Friday, July 31, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 10

My body is aching. I couldn’t do as much running or walking as I did yesterday, but I guess I wasn’t ready for this much work in such short period. I guess I have to take a day off running or walking tomorrow. Luckily I will be in hospital for the whole of tomorrow. I cannot imagine, that just 10 years ago, I was able to run 2.4km in less than 15mins with ease, do 12 chin ups, etc. I always thought that I could still do all that. Even back in IMU, I tried for the 100m dash. I did get a good timing, even though I had not done much exercise in a long time. I just thought that I would always be as fit as before. But that is just wishful thinking.

Apart from that, I saw really interesting things today. I started with an infant circumcision. It was different from what I’ve seen or experienced. The baby only required ONE nerve block. Whether it was effective or not, we’ll never know coz the baby cried anyway. They also had specialized equipment for it, a small plastic tube device, which allows the surgeon to just snip the foreskin off and not need any suturing at all. Maybe because it is an infant, but the procedure took less than 10mins. I do wonder sometimes, how it will feel or look like to have a foreskin after puberty. I do remember how it was like before my circumcision, but I guess I will never know. I also wonder how the boy would grow up not even knowing what having a foreskin feels like, and how he feel when he compares and finds out that he’s the odd one. Probably nothing, but that is just my curiosity.

After that, we went to the Albany Regional Prison. I saw another penis there. This time, it was a hypospadias. I’ve only seen minor penile abnormalities, but this hypospadias really span the entire shaft. If the shaft was shorter, and he had a smaller glans, I would really have mistaken it for a female vulva. I often have dreams of having an abnormal opening on my penis. It is just that weird feeling when you pee, and that you feel the urine on your side or clothes. It really made my hair stand, to see such deformities and somehow relate to it. But of course, I DON’T HAVE ANY ABNORMALITIES.

I ended my medical day with an actual vulva. She had 1st degree tears after giving birth to a huge baby with a squished nose. I was instantly reminded of coneheads and Chui Han’s story about how her head was deformed because of a forceps assisted delivery. After seeing the babies, I felt like I could become a GP obstetrician. When you get to know patients that way, I guess delivering their babies and managing them after really made me feel adequate, that I am doing something and seeing the results. I wondered whether my friends would let me manage their pregnancies though. It would be interesting.

Recreationally, Dr. deKlerk took me to the wind farm after the prison visit. The scenery there was spectacular. The windmills themselves were magnificent, towers of white standing tall in the sun. A dull humming, droning in the background as each blade sweeps pass amidst the cool breeze. Its shadow, equally big, eerily glide across the ground and bush, going round and round. It felt like if I could get a hold on one of the blades, I would be instantly tossed up in the air and I would glide into the air with much ease. Of course, if I let go at the wrong time, I would fall straight into the ground.

The sea view was also breathtaking. Torbay had a nice stretch of rocky beach near the wind farm. I was told that when the tide is low, there would be nice spots on the rocks for fishing. However right now, the tide was high but the waves were more than enough to satisfy my. The waves broke haphazardly, almost in a rhythmic song. The waves looked tall, forming the tunnels they’ve always shown on TV. I loved to see the luminous glow of the waves as they thin out before they break into a white mist. I felt that I could stay there for hours, just enjoying the view. I just wished that I could have shared it with somebody.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 09

I decided to walk to the practice and to take a jog after, to try to lose some weight and get fit, so I can attract girls. I could only do 10mins jog, but I managed to walk to the beach. Unfortunately it was dark by the time I got there, so there wasn’t much to see or do. I took several snapshots and watched a red sunset and took a dark and scary walk back to the hospital. I decided to call some of my friends so that I wouldn’t feel so lonely. It was quite a good adventure, though. I just wished that it wasn’t so dark so fast.

When I got back to the hospital, I remembered that they were having the drinks session for Camille. I wanted to make an appearance, but drinking wasn’t my thing, and it was in the city centre. I shudder at the thought that the person driving me back would be a little drunk and I don’t fancy appearing in the newspaper tomorrow. But, if I can, I tip my glass to you, Camille. She was the one who approved my internet access, but now, I can’t access it. I do wonder whether her absence meant that my access had been cut off, but it shouldn’t matter. I went to see them again today, and tried to grant me access, but tonight, I am without internet again.

