It was kind of a depressing day for me.
It started out with a worrying dream/nightmare. I cannot remember the details of the dream but the feeling that you get after the dream lingered and it made me worry that something bad was going to happen. Perhaps it was just anxiety, but I don't know what of. May be it was nothing.
The day started with normal consults, with me realizing that I cannot get into the mode of a GP consult. It was annoying. I couldn’t think on my feet, and I struggled to keep awake most of the time.
There were a few familiar ‘difficult’ patients who make my day worse. There may be something going on, but the way they present themselves is really not appealing. They bring in every other aches and tingling sensation, obscuring the true definite symptom. Although I like the variety of GP, sometimes I just cannot or don’t want to handle these type of patients.
I just felt like an inadequate doctor sometimes when these things happen. Later in the afternoon, my GP kept sending me out on errands, which made me feel that he did not want me in the room. It felt like I was not performing as well as he would like and probably seeing me as disinterested. I am interested, I just don’t know how to act interested.
Maybe if there was something that I was really interested in, I would be more active and engaging, but after the mentally exhausting morning, I didn’t really seem to be able to get into gear. I guess it is just the fatigue that you get from taking a jog after not exercising for a long time. It is true that I am no longer fit, but am I no longer fit mentally?
At the end of the day, I was drained and I couldn’t do much else.
Even planning for an exciting weekend seemed impossible.
We’ll see…
Friday, August 07, 2009
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Adventures in Albany - Day 16
Today’s topic: Psychiatry.
My general theory for psychiatry now is thoughts. A crazy person thinks too much.
If the thoughts are generally sad ones, like guilt, worthlessness, and suicidal, then the person would become depressed.
If the thoughts are general happy and grandiose, then the person would be more manic.
If the thoughts becomes like a voice on its own, it becomes more like a schizophrenia type disorder.
Content of the thoughts, intensity of the thoughts and the frequency of the thoughts are what makes a person crazier than others. But we cannot not think, at least I can’t. I tried meditation before, and they told us to not think about anything, not to have any worries on our minds. I can’t stop thinking. I wasn’t thinking about my problems or anyone else’s problems. I just can’t stop thinking about things. I would be thinking about breathing, thinking about not thinking about anything, thinking about how dark it is, etc. Maybe I am crazy.
I just wish that my thoughts are focused so that I can pass my exams.
Joke of the day:
To a worker in a scaffolding business: “Hey, how are you holding up?”
I was laughing inside throughout the whole consult.
And I was also thinking of other greeting for other jobs:
To a deepsea fisherman: “Hi, business keeping afloat?”
To a Coles cashier: “Hello, everything checking out okay?”
To an exterminator: “So, what’s been bugging you?”
To a property salesman: “House everything?”
My general theory for psychiatry now is thoughts. A crazy person thinks too much.
If the thoughts are generally sad ones, like guilt, worthlessness, and suicidal, then the person would become depressed.
If the thoughts are general happy and grandiose, then the person would be more manic.
If the thoughts becomes like a voice on its own, it becomes more like a schizophrenia type disorder.
Content of the thoughts, intensity of the thoughts and the frequency of the thoughts are what makes a person crazier than others. But we cannot not think, at least I can’t. I tried meditation before, and they told us to not think about anything, not to have any worries on our minds. I can’t stop thinking. I wasn’t thinking about my problems or anyone else’s problems. I just can’t stop thinking about things. I would be thinking about breathing, thinking about not thinking about anything, thinking about how dark it is, etc. Maybe I am crazy.
I just wish that my thoughts are focused so that I can pass my exams.
Joke of the day:
To a worker in a scaffolding business: “Hey, how are you holding up?”
I was laughing inside throughout the whole consult.
And I was also thinking of other greeting for other jobs:
To a deepsea fisherman: “Hi, business keeping afloat?”
To a Coles cashier: “Hello, everything checking out okay?”
To an exterminator: “So, what’s been bugging you?”
To a property salesman: “House everything?”
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Adventures in Albany - Day 15
Today’s topic: Criminals.
