Saturday, July 30, 2005


The synopsis first took me to a similar setting from Six Sense. A guy haunted by his failure to handle a situation he was supposed to be good at. After watching the movie, I saw a different ending. And when I browsed through the deleted scenes and extended scenes, I saw the internal conflict that they did not want to show in the theatrical version: He still cannot get over the event and is not coping with it as well as the theatrical version.

As a doctor, Death comes part and parcel of daily events. You can kill a patient. A doctor from Seremban onced tried to lecture us, that we have the licience to kill. You can issue the wrong medication, wrong dosage, or administer the wrong management. This is the licence that we own. Of making mistakes which may cause death.

But how do you cope with that knowledge? Just like Jeff Talley (Bruce Willis). He knows his job comes with a risk of losing lives, and in the first scene, he screwed up. Lives were lost. What pierced his heart, was the death of a small child. He could not let it pass him.

Honestly, even from my past post, I still don't know how to cope with Death when it comes.

But I think, knowing about this licence, is only the first step. Accepting it is the one that allows us to move on. For Talley, he could not accept it, and from the extended version, he was even toying with the notion of suicide. For one, how could you live by your mistake that took innocent lives? How could you carry on doing what you are doing? If you made a mistake, you can do it again. If you haven't, you could one day...

Then again, what is the principle of doing what you do?
It's about helping save lives. Taking risks to save lives.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

The Island

This movie is about the whole issue of cloning. Rights, feelings, ethics.. The whole lot. It addresses most of the issues that are being debated today. But what strikes me the most, is the idea of letting them live in a staged, closely monitored environment. The story is that there was a great contamination, one that probably erases memory and behaviour... and as a result, survivors were found occasionally and reintroduced into this society. Here, they will live a mundane monotonous lifestyle. No knowledge of anything that happens in the real world, ie our world. No knowledge of sex, no knowledge of God.

It can't be helped. The need to reproduce is in us. Freud-ian philosophy. The instinct to survive and reproduce is built in us. If there is a defect and you don't have this, well, you will die off and will not have offspring which will think the same. You're a defect if you don't want to reproduce. So how do you train a few thousand clones to not have sex??? You can have rules, but you cannot stop them. Reminds me of George Orwell's 1984... not sure why...

Lincoln 6 Echo: What is God?
McCord: When you want something and wish for it, He's the one who ignores you.
How do you explain God to a person who is doesn't know His existence? And the all time favourite question, will he still go to heaven? Basic idea is, a person can go on existing without that need. The society that was portrayed probably can go on living. But truth will be revealed to them. Irony: if you believe your world to be true, what if something this big reveals itself? What if you found out that what you believe in is false? I can't help but imagining Lincoln6 Echo (Ewan McGregor) as some sort of messiah. He thinks differently and has more questions than all the people there combined. He is envisioned of the truth and even ventured into it. And his goal in the end, was to liberate the people from their ignorance. Sounds familiar to me...

And of course another idea of God in this movie is the whole idea of cloning itself. And an idea given to me, is that humans are given the knowledge to interfere with fate, ie medical knowledge. We have found so many cures for the "bad omens of God". Diseases they are called now. And technology has led us to the finding of the cure for old age. We will never have to worry anymore, our insurance policy can give us what we need: a new liver, kidneys... Is this playing God?

The only thing that I can say is, I see stars of the LotR trilogy coming out in movies everywhere... Orlando Bloom in everywhere, Karl Urban in Bourne Supremacy, Miranda Otto in War of the Worlds, Sean Austin in 50 First dates, Elijah Wood in Sin city, Sean Bean in National Treasure and here. oh yeah, and from star wars movies, Liam Neeson in Batman Begins, and Ewan McGregor in everywhere and here.

Sunday, July 24, 2005


This my town... (click on the picture to take a closer look)

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Shall We Dance

This movie is to dance, as Scrubs is for study medic. At least for me. Why scrubs? It's a source where I find some inspiration. The reason why I did Medic. The reason why I am still sticking to it. Though I get doubts about it, I still find the quotes and lessons from Dr Cox really inspiring. Watch it. Another drama full of quotes, House. Aptly named House-isms. And to spring back to real life, watch Grey's Anatomy.

Now back to Shall We Dance. What do I find interesting about this movie? It's about being happy. And finding out what makes you happy. And doing what makes you happy. Yep, a happy happy movie.

