My Birthday

I don't like celebrating my birthday. Frankly, I don't know what the significance of birthdays is anymore. It's not like I don't want to be reminded that I am old. I grow older every day. I mean I am only one day older than yesterday, not one year. To me, time is a relative thing. It is an arbitrary unit created by quantifying events that happen. Why does an hour have 60 minutes? Why 24 hours in one day? If the people who created the units on Mars, would we get the same results? Mass and length do.

Back to birthdays, I just don't like it because I don't know how to feel on that day. Happy and grateful that I've survived another year? Sad and depressed that I've grown older but not wiser? Angry that no one remembers or cares about it? I sometimes feel alone and I want to be alone. Sometimes I even want to forget that day even. Every year I plan to hide and not be known. But every year I will go through those feelings and I hate that uncomfortable feeling the whole day.

I feel like I want a celebration, but I don’t like telling others my birthday. It is like there isn’t a point in giving out that information because I am not going to get anything. Even with loved ones, good friends, they all don’t remember. I don’t want to be reminding them; that is just blunt.

Others celebrate their birthdays by throwing a party and inviting a lot of people. I don’t do that anymore. I used to give out sweets to everyone in class and close friends on my birthday because that is the thing to do. My last biggest celebration was when I was 10 when even my father’s friends came. I have no idea why. As I grew older, the parties got smaller, even to a point of just a wish from my family. We used to be able to pick our own presents and nothing was ever a big surprise. From the kiddie toys to the story books, everything was what I wanted. In my teenage years, my gifts became more like everything I needed, practical items. This, was always given by my sister. In the end, whenever I get gifts or receive any, I would prefer something more lasting. I don’t like perishable goods, like chocolates or candy.

For the past few years now, I didn’t get any presents for my birthday. I am just getting used to that. Then it hit me as to why… it is just another day.

10 Things Your Computer Hates About You

The headings were taken from PC Powerplay Australia. The article is about the things people do to their computers which shortens the life span of any computer.

1. Your cruel use of sleep deprivation
Guilty! Yep, I tend to leave my computer on for long periods of times. It's not just the endless internet surfing and Warcraft addiction, but also the use of the computer screen as a night light. When your downloads take up so much bandwidth, your house mates complain, so you have no choice but to leave it on overnight. And hence no sleep.

2. Your obsession with "free" online software
Not guilty. I don't really like installing anything into my computer. It's pure. Free might also mean demo versions, spyware or virus. Saves me the hassle of cleaning it up too.

3. Your belief that security updates are for losers
Not guilty. I don't like spyware. Who does?

4. The way you keep poking around in its inards
Guilty! What? I know what I'm doing. My RAM acts up way now and then. I have to poke around. $50 just for a diagnostic checkup isn't worth it. I mean I don't even go to see a doctor when I'm sick.

5. Your failure to afford it fresh, clean air
Not guilty. I used to keep it under the table in a corner. It whimpers now and then, especially when I play games. I take off its covering before. Then dusts get in. Sigh. Now I know it needs air. So it is on top of my desk now, taking in all the air it wants. It doesn't whimper much anymore.

6. Your baffling complacency when it comes to dust
Guilty! It says check every 6 months at least. Mine gets all clogged up within 6 days. I clean it up every 6 months though. Maybe I should clean up every month... Maybe I should clean my room first...

7. How you never buy it the best of anything
Guilty! Who has the money? Dang, that's how I lost my previous girlfriend too...

8. Your belief that antivirus software is all the protection you need
Not guilty. Again. Spyware... I hate you.

9. Your repeated failure to uninstall anything properly
Guilty! Its hard if you don't know how... I mean, there's an associated file named window.exe that might need to be deleted... should I?

10. Your gaming addiction
Guilty! The only two times games screwed up my computer is when SimCity had a virus, and newer games taking up too much space. Apparently, that's not all games can do to your computer.

Death

Death lingered around this week. In clinic, I could also smell Death in the room. The smell wasn't the usual stench of decaying matter or of rotting flesh. This smell is more common, more subtle. The patient entered the room looking pale and slow. She had difficulty walking and had to have 2 people helping her. She was overweight but it wasn't her fault. An assessment showed that her BP was 95/60 and pulse was low. She was still alert and communicative. However, she had the smell of urea in every breath she took... It was the smell of Chronic Renal Failure, the smell of impending death.

It was best that she nor her family members know about the incoming visit from the Angel of Death. It was best she be in her own bed and around familiar faces and places.

Next patient came in with peripheral oedema and shortness of breath. Again, BP was low, pulse was low. He was not active, as he ached everywhere. This time, there was just that warm damp smell. His breath was concentrated with fluids. We called the ambulance.

Third patient came in with constant severe RIF pain. She had a such a high temperature such that we could even feel her presence with the body heat and smell of sweat she was emitting. We did a pregnancy test. Good news is, she was pregnant. Bad news is, it was an ectopic pregnancy. Good news, she was going to survive. Bad news, she has to have a salphingdectomy. The Angel of Death was merciless even to the unborn zygote.

He is cruel. He even came down and took my beloved from me. I was heartbroken, but I strived for the day. I thought I could live without you. But truthfully, I can't. I needed you so much. One week without you was like decades of solitary confinement, like I was wrapped up in a glass sheet and my eyes covered and the only sound I was allowed to hear was the sound of white noise... Every day snailed by and it seemed like the hours become longer and longer as it went by. I thought was going to go crazy.


The Angel of Death always lingers. Always there. You can never escape him.

