Thursday, December 21, 2006

1 week

First week back, and this is the summary of the things I ate:
3 plates of Nasi Lemak
10 sticks of Satay
3 pieces of Roti Canai
1 bowl of Hokkien Mee
3 Jackfruits
19 strawberries
3 apples
9 bananas
some bars of chocolate
5 bowls of Wanton Mee
1 plate of ChapFan
1 plate of mamak mee
1 plate of Rojak

And this is a list of things I still want to eat:
Charsiew Pao
Chee Cheong Fun
Fried Kuey Teow
Lor Mai Kai
chinese rojak

I can't believe that I've already been back for 1 week. All I have done is watch Scrubs, and now Animal Planet and National Geographic 12 hrs a day. I guess I can say I eat, watch TV, sleep. (Damn, I forgot to shit... I think I have worms. Have to check that out...)

Saturday, December 16, 2006


Been on World of Warcraft all this while. Finally got my cat mount, I am so happy.
Moved to the new place. Tiring, but I managed it alone.
Watched countless movies. Will try to make reviews later. As of now, go watch HAPPY FEET.
Finally home. To think that there will be so much to do... Oh, the food... I have yet to eat everything that I want to...

Right now, all I am doing is watching Scrubs and all the movies that has been collecting dust over the years. I am also enjoying Animal Planet and National Geographic on my limited Astro service. Computer games seems unappealing nowadays as I cannot replace WoW. I watch all there is to watch, and try to read as much as I can. Even though 1 month is quite a long time, it will pass.

Anyway, this is the list of movies that I have watched over this few weeks:
Ali G: bling bling
Monster House
Happy Feet
World Trade Centre
Underworld: Evolution
Cheaper by the Dozen II
American Pie: Band Camp
Heart and Souls
You, Me and Dupree
My Super Ex-Girlfriend (first half)

I went on my first walk since I got back. Its probably the first walk I had this year. Its nice to finally feel the wet earth benneth your feet, with the smell of fresh rubber off the tree, skipping stones acorss the muddy pond teeming with tadpoles. A fresh wave of mosquitoes hovering over your body. I miss all of this. Sure, I have a river I walk along every once in a while, but the jungle is something that I grew up with. I wish I can get back to my primal state, and not rely on the comforts of life anymore.

I remember the times when we used to climb trees and go on little adventures around the neighbourhood with my siblings. We used to play in the mud, capture tadpoles and get all dirty, before taking baths together. I can't remember when was the last time I was able to take a bath in the rain, or under the moonlight. That little walk I had just brought back so many memories of home.

Well, back to indulging in being home

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Post Exam Post

It's been one week since my exams. I have filled my time since then playing World of Warcraft and watching Anime. The funny thing about Anime is how much it resembles real life, yet so comical about it. I get interesting perpectives from watching them... The question is always, why does the bestest girl go after the simplest guy? Not the fancy pants, not the playboy, not the manly guy, but the specky nerd-like guy. Even if the good looking one is as kind and gentle as the main hero. So the next question would be, WHAT DO WOMEN WANT???

The latest Anime I am watching is Love Hina. I once caught a border in RI Boarding watching it during prep time, and made him write a 500 word essay on why he was watching it. Reading his synopsis was interesting and the way he described it was that it was a show with lots of nudity. But after watching it, I find it even more interesting with NO NUDITY. The beginning was funny, as with most Anime, but as the story progresses, it gets deeper and more of the handling life stuff. This story is mostly about chasing your dreams.

While I was beginning to enjoy myself watching it, the dreaded scene comes along... Exams. Then, I suddenly had a rush of adrenaline and my heart raced. The feeling of dread comes back and again I feel like I was going to fail my exams. They would probably start calling people tomorrow and thursday before the results on Friday. If you don't get called by then, it SHOULD look bright. Then again, as I type, the feeling starts coming back.

My mother keeps telling me to pray but I don't feel that it helps. I need spiritual comfort, she says. It is something that I have been missing for a long time. I don't feel any spirit in me anymore, yet my Priest in WoW needs lots of it to heal. Ironic how that even in games, they tie in to my life. Maybe I am just too conscious about how games and Anime and books tie into my life like that. Maybe it's a sign...