Crime is bound by law, and is bound by what is considered the norm. If everybody thinks that murder is a normal thing, then it wouldn’t be a crime to do it. Every religion tells us to be peaceful, and that killing is wrong. However, just basic common sense is enough to keep you from breaking the law.
My conclusion is that all criminals are mentally ill.
That’s what I felt when I visited the prison again today. I guess it is in the Hippocratic Oath that I shall not discriminate who I doctor, but sometimes I do not feel like these crazy people deserve any medical treatment. It gets hard though, if we start labeling them as crazy, as they can use it as a defense against their action. But the fact still remains; no sane person will kill someone else.
On a lighter note, I had dinner with Dr. Tompkins and her family tonight. She took me on the scenic route from the city centre to the hospital, giving me a good view of Middleton Beach. It was really beautiful to see the beach and the ocean. All I needed now is time and transport so that I can enjoy the sun and sand more easily.
Dinner was simple, but I really enjoy being in a family environment. The dogs were extra friendly, and the children are just as shy. Dr. Tompkins read a few bedtime stories and I was actually intrigued by the stories and I was brought back to my own childhood with bedtime stories.
Actually, I cannot remember many bed time stories. I remember borrowing a book from the public library with 365 stories in it. It is mostly short stories, so it was a fast read. And given that I was probably 9 years old, I managed to read the entire book just in time to return it a week later. My parents encouraged us to read a lot. I guess they would have read a few to me. You can never place a price on books. I love books.
But nowadays I tend to pick my books. There are some that I cannot last reading, there are some that I cannot put down until it ends. I haven’t read any books of late. I brought a novel with me, titled, “The GoodFellas.” It is supposed to be a nice read, but I have to wait until I have the mood to read it. And yes nowadays I prefer watching stuff…
Crime is bound by law, and is bound by what is considered the norm. If everybody thinks that murder is a normal thing, then it wouldn’t be a crime to do it. Every religion tells us to be peaceful, and that killing is wrong. However, just basic common sense is enough to keep you from breaking the law.
My conclusion is that all criminals are mentally ill.
That’s what I felt when I visited the prison again today. I guess it is in the Hippocratic Oath that I shall not discriminate who I doctor, but sometimes I do not feel like these crazy people deserve any medical treatment. It gets hard though, if we start labeling them as crazy, as they can use it as a defense against their action. But the fact still remains; no sane person will kill someone else.
On a lighter note, I had dinner with Dr. Tompkins and her family tonight. She took me on the scenic route from the city centre to the hospital, giving me a good view of Middleton Beach. It was really beautiful to see the beach and the ocean. All I needed now is time and transport so that I can enjoy the sun and sand more easily.
Dinner was simple, but I really enjoy being in a family environment. The dogs were extra friendly, and the children are just as shy. Dr. Tompkins read a few bedtime stories and I was actually intrigued by the stories and I was brought back to my own childhood with bedtime stories.
Actually, I cannot remember many bed time stories. I remember borrowing a book from the public library with 365 stories in it. It is mostly short stories, so it was a fast read. And given that I was probably 9 years old, I managed to read the entire book just in time to return it a week later. My parents encouraged us to read a lot. I guess they would have read a few to me. You can never place a price on books. I love books.
But nowadays I tend to pick my books. There are some that I cannot last reading, there are some that I cannot put down until it ends. I haven’t read any books of late. I brought a novel with me, titled, “The GoodFellas.” It is supposed to be a nice read, but I have to wait until I have the mood to read it. And yes nowadays I prefer watching stuff…
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Adventures in Albany - Day 14
I really had fun in GP today, being able to take a few histories and examinations. I also managed to do a Pap smear. Sometimes I feel like I am on top of things, asking the right stuff, knowing what the patients want exactly, but other times, I couldn’t answer all of the GP’s questions. But as far as Diabetes, heart failure, or hypertension, the treatment is ABCD. It’s only which ABCD it is that is making me annoyed at myself.
A is for ACE-inhibitors or ARB, both can be used in all three conditions.
B is for Blood pressure and beta-blockers used to control it.
