I'm Still Here

Two things I thought of to say.

First, I was watching a children's show on the alphabet. A is for Armadillo, B is for Bison, C is for Chameleon, D is for Dolphin, E is for Elephant, F is for Flamingo, etc. Don't get me wrong and make fun of me. I was eating my dinner at a restaurant and it was playing. It got me thinking. I used to know animals for every letter... but I couldn't remember what was for I. The video introduced Insects for I. I felt that it was just plain wrong to do that. But I can't remember I. I have numbat and narwhal for N, and Xenosaurus for X. But I, I cannot remember.

Apart from that, I was also wondering about child development. We used to learn that as we grow up, we classify things from the basics. First we learn that anything that moves other than people are animals. we learn cats and dogs... then we learn more specific names like poodle and bulldog, tigers and leopards... But that video is so advanced. Except for that Insect part, which is more like the learning process. Then I started to think how we all learn the ABC's... and whether there is any difference between learning the A is for Apple, B for Boy stuff and learning through the method above... Will we be smarter from the way we learn our ABC's? or our 123's?

What makes a person smart? I have always wondered how do people end up smarter than others. Genetics play a role I guess, but what did our parents do for us to be smart? How will I be able to teach my own children?

Anyway, saving that for future use... My second thought was when I was watching Disney's Sleeping Beauty. Ok, you can make fun of me now. Anyway, I was watching it and I have this feeling about destiny and fate. Aurora was cursed. Cursed a certain fate. Even though the good fairies tried to prevent her from going through it, Aurora still did get pricked and fell asleep. And as all fairy tales end, the price manage to wake her up. And he was the prince that she was to fixed to marry when she was born. Fate? What is fate? Is life preordestined? Do we have no choice? or do we have choices but it was already fated that we choose that choice? Sounds like the Matrix... (Don't get me started on that Idea...)

The other idea is that certain events are predestined. The journey there can be changed. It's like an inescapable event. No matter what choice you make, it will end up at that point. Like meeting your soulmate. Or ending up on an Island. it's all back to Lost... I'm engrossed in it.

Haha.

Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
(...actually it's more of Ken Rhee's Series of Unfortunate Events)

For a long time, I always believed that everything is either a cause and/or is an effect. This sentence is a neutral statement, compared to say, "There is always a silver lining," or "What goes around, comes around." This belief of mine I think is something in line with karma. Something always happen for a reason, whether it's something good, or something bad. In a conceptual world, you do good you get good, you do bad you get bad. However, real life isn't always like this.

But still, the sentence still holds true. The only thing is that you DON'T know what is the cause or the effect. The event could be something that happened as a result of something. Best illustrated as you get punished for something bad that you have done. Or could be rewards reaped from the field you have sowed. When something wrong happens that you cannot explain, and you have not done anything bad in your life, there is only one thing that is left to hold on to. Faith that things will change for the better.

It could be a test, to see how you will come out in the end. A test that will make you stronger. A test that can make you find yourself.

(Lost comes back to mind...)

Now, coming back to my title: A series of unfortunate events has occured to me. More like ill news all the way. Everything isn't going my way, everything isn't turning out to my benefit. And there is nothing that I can do.

It started quite some time ago. I don't know when to start. For one, I have not yet recieved my student visa. I applied on the 21st of December. Others have applied and gotten theirs by the time I applied. The next day, I went to the doctor to get my medical checkup. They found haematuria. And because of that, my medical fees was RM300 for the additional tests.

I was hoping that it would not interfere with my application, but it did. They refered the medical report back to Australia. And due to the holiday season, I only got a reply on the 3rd of January. They just recieved the reports and are reviewing it now. There was another e-mail, from the University saying that they have reserved a place for me in the temporary accomodation, comfirming that I do NOT have a place in the campus. So I have to go look for my own place outside.

I finally got a reply on 6 Jan. They needed to contact my doctor. Fine. Another mail on 9 Jan saying I should go see my doctor. I was supposed to fly off on 9 Jan. The rest flew off on 9 Jan. Why am I still here. I went and I had to go see a nephrologist. Fine. I tried to make appointments, but Tuesday was a holiday. The next available one was Wednesday. FINE.

Wednesday, I also get an e-mail stating that my friends who were already there decided to rent a place together and I will be alone. I have not felt so betrayed... But they have valid excuses. There was nothing I can do anyway. Not only I have to stay alone, I most probably have to miss the entire orientation. I might not even make it for the first few lessons.

So, now, I have problems with my visa, problems with my health, problems of accomodation, problems of settling in. I can only what events will occur next.

And I do not have a clue on what is the purpose of all these, only why it could be happening to me. Neither gives me comfort.

T-minus 1
(well it should have been if not for my health...)

What scares me is now is that I am watching the series Lost. It's about a plane that crashed on course from Australia to Singapore... It features a bunch of survivors who miraculously survived the crash. They all survived, and the main cast all have a tale to tell, and they are actually in fact, emotionally and spiritually... Lost.

So begins the story. Miracles happening and all that. Every episode will star a character, and the problems he/she is facing for the day, and at the same time, will reveal his/her story which he/she will have to relive and find themselves to get through their stay in the island.

Then enter the shamanistic character, Locke. He was a cripple, and the crash made him able to walk. After his episode, he became this sort of a preacher. He believes strongly that the island is filled with mystical powers which brought all those who survived there for a reason. He started taking it like a duty to spread this knowledge, teaching everyone. In the beginning, he was the righteous one. After a while, I felt a tinge of evangelistic sentiments being weaved into the show.

When I look back, Christianity has always been beside me almost all the way of my life. Though I am a Buddhist, I have asked questions about the religion. I feel that I do know much about Christianity, but then, so did Lucifer. Anyway, I am also reading a book "The Case for a Creator." The first few chapters already is shattering my beliefs in Darwinism. I held to the Theory so much because it was the most logical sensical fact in my life. I am still mulling over whether I still hold on to it because I am stubborn or because it is true...

The part which scares me is that I am in this period of not believing anything. Nothing has been going my way these couple of weeks. And I do feel Lost. And an interesting discussion I had yesterday, about the 7 deadly sins. I am committing all of them at this very moment and I don't know what to do. Evelyn tried showing me the other good 14... but I can't see any of it...

Anyway, that's just a gist of what is going on in my mind now. Back to being lost.. I mean, watching Lost