Anyway, Happy Belated Birthdays to everyone from 22 October to 6 November! I count at least 7 of you... ^_^!

Sunday, October 22, 2006

I'm in love...

I've always been thinking what exactly do I want in a girl. As far as I can tell, I don't know what they are, but I've noticed some sort of pattern with the girls thatI've liked, in cluding this latest girl.

I've also thought about a fact about birds from National Geographic. It states that male younglings, when older, will try to mate with someone who resembles the first face that it sees, meaning its mother. So if you look at the story of the ugly duckling, it will in the end look for a duck for it's mate, instead of running off with other swans... Of course if I bring this to the human world, falling in love with your mother is just... sick... Anyway, in the humn world, this would be termed Oedipus Complex.

My point is that, I love my mother. Not in that way, but I think I've realised that I like girls who show some features of my mother. My mother is authoritative, which comes with the perks of a ateacher. She thought us and instilled the discipline in us as far as I can remember. And this is a trait that I've noticed in the girls I like. THis girl that I like is a lnatural leader. She commands well, and is able to capture other's hearts. She takes charge of various activities and would take on daring aadvenntures...

I'v always looked up to my mother. She always taught us maths, which stil remains my most favourite subject (though I have not done it in a long long long long time...) My mother is smart. She can speak most chinese dialecs, solve most maths questions... I do feel sometimes proud when I can teach her somehting, like in computing stuff, and teacher her sudoku was fun! I've aleays been attracted to smart women. I wouldn't fall for those helpless dumb blonds if you know what I mean. Being able to say the right thing at the right place in the right way has always attracted me.

I guess my weakest point would be how much they care. Not just to me, but to other people, and not just the "Have you eaten yet?", "Your hair needs combing," comments, but my general well being. Not so much of telling me what to do, but more like telling me how to improve myself. Teach a man to fish, and I'll somehow get there... Not just advice, but someone who unerstands me and is able to cheer me up

Putting all the pieces together and adding a few points of things that I like over the years, I've created an image of a perfet person, at least to me. This girl that I've fallen for is caring, kind, authoritative, smart, talented, strong and bold, beautiful... The saddest thing is that she's unobtainable. For one, I think she's way out of my league, and that she likes someone else. And that she is an anime character...

The guy that she likes is not a perfect boyfriend, not a perfect person socially either, but I do wonder what can a guy offer to a girl such as her. The only thing that he does is annoy her and protects her with his life. He would go to extreme measures to ensure her safety. I guess what girls really want is some form of security. Someone who can make them feel safe, protected, someone they can depend on.

Am I right, ladies?

Saturday, October 14, 2006

One more week...

It was just last week when I could shout, "THERE'S TWO MORE WEEKS!!!" and frantically start reading my notes.

Now, I am at the stage where I can't cramp anything in. I finished the notes, but honestly don't remember anything. I've been slacking for almost 6 hours now, since lunch, and I still don't have the mood to do anything.

I went on Vent to chat to my guildies. The greeted me warmly and wished me luck.

Read an e-mail from my mother. Found out that I am not going to be graduating when my mother retires. And that my parents are working extra hard to finance me here.

At the end of this 6 hour period of boredom, I had a few ideas running through my head:
1. I know more than I think I do
2. I would usually have a friend I could talk to, as it have been for the past few years, but this year, I am alone. Truly alone.
3. The stars are beautiful... Though people in the other hemisphere have a different picture
4. If I started working and stop studying, I could finance my WoW addiction.
5. 1 hour of social games is NOT enough to satisfy boredom.
6. Study time read. Leisure time read. Geez, my eyes need a break from words!!!
7. I started to see signs against me doing medic... dating back to my JC days:
i. I didnt do well in Bio and Chem, the two important subjects for Med
ii. I didn't do well enough to get into Med NUS... nor dentistry
iii. When buying the application form, my father's car got broken into. (Vista, sheesh)
iv. Expensive course fees, parents had to work extra hard
v. Went through tough times, still indicative of 'i should not proceed further'
vi. Problems getting cheaper options for phase II
vii. Difficulty applying for a Visa to enter Australia
viii. Going through difficult times here
ix. Lead into temptation of WoW
Makes me feel like quitting while I'm ahead...