It's not much of the dancing. It's the happiness of doing something that had inspired you. Did you ever find a passion for something? Something that lifts your heart from all your worries and fears? Something that cradles you to sleep peacefully?

It all started with curiosity, something new, something that you may never had thought of. For John Clark, he was just curious about Paulina. This may start as a crush, or whatever you may call it. The reason he did it, he said becuase he wasn't truly happy. Makes you wonder whether in a alternate universe, he would have had an affair. But no, this little 'thing' grew into a passion for dancing.

He hid it from his wife, because he was ashamed of letting her know about how he was not happy with things now. Mundane job, same repeating words, same schedule everyday. He tried to go for a movie, but there wasn't any time. Saying you are not happy, would mean that the marriage was falling. But he didn't want to make the person he loved unhappy. Wouldn't we all do that? To live on, just for the person you love to be happy?

And what if the thing that makes us happy something shameful? Do we hide it from everyone, like Link? It's al because of social stigma. But what can you do? Do something that you really love and dream of, and in the end be the laughing stock of people around you. Which then will we choose? It's hard to choose.

All ended well anyway, the joy of dancing spreads among the characters and to the audience (at least for me)... I'm not saying I will get back to dancing, but the sense of finding an inspiration, something that will make me happy.

i leave you with a song from the movie:

The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing
But I
I love it when you read to me
And you
You can read me anything
The book of love has music in it
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb
But I
I love it when you sing to me
And you
You can sing me anything
The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know
But I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
And I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
And I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
You ought to give me wedding rings

Sunday, July 17, 2005

I've done it. I've done it... I finished it.

It's... well... definitely better than the 5th book... I predicted that she's pick on the small small stuff being mentioned, but this time, everything gets revealed and picks on the LARGER stuff... This was better than expected, had the twists and everything...

But I'm quite disappointed with her and her use of "snog". a little bit too much. It was definitely a built up from the 2nd book. I'm disappointed as the rate at it was going. like daisies...

Oh well, I can't spoil anything as it would probably breach the copyright and stuff...

the ending though... All I can say is I will definitely buy the last book myself. I want to know the continuation. I need to know. It's a must to know. It's information worth waiting for. though I am afriad of it's outcome.

... to Harry's coming of age
Fate is a funny thing. Call it whatever you want, but I feel that everything happens for a reason and it's somehow destined to happen.

Fate, it seems, have brought me back to Singapore... I am here, no longer in dreams, but physically here. The last time I was here was... well, a few months ago. The more I miss Singapore, it seems like I wanted to come back here. But when I'm finally here... I'm stuck in the house. And what could possibly deter me from venturing out into the streets of Singapore??


Yup, I have the book, and I am reading it as fast as I can. I'm now at page 167 out of 607 pages. I told myself before this that I will try to refrain myself from buying the book until the cheaper (by less than HALF the price), but I couldn't. I have the book, and I didn't pay a single cent for it. Ain't it great?

Back to the book then...

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Year 5
This isn't really about studying in Singapore, but I was still in Singapore at this time. I applied to be a house tutor, which basically puts me in higher than the block head. I don't have to study, but I have to tend to the welfare of the boarders. I had to do my share of administrative matters in exchange for a free stay in Boarding. And of course I needed to support myself to LIVE in Singapore, so I set out to find work.

I went to where my seniors used to work, as they had a fun time working there and earn close to a thousand dollars a month. So I decided to work there, but all didn't turn out well. The management had already got their business running and not keen on temporary workers. My seniors had a fun time because they helped the business from it's opening days. Everyone was learning with each other and enjoyed everything together. But now, they were quite established and had difficulty training us new people.

Most of my hours were concentrated on giving out flyers at the nearby escalator. Whenever they had a slow business day, our manager would come to me and observe and critique the way I did the promotion. He would "show me the way to do things" and when the business starts getting busy, he headed back and I continued the distribution. It irritated me at first, but I had to learn. I enjoyed giving out flyers. On the one hand, I didn't have to wait on tables, but I had to stand there without a chair for ages and ages, until they decided that the traffic is too slow or the business is roaring.

There were other restaurants in the area and their employees also had their share of distributing flyers. I made a few friends that way. We just stood there, giving out flyers talking to the potential customers, and occasionally chatted with each other. Some of them were like me, waiting for their A-level results and some were still studying.

