Saturday, August 15, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 26

This would be my last weekend here in Albany. I thought of going to Denmark to visit the Dinosaur museum, but I was lazy to walk down and hire a car. Well, that and I'm broke and I haven't really done my log book.

Instead, I stayed in my room and watched anime. I watched a couple of animes to pass the time. By couple, I mean 3; and by anime, I meant anime series. I also typed out most of what I have into my log book, so I cannot say that I have wasted the whole day.

One of the Anime I've watched was Ride Back. It's a story about a ballet dancer who injured herself and was never to dance again. However, she manages to, through futuristic motocycles called Ride Backs. It's a motorcycle essentially, but is able to transform into a humanoid form on wheels. The computer balance system goes really well with sense of coordination, from her glory days as a dancer, such that she was able to pull off majestic stunts on it.

At first, it was a story of a girl struggling to cope with her downfall, and turning to riding this new invention by accident. However, the show slowly progressed into a war between an opressing government and a rebellion, with her in the middle. I got confused as who the target audience was, but I would think that only anime fans who just watch anime for the sake of watching anime would watch it. I would say it is more targetted for guys because of the cool machinery and battle scenes, but then it has many feminine qualities such as a female protagonist with a passion for dance.

Maybe, it was meant for the girls, but also attract the guys with graphics and explosions, kind of like adding a love scene in an otherwise action pack movie. Commendable effort this time.

I can't say which part attracted me more, but I did like the storyline; political/military oppression and media corruption, struggles with barriers in life, AWESOME IMAGINATION AND GRAPHICS.

How far are we from that kind of technology? It doesn't seem far...

Adventures in Albany - Day 25

Highlight of the day: I sutured my friend's grandma. I sms-ed him, and he thinks it's cool too.

The day started with normal ward rounds and sutures in the morning. I managed to signed off a procedural sheet for 3 sutures that I had done. Again, I really felt that I am doing something with these hands that God gave me. I started doing Medicine so that I can work with my hands and my brain. I feel that both represents my being. I don't have a golden figure, or a golden kick, or a golden voice, but I have my hands and my brain.

I've mentioned about my fear of getting dementia, or losing control of my brain and thinking. I don't think I have mentioned much about my hands. I like craftwork. I started out liking origami, which slowly branched out to other art stuff, including drawing and paper crafts. I slowly branched into beads, and jewelry at the beginning of the year. I am proud of what I have done, but I do wish that I can use them for something much more useful.

That's how I first got interested in Medicine. I wanted to do surgery. My second choice was dentistry, where again, there is a bit of handwork. When I failed to get into either course in NUS, I went to IMU, with the intention to be a surgeon in Singapore. I didn't like the racism in Malaysia, and I never wanted to go back there. Singapore was the next best thing and I really liked it there. However, IMU being in Malaysia, I had no choice if I wanted to be a surgeon.

In IMU, I had less chances to use my hands, but I still did arts and craft. I still have a model Titanic with weekly parts that I have to finish, but I never had the time to complete. Model making was the next handiwork I could do with my hands and I enjoyed it. Now that I think back, it really deviated a lot from what I initially started out with.

Then, I came to Perth. I really enjoyed scrubbing in and taking part in the surgeries I observed. I liked to watch the surgeon's nimble hands doing sutures, tying 5-0 and 6-0 threads onto blood vessels or doing perfect subcuticular stitches. Despite that, I had really little experience doing the sutures myself. Neither surgical terms I had allowed me to do that.

However, when it comes to being in ED and GP, and having a GP who lets me do stuff, I managed to finally do what I wanted to do all these while.

The question now is: Where do I go from here.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 24

After disappointing news yet again from the job agencies in WA and NSW, the chances of me staying in Perth is no longer visible. I would have to either take up the job offer I have in Singapore, or to attempt to contact other states in Australia where I did not apply. I never had the intention to leave Perth, but to leave Australia entirely is a different question. I still could not decide which is better; to go back to my original plan to work and live in Singapore nearby family and familiar territory, or to venture forth into the unknown but still be in the health system of Australia.

Conclusion still pending.

Apart from that, its a small victory for me in GP land. I finally got a praise, albeit sarcastic in nature, that I do know something at least, from my 6 years of training. They say that you can throw away half the stuff you learnt back in pre-clinical years, but this year, I find myself going back to the stuff that I memorized so hard to pass my exams in IMU. They are called fundamentals for a reason and I have to revisit mine in order to get through this year at least.

