Adventures in Albany - Day 01

At the end of any day, especially since when the weather is so gloomy, all I want to do is to see that certain rainbow, to tell you about my day, about all the good and bad, all my thoughts and feelings, and to hear yours. But like a rainbow, you are not always there, and sometimes you will not appear when I really want to see you.

But when I least expect it, I managed to see three rainbows on the way down to Albany today. The weather was so gloomy when I woke up today, with extra dread, sadness and anxiety that I have been experiencing over the past few weeks. I really didn’t want to leave Perth at this moment. Although I would only be 6 hours drive away, it is still a long way and I already promised myself not to make any trips back though.

My housemate was kind enough to drive me to the busport. The ride there was the usual ‘business’ conversation, me telling him about why I was going down there, him telling me about his new uni timetable, me reminding him about paying the rent, him reminding me to transfer money into his account, etc. Otherwise, it was a smooth ride and I was at the terminal at 0830. And right outside, there was the first beautiful rainbow. It had both ends of the arc touching the horizon. Just as with you, the mere sight of it made me feel happy.

The sight of the rainbow eased the fears I had and I managed to catch up with some sleep. Of course, being extra tired from not getting enough sleep the previous night made it easy. I never knew how to handle good-byes, except from what I have seen on TV. Like, “Don’t look back,” or “Can I write to you?” or “You’re the only one he said good-bye to.” I don’t think that I can pull it off, saying something original or meaningful when I say good-bye. I have changed locations so many times in the past, and I would think that I would have gotten used to it by now. But I haven’t. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”, I hope, but there is also the opposite, “Out of sight, out of mind.” At least for now, I am already missing my friends, but I know I am still just a phone call away.

The journey was all so familiar to my days in Singapore, having also showed a movie. I could have read the book I brought but I occupied my time solving the 5x5x5 cube and watching Toy Story 2, a movie that I have seen it many times. The message that I got out of the movie was, “I would rather see him grow up than to not be loved at all.” I do not know what to make of the quote. Could I live to love someone and watch them grow up and in the end be cast away? Do I have the capacity of unrequited love and not to expect anything in return? It got me thinking about my feelings and how ideal I want my future to be with a family, but am I really capable of doing such things? It really sounds like a quote that is said by a parental figure of some sort. As it is, I am already not giving anything back to my parents. With such atrocious grades, I feel like I am a failure to them.

This is my goal here in Albany – to NOT be a failure to them. The room I was given when I got here was very conducive for studying. I could not get any internet, there was ample light, and it was quite cosy. There were facilities for everything. It doesn’t look too bad for a start, and I definitely have a good feeling about this rotation.

Letter to my Friend VI

Dear J
Sorry for the late reply. I just started a new term and we're just getting down to doing the intern work. I am glad to be in my team, because I get to see all the fresh patients from the Emergency Department, with all their untreated medical illnesses. They really have great signs, like pulmonary edema, heart murmurs, etc. Well, some better than others. I had a demented old lady who came in, was quite aware of where she was, but while I was talking to her, she started becoming drowsy and well... long story short, the next day, she didn't remember me, couldn't tell me correctly where she was, or why she is in hospital. And I have to write a report on her to be marked.

Apart from that, I went on a movie spree. Well, not much of a back to back or day after day, but I watched half a dozen movies since I wrote to you last. Lets see if I can list them down:

X-Men Origins: Wolverine - awesome movie, but elements of which did not follow the original comics, but was still a good watch.
Star Trek - The awesome beginning to a whole fandom that is Star Trek. I enjoy the pewpew war in Star Wars, but Star Trek is about how space adventure is meant to be. I converted to a trekkie fan after the movie too.
Angels & Demons - the title has not much reference to angels or demons, though it can be potrayed by the struggle between science and religion, the revalation of the antagonist's good and bad side, or just by the sheer number of angel statues in the movie. The puzzles stuck with the book, mostly, and left out the contraversial ending of the novel. But it was still a good watch.
The Notebook - it was different from what I thought it would be. Touching and sad... but a fairytale.
The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants II - it was like watching a familiar story, of childhood dreams and promises falling apart, growing older and travelling down your own path in life. Friends will be friends, but we will have to leave the nest one day.

Thats all I can think of, movies that struck and stuck.

Apart from that, I was meant to tell you my adventures in gambling. I guess everyone will be enticed by it at some point in life. It is such an easy way to win. The thrill of winning releases hormones that make you high, so you want more. That's if you win. If you lose, you fill with regret and makes you strive to 'win back' that money. The only thing that can save you is to know when to quit. Preferably before you actually put money down, but anytime down the road is always good.

