Monday, June 26, 2006


People have asked me before what type of girl I would like, and I never actually had an answer to that. I have certain criteria, but I never ever pen it down. But I don't think I can pen them down here either. Anyway, what does the title have to do with criteria? I'll come to that in a while, but just let me bore you with what I have to say first.

What I guess is important to me in a a person is someone who is mature and caring, but is occasionally 'immature'. I would like to think I'm the same, but I may be the opposite; someone who is immature and occasionally mature. So I guess that sort of compliments me if I ever do find a girl like that. But I don't know which I am really. How can you tell anyway?

This also brings up the topic on alcohol. (Now you must be really thinking that I'm not being coherant...) When someone is drunk, some experts say that you lose all inhibition. I'm taking it to be 'you will show who you really are'. I mean if you are really drunk, you won't be surpressing your innermost deepest secrets and no longer put on the face that you have been putting on all these while. So, is my plan to get the girl drunk to find out who she really is? Haha.

Nah. I just want to bring out a point that some people are just faking being mature. I know of some who act so mature, but at other times are so immature. It's not a pretty picture and is such a turn off. However, I also know of some who are really mature and can be so fun to be with when they are 'immature'. That's something that attracts me, that maturity.

So, I would really like to get drunk one day, and be who I really am, because I don't know. I want to know whether I am still that innocent mature boy I used to be, or this corrupted immature guy I currently see myself as. It would be an interesting experiment, wouldn't it?

Anyway, finally, touching on the title, Dementia. I sort of see dementia as something similar to being drunk, minus the drinking but much more pain. Dementia also sort of destroys your inhibition process (of course, much worse than it seems). I've seen some that really lose themselves when demented, and seen docile quiet cases too. Some say that Dementia is a process of change, in terms of personality and behaviour. But I think there is still some truth in that you "become who you really are" at some point in the process of being demented.

I've just came back from a presentation, where a carer was talking about her husband who has dementia. He was a respectable man and everything, and he lost everything, except his sense of humour. What stuck me was the fact that his sense of humour was still there and that is what I conclude as his "true self".

So my ending note is: Who are you really?

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Life’s 10 Simple Pleasures

Raj's and KenJ's doing... oh well. Since my exam is over, I guess I have time for this now... (anyway, I had difficulty in finding the 'simple' pleasures, so some of it may be deep...)

1. If you know me well enough, you would know that I play computer games and I like games that have some sort of storyline in them. Mindless ones like CS and DotA are okay too. So my first simple pleasure is to play a good interesting game. Something that stimulates my mind, something that is meaningful in my life. Recommendations would be The Longest Journey, Black & White, StarCraft, Warcraft.

2. As much as I enjoy playing and living in an adventure, I also like reading about it. So my next simple pleasure would be reading. Preferbly some novel. I especially like Michael Crichton. He write a novel with researched facts and it almost seems plausible. Another similar author is the acclaimed Dan Brown. I like mostly fiction books, ranging from Animorphs to Tolkein, to Star Wars. Other books in my list include All Creatures Great and Small, The Abyss, I Robot, Life of Pi, Animal Farm, Case for Christ, Myst.

3. Reading, playing... now it's the most passive of all entertainment... Watching movies. Any movie will do, excluding horror of course. I have too long a list to jot down. I've always liked movies... how they are filmed, what camera tricks they used, what special effects they used, role of the characters, directors, etc. Everything. My favourite directors are Steven Spielberg and George Lucas. Favourite actors include Bruce Willis, Jim Carrey and Robin Williams. Actresses... nyeh... Cartoons and animations are great too. I like movies that make me think, and something that I can relate to, or derive something out of it.

4. Goes without saying, I like watching TV series as well. House, Scrubs, Grey's Anatomy are my top three: they are medical and about medical life. I also like watching Jap Anime. They are sort of like extended movies that spans over 6 hours plus. Again, with the rest, I like watching something that keeps me thinking about my life and how I am coping with it. Themes that I have watch include love, sacrifice, determination, breaking tradition.

5. I love creating as well. So it is a pleasure for me to complete an art work, either with some artwork, or writing poetry. I take pride in them as well, and I do always feel happy while doing them as well.

6. I also take pleasure in helping others. I really do. I do like helping others and I do help others whenever I can. I'm serious. Not joking. Well, I used to be able to do it more than now. But I do. That's one of the reasons why I want to be a doctor. I want to be af significance to others. I want to make a difference to everybody.