Every morning, I was there at 11am to clean up the tables and laying out the utensils. When people came, I took down orders and served them drinks. Got ready the appetisers and served them. I distributed flyers. It was MONOTONOUS yet so many things that I could not adapt to. We all had some degree of scolding, and we adjusted from time and time. We learnt new things and were thought more difficult tasks. At the end of the day, we packed up the utensils and I had to throw away the rubbish. That was my day.

When my results came back, I decided to quit. To look for other jobs. And at that time, there was the SARS outbreak. The highest paying job at that time was the medical screening in schools as it was a high risk job. My friend and I took it. We made lots, just for that few weeks. And that was my last job. The money that I earned lasted until mid-May. After that, I was living off my parent's money. I failed.

Also, after the results, we had to apply for our university courses. I wanted to do medic, or at least dentistry. And given my history of interviews, I screwed everything up again. I got Engineering. I was offered the ASEAN scholarship. I could stay in Boarding for free and get free studies PLUS allowance. (my friend, Jonathan took my place instead and is enjoying what I could have...) But I chose to do Medicine instead.

So here I am, back in Malaysia. In IMU. Studying medicine.

Thus ends my career and life in Singapore... I still think back and really feel distant from all my friends that I have made then... I miss them all...


Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Adapted ASEAN song... one of my favourites

It only takes a spark to get a fire going.
And soon all those around, can warm up in glowing.
That's how it is with God's love,
once you've experienced it,
You spread His love to everyone
You want to pass it on.
(pass it on, pass it on, pass it pass it, pass it on...)

What a wondrous time is spring, when all the trees are budding;
The birds begin to sing, the flowers start their blooming.
That's how it is with God's love;
Once you've experienced it,
You want to sing"It's fresh like spring";
You want to pass it on.
(pass it on, pass it on, pass it pass it, pass it on...)

I wish for you my friend, this happiness that I've found.
You can depend on us, it matters not where you're bound.
I'll shout it from the mountain top - ASEAN!
I want the world to know;
The Lord of love has come to me,
I want to pass it on.
I want to pass it on...
Year 4
Another new year brings in many new faces, again in Boarding, in the ASEAN community and in the Band. Another batch of juniors to teach you new things and people who will look up to you. A new year is a time to meet new people and make more friends.

I've never felt so lost before. Now I am the super senior, nobody I can turn to except the adults and myself. At this time, I needed my friends more than anything, to confide in and to share my feelings with. Juniors and friends turning to me too. This was the time that I felt so close to people, yet still distant from everyone.

My studies were affected. I failed a few more subjects and I didn't understand the lessons. I slept in lectures and didn't do my tutorials. Comparing this final crucial year with when I first came, this was a different me. I was becoming lazy and over-confident, yet worried about everything. I failed in Biology and Chemistry, and yet excelled in Maths. My english was improving, but will never be good. Imagine speaking the language all your life and it being your forte, I reallised I will never be as good as they wanted us to be.

I had to study, I knew I just had to start, but I was getting distracted easily. I could never find the will power to start. I could tell everyone to study and buck up, but I could never do it myself. I relied very much on friends to keep me out of the depressing state. I really miss them. I felt stronger when I'm with them. There are also times when I would crawl to my friend's room and sleep with them, instead of my own bed.

Towards the end of the year, we all had to step down from our CCAs. I felt more lost when I had to step down from the Band. I was no longer playing the anthem and school song. I no longer had to meet in the Band room. I was to queue up with the rest of my class and that felt weird. Change. Change feels funny. Change needs to get use to.

Finally, there were the A-Levels...

...working in Singapore

Monday, July 11, 2005

Year 3
From the first school in Singapore, to the first Junior College in Singapore...

As I mentioned, I chose to come to National Junior College for the wrong reason. And I was left all alone with no seniors, no friends to tag along. My first day was scary, but I put on a little courage and instantly made a new friend, Jason Wong. I wonder where he is now... He gave me a really interesting point about Singapore's education system. It's a vicious circle, the better gets better and the unfortunate will never prosper. The best students get where the best schools and become better, where as the slower ones will never get as good teachers. I wanted to be a big fish in a small pond, and regarded NJC as a lesser JC, but for others, this was their first choice. This was the best choice. I had to rethink my arrogance...