Even the basics of explaining to patients what a disease is, proves to be a challenge. You can treat the disease all you want, knowing it inside out, but I still find it hard to explain to the patient without jargon and make them aware about their conditions and the basis of treatments. Basically, explaining the whole hour worth of lecture on a topic in 7minutes or less.

After GP, I took a detour, travelling on a different route to get back to the hospital.
Notes to self:
1. Don't travel in the dark through a graveyard if you don't want to be scared.
2. Don't stop to smell the roses (in this case stop to take photos of calla lilies) in the dark in someone's yard.
3. Don't give your home address to evangelists.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 23

It hurts to know,
You don’t feel the way I do,
It hurts to know,
There’s nothing I can do.

It hurts to know,
no matter how I feel,
or what I show,
My fate is already sealed.

It just hurts so much,
When I think about it,
Like my future and such,
The pieces just don’t fit.

It hurts to know,
I’ll be leaving,
It hurts to know,
I can’t do a thing.

It hurts to know,
I’ll no longer be with you,
Without your positive glow,
I find it hard to start anew.

It hurts so bad,
I cry every night,
It hurts, and I am sad,
To be in this plight.

It hurts to know,
That this could be the end,
That I have to go,
My love, my dear friend.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 22

Highlight of the day: Punch biopsy

Lowlight of the day: Staring into nothing at the end of the day.

I finished another Anime series, titled, “Zam’d,” a drama set in a fantasy world where North fights South with innocents in the middle, science versus religion, good and evil, cause and consequence, love and hate.

The pace was very slow, but it was intriguing to watch. Every scene added to a very rich storyline. Everybody had a role to play in the plot. Each character was developed nicely and their personalities really were obvious. What made me want to watch it even more, was the dynamics of each of the relationships between the characters. It seemed like everyone had a story of their own, and it intertwined with each other. The last few episodes revealed all of the relationship resolutions, dealing with all those conflicts.

I probably relate to it, because of those conflicts. I would probably call it internal emotional turmoil, having mixed feelings about myself and my surroundings. I almost cried at the last few episodes when each of the conflicts resolve. It is nice to know that there is an ending for everything, and that things will work out. No matter how much I want things to remain as they are, or change for the better, things can go the other way as well. But everything will be alright.

At least that is what everyone tells me.

Adventures in Albany - Day 21

Post holiday.

Having a car made me lazy, as I could stay up late and take my time driving down. I pumped petrol at a gas station all by myself (first time yo) and returned the car well before it was due. Driving was fun. I miss driving already.

Being able to drive means that I wouldn’t be depending on other people for transport. I can go anywhere I want, whenever I want, without any worry of what the driver thinks. It was like taking my own holiday during the weekend. I found myself stopping to wait on the whales to surface for minutes. For that brief 1 second worth of air spray and a glimpse of the dorsal fin, I can spend 20 minutes just standing there. I would also spend a great deal of time on taking a picture of a flower. I mean it is just a flower, I don’t know if anyone would share the same enthusiasm as I do towards macro shots.

I like flowers, I don’t know why. I don’t know since when either. I used to like taking photos of animals, but all my photos of them sucks the life out of them. They lay there inanimate and 2-dimentional. Maybe it is my technique of photography, maybe it is my camera, but I cannot seem to get the right shot. So I think I shall stick to flowers, where I can still capture their essence in a 2-dimentional picture. I am just thinking how many dimensions I need to capture if I want a good picture of an animal though.

Anyway, I managed to sit in with Dr. Knight today, just because Dr. Legget was on call and was not in the practice at the time. Having a much more enthusiastic teacher who lets me do things makes me feel more involved and I grow more confident by doing it. It was also a challenge to tell patients what diseases they have. I have never described Thrush or Hypertension to a patient before. I know what they are, I know what they can do and I know how to treat it. But it still feels weird to explain it to patients. Well, I have explained things to my parents, I guess that is a start.

This is sort of my final week of my term here in Albany. I really felt like I want to stay here in Albany a bit longer, or am I just regretting for wasting time earlier. I have to stop taking the good things for granted and missing out on opportunities when they come knocking.


Monday, August 10, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 20

It is a wonderful day.

And all I could think of is you.

I wished that you were here with me. More so, because I needed someone to take photos of me, but I also wish to share the moments with you.

I want to tell you how much I hated those who kill whales.

I also want to tell you that I also understand that people needed to earn a living from it.

But more importantly I want to know what you think about it.

I want to show off my knowledge of whales, of nature, to you. I want to show you how much I care about nature.

And I want to know how much you care.