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Fireworks, Gandalf! Fireworks!

Its quite a beautiful thing to watch from afar, fireworks are… But to see them at ground zero, that’s something different! Despite my fear of the upcoming exams, we still managed to take a whole day off and went to a carnival/fun-fair/entertainment fair. It has everything a carnival needs, games, rides, shows and holes in your pocket.

I spent too much money at that place. We were literally throwing away our money. At least for one game, where your $1 coin must land perfectly within a square… We didn’t win anything, but in the end, I bought a prize to keep me sane. However, I got to try games that I wanted to for a long time, shooting and darts. I love those projectiles… all I need now is accuracy.

We also walked around and bought show bags, bags that contain stuff they were promoting, and for a very cheap price. Playboy magazines, Chocolates, Gamer magazines, you name it, you got it. I bought some beads that would allow me to start on a project that I have been planning since my Singapore days with a visit to Chee Seng’s place. Now, all I need is time… after exams…

We also played with baby farm animals. I learnt something new: I’m calling chickens with wild hairdo’s as Chooks. Chooks are slang for chicken Australia, but these funky haired ones deserve a name… I also managed to meet several kids. They were so cute and cuddly with their innocent behaviour. They jump around, enjoying the cooing of the crowds. And they eat everything! Or at least try to.

Then came the highlight of the event, a show in the central stadium. By the time we got there, we’ve missed quite a lot. But I knew there were stuff involving helicopters and emergency vehicles… Anyway, when we started watching, there were horses. It’s quite different from the horses in WoW and this is certainly much more majestic. They didn’t so much, but just showing them is enough to cheer and clap.

Then came the higher horsepower riders… This showdown was excellent! The horses on one side, and the cars on the other, slowly inching their was to each other… Then, BAM! The horses surrounded the cars, the cars desperately trying to get out of the circle. The cars roared but the horses stood fast. Then one car broke out of the circle. Two horses were on it immediately. They chased the car around the field while the remaining 4 horses continued their hold on the frantic cars. Finally, they managed to ‘lasso’ back the runaway car into the circle. Yee-Haw!

The next part was with just the cars. It was just brilliant. “Turn left to turn right,” says the quote from Disney’s Cars. It was just fantastic! Imagine the Red Arrows making formations in the sky. Now, picture cars instead of planes and ground instead of air. That’s what it was like. They made crazy formations only seen in traffic jams! Only centimeters apart and driving at a fast speed! Then of course it wasn’t complete without a stunt involving ramps and flying cars.

The last part of the show was a firework display, and we got to see it at the base. The sounds and explosions don’t come with a delay! It was great fun and breathtaking (coz of all the smoke…) And all that I can think of during the firework display? Copper burns blue, magnesium burns white…

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

I've Done It

(no, not what you think...)

I've finally gotten my character in WoW to level 60. I thought I could finally quit the game, but apparently this is where It all begins... A friend told me that now that I am 60, I'm on the quest to gain reputation from each faction. My current goal is to get reputation from Darnassus, where I will get my Tiger mount. Raj reckons that I should get my PvP gear and mount, which cost way much less, but I still think that it would take a hell of a time to get that... I'm ranked 1979th on the server and Raj is ranked 1672nd. We've got a LONG LONG way to get the PvP gear and Mount, but that is his goal...

ANYWAY, apart from that, I've started my surgery rotation. So far, I've been to many theatre sessions and I basically see the same thing over and over again. I've decided to stay out of surgery and study other things unless there is something really different happening in surgery. But when I think about it, I guess if i want to be a surgeon, I need to get used to seeing the same thing over and over again. Some how it's the same as WoW... (damn, that game is taking over my life)

OK, I am trying to stop making references... We went to Karaoke the other day. I've always said that there are 3 types of people; those who can sing, those who can't, and those who don't know they can't. I belong to the middle group, yet as a group, I am forced to sing. I will only sing to myself next time... I chose most of the english songs, songs that I wanted to hear for a long time... but not necessary the best to sing. Though, I managed to get someone to sing Blue Suede Shoes, and everybody liked Top of the World. And they just love Spice Girls... haha. There, no relation to WoW.

By the way, I am sick.

Monday, August 21, 2006

so much to say no words to describe

It's been a long time since I was here...