Anyway, since I was also in the thrill seeking and experience finding mood, I joined the Symphonic Band. In the middle of last year, I began an interest in music, mostly movie themes, and decided to take it further by joining the Band. This wasn't a good year to join as there was a competition and I had to choose between getting an award or to learn something new. I got the award, but only a Silver. I missed the chance of learning something new. But I was posted in the Percussion Section and soo, I was banging here and there on the instruments. Percussionist were usually unnoticed, but the things they play were mostly SOLO acts. Many things happened and I did get the experience I wanted.

I tried to pick up my interest in helping others, but I could not join the Interact Club there. I just didn't have the time nor the will to do it. It was disappointing. Another reason why I tried to join the Interact Club, was to at least get a leadership position to boost my record. But I couldn't get it.

I also tried my luck with the Student Council and the House Reps. I failed very badly and didn't get through the interviews. Have I told you that I do not do well in interviews? The only interview I know I did well was the one that got me into IMU. Not even the one that got me into the top school in Singapore. Anyway. I didn't get ANY roles at all. The Band took up all my time and with late night practices, the Band Room became my second home. Third actually, considering my second home was Boarding.

Speaking of Boarding, I had to give up my post to the secondary school students and they gave me the role of treasurer. I screwed up that post too.

I had to switch classes after my O-Level results, and that lost me my Class Rep status too. Anyway, with all the switching around, the only friends that I could turn to was the ASEAN scholars. At first, I was the only one in my class, and the only one from Boarding. When I switched class, there was another 2 of them, and now I could get information of outings. And I enjoyed the outings. I can't really say that I bonded well with them, as I was also a part of my Band, Class, and Boarding. I'm everywhere but no where.

The year was a disappointing year, and my arrogance was finally shattered. I am no longer the best and can never be the best. There are people better than me and I can only struggle to keep up.

But for the best of it, I had a support of good friends... be continued in the most stressful time of my life

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Year 2
The year started out great. I was appointed to be the vice chairperson of the Block. I used to doubt my leadership skills as I was the teacher's son before in Malaysia, and everything was because my father and mother are well known in the town. But now, on my own accord, I see how much a leader I really am. Our first task for the term was to organise the formal dinner in my boarding, and to show the video that we started producing last year.

Apart from that, as a house senior, we had to come up with various duty rosters and other administration stuff. As house seniors also, juniors started comnig up to us for help. I really felt like I have grown up...

Also, I was elected as the class Treasurer, another time where my leadership skills were tested. I get a new collar pin, and I was proud of it. So I decided I needed more pins and joined other clubs so that I can get the pins. Another club which I joined was the Archives club. OK, it was mostly becuase of my friend, Teddy. He was a prefect and president of the club. He was also in the track team and plays badminton. HE was a leader, and RI produces them.

Despite the Exam year, I was getting busier and busier. Apart from the things I already joined, I joined the Raffles Players (a drama club). I really felt like expanding my interests and broaden my experiences. There were so many things that I wanted to do, but there was just too little time.

Towards the end of the year, everything that I did paid off... Although I was disappointed because I couldn't become a committee member of any club, I still worked hard in the Interact Club, and in the end, I was awarded the Interactor Award. I am not bragging, but that was how much I did charity work and I miss having that feeling of doing good.

The Trial Exams were tough. I failed a subject. I had to go through a crash course and had to study extra hard. With the help of friends, I managed to pull it through.

Another hard time was the decision of which Junior College to go to. All I can say is that I may have choosen on the wrong reason. This was the saying that was told to everyone, "To be a big fish in a small pond, or a small fish in a big pond." I chose the former.

And that was it. My most Exciting, Thrilling, Fulfiling, Wonderful year of my life.

And from the next year onwards, it will be a rollercoster ride of emotions...

...and on to the next year
O-levels came at last and this was my first MAJOR exam.
It's been over 2 years since I left Singapore. Frankly, I miss the place. I miss my school, I miss my boarding. I miss all my friends. I really miss turing to my seniors for advice and being the elder brother to my juniors. I miss my teachers, and boarding masters. I miss my bandmats, especialy my fellow percussionists. I miss the rest of the ASEAN scholars, whom I meet 3 times a year and never get to know better...

I left for Singapore on 27th December 1998, and came back 6th July 2003. 4 and a half years there and the many ties that was formed just leaves me with mixed emotions.

It's too short a time to know half of them half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of them half as well as they deserve.

Every year, for that 4 years, I've seen people go and people come. It's just so sad sometimes, but I can't stop the change, no more than I can stop the suns from setting...