I drove around the natural rock formations, wishing that you were navigating beside me.

And I wished that I could drive you around, instead of being driven.

I wanted to watch the waves with you, as they rhythmically splash into the rocks, creating mists of white. Just like my feelings are when I am with you, a sense of calmness among the haphazard chaos.

I want to know what your feelings were.

I felt like I could spread my wings and fly if you by my side, as I stood at the peak of the hill overlooking the peninsular.

I wanted to complain about how tired I am walking alongside the coast, but if you were there, I would only think about how the coast looks as beautiful you.

And finally, as I stood watching the sunset, I wish that I could sit through every sunset with you from this day on, till the end of days.

I wish there was a you.

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 19

Depressing version:

I woke up too early for my taste, so that I can catch the sunrise. I kept making trips back and forth from my room to the car, forgetting small stuff like my jacket and glasses. By the time I was on the road, it was already quite bright, and I missed the first light.

When I got to my chosen lookout point, I could see the sun rising, but the sun was rising from the mountains, and not the sea as I thought it would be like. The weather was also cruel, being so cold and cloudy. I guess I should have gone to another location for me to catch the sun rising from the sea. But I was too late to go anywhere else.

Towards the end of sunrise, the rainclouds were already covering most of the morning sky. It even started drizzling as I drove back to my room. It didn’t look at all enticing weather.

I got on board the catamaran sail boat hoping that the weather will improve. We all sat down and listened to what the captain had to say. He gave a lengthy speech about random stuff, and after the other ships had set sail, we set off. Being set off late and trudging along at a slow pace, I could see the other boat in the distance. What irritated me was that there was a whale next to that boat and not ours. By the time we got close enough, the whale was moving away.

We decided to move to the deeper waters to find other whales. Though the captain had a good feeling that we might find whales at a certain spot, some guy on the boat thought he saw a whale behind us. So we turned around, away from the calmer waters to the deeper side. It was 30mins before we found anything. We tried to follow it, but it was moving away as expected. By then, it was already time to go back and so we did.

Oh yeah, my camera battery ran out 1 hour into the tour, before we saw any whales. I really wished that my camera battery lasted longer, and that I had more control over the functions of the camera, like focus and zoom. I also wished that I had more memory in the camera so that I can take endless shots without any worry.

Because of the chase that we did, we arrived back late, and I was too tired to go anywhere else fancy. So I went to the Amity Ship museum to see what was there. I had to pay $4 for the entry, and I learnt NOTHING from that. I didn’t get any good shots either. I listened to a relatively boring commentary about the origins of Albany and explored a claustrophobic ship. I got bored easily.

I ended up going back and taking a nap. By sunset, the clouds did not want to clear, so I decided not to go to the ANZAC memorials. The evening was partly wasted in the end.

Happier version:

I managed to catch the beautiful sunrise today. Despite it rising from the mountains instead of the sea, it was still beautiful. The sky turned from black, to blue, to red, to orange and back to sky blue. That’s half the spectrum of the rainbow, and that’s even before the sun was up. When the sun finally appeared, the sun rays pierced the darkness of the clouds and the land. It was really a sight to see.

I got back into the car when the drizzle started, and headed back to my room. I quickly downloaded the pictures I just took so that I can have an empty memory card for the whale watching tour. I had time to kill, so I went to upload them to facebook.

I don’t know whether I chose the right boat to be on, but I was sort of glad that I choose the catamaran. The skipper was a cheery person, who gave interesting stories and facts about his adventures. He gave facts about the surroundings and the wildlife that appeared throughout the journey. I liked the way he treated the whales not as exhibits but as living creatures with feelings and fears. I really admire him for that.

After spending time with our first encounter with the whale, we went to search for other whales. We managed to find one after an hour of searching. The whale actually jumped out of the water. It was really a sight that I wanted to witness for myself, but I never thought that I would actually see one. It was really a majestic sight, even though it was for a split second, and I would remember it forever. After following it around for a while, the skipper decided that we were bothering them more than anything, so we headed back, hoping to catch another whale or two.

Although we didn’t at least I managed to see whales in the wild. I was happy.

I went on to visit the other attraction in Albany town centre, the Amity Ship Museum. The ship itself was a disappointment, but the museum next door was much more exciting for me. I found out once more that I like natural history rather than human history. I don’t know why, but I find animal skeletons intriguing. It is not that I want to see lots of it, I just feel that these little things that makes me think about how much similarities we have with animals. I felt part of nature once again today, and that I am happy being on this Earth.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 18

07.08.09 Happy birthday, Evonne Toh. ^_^

I finally managed to rent a car for the weekend. My driving skills are a bit rusty, but I got used to the car after a while. I remembered that I was a bit more scared at driving back when I helped Evelyn rent the ute. I don’t know why I was ok this time round. Maybe because it is an automatic? But I had fun driving around today.