C is for Calcium Channel blockers, or cholesterol control.
D is for Diabetes treatment, Diuretics, Digoxin, and the all important Diet.
I do guess that these simple acronyms help a lot with remembering things, but not all things can have an acronym, and not all are easy to create. There are some acronyms that really make things easier, but there are others that make life more difficult sometimes. Oh well, I guess I can’t live without it.
A is for ACE-inhibitors or ARB, both can be used in all three conditions.
B is for Blood pressure and beta-blockers used to control it.
C is for Calcium Channel blockers, or cholesterol control.
D is for Diabetes treatment, Diuretics, Digoxin, and the all important Diet.
I do guess that these simple acronyms help a lot with remembering things, but not all things can have an acronym, and not all are easy to create. There are some acronyms that really make things easier, but there are others that make life more difficult sometimes. Oh well, I guess I can’t live without it.
Monday, August 03, 2009
Adventures in Albany - Day 13
The bright golden orb emerges from the depths of the cold blue sea, releasing rays of energy that pierces the darkness of the night, slowly illuminating everything in sight. It seems like life itself start changing from dull monochrome to full vivid colours as life should be. Beautiful flowers open up, doing their best, but futilely try to outbloom the majestic sun. The clouds try to taint and darken the glow, but are eventually overwhelmed by the greatness of light. The once cold ocean and sand eventually warm up in the mere presence of this sun. It is definitely a sight to see.
I even slept early last night so that I could go watch the sun rise, a rare sight on the west coast of Australia. I marvel at the beauty of nature, of the celestial bodies that surround us, but today it was lost to me. I couldn’t wake up.
I guessed there is always tomorrow, or next weekend. The sun wouldn’t die out on me, nor do I plan to die out on it anytime soon. I watched a few anime to kill time, and not before long, I headed out to the city. The reason for taking a 45min walk? To eat KFC and use Facebook.
I guess I can say I am addicted and socially deprived. However, I only got to talk to one person, Sue Yin. She was heading the Les Miserables outing when I got back to Perth. I have only heard about the play, playing the ensemble piece, singing Morisson’s version of “Do You Hear The People Sing,” and listening to “On My Own” when I am alone. I was really looking forward to watching it. I haven’t been into the Regal Theatre in Subi, and I do wonder how big the stage was, but I hope that it will be worth it.
But first, I have to pass my GP exam.
I even slept early last night so that I could go watch the sun rise, a rare sight on the west coast of Australia. I marvel at the beauty of nature, of the celestial bodies that surround us, but today it was lost to me. I couldn’t wake up.
I guessed there is always tomorrow, or next weekend. The sun wouldn’t die out on me, nor do I plan to die out on it anytime soon. I watched a few anime to kill time, and not before long, I headed out to the city. The reason for taking a 45min walk? To eat KFC and use Facebook.
I guess I can say I am addicted and socially deprived. However, I only got to talk to one person, Sue Yin. She was heading the Les Miserables outing when I got back to Perth. I have only heard about the play, playing the ensemble piece, singing Morisson’s version of “Do You Hear The People Sing,” and listening to “On My Own” when I am alone. I was really looking forward to watching it. I haven’t been into the Regal Theatre in Subi, and I do wonder how big the stage was, but I hope that it will be worth it.
But first, I have to pass my GP exam.
Sunday, August 02, 2009
Adventures in Albany - Day 12
I automatically woke up at 0730 today, despite sleeping relatively late last night. This would be my first weekend here in Albany, and the skies were clear and sunny. It was really great weather to be out there exploring, visiting the various touring sites and getting great pictures. I was really looking forward to a weekend of fun.
However, laziness set in and I ended up watching a Jap drama called “Puzzle”. It is about a manipulative English teacher in an elite boys’ school, where she, and 3 of the students take part in various riddle/puzzle competitions or mysteries mostly dealing with a play of words and Japanese characters. I guess it would be more captivating if I am versed in Japanese. I do like these puzzles/riddles and play of words, no matter what language.
That’s why I like watching Minami-ke and How I Met Your Mother and the like. Their puns and play of language really amuses me and amazes me of how brilliant and creative the human brain is capable of.