Year 1
My first year. My first room. Two chinamen and a fellow Malaysian from Batu Pahat. Professor Who and Lychee, and Cacing and me...

It was a new place for me and I have to learn to adapt. I had a plan before coming, and that was to do homework in the afternoon, and study new things at night. It was a good plan while it lasted. Lazyness took me as my discipline went away. But good boy I remained...

Raffles Institution was the top school in Singapore and I am questioning why I was sent there. There were 5 of us in my batch. I first felt that I was better than all of them, given my history in my hometown. But I was wrong... I was average, only an average.

I failed my first English test. I have never failed English. English was my forte. English was my mother tongue! But failed I did. But we all had to take extra English classes. And in this class, this was the first time that I had to do lines. I shall never forget the word that I spelt wrongly: immediate.

Made a few friends, a few enemies... There were strange folk about. Crazy people they say, and extra too. But I enjoyed being friends with my friends. Martin, Jonathan, Elvis, the Vietnamese (interestingly there are 4 of them and all had hair similar to the Beatles)... just to mention a few...

I started to read a lot. It started with a book list that we were supposed to read. And for the first time, I began reading out of my normal Star Wars stuff. Isaac Asimov, Douglas Adams, Michael Crichton, Orson Scott Card, James Herriot, Frank Herbert, J.R.R. Tolkein, etc... they were interesting reads. And i grew to like Michael Crichton's books. As for the author of the Lord Of The Rings, I couldn't understand his books at all and I gave up there after.

As the year drew to a close, Elvis pioneered a video production in which I was proud to be a part of. This was my first experience in video editting and working in a committee. This was a task that was a dream, and became reality. And only now I can recall and say that this project was built with a dream, and that they can come through with hard work and committment. be continued in the next year

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Your IQ Is 115

Your Logical Intelligence is Above Average
Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius
Your General Knowledge is Above Average

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed.
With respect to money, you spend as little as possible.
You think good luck depends on maintaining good relationships with others.
The hidden side of your personality tends to be a little selfish. You only do what interests you.
You have a tendency to overdo things, but basically you value your friendships highly.
When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you base your search on information from your friends.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

This is me in the gender...

You take a dim view of aggression and see it as a last resort. But when you reach the end of your rag, you can even frighten yourself!

There are some qualities where average is best and this is you. You are usually sensitive to others but you know how to throw caution to the wind and please yourself from time to time.

Brilliant control! You are either an established PlayStation addict or you should take up a fast reflex activity like table tennis or the piano!

Monday, July 04, 2005

You're Ulysses!

by James Joyce

Most people are convinced that you don't make any sense, but compared
to what else you could say, what you're saying now makes tons of sense. What people do
understand about you is your vulgarity, which has convinced people that you are at once
brilliant and repugnant. Meanwhile you are content to wander around aimlessly, taking in
the sights and sounds of the city. What you see is vast, almost limitless, and brings you
additional fame. When no one is looking, you dream of being a Greek folk hero.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

It's weird when you have the same dream three nights in a row... Ironic thing is that I cannot remember what the dream is... I know there is running around.

I wake up constantly tossing and turning around trying to get the mosquitos off my feet. My bed broke. I have a cold.

Strange that there are now mosquitos in my bedroom. I wonder how they got there, when before this they did not exist up this high. While I was at my computer yesterday, I smack one poor critter and manage to damage his legs and wings... Interesting to see a thorax and abdomen full of my blood, with no head or legs or wings... Just a balloon of blood. I gave it a little squeeze and some blood oozed out. I'm keeping the rest as a symbol to the other mosquitos to STAY AWAY.

I think the dreams started out with me watching War of the Worlds. It's a movie of great graphics but not so good choice of cast. Though I should comment on Dahkota Fanning on her 'natural' act. Anyway, the movie has a lot of violence... not from the aliens, but from the people themselves. In acts of desperation, it's everyone for himself. The need for survival. Adam Smith... But John Nash says everyone for himself too, but while doing that, we should help one another. Ah, nice music from Beautiful Mind during that revelation...

Back to War of the Worlds, it's mostly about surviving, and what people do to survive. Desperation. It brings out qualities in many of us... Heroism, hopelessness, terror, retaliation...

Then again, because of my Lord of the Ring's marathon, it could also have affected my dreams... Heroism... sigh...

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