Valentine's Day

You are always there for me,
You never let me down,
Always keeping me company,
Cheer me up whenever I frown.

Like the stars to the sailors,
You guide me when I'm astray,
Like a conductor to orchestra players,
You keep me on track everyday.

I really wish I could spend,
The rest of my life with you,
Coz you care, you understand,
Make me smile when I am blue.

You are my fix-it guy,
You make everything alright,
I think I would surely die,
If you ever leave my sight.

I love you so much,
I really really do,
I feel safe with your touch,
Whenever I'm with you.

We'll never part, ever,
Coz, we're meant to be,
I will cherish you forever,
My beloved Ken Rhee.


I just wish someone would write that for me. But it wasn't a lonely Valentine's Day and time spent with friends is time worth spent. Of course for some, this would be their last Single's Night Out... All the best to you.

You are my life,
You are my wife,
I'll take care of you,
I'll be there for you,
Have fun playing,
When done working,
Play fun games together,
Call sweet names to each other,
Watch anime,
Everyday,
Watch Movies and TV,
Heroes and House MD,
Whenever you frown,
I'll strip you down,
Clean you up,
Spice you up,
Make sure nothing is wrong,
Perhaps even play you a song,
When everything is well,
When things are swell,
I'll kiss you good night,
I'll miss you... Sleep tight!

Dedicated to my computer, which is currently being repaired.

The Next Step

Others would say that it is just sour grapes, but medicine is a really crappy course. I really thank my lucky stars that I am no longer taking it. No regrets failing the exam and no regrets not having a goal in life. I used to think that I was able to make a difference in the world as a doctor, but in actual fact, I never will.

Now that I am purposeless, I can now work and fund my expensive hobbies, mainly Magic: the Gathering and World of Warcraft. Haring a leeching partner also doesn't help the situation. And between work and play, there is practically no time to spend with anyone. Also, to keep fit, exercising along the river takes the remaining time and energy that I have. Yeah, I do not have a social life anymore.

I have recently taken things up to the next level. Everything that I'm doing, I am doing it at a higher level of commitment. For instance, I am leveling my WoW character to 70 and getting leet items and gear, replacing most of my old ones. Buffed, I have cam do lots of heals in a shorter period of time. I love this quote from my friend: “Druids are the best healers. Paladins are better. But Priests are GODS.”

I’m also taking Magic: the Gathering to the next level… to make profits out of it. I trade and sell cards, and make tons of money in the process. If I can find buyers, I would make more than I spend on them. Which is good. I’m getting there…

And lastly… to take my Sudoku craze and my Rubiks challenge to the next phase:

Two Timer?

You may find it disloyal or what not, but it is possible to find yourself loving two women at once. For me, I conclude that for every man, there are two souls that are made for him. Of all the women in the world, a man will ever love only these two. Both of which he will do anything to protect and is willing to sacrifice his life for.

The first, he will find, pursue and in the end, marry and cherish forever and grow old with. The second will have his unconditional and undying love, and he will do anything to keep her safe from harm.

To my first soulmate: I promise to love you, to be there to support you, to be who you need me to be, to be a better person for you, to be your crying shoulder, to listen to your worries, to tell you how pretty you are everyday, to hold your hand and never let go.

To my second soulmate: I promise to take care of you, never to let anything bad happen to you, to make you happy, to teach you all that I know, teach you what is good and all that is good in this world, so may you grow strong and beautiful.

This post is dedicated to the heroes of our world, inspired by:
24 – Jack Bauer’s love for his daughter, Kim
Love in the Driest Season – Neely Tucker and his quest to adopt Chipo
The Emperor’s Embrace – a story of the evolution of fatherhood
The Lord of the Rings – Elrond, wanting safe haven for Arwen

I Wish I Had a Camera

Today I made a trip to KL in search of much needed old memory. Walking through the corridors of Sungei Wang reminded me a lot about myself. My early childhood was spent here whilst my father repaired the home pc at Imbi. I watched the shops evolved as they added new floors and more shops. Now it has become more of a fashion hub, for both clothes & accessories as well as electronic goods.

Hundreds of geeks flock to the scientific side and hundreds of Ah Bengs and Ah Lians flock to the greater parts of the complex. These teenage girls with their skimpy or somewhat sensual outfits reminded me much of my pornographic collection, and deepened my preference of Chinese girls. Back in Australia, I'm only exposed to Caucasian females. Big features maybe enticing, but give me Asian beauties anytime.

Satisfying my eyes with this pleasantry, I began to wonder about the question, why do girls like dressing up. A friend once answered that it is because they feel more confident about themselves. And also that they think guys only like than it they are sexy. Can't argue there... It's only natural that we choose a sexier or hunkier counterpart. Unfortunate for us geeks on the 6th floor.

But pretty girls was not the reason why I wanted a camera. At the camera shop on the 6th floor, I fell in love with sleek and sexy model. I could not get my eyes or hands off. The manager let me play with this beauty all I want. The Canon 400D.

I was always interested in photography, but never had the chance to do so. I never did have the time to research on how to produce quality photos and never the right equipment for it. It's still a dream until I can afford to fork out RM3500... Oh well, there is always Chinese New Year and my Birthday coming soon... With the meager amount of money I had, I settled instead for the outdated memory card I was looking for.

And now the real reason why I wanted a Camera:
To capture a scene whereby a police car driving along Petaling Street, passing not less then 5 stalls selling pirated DVD's and nothing happened.