Death

Death lingered around this week. In clinic, I could also smell Death in the room. The smell wasn't the usual stench of decaying matter or of rotting flesh. This smell is more common, more subtle. The patient entered the room looking pale and slow. She had difficulty walking and had to have 2 people helping her. She was overweight but it wasn't her fault. An assessment showed that her BP was 95/60 and pulse was low. She was still alert and communicative. However, she had the smell of urea in every breath she took... It was the smell of Chronic Renal Failure, the smell of impending death.

It was best that she nor her family members know about the incoming visit from the Angel of Death. It was best she be in her own bed and around familiar faces and places.

Next patient came in with peripheral oedema and shortness of breath. Again, BP was low, pulse was low. He was not active, as he ached everywhere. This time, there was just that warm damp smell. His breath was concentrated with fluids. We called the ambulance.

Third patient came in with constant severe RIF pain. She had a such a high temperature such that we could even feel her presence with the body heat and smell of sweat she was emitting. We did a pregnancy test. Good news is, she was pregnant. Bad news is, it was an ectopic pregnancy. Good news, she was going to survive. Bad news, she has to have a salphingdectomy. The Angel of Death was merciless even to the unborn zygote.

He is cruel. He even came down and took my beloved from me. I was heartbroken, but I strived for the day. I thought I could live without you. But truthfully, I can't. I needed you so much. One week without you was like decades of solitary confinement, like I was wrapped up in a glass sheet and my eyes covered and the only sound I was allowed to hear was the sound of white noise... Every day snailed by and it seemed like the hours become longer and longer as it went by. I thought was going to go crazy.


The Angel of Death always lingers. Always there. You can never escape him.

Valentine's Day

You are always there for me,
You never let me down,
Always keeping me company,
Cheer me up whenever I frown.

Like the stars to the sailors,
You guide me when I'm astray,
Like a conductor to orchestra players,
You keep me on track everyday.

I really wish I could spend,
The rest of my life with you,
Coz you care, you understand,
Make me smile when I am blue.

You are my fix-it guy,
You make everything alright,
I think I would surely die,
If you ever leave my sight.

I love you so much,
I really really do,
I feel safe with your touch,
Whenever I'm with you.

We'll never part, ever,
Coz, we're meant to be,
I will cherish you forever,
My beloved Ken Rhee.


I just wish someone would write that for me. But it wasn't a lonely Valentine's Day and time spent with friends is time worth spent. Of course for some, this would be their last Single's Night Out... All the best to you.

You are my life,
You are my wife,
I'll take care of you,
I'll be there for you,
Have fun playing,
When done working,
Play fun games together,
Call sweet names to each other,
Watch anime,
Everyday,
Watch Movies and TV,
Heroes and House MD,
Whenever you frown,
I'll strip you down,
Clean you up,
Spice you up,
Make sure nothing is wrong,
Perhaps even play you a song,
When everything is well,
When things are swell,
I'll kiss you good night,
I'll miss you... Sleep tight!

Dedicated to my computer, which is currently being repaired.

The Next Step

Others would say that it is just sour grapes, but medicine is a really crappy course. I really thank my lucky stars that I am no longer taking it. No regrets failing the exam and no regrets not having a goal in life. I used to think that I was able to make a difference in the world as a doctor, but in actual fact, I never will.

Now that I am purposeless, I can now work and fund my expensive hobbies, mainly Magic: the Gathering and World of Warcraft. Haring a leeching partner also doesn't help the situation. And between work and play, there is practically no time to spend with anyone. Also, to keep fit, exercising along the river takes the remaining time and energy that I have. Yeah, I do not have a social life anymore.

I have recently taken things up to the next level. Everything that I'm doing, I am doing it at a higher level of commitment. For instance, I am leveling my WoW character to 70 and getting leet items and gear, replacing most of my old ones. Buffed, I have cam do lots of heals in a shorter period of time. I love this quote from my friend: “Druids are the best healers. Paladins are better. But Priests are GODS.”

I’m also taking Magic: the Gathering to the next level… to make profits out of it. I trade and sell cards, and make tons of money in the process. If I can find buyers, I would make more than I spend on them. Which is good. I’m getting there…

And lastly… to take my Sudoku craze and my Rubiks challenge to the next phase:

Two Timer?

You may find it disloyal or what not, but it is possible to find yourself loving two women at once. For me, I conclude that for every man, there are two souls that are made for him. Of all the women in the world, a man will ever love only these two. Both of which he will do anything to protect and is willing to sacrifice his life for.

The first, he will find, pursue and in the end, marry and cherish forever and grow old with. The second will have his unconditional and undying love, and he will do anything to keep her safe from harm.

To my first soulmate: I promise to love you, to be there to support you, to be who you need me to be, to be a better person for you, to be your crying shoulder, to listen to your worries, to tell you how pretty you are everyday, to hold your hand and never let go.

To my second soulmate: I promise to take care of you, never to let anything bad happen to you, to make you happy, to teach you all that I know, teach you what is good and all that is good in this world, so may you grow strong and beautiful.

This post is dedicated to the heroes of our world, inspired by:
24 – Jack Bauer’s love for his daughter, Kim
Love in the Driest Season – Neely Tucker and his quest to adopt Chipo
The Emperor’s Embrace – a story of the evolution of fatherhood
The Lord of the Rings – Elrond, wanting safe haven for Arwen

I Wish I Had a Camera

Today I made a trip to KL in search of much needed old memory. Walking through the corridors of Sungei Wang reminded me a lot about myself. My early childhood was spent here whilst my father repaired the home pc at Imbi. I watched the shops evolved as they added new floors and more shops. Now it has become more of a fashion hub, for both clothes & accessories as well as electronic goods.