I have the weekend planned out. Tomorrow I will be starting with a whaling tour in a slight shower. Hopefully the whales come out to play like they have been doing lately. I remembered that I love Humpback whales. I hope to catch a glimpse of them at least. I hope I hope I hope.

I also watched a Ben Aflek movie on TV, Man About Town. The movie was the journal of Jack, a successful man in the script writing industry. At the beginning, they show him in a journal writing class, which intrigued me. Lesson two, write about your secrets. It really felt wrong, to write about things like that. Journals are meant to be personal, but in the event that it gets stolen, these secrets will be exposed, like in the movie. However, the more I think about it, these secrets are the essence of any good story. Jack tells us his secrets, and in the process, we learnt why his wife cheated on him, and why she still loves him. I really like the movie.

It told me how to write journals.
It told me about taking that leap and going for what you dream and not sit there waiting for someone to take it away from you.
It told me about forgiving and forgetting.

I like the scene where the two of them stood across each other, with a salt water fish tank in the middle. Although they were face to face talking, they really were an ocean apart. The ending though, showed them IN the very same tank, together at last. I dunno if the writers purposely put that in, but I was intrigued with what I found. Maybe I read too much into the movie, but I took many lessons from it.

I was annoyed though, because my father called me halfway to tell me about my niece, just as they showed the climax of the movie. I missed out on the revelation between the two of them. I missed out on the play of words used during their telephone conversation, as his responses were applied to multiple listeners. Now I have to get a copy of the movie so that I can watch it again.

At the end of the day, I commend on the script writers and the creators of the movie, for such an interesting movie. I hope that I can improve my journal writing skills. I feel like creating another blog, and make it an anonymous blog with really deep personal journal entries. Who knows…

Friday, August 07, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 17

It was kind of a depressing day for me.

It started out with a worrying dream/nightmare. I cannot remember the details of the dream but the feeling that you get after the dream lingered and it made me worry that something bad was going to happen. Perhaps it was just anxiety, but I don't know what of. May be it was nothing.

The day started with normal consults, with me realizing that I cannot get into the mode of a GP consult. It was annoying. I couldn’t think on my feet, and I struggled to keep awake most of the time.

There were a few familiar ‘difficult’ patients who make my day worse. There may be something going on, but the way they present themselves is really not appealing. They bring in every other aches and tingling sensation, obscuring the true definite symptom. Although I like the variety of GP, sometimes I just cannot or don’t want to handle these type of patients.

I just felt like an inadequate doctor sometimes when these things happen. Later in the afternoon, my GP kept sending me out on errands, which made me feel that he did not want me in the room. It felt like I was not performing as well as he would like and probably seeing me as disinterested. I am interested, I just don’t know how to act interested.

Maybe if there was something that I was really interested in, I would be more active and engaging, but after the mentally exhausting morning, I didn’t really seem to be able to get into gear. I guess it is just the fatigue that you get from taking a jog after not exercising for a long time. It is true that I am no longer fit, but am I no longer fit mentally?

At the end of the day, I was drained and I couldn’t do much else.

Even planning for an exciting weekend seemed impossible.

We’ll see…

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 16

Today’s topic: Psychiatry.

My general theory for psychiatry now is thoughts. A crazy person thinks too much.

If the thoughts are generally sad ones, like guilt, worthlessness, and suicidal, then the person would become depressed.

If the thoughts are general happy and grandiose, then the person would be more manic.

If the thoughts becomes like a voice on its own, it becomes more like a schizophrenia type disorder.

Content of the thoughts, intensity of the thoughts and the frequency of the thoughts are what makes a person crazier than others. But we cannot not think, at least I can’t. I tried meditation before, and they told us to not think about anything, not to have any worries on our minds. I can’t stop thinking. I wasn’t thinking about my problems or anyone else’s problems. I just can’t stop thinking about things. I would be thinking about breathing, thinking about not thinking about anything, thinking about how dark it is, etc. Maybe I am crazy.

I just wish that my thoughts are focused so that I can pass my exams.

Joke of the day:
To a worker in a scaffolding business: “Hey, how are you holding up?”
I was laughing inside throughout the whole consult.