7. I think the reason why I haven't been able to help others as much as I could, is because I am not doing too good myself. And at times like these, I really enjoy the company of friends whom I can turn to and share my experiences with. I just like talking about everything and nothing at all. Usually a good chat would really cheer me up and keeps me going just for another day. And I really thank those who have helped me in the past. Honourary mention goes to Raj, Grace Chew, Rachel Chew, Jonathan Ch'ng, Martin Lesmana, Wei Song, Jason Kok, Jo En, Evelyn. Thank you all...

8. Jonathan Ch'ng, I will remember you for mostly your jokes. I love listening to jokes, even those as lame as yours. Haha. Jokes are great, and as they say, "Laughter is the Best Medicine", and "Laughing is contagious, it has many advantages". As Patch Adams once said. Jokes are great. Comedies are great. To come up with one? Devine...

9. When I mention that I am not doing too good, is probably because I find myself quite alone in this world. I am quite used to it, but I do feel that I need something more. I think that feeling that I am missing is the feeling of Love; to Love and to be Loved. Quote from Moulin Rouge: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. Or this quote: Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Yes, there is pleasure in having the feeling of Love in your life...

10. To come to the end of a deep meaningful thought.

That's it...
Hmm... Who shall I tag?
Jo En
Rachel Chew
Jason Kok
Koh Chee Seng
(I wonder whether you guys still read my blog...)

Sunday, June 18, 2006


There was once a timid shy boy. He didn't speak any other languages other than English and loved maths. He didn't really like kindergarden and at any opportunity, he would skip kindergarden and basically did nothing at home. He found the activities in kindergarden a bore most of times as most of the things taught were mostly already known to him. He had very good parents who taught him everything he knew. Other day activities in kindergarden involved playing with plasticine and drawing pictures. This boy also liked trying new things and did everything he can.

Another boy, was also as shy. He loved school and didn't play truant like the first boy. He also excelled in his studies and was very good nutured. He was popular among the teachers and but being this good, he wasn't into sports. He didn't do well in games but he tried mixing around. He had some close friends. He also became a prefect, naturally and other students look up to him. But he was still a shy boy and never liked public speaking and stuff. He never liked breaking the rules and always abide to them.

This thrid boy, was a very playful boy. He had very playful friends and often get into trouble with them, despite being a prefect. They didn't do anything illegal or harmful, but just fun. They also had loads of fun doing stuff other than studies. However, he also excelled in his studies and was quite independant. As the boy before, other people look up to him, but there were others who despised him. However, he never got into that sort of trouble.

Another boy, a one I met in Singapore, was an adventurous one. He loved trying out new things and made lots of friends. He was very independant and studious. He always tried to abide by rules and never complain about anything. He was also a leader in various ways, and the juniors like to go to him if they had any problems. He would try his very best to help out. He also joined many service societies and did a lot of voluntary work. He seldom thinks about himself and don't usually think about what others think about him.

The second boy in Singapore was not so good in his studies, but he did everything that he wanted. He had a good bunch of friends, but he never felt like he belonged anywhere. He was everywhere and nowhere. He was not such an outstanding leader, nor was he that talented. He didn't shine as others would have. He didn't have any complains though, and enjoyed whatever he did.

This next story is about a young man struggling to go through life. He was rather dependant on others to survive, mainly getting support from his peers. Others often go to him for help in artsy stuff and he took pride this thing that he had. Some say that he was being used, but he liked being useful. He also liked dance, movies and music. He even joined the Cheerleading team to give whatever support he could to his friends. He had a few close friends, but nobody actually knew him. He had 2 failed relationships in which he came out off tired and emotionally drained.

Finally, this story is about another young man, who is shy and timid. He has many friends, but nobody is close to him. He is on a emotional and spiritual journey to discover his purpose in life. He isn't doing well in his studies and is struggling to achieve what he had set out to do 6 years ago. He is plagued by disappointments and failures which gives him much distress. He constantly feels lonely and only has his computer as a companion.

This is me. My life.

Currently reading: lecture notes
Currently listening: Akatsuki no Kuruma by Yuuka
Currently playing: Civilization IV
Currently watching: Fate Stay Night, Bleach, Utawarerumono, Gundam SEED
Currently studying: for my semester exam

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

My Sword

a poem...

You stand shining in the sun,
That gleam in your eye,
Lifts my spirits high,
For the battle that has begun,
Oh my Lords!
Brandish your swords!
There is a battle to be won.

There is beauty in your jewels,
Your heart is pure as gold,
Your body nice to hold,
Mesmerizing everyone in your duels,
Your tongue is sharp,
That cuts through tarp,
Anybody in your way, are merely fools.

