Wednesday, October 28, 2009

An Excerpt

...At first I could not accept your reasons for leaving me. You meant the world to me. I give you everything I had and I would even bring back a piece of the moon if you asked me to. I gave you my heart, but all you did was to stab it with a rusting serrated knife. It hurts so much when you left me. You created in me a big gaping void that I cannot fill up. I have tried everything, but I only seem to have made it even bigger.

You left me in a blazing desert, under the scorching sun. I feel like a dried up pile of bones with no will to carry on. All I can see are illusions of you in the horizon, illusions that I cannot reach even if I tried. Even when the sun sets, I am stranded in the cold lonely night. My tears have all dried up, and I cannot sleep with the feeling of sand in every crevace of my body. I feel like my blood had also turned to sand, making my heart ache with every beat. I tried hating you for leaving me this way, but I cannot blame you for it. I am my own fault, and you deserve better.

I am pathetic. I am tired of crying all night and bothering the people I know. They would eventually leave me, just like you did. I am all alone with no one to care about me. I long for a gentle hug, but nobody would even approach this hideous fiend that I have become. I don’t even recognize my face in the mirror anymore. The loneliness is already eating me, like an overpowering shadow creeping up on me, taking every sense of light that once gave me hope.

I have no more hope. I have no more feelings. I am numb, and I hate being this way. I am drowning in the dark waters, not being able to see which side is up, but I can feel that I am sinking deeper and deeper into the dark chasm. I am suffocating; every breath I take is saturated with poisonous fumes and every breath I give, I feel like a part of me is leaving. I cannot see the light anymore.

I know nobody would notice if I am gone. Even if they do, they would probably find a replacement in an instant. I've done my best, but it is never enough. I am dispensable and I feel like an overused, crumpled up piece of scrap paper at the bottom of the rubbish bin. I find myself waiting for the incinerator to turn on, to finally end my pathetic life. I really don’t see a point in living anymore.

There is nothing left for me in this world. I have lost my purpose. I am a failure. I cannot keep up with even the simplest of tasks. I feel stupid. I hear my conscience telling me that I should keep trying, but I know that it is pointless to continue. Everything that I have done has gone unnoticed or ridiculed. There is always something wrong, and I can never make anyone happy, especially you. I am just wasting everyone's time by being here. The world will be a better place without me in it.

The closest analogy that I can think to explain how I feel is like I am being mauled by a lion. I am contemplating proving that theory. It would be soothing to know that I would be in the company of the creatures I admire, but I do not deserve to be happy when I die. I deserve more unforgiving pain for my failures...

~This is purely a fictional writing. Any resemblance to person(s) contemplating or have already committed suicide is purely co-incidental.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Its better to have love lost, than to have never loved at all... BUT...

Should I smile because you're my friend? Or cry because that is all we will ever be?

There are times when I can't decide whether to see you or not, I want to see you because I miss you but there are times when I don't want to see you because everytime I do, the fact that you don't see me the way that I see you hurts me even more...

A million words would not bring you back, I know because I've tried.
Neither would a million tears, I know because I've cried.

Forget the times you walked by,
Forget the times you've made me cry,
Forget the time you held my hand,
Forget the sweet things if I can,
I can no longer pretend,
I have to remember now that you're just a friend.

When I look at you my heart skips a beat but later that beat could mean a lifetime of tears wasted on something I knew I could never have

How can you be friends with someone if every time you look at them it makes you want them even more?

My heart was taken by you, broken by you and now is in pieces because of you

Its hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone if your heart still does.

Even when I pour my heart out to you, I'm not sure it shows, that I love you more than you'll ever know.

Sometimes it's hard to love someone because you're so afraid of losing them

I was reborn when you first kissed me. Part of me died when you left me. But now I still live, waiting for the day you return to me.

The hardest part of dreaming about someone you love is having to wake up.

There is one pain I often feel which you will never know because it is caused by the absence of you.

Who do you turn to when the only person who can stop you from crying is the one who is making you cry?

I understand that with loves comes pain, but why did I have to love so much?

The part that hurts me the most, is knowing that I once had you and then lost you...

The worst feeling in the world is giving all the love you have and knowing it will never be returned.

Its hard to pretend you love someone when you don't but its harder to pretend that you don't love someone when you really do.

How do you heal a broken heart? I have no idea where to start because everything I do reminds me of you.

Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and you can never have them?

As I sat here I was trying to think of all the times you hurt me and made me cry... Hoping and wishing it would make me like you less. But it didn't. Because all the times I could remember were the ones when you showed me that you cared... I didn't want to believe that you ever did. You walk by me everyday and say hello. Everyday you take time out to listen to me. You talk to me, smile at me, laugh with me, and have fun with me. Well, I talk, smile and laugh too, but inside I'm hurting. Deep down it hurts to be with you because I love you and you are only a friend.

The weirdest thing happened the other morning... I woke up with tears in my eyes... and one rolling down my cheek... and I knew I must have been dreaming of you again.

I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care,I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there, I'm not supposed to wonder where you are and what to do, I'm sorry I can't help myself, I'm in love with you.

You're not worth the tears, you're not worth the heartache. I don't know why I give you the time. You're not worth the pain, you're not worth the emptiness. I don't know why I wish you were mine.

One day you'll ask me, "which is more important to you, me or your life" I'll say, "My life" and you'll go and leave me with out knowing that you are my life...

I'm sorry for crying over you, because I said I wouldn't. But I didn't promise you that, because I knew it would be a promise I would never be able to keep.

Nothing hurts more than realising she meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to her.

Never say "I love you" if you don't really care,
Never talk about feeling if they aren't really there.
Never hold my hand if you're going to break my heart.
Never say you're to, if you never plan to start.
Never look into my eyes if all you do is lie.
Never say hello, if you really mean goodbye.
If you really mean forever, then say you will try.
Never say forever 'cause forever makes me cry.

Taken from Really Sad Love Quotes
Inspired to collect by (500) Days of Summer

blogger templates | Make Money Online