And I was also thinking of other greeting for other jobs:
To a deepsea fisherman: “Hi, business keeping afloat?”
To a Coles cashier: “Hello, everything checking out okay?”
To an exterminator: “So, what’s been bugging you?”
To a property salesman: “House everything?”

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 15

Today’s topic: Criminals.

Crime is bound by law, and is bound by what is considered the norm. If everybody thinks that murder is a normal thing, then it wouldn’t be a crime to do it. Every religion tells us to be peaceful, and that killing is wrong. However, just basic common sense is enough to keep you from breaking the law.

My conclusion is that all criminals are mentally ill.

That’s what I felt when I visited the prison again today. I guess it is in the Hippocratic Oath that I shall not discriminate who I doctor, but sometimes I do not feel like these crazy people deserve any medical treatment. It gets hard though, if we start labeling them as crazy, as they can use it as a defense against their action. But the fact still remains; no sane person will kill someone else.

On a lighter note, I had dinner with Dr. Tompkins and her family tonight. She took me on the scenic route from the city centre to the hospital, giving me a good view of Middleton Beach. It was really beautiful to see the beach and the ocean. All I needed now is time and transport so that I can enjoy the sun and sand more easily.

Dinner was simple, but I really enjoy being in a family environment. The dogs were extra friendly, and the children are just as shy. Dr. Tompkins read a few bedtime stories and I was actually intrigued by the stories and I was brought back to my own childhood with bedtime stories.

Actually, I cannot remember many bed time stories. I remember borrowing a book from the public library with 365 stories in it. It is mostly short stories, so it was a fast read. And given that I was probably 9 years old, I managed to read the entire book just in time to return it a week later. My parents encouraged us to read a lot. I guess they would have read a few to me. You can never place a price on books. I love books.

But nowadays I tend to pick my books. There are some that I cannot last reading, there are some that I cannot put down until it ends. I haven’t read any books of late. I brought a novel with me, titled, “The GoodFellas.” It is supposed to be a nice read, but I have to wait until I have the mood to read it. And yes nowadays I prefer watching stuff…

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 14

I really had fun in GP today, being able to take a few histories and examinations. I also managed to do a Pap smear. Sometimes I feel like I am on top of things, asking the right stuff, knowing what the patients want exactly, but other times, I couldn’t answer all of the GP’s questions. But as far as Diabetes, heart failure, or hypertension, the treatment is ABCD. It’s only which ABCD it is that is making me annoyed at myself.

A is for ACE-inhibitors or ARB, both can be used in all three conditions.
B is for Blood pressure and beta-blockers used to control it.
C is for Calcium Channel blockers, or cholesterol control.
D is for Diabetes treatment, Diuretics, Digoxin, and the all important Diet.

I do guess that these simple acronyms help a lot with remembering things, but not all things can have an acronym, and not all are easy to create. There are some acronyms that really make things easier, but there are others that make life more difficult sometimes. Oh well, I guess I can’t live without it.

Monday, August 03, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 13

The bright golden orb emerges from the depths of the cold blue sea, releasing rays of energy that pierces the darkness of the night, slowly illuminating everything in sight. It seems like life itself start changing from dull monochrome to full vivid colours as life should be. Beautiful flowers open up, doing their best, but futilely try to outbloom the majestic sun. The clouds try to taint and darken the glow, but are eventually overwhelmed by the greatness of light. The once cold ocean and sand eventually warm up in the mere presence of this sun. It is definitely a sight to see.

I even slept early last night so that I could go watch the sun rise, a rare sight on the west coast of Australia. I marvel at the beauty of nature, of the celestial bodies that surround us, but today it was lost to me. I couldn’t wake up.

I guessed there is always tomorrow, or next weekend. The sun wouldn’t die out on me, nor do I plan to die out on it anytime soon. I watched a few anime to kill time, and not before long, I headed out to the city. The reason for taking a 45min walk? To eat KFC and use Facebook.

I guess I can say I am addicted and socially deprived. However, I only got to talk to one person, Sue Yin. She was heading the Les Miserables outing when I got back to Perth. I have only heard about the play, playing the ensemble piece, singing Morisson’s version of “Do You Hear The People Sing,” and listening to “On My Own” when I am alone. I was really looking forward to watching it. I haven’t been into the Regal Theatre in Subi, and I do wonder how big the stage was, but I hope that it will be worth it.

But first, I have to pass my GP exam.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 12

I automatically woke up at 0730 today, despite sleeping relatively late last night. This would be my first weekend here in Albany, and the skies were clear and sunny. It was really great weather to be out there exploring, visiting the various touring sites and getting great pictures. I was really looking forward to a weekend of fun.