I guess I would have to live without it and use my books to find out the various treatment and management of the things that I have seen today. And tomorrow I have to present a case to get some sort of evaluation of how I am progressing as a medical student. I have time to present the case, and I have to do a good job to see that I am improving or not. I hope I am.

I went to see one of Dr. Mildenhall’s patients early this morning. He had been bugging me to see him since he was admitted on Monday. I wondered what ‘typical’ presentation he would have. It turned out to be a myocardial infarction in a very fit and healthy 50 year old man. He started having the pains a few weeks back, after he takes a 30min jog. Why do these things happen to people who seem to be doing the right thing in life? What justice is there about life? “Those who deserve death, live on, and those who deserve life don’t, but who are we to decide?” was the quote that Gandalf said. I guess as a doctor, I would be able to do something about this. And I am almost there.

I saw a couple of babies and pregnant mothers today. I still have that fatherly instinct which makes me want to cuddle and pamper a baby of my own. I also have been harbouring the feeling of owning a pet, from visiting too much. I saw a poster of a few pets being sold and I walked past the pet shop on the way to the practice today. I really want to go in and buy a pet. Can I afford a pet? Will I be a good carer? I think that I can, but my sea monkeys are dead.

There was also another patient we saw today who is on trial for custody of her own children. There was history of drug abuse and domestic violence, and I cannot help but think how much she doesn’t deserve to have them. They say that people growing up in abusive families will turn into abusive parents themselves. I guess there is some truth in it, taking examples from the animal kingdom as well. If not taken care of, the animals tend not to care as well as others in the same species. This is a type of evolution process and part of the selfish gene theory, which allows the species to continue. It is not just limited to mammals and birds, but also some reptiles, amphibians, fish and invertebrates. Yet, there are always exceptions, especially among humans where this happens. Now that she has gotten rid of the negative influences, her lawyer and her doctor is trying to help her gain custody. I have no right to judge, but I do hope that she is able to handle them and give them all they need, and not harm them in any way. And I do hope that the children turn out better than their parents and have a clean and proper life.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 08

I started out with surgery/anaesthetics this morning, a reminder that I have to re-learn everything that I have read up before for anaesthetics. I guess I need some tough love, but I am sure that I am benefiting from all that. I wondered how I learnt things previously, how I was able to grasp most concepts really easily, getting through exams easily with top marks. I can remember things like from games and movies, but when it comes to factual medical knowledge, I don’t know why I am not able to remember them. I am almost graduating, and yet I am still not up to par. I can see my friends becoming better and better, but I don’t feel like that at all.

The same thing happened to me again during my GP session with Dr. Liz. It was all last year’s stuff, things that I strived to know for the exams. Now that the exams are over, I do not know why all that knowledge is slipping away, especially when I would need it all for the rest of my life. I am getting confused with how I should be approaching the medical problems and how to manage them. Every day, I feel like my knowledge resetted itself and I have to go through all that all over again the next day.

I guess now that I have cut back on WoW, I should get started on all that knowledge building again, and GP would help me get started. But here I am, again with this problem. I do not know where to start and how to get started. I guess I shall start on reading up on what I read up yesterday and a bit of what I learnt today.

Today also, they printed the news about the late Dr Camille Michener in the West Australian. I can’t believe that someone so young, talented, friendly and nice have to go like that. I don’t know her at all, but I managed to help her in surgery, and she helped me get my internet access at the hospital. It was her last day in Albany and was heading back to Perth to continue her training when she was involved in a car accident on Friday night. I can only think about how I was on the same highway that same night. I am really thankful that Aleisha was a careful driver and that nothing happened to us at all. Life is strange and it works in such incomprehensible ways. Is there karma going on? Why would God take such life away?

Carpe diem, et momento mori. Seize the day, for we are mortal.

What is mortality? Why are we mortal? Is there death, so that we can experience life? Isn’t that what she was doing – bringing in life into this world and to delay death?