You dance ever so elegantly,
Singing the songs of war,
With tuneful turns and rhythmic roar,
Piercing through men’s hearts so swiftly,
Ever flowing,
Ever so charming,
And men kneel down to you, willingly.

You pierce through the thickest armour,
You’ve broken my shield,
With that, to you I yield,
With that, may you be my new master,
To you I serve,
You, I’ll preserve,
With my life, will you never be torn asunder.

You, my Graceful Sword, I will protect,
Shield you from harm,
Wrap you in my arms,
Together we will stand erect,
Standing tall,
Defeating all,
Any assault will not have any effect.

I will never falter, I will stand guard,
With you by my side,
You’ll ever be my guide,
The battle won, the journey hard,
My Lady, my Lord,
You are my sword,
And I will be your scabbard.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Spring Cleaning
Currently reading: The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel
Currently listening: to noisy construction work upstairs...
Currently playing: Freecell, Minesweeper
Currently watching: my life passing by...
Anime watching: Fate Stay Night, Bleach, Utawarerumono
Currently studying: for my semester exam

I'm done with tidying up my room, adding my IMU notes to my shelf. I'm done playing Dreamfall: The Longest Journey II. Now, I can finally finish reading the book and start studying. Sometime I can't help by wonder how life's coincidences are so common around me. There I was getting all drained and confused about my capabilities as a student and a doctor, and comes along Dreamfall.

The theme behind this story I gather, was about finding one's self. Almost EVERYONE in the game was on a journey. and by EVERYONE, I meant those characters from the first game. Brief run through:

Zoe, the main character:
School drop out, don't know who she is anymore. Took on this journey because all she has is her friends and that was what she was doing it for.

April, main character from the first game:
Got told that she was no longer needed to save the world. Doesn't know what else to do now, except fight.

Kian, minor main character:
Journey of discovering his faith. A devoted and loyal Apostle, who finds things that shatter his beliefs in everything that he had lived for.

Brian, another character from the first game:
Depressed when he first was in Arcadia, but started to 'live' and discover new things all around.

Crow, the talking bird from the first game:
The most funniest character ever, and still is. Went on a journey after being left by April. His definition was to drop everything, forget about everything and get rid of every burden off his shoulders. Doesn't seem like a bad idea you know...

Conclusion, this game IS the longest JOURNEY. Not so long, as I finished the game within a few days... What I like about the game was the storyline, and how much it just reflects on how I am and how to get out of this... phase. It also had really real words like S*** and F*** and stuff like that. It's just more realistic that way. Come on, would there actually be a real life character that speaks in perfect english and all??

What I didn't like about the game was it's simplicity and decieving selling tags. You DON'T actually control all THREE characters freely. It's more like 1 and 3/4. Kian's role was... minimal, just lots of sword fighting. According to the box, there are a few ways to do things, but in reality, there is more or less 1 way and the paths are really really straight. Not much walkthrough was needed. But then again, in this game, you finally get to lose by dying.

Well... back on my own longest journey...

Friday, June 09, 2006

It's over...
Currently reading: The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel
Currently listening: Fields of Hope, by Tanaka Rie
Currently playing: Dreamfall: The Longest Journey II
Currently watching: Scrubs (I'm bored, need inspiration)
Anime watching: Fate Stay Night, Bleach
Currently studying: for my semester exam

Today is the last week of the Genereal Medicine term. Again, I see myself making the same mistakes I made in Psychiatry, and it doesn't look too good for me. The only conforting words I got was that I know my stuff. My only problem is now to practise practicing medicine. But then again, ANY idiot can pick up a medic book and memorize whatever that is in there. So I need to be more of a doctor and not just anybody.

Oh well... Anyway, to get me out of my depressed state last week, I listened to this song which really suits my mood:

Fields of Hope, by Tanaka Rie
Translated into English

Beneath a veil so cold,
You deeply sleep, all alone
The melody of prayer; on the lonely fields,
a little light shined

I watched as you dreamed
You laughed like a child
So dear, and yet so far -
That is the promise of our future

That one day, on a green morning,
One day, we will make it there
Because in this wintered sky
We still believe
Fields of Hope

On the day we were born, we were embraced
And now we search for those gentle hands again
The melody of prayer; one vanishes,
And all begins again; a powerless, painful continuation

One day, to that green morning,
We'll cross through all these nights
Because that is the place each one of us searches for

Now, within my own heart,
I want to keep you warm
So dear, and yet so far -
In the name of peace
Fields of Hope

So dear, and yet so far -
The fields of promise
Fields of Hope
Fields of Hope

Monday, June 05, 2006

Adventures in World of Warcraft

That's me... and Raj way way ahead

Same trip, flown a bit further...