However, laziness set in and I ended up watching a Jap drama called “Puzzle”. It is about a manipulative English teacher in an elite boys’ school, where she, and 3 of the students take part in various riddle/puzzle competitions or mysteries mostly dealing with a play of words and Japanese characters. I guess it would be more captivating if I am versed in Japanese. I do like these puzzles/riddles and play of words, no matter what language.

That’s why I like watching Minami-ke and How I Met Your Mother and the like. Their puns and play of language really amuses me and amazes me of how brilliant and creative the human brain is capable of.

Also, I am also amused by the teacher’s acting, changing from a sweet innocent cheerful teacher, to a stuck up manipulative know-it-all. I am amused by how men especially, are easily fooled by a nice well mannered, innocent looking girl, giving in to the girl’s demands and requests. Personally I hate girls who are like that, giving me puppy dog eyes or a seductive pout to get what they want. Of course it is my fault for easily giving in to anyone’s demands; I just want to point out the wrongness in it. In the series, she managed to wiggle out of every tight spot, blaming the mishap to the 3 students and in the process, making her look good. Everyone else was oblivious to it, but she was pretty.

Anyway, that was my Saturday gone. All my plans to walk to the city to explore were taken over by this series.

In the evening, Finding Nemo was showing on TV and I was hooked onto it. Again, it is one of those Disney movies which I don’t mind watching again, more so since it was about animals. I wasn’t too sure about the truth about what is shown, but a lot of it mimics what happens in the animal world. Watching Dory and her forgetfulness also makes me wonder about memory loss and the inability to make new memories. In Memento, it was really distinct inability, but in the case of Dory, something stuck. I guess the same with 50 First Dates, that feelings will grow, but not the factual memory. Watching Dory was fun, but watching Marlin ignorant antics makes me angry at times. He doesn’t trust anyone but himself and his perception of the world. He doesn’t give anyone else the benefit of doubt, not even his own son. Of course it ended with Nemo being kidnapped, him embarking on an epic adventure, and him realizing his mistakes, etc. I guess it is another tip on parenting, to allow children to learn and grow on their own. Protecting is one thing, but overprotecting would be too much.

Saturday, August 01, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 11

I had a whole day in the hospital today. I started out in surgery, with laporascopic sterilizations and a vasectomy. The GP didn’t let me scrub in, but I guess I see his point of not being able to do anything nor get any closer. And yes, I don’t learn anything from it. I guess I just felt like I would feel more useful if I did. I guess that is how I feel nowadays. I don’t know whether my presence in this world actually makes a difference. I’m not suicidal, but I don’t think anything will change if I just disappear for a while…

Even for ED, I didn’t feel like I did anything. I still had to check with more senior staff about any diagnosis or treatment. I still lack the confidence in saying what I thought the actual diagnosis is, with a fear of getting the wrong diagnosis and getting a law suit on me. Probably one day I would be able to confidently say what I thought the diagnosis was like I do to simulated patients. For now, I struggle with the lawsuit at the back of my head. Am I ready for such responsibility?

I also called friends back in Perth just to see what they were up to. I am definitely the jealous type, seeing how the grass is always greener on the other side. I wished to be back there, so that I can have fun. But I guess I will have the weekend to enjoy my ‘holiday’ here in Albany. Like yesterday, I just wish that I can share this adventure with someone.

Tonight, I was able to catch the 4th Harry Potter movie on TV. I like the hair styles and costumes of the characters better than any other of the Harry Potter movies. Of course their acting was just as atrocious. I recognize the actor who played Cedric to the one that played the guy in Twilight. After having not read the book for so long, I had to watch the movie to understand it. However, I didn’t agree with most of the elements in the movie. Some things could have been done better, portrayed better, acted better. However, they sort of did a good job with the romance between Ron and Hermione. They first started it back in the third movie and in the forth book. Looking back, I did wonder why she was more in contact with Ron, staying over and writing more than with Harry. Perhaps that’s what happened.

I also managed to waste my time playing simple games, free from PC Powerplay. They are so simple, but yet addictive. These games were the “build-your-own-game” competitions which takes away most of the steep learning curve needed for games like Civilization, Ceasar, Final Fantasy, Mass Effect and the like. Those games take more time to develop, trying their best to impress their fans, and somehow made it not as original. However, I do like the stories they have in the RPG’s that I have played, something that isn’t there in the simple games.

blogger templates | Make Money Online