I am brought back again to what I am doing here. Although I am deprived of internet, I managed to get access to facebook and blogger. I am still pretty much addicted to it knowing how much my life has been ruined. I spent almost an hour on it, just forcing myself to be on the net, despite no longer having anything to see. I guess that is addiction for you.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 07

I just got back from the airport, after sending a patient with an aneurysm causing left 3rd nerve palsy. I really wanted to be on that plane, which was heading to Perth. I wanted to fly with the flying doctor services, maybe it be just to transport patients or to go out to the bush to treat patients. Perhaps it was a wrong choice to have Albany as my posting, as I would not get that much chance to fly out there. I guess it is something I ask too much of, since I am already not doing well in normal medicine.

But I had lots to do today. I started at about 0845 with ward rounds. The GP had a lot of patients in the hospital, being on call over the weekend. We saw a whole heap of patients, ranging from a newborn to a fractured hip. I tried my best to sound interested and tried asking questions, but I was dread tired, and I really don’t know what to ask.

After rounds, we headed to various age care facilities around Albany. I found a quote on one of the doors, which reminded me again about why I do not want to get dementia. “Disinhibition lifts and the ego diminishes, allowing the spirit and soul to grow.” I am still afraid of what remains when I am free from any disinhibition. I want to know whether I am a fiend or a friend, whether I am mindful or mindless, but yet, I am worried about the truth. It also got me thinking about what will happen to me when I am at that age, being in a nursing home, or will I be living independently alone in my own place. I hope that I will not get dementia. I would rather die.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 06

I woke up, feeling as if I did not sleep at all last night. I was plagued by unpleasant dreams all night. Perhaps it was due to the double thickness in my quilt, making me sweat. Or perhaps the dread of saying goodbye again. Either way, I could not, or rather did not, want to go back to sleep.

I decided I would benefit from taking a morning walk. The weather was a bit chilly, but was wonderful. Although I was going through so many emotions, I still felt warm and fuzzy inside, despite also having many cold negative feelings. Having an uncertained future made me I feel regretful that all of this had to happen and sometimes I wish that I could turn back time. But with there is always that little bit of Hope at the bottom of this Pandora’s Box I opened.

I reached Evelyn’s place on time, although I did not get to finish what I started. However, given the circumstances, I guess there wasn’t much else I could have done that morning. I guess the next best thing was to spend time with some friends. We watched TV while waiting for the rest. They showed a very interesting video clip of a unique wedding ceremony, with funky music playing while the bride’s maids and grooms grooved down the aisle. It was such a special, joyful, and beautiful event, I cried. I wished I had such sporting support and I wished I could do the same for them.

Soon, the rest of the people arrived and we got started with writing the profiles. I was amazed at our creativity, a big difference from my intern friends. It took a while to get things running, and we didn’t actually finished it, but the foundation was already there. I was thankful that I had an interesting profile, but I felt bad for not contributing much to the other’s profile. It made me wonder about my claim to fame creativity and power of English though. When did I lose it? Why did I lose it? And added to the fact that I have not been doing so good, I do wonder what is wrong with me and what changed. I miss my old self.

After finishing off what we could, we headed back to Nadia’s place for lunch. Lydia prepared an English Breakfast meal, which was great. We started talking about Malaysian breakfast meals and I started to miss them. I was already able to make my own nasi lemak and almost able to make wonton mee, but being in Albany would make it difficult to prepare them. Oh well, I will still have 4 weeks to go.

I did some last minute packing, but still forgetting things to bring down. Luckily it wasn’t anything major like the last time. I now have to make a trip to the store to buy them. I couldn’t blame the last minute packing, but I blamed more of my lack of organization and lack of keeping lists. All I could think of is how much I need to get my life organized again. I’ve been told time and time again, that I need to get my priorities straight. I guess that’s what I have to do with this rotation.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 05

We had an early start today. We were lucky as the weather was kind for Aleisha to drive safely. I had a nice short sleep last night, but I was still tired and still needed to sleep along the way back. I felt bad that I could not keep awake to entertain Aleisha. In the end, we agreed that I get to pay her for her troubles. At least that satisfied me a bit…

The first thing I did when I got back was to pack the power cable into my bag. I wasn’t going to forget it again this time round. Strangely I could not find the desire to switch on the computer. Somehow I knew that there was nothing for me there anymore. Maybe I’m anhedonic, or I could just be realizing my own failure. I do realize how much it has ruined my life. The question is whether I can do anything about it, and whether my life is still salvageable. Maybe once I have my life again, I would have a chance. But for now, I do feel pathetic, and I guess I would understand why I am still single. I have long ways to go. For the mean time, I just lay down in bed to mull over things.