My other character on his ride
Top 100 Games by PC Power Play Australia
(* played before, + want to play)

From 100...
Space Tripper
Chessmaster 10th Ed
Gothic 2
Star Control 2
Pro Evolution Soccer 5
* Worms World Party (you've played one, you've played it all)
+ Myst 4: Revelation (definite must if you're a fan of the series like me)
+ The Last Express (cartoon aventure... no stressing yourself for good graphic cards)
+ Total Annihilation (can you believe I have not played this one??)
Silent Storm
MVP Baseball 2005
Codename: Panzers Phase 2
* Fahrenheit (good game with multiple storylines to one ending. Tests reflexes more than skill...)
* Zeus (I love greek mythology...)
Live for Speed
X-Com: Enemy Unknown
* The Longest Journey (the BEST adventure game so far... language use was so natural)
Tiger Woods 2005
* Mechwarrior 4: Mercenaries (BATTLETECH!!!)
Silent Hunter 3
+ Alien vs Predator (start a face hugger, end an ultimate killing machine)
* Homeworld (takes RTS to the next level with 3D field)
Falcon 4: Allied Force
* Grim Fandango (takes Death to the next level...)
Microsoft Flight Simulator 2004
Grand Prix 4
* C&C Generals (I can never get over them C&C games...)
Lock on: Modern Air Combat
DOOM 2 (Raj probably will kill me for not playing or even wanting to play this)
Football manager 2005
Silent Hill 2 (takes Resident Evil to the next level...)
Freedom Force vs the Third Reich
* Neverwinter Nights (so long D&D boardgames... one of the best RPGs...)
Hidden & Dangerous 2
Rise of Nations
City of Villians
Master of Orion 2
+ Sim City 4 (who can resist Sim City games??? With you since your first...)
* Freespace 2 (The BEST space sim of all time...)
* The Movies (unless you have time and a good script, don't bother, ^_^)
+ Dawn of War (Come on.. Warhammer 40K? Who'd miss that?)
Trackmania Sunrise
* Baldur's Gate 2 (precursor to Neverwinter Nights. Multiple character control though...)
Ghost Recon
Hostile Waters: Antaeus Rising
* Diablo 2 (Who'd resist Blizzard games???)
IL-2 Sturmovik
+ No One Lives Forever (James Bond? Ladies style...)
+ Sid Meier's Pirates (Another game thanks to Raj)
+ Battle for Middle Earth (LotR fans must-buy)
* Quake 3 Arena (story? what story?)
Fallout 2
Guild Wars
+ Halo (Good enough for X-Box, good enough for me)
* Morrowind (First person sword fighting???)
EVE online
* Knight of the Old Republic 2 (RPG + Star Wars... Oh yeah!!!)
Far Cry
* The Sims 2 (censorgridsize=0 anyone? woohoo!!!)
* Alpha Centauri (Where Civilization II space craft landed...)
Gran Prix Legends
* Warcraft 3 (What? no 31 only???)
* Unreal Tournament 2004 (I miss Raj...)
* Counter-Strike (even my sister plays this...)
* F.E.A.R. (Headaches, sleepless nights... hell, still a good game)
V8 Supercars 3
+ Beyond Good and Evil (don't get me wrong, I'm just attracted to the name...)
System Shock 2
Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory
Battle Realms
+ Age of Mythology (I repeat, I love Greek mythology!)
Chronicles of Riddick
+ Prince of Persia: Sands of Time (ahh, remember the good old platform games?)
* StarCraft (*neuclear launch detected...)
Age of Empires III
+ Half Life (what? I haven't played this game???)
Deus Ex: Invisible War
Vampire: Bloodlines
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (Wasn't this the game with the ingame porn?)
Thief: Deadly Shadows (again, first person sword fighting??)
GTA: San Andreas
Psychonauts (aww, aren't they cute little things...)
* World of Warcraft (drool...)
Planescape Torment
Call of Duty
+ Civilization IV (some day... some day...)

Deus Ex

* Rome: Total War (Civ 4 + Battle for Middle Earth...)

* Battlefield 2 (The plane is MINE, MINE I tell you!!!)

* The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (If only I had better graphics card...)
* Half Life 2 (Best scripted FPS game ever!)

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