Also, I am also amused by the teacher’s acting, changing from a sweet innocent cheerful teacher, to a stuck up manipulative know-it-all. I am amused by how men especially, are easily fooled by a nice well mannered, innocent looking girl, giving in to the girl’s demands and requests. Personally I hate girls who are like that, giving me puppy dog eyes or a seductive pout to get what they want. Of course it is my fault for easily giving in to anyone’s demands; I just want to point out the wrongness in it. In the series, she managed to wiggle out of every tight spot, blaming the mishap to the 3 students and in the process, making her look good. Everyone else was oblivious to it, but she was pretty.
Anyway, that was my Saturday gone. All my plans to walk to the city to explore were taken over by this series.
In the evening, Finding Nemo was showing on TV and I was hooked onto it. Again, it is one of those Disney movies which I don’t mind watching again, more so since it was about animals. I wasn’t too sure about the truth about what is shown, but a lot of it mimics what happens in the animal world. Watching Dory and her forgetfulness also makes me wonder about memory loss and the inability to make new memories. In Memento, it was really distinct inability, but in the case of Dory, something stuck. I guess the same with 50 First Dates, that feelings will grow, but not the factual memory. Watching Dory was fun, but watching Marlin ignorant antics makes me angry at times. He doesn’t trust anyone but himself and his perception of the world. He doesn’t give anyone else the benefit of doubt, not even his own son. Of course it ended with Nemo being kidnapped, him embarking on an epic adventure, and him realizing his mistakes, etc. I guess it is another tip on parenting, to allow children to learn and grow on their own. Protecting is one thing, but overprotecting would be too much.
However, laziness set in and I ended up watching a Jap drama called “Puzzle”. It is about a manipulative English teacher in an elite boys’ school, where she, and 3 of the students take part in various riddle/puzzle competitions or mysteries mostly dealing with a play of words and Japanese characters. I guess it would be more captivating if I am versed in Japanese. I do like these puzzles/riddles and play of words, no matter what language.
That’s why I like watching Minami-ke and How I Met Your Mother and the like. Their puns and play of language really amuses me and amazes me of how brilliant and creative the human brain is capable of.
Also, I am also amused by the teacher’s acting, changing from a sweet innocent cheerful teacher, to a stuck up manipulative know-it-all. I am amused by how men especially, are easily fooled by a nice well mannered, innocent looking girl, giving in to the girl’s demands and requests. Personally I hate girls who are like that, giving me puppy dog eyes or a seductive pout to get what they want. Of course it is my fault for easily giving in to anyone’s demands; I just want to point out the wrongness in it. In the series, she managed to wiggle out of every tight spot, blaming the mishap to the 3 students and in the process, making her look good. Everyone else was oblivious to it, but she was pretty.
Anyway, that was my Saturday gone. All my plans to walk to the city to explore were taken over by this series.
In the evening, Finding Nemo was showing on TV and I was hooked onto it. Again, it is one of those Disney movies which I don’t mind watching again, more so since it was about animals. I wasn’t too sure about the truth about what is shown, but a lot of it mimics what happens in the animal world. Watching Dory and her forgetfulness also makes me wonder about memory loss and the inability to make new memories. In Memento, it was really distinct inability, but in the case of Dory, something stuck. I guess the same with 50 First Dates, that feelings will grow, but not the factual memory. Watching Dory was fun, but watching Marlin ignorant antics makes me angry at times. He doesn’t trust anyone but himself and his perception of the world. He doesn’t give anyone else the benefit of doubt, not even his own son. Of course it ended with Nemo being kidnapped, him embarking on an epic adventure, and him realizing his mistakes, etc. I guess it is another tip on parenting, to allow children to learn and grow on their own. Protecting is one thing, but overprotecting would be too much.