I followed Evelyn to get the stuff for the steamboat after lunch. I managed to buy some instant drinks to bring back to Albany, something that I rarely see in Australian shops, not sure why. Perhaps they think that it is better to have fresh drinks or something that they can alter to suit their taste. I don’t know why I do not have such an opinion about taste as others though…

We bought what we liked to eat. Perhaps this is why I don’t have an opinion, it is because I follow the norm. Anyway, I’m just glad that there was a steamboat organized, just because I was back in town. Preparation was fairly simple, mostly because I didn’t have to do anything.

I went to Evelyn’s place earlier to play with Facebook Graffiti. It was so easy with a stylus pen and a touchscreen. I wished that I had these gadgets on my computer, so that I can play more with Graffiti. I was also thinking about how I can use the stylus to play WoW. I do wonder if it will be faster or more interesting to do so. Too bad I don’t have the cash to own such a system.

The steamboat was usual. I was full quite fast, I don’t know why. Perhaps not eating this much for the past week or so have sort of made my stomach atrophy, and also I need to endeavour the lack of food in Albany for the next 4 weeks. Anyway, we didn’t do much during or after the steamboat. They decided to go out to play Guitar Hero at Timezone, and I couldn’t resist the temptation of playing a game. I haven’t played a game for a week, really. However, I couldn’t go past medium difficulty. I still loved “Paint it Black” by the Rolling Stones, but there was a new song that we played, although I cannot remember the title. All I know is that it was nice to listen to and fun to play as well.

After a while, I grew tired, having traveled the whole day today, and the thought of traveling again tomorrow really made me want to curl up in bed and sleep.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 04

I managed to wake up earlier than my alarm today, with terminal insomnia. I reluctantly took a shower and got ready, with too much time to spare. The weather was bright with clear skies, but I was still filled with dread. I gave myself 45mins for the walk, and I managed to get to the practice on time, with loads of time to spare. It was also a very normal day at the practice. I managed to do a bit of cryotherapy, but that was it.

I had the afternoon to get access to facebook access. I managed to obtain access to the Albany UWA campus, but in the process, I think I disabled my access to the main campus in Perth. Even though I now had access to it, I still wasn’t able to use my account on the computers. I could only use the local password, but I guess I cannot complain because of the lousy feeling that I have been feeling throughout the day.

I was able to catch the bus back to the hospital for my afternoon of ED. Again, the bus had a different number then the one scheduled, but the guy waiting with me at the stop reassured me that it was the right one. I was not happy with the schedule that I picked up at the visitors centre, which was dated 2004. I am not sure if they have changed the schedule since then, but having no fixed guides as to when each bus comes by was really irritating. When I got back to the hospital and checked the net, I got a reply from the bus company, but they also gave me the 2004 one. I guess I cannot say anything for them to be the only company in Albany.

I introduced myself to the ED, but there was nothing for me to do. There were stuff happening, but I wasn’t really in the mood to do anything. I tried to access blogger from the Shed’s computers, but just like facebook, blogger was banned as well. So I had nothing to do at all that evening, so I went back to my room to take a nap.

Aleisha called just as I woke up from my nap, giving me time to get packed and ready to head back to Perth. We made a quick pit stop at Woolies after picking me up and we headed back to Mt. Barker, where she was stationed. The weather was almost perfect, making the journey safe. Her allocated accommodation was a home meant for visiting locums and their families, so the room was really homely. It even had a computer, albeit a Pentium 2. There was a TV with a DVD player as well. I managed to watch a movie titled Secondhand Lions, starring the kid from Six Sense. The movie had so many elements of everything, adventure, reality, romance, family, deception. Because of the undetermined theme, the starting was a bit weird and hard to follow. But if you endured, the first 1 hour or so, the story made a lot of sense and was actually touching.