Not only in Burswood Casino, my friend also started me on buying Lotto every week. The jackpot has rose to 20million and we still dream of having that much money. Sadly, even being educated, math-inclined individuals, we still want to try our luck with it. It's only $3.70 a week, but having $15 a month is equal to me playing WoW. Just that I have no chance of earning anything from WoW.

There is also a syndrome or condition or something about gambling. It applies to relationships and it was what I experienced in my past. My ex would throw tantrums about things that she is not happy about, expecting me to make things better. Sometimes, yes I feel guilty and do something about it, but other times, it became annoying or helpless that I didn't or couldn't do anything. It's like gambling. Sometimes she wins and gets what she wants, but she also loses. Eventhough losing hurts, but she would still went on with her behaviour hoping that things get done. And she kept doing it. and doing it. and doing it. and eventually I lost it. That's gambling for you.

And so what is this 'inspiration' doing to you? What does it add to your life? You have to tell me more than that...

Until next time.

Ken Rhee

Letter to a Friend V

Dear J
Sorry for the late reply. It was the end of the term and I had case reports and things to hand in and get signed. But it is finally over. Surgery is over. It really got me thinking about why I wanted to do surgery before. I like the getting down and DOING something and seeing the result... But I find myself unable to get around the barrier which is Internship. Basically we were expected to follow the intern around and doing what they do. Sadly, there is nothing much we can do and I did not get much out of it at all. Over all, I thought my surgery term was crap. Fortunately I had a very good consultant who was eager to teach and get us thinking about the basics for medicine. I really appreciate the teaching...

Anyway, how are things going now? I heard your music and it is GOOD. It is the sort of music that I play when I am trying to study. Not so loud, yet inspirational, and not sleepy. I don't see (or rather hear) anything that you can improve on. I like it as it is, but if you are going to 'improve' it, send the new copy over. So are you going to send it to a recording company or something? And you have to tell me your source of inspiration. It did sound like you were writing it about someone you fancy. SPILL!!!

My story still did not change much from the last. I am still waiting for a sign, but it doesn't really look like there's anything. I could have been imagining all of it. It is depressing, but strive on, I guess...

Yesterday was interesting. It started with me waking up late, reaching late. Fortunately, so were the doctors. Unfortunately, they had to start seeing patients immediately. Fortunately we didn't have to sit in boring clinics. Unfortunately we didn't do anything either. Fortunately, I took a day off and went home. Unfortunately I played the whole day. Fortunately I finally got an item from Ulduar. unfortunately I think I overbidded on it and found out that my old one was just as good if not better...

And I went to Burswood Casino after raid. Unfortunately I lost $30. Fortunately the 1:1 exploitation worked. Unfortunately we lost everything. I'll tell you more about my adventrues and thoughts in the next.

Ken Rhee

Letter to My Friend IV

Dear J,

Yup, if you noticed my slower and slower reply, it usually means that I have a little too much on my mind right now. I have just handed in all my reports and assessments done last night. Although we have done all the work, we're still expected to turn up for tutorials in hospital. I am a but annoyed, but on the other hand glad that I am getting some good teaching.



I am going to watch Stomp 09 tomorrow night. THAT I have been looking forward to for about a month now. And since all my work is done, I will not have much worried left and I can fully enjoy the show. I've talked so much about why I love Stomp, I won't waste time typing it out... BUT I LOVE STOMP. heh. I do wonder do you get to see any theatrical stuff over there. I'm pretty sure you can watch all those orchestral stuff there. Which reminds me of the Lord of the Rings Symphony that was going around back when it was a hit. Did you manage to catch that?



A few other things that are on my mind... It's been over a week now since I've heard from her. An optimistic notion would be that she has not been online for that amount of time. I know it has been getting a bit busy nowadays... The pessimist in me also says that she's avoiding you because she's not looking for a relationship... with you... But realistically, I am just going to wait and see. It is a mind numbing wait.



Now with my internet cap resetted, I managed to obtain some old movies for my entertainment, and that has been occupying my time when I am stressed. I also managed to catch the season finale of Heroes. It really has become twisted, and there are things that I wish were back to normal. Peter's original ability was the best, same like Sylar's. In Villains, the storyline became really perversed. I liked Villains on the other hand because they made everyone's powers both good and evil, and it really depended on who had it. That was the core message that Heroes had. I also liked the fact that there are always ways to kill even the strongest of the Heroes. Now, for Redemption, I am not looking forward to it as much anymore, as my favourite powers are gone. But it just made me think more.