Hundreds of geeks flock to the scientific side and hundreds of Ah Bengs and Ah Lians flock to the greater parts of the complex. These teenage girls with their skimpy or somewhat sensual outfits reminded me much of my pornographic collection, and deepened my preference of Chinese girls. Back in Australia, I'm only exposed to Caucasian females. Big features maybe enticing, but give me Asian beauties anytime.

Satisfying my eyes with this pleasantry, I began to wonder about the question, why do girls like dressing up. A friend once answered that it is because they feel more confident about themselves. And also that they think guys only like than it they are sexy. Can't argue there... It's only natural that we choose a sexier or hunkier counterpart. Unfortunate for us geeks on the 6th floor.

But pretty girls was not the reason why I wanted a camera. At the camera shop on the 6th floor, I fell in love with sleek and sexy model. I could not get my eyes or hands off. The manager let me play with this beauty all I want. The Canon 400D.

I was always interested in photography, but never had the chance to do so. I never did have the time to research on how to produce quality photos and never the right equipment for it. It's still a dream until I can afford to fork out RM3500... Oh well, there is always Chinese New Year and my Birthday coming soon... With the meager amount of money I had, I settled instead for the outdated memory card I was looking for.

And now the real reason why I wanted a Camera:
To capture a scene whereby a police car driving along Petaling Street, passing not less then 5 stalls selling pirated DVD's and nothing happened.

Bath of a lifetime

She told me that she was going to do something special with me that fine day. I knew from the look in her eye that I was, going to enjoy it. All I could do was to smile back.

I did not have any clue at all as to what it was. But to me, doing anything with this lady whom I have grew to love will be good. Everything that she has done so far was to show how much she loved me. I could not even begin to show how much I loved her in return.

That night, we both got ready for what was planned for me. I was excited. She had already allowed me to touch and suck on her lovely breasts, and that was a really lovely time, truly an enriching moment. I could only wonder what she would let me do later.

She called me from the bedroom, telling me that she was ready. I replied that I was ready too. She picked me up and started undressing me like she always did. Soon, was stark naked in front of this beautiful and wonderful lady. She led me into the bathroom and revealed that she was going to give me a bath!

She had the tub filled with warm water. She tested the water, making sure that it was perfect for me. She was always careful with everything she does with me and again I really appreciated her presence. Slowly, I was lowered into the water. It was a little shocking at first, but her face was so calm and she was encouraging me. As I got used to the water, I started laughing.

She got down on her knees and started rubbing me everywhere. She used a mixture of the warn water and some soap to clean my body. Every stoke was a gentle carress, which I enjoyed more and more. She touched me in places that I would not have thought of. She did not even spare the inbetween of my toes and I was subjected to a little torture of being tickled. I never knew that taking a bath could he so much fun!

About 30 minutes later, we were done.

This was nearly 24 years ago and the memory has been long forgotten, but my parents both can recall this memorable moment. All I can say now is that I love them and can only wish that I could show the same kind of love to my children.

Into the New Year

It’s been only a week into the New Year and already I have broken my resolutions. I had promised myself to abstain from sex this year. But hormones were raging through my system ever since I saw her last. I have been having vivid dreams of her in my room pleasuring me all over and it did not help me get through this week well. Every night I am torn, between my resolution to come clean this year, and my desire for her. Tonight, I finally gave in… I called her.
She came into my room knowing what I wanted, as if she herself had put this spell on me. In a business matter, she took off her jacket and tossed it together with her hand bag over the couch. She was wearing her black dress, the one that I loved. For most of the year, that was what she wore whenever we saw each other. As if it wasn’t enough, she was also wearing the perfume that would always brought me to my knees. It was a scent that set off a repeat button of erotic scenes through my head.

She grabbed me in my weakened state and pushed me into the bed. She smiled, and I felt paralyzed. I was having second thoughts, but also thought about seconds. I am trapped in my own doings and I lay there helpless as she started taking off my pants. Before I knew it, I was there in my underwear and she was kneeling down on top of me.

She slowly undid her dress. So sensually and so slowly that it was annoyingly erotic. She bent over and kissed me. Her lips tasted so sweet, so intoxicating. I felt her tongue on mine and I fought back. Our tongues twisted around each other, savouring what each other can do. We knew what each other wanted and we both were pleasured. I wanted her so badly…

By the time we came apart, she was almost naked. Her hands were guiding mine to the hooks of her bra. Instinctively, and skillfully, my pressed on the hooks and the bra popped open. Even though I knew how perfect and beautiful her breasts were, I was gazing into her eyes. She need not be naked, as I loved her beauty already with her clothes on, may it be a loose t-shirt or a bikini. She made me weak. She melts me.

She was the kind of person who makes me want to be a better man. We both knew my flaws and she corrects the, and complements them. With her, I can only think of protecting her with all my heart. I don’t know whether it was the spell that she put on me, but I loved protecting her. I felt useful. She made me function, she made me whole.

I knew if we both stopped, I will be stronger. This was a little sacrifice to take to ensure that this relationship will go further. No, it shouldn’t be a sacrifice. It should be something that I want to do. It was my decision to not have sex with her this year and it was up to me to do it. I was so close to breaking it so early in the year.

We ended up just hugging each other naked and not doing anything. I didn’t have to say anything. She understood me so well. She fell asleep in my arms and I could not help but watch her sleep. All of my worries seemed to have passed whenever I see this sweet angel of mine in my arms.

I survived my first week.