Although it wasn’t captured in the movie, the ending also showed a series of comics from the boy’s adventures with his pet lion. It is the things like that which adds to the movie, giving it more depth. These things are not needed in the movie, but it really tells us what he does at the farm despite not having anything around and that he actually had a life. In contrast, I am not doing anything and just lazing around in that same situation.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 03

It rained last night and was dragging on to the morning.
Fortunately, I was in surgery in the morning, so I was rather dry.
Unfortunately, I forgot most of my anaesthetic stuff.
Fortunately, the GP/Anaesthetist was nice, teaching me stuff and let me insert an LMA.
Unfortunately, it was hard to put it in and there were complications.
Fortunately, it was not my fault and these things happen.
Unfortunately, there was no other patient I could do it to that morning.
Fortunately, the obstetric registrar asked for my help and I actually did something.
Unfortunately, the monitor was on my back.
Fortunately, they were nice to show me interesting stuff.
Unfortunately, it turned out that the ovarian cyst could not be found.
Fortunately, they found the ‘cyst’ to be an enlarged appendix.
Unfortunately, with that size, it was more likely to be carcinoid.
Fortunately, after removing it, it didn’t feel like a carcinoid.
Unfortunately, the histopathology would not come back after a week.
Fortunately, the GP was nice enough to let me know when it does.
Unfortunately, I had to leave the nice GP early to go to the practice.
Fortunately, there was a bus that I was able to take to the city.
Unfortunately, even after calling Chui Han for help, I could not catch it in time.
Fortunately, I found a time table at the chemist at IGA.
Unfortunately, it started to rain when I was leaving IGA.
Fortunately, Dr, Knight was able to give me a lift to the practice.
Unfortunately, he had to make a pit stop first.
Fortunately, we visited a nursing home, making it somewhat educational.
Unfortunately, we went to the dementia ward, my least favourite ward.
Fortunately, we didn’t stay for long, and left shortly after.
Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough time for lunch.
Fortunately, we had an interesting conversation in the car about end of life care.
Unfortunately, even though I don’t want to be a burden, I felt like I am.
Fortunately, I can take it as motivation to do better.
Unfortunately, there is so much more I need to do.
Fortunately, there are nice GP’s and tutors around to help me get through this.
Unfortunately, my afternoon session didn’t go as I planned.
Fortunately, I was able to take patient blood pressures at least.
Unfortunately, most of my readings were off and needed rechecking each time.
Fortunately, I was allowed to do a cardiovascular examination on a patient thoroughly.
Unfortunately, I missed the diastolic murmur.
Fortunately, I got the other findings and was confirmed with an echocardiogram report.
Unfortunately, there was nothing else to do that day.
Fortunately, I was able to catch the last bus back to the hospital.
Unfortunately, I boarded a different bus than the scheduled one and had to pay a fare.
Fortunately, it was the right bus anyway, and I got back safely.
Unfortunately, it was so early; I didn’t know what to do then.
Fortunately, I met Dr. Michener from surgery, who helped me get internet access.
Unfortunately, they blocked facebook and blogger on the computers.
Finally, and fortunately, I managed to log onto MSN and chat with Chui Han.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 02

I realized today that I have a so much to learn and remember to become a doctor. Today, I saw a whole range of patients, which spanned throughout my entire medical studies. It started with a suicidal depressed patient with a personality disorder, one of Dr. Knight’s patients in the hospital. We briefly talked to her to see how she is coping, and interestingly she wrote a letter to her parents telling them her feelings. I was brought back to my own experience with depression, suicidal ideation and family matters. I hope that I don’t have to go through all those feelings again.

Dr. Knight then finished giving me a tour of the hospital and took me to the practice, where I was given instructions and schedule for my attachment. That morning, I was attached to the only female doctor in the practice, Dr. Tompkins. She saw lots of Obs & Gynae patients, and I struggled to recall all that I have learnt last two years. There were a couple of Pap smears and antenatal checks, but there were also the medical cases and geriatrics and polypharmacy as well. Later that day, I was attached to another GP, Dr.Wasiun, who specialized in Anaesthetics. He had a few pre-admission patients, which reminded me that I need to study that for my exams as well. Both of the GP’s also had a few paediatric cases as well. It was clear that I have lost touch with most of what I have learnt throughout the years, but at least I know where I stand right now.

My tally, I covered psych, O&G, paeds, anaesthetics, gen med, and geriatrics, all in one day.

