Saturday, March 03, 2007

My Birthday

I don't like celebrating my birthday. Frankly, I don't know what the significance of birthdays is anymore. It's not like I don't want to be reminded that I am old. I grow older every day. I mean I am only one day older than yesterday, not one year. To me, time is a relative thing. It is an arbitrary unit created by quantifying events that happen. Why does an hour have 60 minutes? Why 24 hours in one day? If the people who created the units on Mars, would we get the same results? Mass and length do.

Back to birthdays, I just don't like it because I don't know how to feel on that day. Happy and grateful that I've survived another year? Sad and depressed that I've grown older but not wiser? Angry that no one remembers or cares about it? I sometimes feel alone and I want to be alone. Sometimes I even want to forget that day even. Every year I plan to hide and not be known. But every year I will go through those feelings and I hate that uncomfortable feeling the whole day.

I feel like I want a celebration, but I don’t like telling others my birthday. It is like there isn’t a point in giving out that information because I am not going to get anything. Even with loved ones, good friends, they all don’t remember. I don’t want to be reminding them; that is just blunt.

Others celebrate their birthdays by throwing a party and inviting a lot of people. I don’t do that anymore. I used to give out sweets to everyone in class and close friends on my birthday because that is the thing to do. My last biggest celebration was when I was 10 when even my father’s friends came. I have no idea why. As I grew older, the parties got smaller, even to a point of just a wish from my family. We used to be able to pick our own presents and nothing was ever a big surprise. From the kiddie toys to the story books, everything was what I wanted. In my teenage years, my gifts became more like everything I needed, practical items. This, was always given by my sister. In the end, whenever I get gifts or receive any, I would prefer something more lasting. I don’t like perishable goods, like chocolates or candy.

For the past few years now, I didn’t get any presents for my birthday. I am just getting used to that. Then it hit me as to why… it is just another day.

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