deliver us from Evil, and you are forever and ever!

CHORUS

Your kingdom come, your will be done
On Earth as it is in Heaven. (Amen)

CHORUS

Give us this day our daily bread,
Forgive us of
our trespasses
As we forgive others
Who tresspass against us
Lead us not into temptation, but
deliver us from Evil, and you wake the dead (?)

Our Father, Jesus who art...
Hallowed be thy name.
(x2)

It is just an AWESOME song. I also found a more detailed blog about this song.

It's over...
Currently reading: The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel
Currently listening: Fields of Hope, by Tanaka Rie
Currently playing: Dreamfall: The Longest Journey II
Currently watching: Scrubs (I'm bored, need inspiration)
Anime watching: Fate Stay Night, Bleach
Currently studying: for my semester exam

Today is the last week of the Genereal Medicine term. Again, I see myself making the same mistakes I made in Psychiatry, and it doesn't look too good for me. The only conforting words I got was that I know my stuff. My only problem is now to practise practicing medicine. But then again, ANY idiot can pick up a medic book and memorize whatever that is in there. So I need to be more of a doctor and not just anybody.

Oh well... Anyway, to get me out of my depressed state last week, I listened to this song which really suits my mood:

Fields of Hope, by Tanaka Rie
Translated into English

Beneath a veil so cold,
You deeply sleep, all alone
The melody of prayer; on the lonely fields,
a little light shined

I watched as you dreamed
You laughed like a child
So dear, and yet so far -
That is the promise of our future

That one day, on a green morning,
One day, we will make it there
Because in this wintered sky
We still believe
Fields of Hope

On the day we were born, we were embraced
And now we search for those gentle hands again
The melody of prayer; one vanishes,
And all begins again; a powerless, painful continuation

One day, to that green morning,
We'll cross through all these nights
Because that is the place each one of us searches for

Now, within my own heart,
I want to keep you warm
So dear, and yet so far -
In the name of peace
Fields of Hope

So dear, and yet so far -
The fields of promise
Fields of Hope
Fields of Hope

almost one month..

There aren't much movies that I want to watch. The latest 'movie' was SuperSize me. There goes my appetite for McDonalds...

It's really gross, how business and money takes over the needs for health awarness...

Argh, I can't really think now. I'm sick now. Having running nose and sore throat. How did I get sick? Late practises and lack of rest. Stress? I don't think I was under stress, but I am still sick.

Updates:
Cheerleaing was over on Tuesday. A hectic month of IMU cup. I tried to join as much as I can and in the end it was just cheerleading. I really am messed up and angry about how people think nowadays. Especially the new batches. They think that we rigged the IMU cup when all we tried to do was to be fair. So, with all the transparency, we broke history by losing the IMU cup. oh well. On the one hand, they deserve it, on the other, I really hope they change their attitude. We were just being fair.

Anyway, we won cheerleading. I am not too happy though. Reasons too many, and not nice to mention here. My first well earned gold medal. That is good enough for me.

And the Art Competition came to a close on Friday. I am now RM50 richer, but I hoped to have gained more. Oh well, it's the best I could have done. I'm still thinking of what to do with that money. I'm thinking of using it to cover up the cost of the Return of the King soundtrack I bought a few weeks back. I guess that's where my money should go...

Well, this is all the thoughts I have to write out. Probably more to write IF i feel like it...

Been busy. too much to update.

But lately, I've been feeling nostalgic...

It's been 3 years since my last run on a proper track.
It's been 3 years since my last event with percussionists.

I like to run. There is the feeling of the wind blowing in your face, there is the rhythmic beat of the strides, there is the acidic taste of carbon dioxide in your blood. I like sprinting. The moment I hear the words 'race' there will be an adreneline rush. I feel my face flushing, my heart rate goes up, and I get jumpy. I also get it when I'm dancing, during cheerleading sometimes. And even with all my aches and lethargy, I still managed to surpress that tiredness and pain to carry out the racing and the cheering.

Cheerleading has always been a tiring situation. Mentally and physically. But it is almost worth it. Last year's was disappointing, but after looking at the video of us, yeah, we sucked. But what I am proud of is MY segment. MY own idea. It pulled through and it was great!

This year, nothing like that this time. I wanted to put in jump ropes and balls and bats, etc, aka Stomp style. But it is already very tiring and compact.

Which reminds me, I had forgotten how interesting it was to be in a percussion section. It's not just about making noise by hitting things. It is about hitting things in harmony. I miss that. I will always love it. That's why I love Stomp so much. Stomp is the very essence of how I live my life. Stomp is about making something out of nothing, out of junk. Who knew that a plastic bag can be made into a piece of music? Though I wish the show was a bit longer, it was already satisfying. People dream of being in a band, or a ballerina. Me, a Stomp actor/musician.

Stomp, for the heart of percussionists...

Shall We Dance

This movie is to dance, as Scrubs is for study medic. At least for me. Why scrubs? It's a source where I find some inspiration. The reason why I did Medic. The reason why I am still sticking to it. Though I get doubts about it, I still find the quotes and lessons from Dr Cox really inspiring. Watch it. Another drama full of quotes, House. Aptly named House-isms. And to spring back to real life, watch Grey's Anatomy.

Now back to Shall We Dance. What do I find interesting about this movie? It's about being happy. And finding out what makes you happy. And doing what makes you happy. Yep, a happy happy movie.

It's not much of the dancing. It's the happiness of doing something that had inspired you. Did you ever find a passion for something? Something that lifts your heart from all your worries and fears? Something that cradles you to sleep peacefully?

It all started with curiosity, something new, something that you may never had thought of. For John Clark, he was just curious about Paulina. This may start as a crush, or whatever you may call it. The reason he did it, he said becuase he wasn't truly happy. Makes you wonder whether in a alternate universe, he would have had an affair. But no, this little 'thing' grew into a passion for dancing.

He hid it from his wife, because he was ashamed of letting her know about how he was not happy with things now. Mundane job, same repeating words, same schedule everyday. He tried to go for a movie, but there wasn't any time. Saying you are not happy, would mean that the marriage was falling. But he didn't want to make the person he loved unhappy. Wouldn't we all do that? To live on, just for the person you love to be happy?

And what if the thing that makes us happy something shameful? Do we hide it from everyone, like Link? It's al because of social stigma. But what can you do? Do something that you really love and dream of, and in the end be the laughing stock of people around you. Which then will we choose? It's hard to choose.

All ended well anyway, the joy of dancing spreads among the characters and to the audience (at least for me)... I'm not saying I will get back to dancing, but the sense of finding an inspiration, something that will make me happy.

i leave you with a song from the movie:

The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing
But I
I love it when you read to me
And you
You can read me anything
The book of love has music in it
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb
But I
I love it when you sing to me
And you
You can sing me anything
The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know
But I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
And I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
And I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
You ought to give me wedding rings

Adapted ASEAN song... one of my favourites

It only takes a spark to get a fire going.
And soon all those around, can warm up in glowing.
That's how it is with God's love,
once you've experienced it,
You spread His love to everyone
You want to pass it on.
(pass it on, pass it on, pass it pass it, pass it on...)

What a wondrous time is spring, when all the trees are budding;
The birds begin to sing, the flowers start their blooming.
That's how it is with God's love;
Once you've experienced it,
You want to sing"It's fresh like spring";
You want to pass it on.
(pass it on, pass it on, pass it pass it, pass it on...)

I wish for you my friend, this happiness that I've found.
You can depend on us, it matters not where you're bound.
I'll shout it from the mountain top - ASEAN!
I want the world to know;
The Lord of love has come to me,
I want to pass it on.
I want to pass it on...