However, the highlight of my day was when one of the mothers who came in handed me her baby to hold while she assisted in the examination of her other child. My heart melted and the paternal emotions start building up. I completely ignored the rest of the consult as I tried to talk to the baby. The baby was anxious and was reluctant to suck on the dummy, but he occasionally smiled. It wasn’t the “Aww, so cute,” feelings, but more of the “I want to protect you,” feelings. I can only guess how a father would feel towards his child, and I think what I feel is close to it. I was reminded of the lines from 17 Again, starring Matthew Perry and Zac Efron. It was the scene when they were handing out condoms and Zac Efron stood up and gave a wonder speech of what it was like to hold your first baby girl in your arms. I would quote it here if I can remember the exact words.

There used to be a saying that the first daughter is the reincarnation of the father’s lover in a previous life. I find some truth in that statement. It does explain why the feelings fathers have towards their first born daughters are greater. It is really the feeling that you have to protect her from all harm, giving her all you can give. It is really the same type of feeling I would share towards my lover first. I do hope I am a good father.

That evening, I tried exploring Albany, but as with Perth, everything closes at 1700hrs. I managed to find the UWA campus and the RCS campus were, but I didn’t really find much else. By then, it was getting dark. Luckily, I was to have dinner at Dr. Knight’s place, so he called me and I managed to get a lift to his place. It turned out that he was a father of 3 hyperactive girls. I learnt about Australian culture about meals and bed time, and also got several tips on parenting. I found out that children will become more hyper as it gets closer to bed time and it is usually because they are tired. It sounds contradictory, but true enough, they fell asleep the moment they were sent to bed. I have a lot to learn about parenting...

I left shortly after they went to bed, and Dr Knight took me to the RCS campus, where I managed to borrow several books to make up for my lack of internet. It made me realise how much I relied on internet before, and how easy it is to have the internet to replace all the books that I took home that day. With these books, my room looked more like a study area. Now all I need is the motivation.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 01

At the end of any day, especially since when the weather is so gloomy, all I want to do is to see that certain rainbow, to tell you about my day, about all the good and bad, all my thoughts and feelings, and to hear yours. But like a rainbow, you are not always there, and sometimes you will not appear when I really want to see you.

But when I least expect it, I managed to see three rainbows on the way down to Albany today. The weather was so gloomy when I woke up today, with extra dread, sadness and anxiety that I have been experiencing over the past few weeks. I really didn’t want to leave Perth at this moment. Although I would only be 6 hours drive away, it is still a long way and I already promised myself not to make any trips back though.

My housemate was kind enough to drive me to the busport. The ride there was the usual ‘business’ conversation, me telling him about why I was going down there, him telling me about his new uni timetable, me reminding him about paying the rent, him reminding me to transfer money into his account, etc. Otherwise, it was a smooth ride and I was at the terminal at 0830. And right outside, there was the first beautiful rainbow. It had both ends of the arc touching the horizon. Just as with you, the mere sight of it made me feel happy.

The sight of the rainbow eased the fears I had and I managed to catch up with some sleep. Of course, being extra tired from not getting enough sleep the previous night made it easy. I never knew how to handle good-byes, except from what I have seen on TV. Like, “Don’t look back,” or “Can I write to you?” or “You’re the only one he said good-bye to.” I don’t think that I can pull it off, saying something original or meaningful when I say good-bye. I have changed locations so many times in the past, and I would think that I would have gotten used to it by now. But I haven’t. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”, I hope, but there is also the opposite, “Out of sight, out of mind.” At least for now, I am already missing my friends, but I know I am still just a phone call away.

The journey was all so familiar to my days in Singapore, having also showed a movie. I could have read the book I brought but I occupied my time solving the 5x5x5 cube and watching Toy Story 2, a movie that I have seen it many times. The message that I got out of the movie was, “I would rather see him grow up than to not be loved at all.” I do not know what to make of the quote. Could I live to love someone and watch them grow up and in the end be cast away? Do I have the capacity of unrequited love and not to expect anything in return? It got me thinking about my feelings and how ideal I want my future to be with a family, but am I really capable of doing such things? It really sounds like a quote that is said by a parental figure of some sort. As it is, I am already not giving anything back to my parents. With such atrocious grades, I feel like I am a failure to them.

This is my goal here in Albany – to NOT be a failure to them. The room I was given when I got here was very conducive for studying. I could not get any internet, there was ample light, and it was quite cosy. There were facilities for everything. It doesn’t look too bad for a start, and I definitely have a good feeling about this rotation.


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