Labels:
Adventures in Albany,
Finding Nemo,
Movie Review,
Puzzle,
TV Review
Saturday, August 01, 2009
Adventures in Albany - Day 11
I had a whole day in the hospital today. I started out in surgery, with laporascopic sterilizations and a vasectomy. The GP didn’t let me scrub in, but I guess I see his point of not being able to do anything nor get any closer. And yes, I don’t learn anything from it. I guess I just felt like I would feel more useful if I did. I guess that is how I feel nowadays. I don’t know whether my presence in this world actually makes a difference. I’m not suicidal, but I don’t think anything will change if I just disappear for a while…
Even for ED, I didn’t feel like I did anything. I still had to check with more senior staff about any diagnosis or treatment. I still lack the confidence in saying what I thought the actual diagnosis is, with a fear of getting the wrong diagnosis and getting a law suit on me. Probably one day I would be able to confidently say what I thought the diagnosis was like I do to simulated patients. For now, I struggle with the lawsuit at the back of my head. Am I ready for such responsibility?
I also called friends back in Perth just to see what they were up to. I am definitely the jealous type, seeing how the grass is always greener on the other side. I wished to be back there, so that I can have fun. But I guess I will have the weekend to enjoy my ‘holiday’ here in Albany. Like yesterday, I just wish that I can share this adventure with someone.
Tonight, I was able to catch the 4th Harry Potter movie on TV. I like the hair styles and costumes of the characters better than any other of the Harry Potter movies. Of course their acting was just as atrocious. I recognize the actor who played Cedric to the one that played the guy in Twilight. After having not read the book for so long, I had to watch the movie to understand it. However, I didn’t agree with most of the elements in the movie. Some things could have been done better, portrayed better, acted better. However, they sort of did a good job with the romance between Ron and Hermione. They first started it back in the third movie and in the forth book. Looking back, I did wonder why she was more in contact with Ron, staying over and writing more than with Harry. Perhaps that’s what happened.
I also managed to waste my time playing simple games, free from PC Powerplay. They are so simple, but yet addictive. These games were the “build-your-own-game” competitions which takes away most of the steep learning curve needed for games like Civilization, Ceasar, Final Fantasy, Mass Effect and the like. Those games take more time to develop, trying their best to impress their fans, and somehow made it not as original. However, I do like the stories they have in the RPG’s that I have played, something that isn’t there in the simple games.
Even for ED, I didn’t feel like I did anything. I still had to check with more senior staff about any diagnosis or treatment. I still lack the confidence in saying what I thought the actual diagnosis is, with a fear of getting the wrong diagnosis and getting a law suit on me. Probably one day I would be able to confidently say what I thought the diagnosis was like I do to simulated patients. For now, I struggle with the lawsuit at the back of my head. Am I ready for such responsibility?
I also called friends back in Perth just to see what they were up to. I am definitely the jealous type, seeing how the grass is always greener on the other side. I wished to be back there, so that I can have fun. But I guess I will have the weekend to enjoy my ‘holiday’ here in Albany. Like yesterday, I just wish that I can share this adventure with someone.
Tonight, I was able to catch the 4th Harry Potter movie on TV. I like the hair styles and costumes of the characters better than any other of the Harry Potter movies. Of course their acting was just as atrocious. I recognize the actor who played Cedric to the one that played the guy in Twilight. After having not read the book for so long, I had to watch the movie to understand it. However, I didn’t agree with most of the elements in the movie. Some things could have been done better, portrayed better, acted better. However, they sort of did a good job with the romance between Ron and Hermione. They first started it back in the third movie and in the forth book. Looking back, I did wonder why she was more in contact with Ron, staying over and writing more than with Harry. Perhaps that’s what happened.
I also managed to waste my time playing simple games, free from PC Powerplay. They are so simple, but yet addictive. These games were the “build-your-own-game” competitions which takes away most of the steep learning curve needed for games like Civilization, Ceasar, Final Fantasy, Mass Effect and the like. Those games take more time to develop, trying their best to impress their fans, and somehow made it not as original. However, I do like the stories they have in the RPG’s that I have played, something that isn’t there in the simple games.
Labels:
Adventures in Albany,
Game Review,
Harry Potter,
Medicine,
Movie Review
Subscribe to:
Comment Feed (RSS)