My phone was giving me problems this past week. At first, I thought it would be cool not to be reachable, but it wasn't. I had to make so many phone calls to the phone company to get it settled. Hopefully everything is solved now. The only thing left is the $30 credit that disappeared during this transaction. It is just so annoying.



Right, sorry this letter is mostly about my worries and thoughts. I will get to replying your last letter in my next. Until then...



Ken Rhee

What is your deepest fear?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~ Marianne Williamson

Letter to my Friend III

Dear J,

I have to confess that I have a lot of things going on with me now. It made me think back about my life and reminisce about my past and how I got here. It made me think about you. I haven't seen you or talked to you in person for a long time, and i do relly miss the friendsip that we had. It's really good to hear from you

Ok, enough of the sad talk.

I tried watching Dollhouse, but I dunno why I cannot follow it. I gave up on Greys Anatomy too. I haven't watch Southland though. I watch The Listener too. I cant help but think about how Heroes first started and how they got used to their powers. This time it is focused on one person revealing his past and his adventures now. I suspect a hidden conspiracy going on as Heroes did at the beginning. Perhaps as the series progresses they will add that in, but I really hope it doesn't. But I have to agree that the addition of the telepathic healing girl in the latest episode was disappointing. Somehow I felt like it could take the mutant path too...

I'm also watching Lie To Me. I don't understand why you don't like it. Although I try to look for these micro-expressions, I still don't see people any different. And I certainly do not try not to do all these tell tale signs. I'm pretty much the same person. I've done a bit more reading about microexpressions and all that. apparently only something like 50 people have been identified to have the ability. It's a rare thing so don't be afraid people start reading you. You should really try continue watching it.

Speaking of reading, have you read any books lately? I haven't have time to read anything. I need fresh material. The last book you recommended... All Creatures Great and Small... to feed my interest in animals. I vaguely remember how close I came to wanting to be a Vetenarian... But I guess it also made me think more about saving lives, hence me doing medicine. By the way, I found that there's a series out though, like 30 years ago, based on the books.

By all means please send over your completed works. I look forward to listening to them. If it was just as good as before, I'm pretty sure I will like it. And I really look forward your songs when you DO have a muse. I know having a subject of interest definitely have some impact on my creativity level. It is not just about impressing someone, I am proud of my creations.

Anyway, I will let you know if there is anymore progress on my side. As of now, it doesn't look good. At this point, I just want to tell someone all about my day, all the good things... and hear their day in return. But I will let you know if there is something to tell.

I am looking forward to hear about your next world adventure.

Ken Rhee

Letter to my Friend II

Dear J,

That was a fast reply. Glad to hear you alive and well in UK. I have always wanted to travel there. It is so rich in it's history, but I guess it is because we studied so much of Asean history, I am actually bored of it. I would love to see the medieval castles and stonehenge and all that historical stuff. I'll definitely make plans to meet up with you there someday. You can poke my belly then.

Yes, I still love my play of language. I'm still that punny guy you know so long ago. I still like writing, creating poetry and thinking of some long winded flowery description of simple things. I annoy my juniors sometimes with it. Haha. I haven't been doing it much though. The last poem I wrote was last year and it was a crappy one not about my feelings and all. But, the next one I create, you'll be the first to read it. Or rather, I'll put it here as usual and you can read it then. The ongoing one is about the girl I like and the way she makes me feel. Cheesy and cliche, I know. That is why it is taking so long. I want it to be different and still romantic. How's your music composing going?

How did I ever forget the debates we had about evolution and creationism. Endless nights of pleasure of speaking your mind. I miss those times, all those topics that we talked about. I have to say that evolution was the most interesting dscussion yet. We will definitely have to continue that debate again and other topics yet to come. And possibly more things to say, now that we've grown a little. I'll look forward to your opening statement. ^_^

Yeah, well, the reason why I like this girl so much is still a mystery to me. I guess I started noticing her after I had my dream. I mean I dream a lot, and dream of other people, but seldom have any impact like this. And when it does, it will stick to me until something happens. She's sweet, nice, independant, friendly... and thats the extent of how I can describe her. I have to admit that I do not know her at all, yet I am so attracted to her. Yes, she is pretty. I would tell you more, if there is anything to tell. And no I am not telling you her name so that you cannot stalk her out. I know your skills are better than mine. Anyway, what about yourself? Is there someone existing that breaks your vow of celibacy?

You don't have to tell me. Everyone is telling me to go for it, give it a try, you'll never know. I'm hoping that you would say something different, like you always do. I still take your words in high regard, so you better live up to it. haha.

Apart from that, well, I have been watching a lot of TV shows lately. And movies. But I think I'll let you go first. Else, this letter will go on forever... Till then, good luck with your job interview.

Ken Rhee