This is a brief summary of things I wanted to post about but never got around to doing it:

I drove a car in Perth!!!
We went on a road trip. Need to explore more...
I love taking photos. I just wish I had a friend who takes photos of me like I do others.
I drank more alcohol this year than my whole life before... Perth habit.
I have trust issues. I do not trust anybody.
We created a extended Bridge game.
I've been socializing. I love birthday parties.
I know more about everything than most people. I know lots of useless stuff.
I saw some dolphins in Swan River.
Ate veal. Missed out on kangaroo meat.
24hrs awake. Half of it in WoW. Slept while instancing.
Bought a new phone.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Movie Marathon

I've been watching several movies this past few weeks, among which are highly acclaimed titles like Superman Returns and Pirates of the Caribbean 2. Surprisingly, the movie that I liked best was The Breakup.

Sure, Pirates of the Caribbean 2 had awesome graphics and scenes, it just didn't quite make the cut for me. Will Turner was still being Legolas. Elizabeth Turner was more seductive. Jack Sparrow was being more.. of an ass. It seems like a great change from the first movie and perhaps I had too high expectations for it, so I would say that it wasn't good enough for me. But I still love the two 3-way combat scenes at the end of the movie. The graphics was not as impressive as the first movie and there were certain things that I didn't see a point in having. An example was the battle on the Black Pearl, where they used barrels of gunpowder on the Kraken. Really pointless action scene. 3/5 rating

Superman Return also was not as great as I hoped. Actually I didn't hope anything for this movie. All I know is that it is a continuation where the original 4 movies left off. It is different from the more popular The New Adventures of Superman so I was a little annoyed it didn't tally well. I'm also very influenced by the cartoon series The Justice League and how they potrayed Superman there. If you have been traveling down the same path as I did, I don't think you would have liked the movie that much. I didn't agree with how they potrayed Clark and Superman. And I was probably too used to Teri Hatcher in Desperate Housewives to appreciate Lois Lane. I make no sense... 2/5 rating (Raj going to kill me...)

Zathura. Kinda old, but I had it with me so I decided to watch it. Only one message I got from there: Don't let your emotions guide your decision. 3/5 rating

V for Vendetta. This was a great movie and V was such a charismatic character. And the scene I enjoyed most at the beginning where he introduced himself. I can never spew that much words beginning with V yet alone make a proper sentence with it. I wish I could find the script and post it here... This movie is like a page out of George Orwell, I don't know how else to put it... 5/5 rating

The Breakup was a movie that I relate to, and while I was watching this movie, all I can think of is, 'it's a movie based on the book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.' The movie shows both sides of the relationship, from the deep women's point of view and from the simplistic men's point of view. Kniving women with thier schemes and revenge, and the guy's egocentric efforts to save his own face. Apart from that deep meaningful message, I also like the fast paced, pointless chatter that happens between characters in efforts to put force view points for others to see. It's just a load of rubbish being said and I commend the actors and actresses on how they were able to act them out without laughing. And lastly I would like to thank all those who have helped me as how they were helped in the movie. 4/5 rating +1 (for Jennifer Aniston nude)

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Books, books and more books

MI have lots of good news and I am enjoying myself so far...

First was the dreaded midyear exams. I went in not knowing what to expect and came out still the same. I thought I did worst in Pharmacology and best in Pathology, with IE the most ambiguous... After a few days of relaxation, our results were out. Thankfully I passed everything. I still don't think I deserve it with the amount I put into studying, but I still am thankful that I passed. And I did best in Pharmy and worst in Path... I still passed.

Next was my psych remediation last month. It really went well. I was given very good encouragement from my remediator, Dr. Gliozzi. She guided me well and I really had fun being under her for psych. The patients were crazy, but willing to be spoken to and quite nice to talk to. They really have interesting things to talk about, if you are willing to listen. So in the end, I was given an ungraded pass, which is still a pass. So KenJ, I got one too ^_^

While doing my remediation, I was having my Geriatrics posting. I was actually posted to the Orthopedics ward where lots of the cases were the frail lil' ol' ladies with osteoporosis. I did more Gen Med than Geriatrics I reckon. I had a case of Guillain Barre syndrome, lots of osteoporosis and one suspected pheochromocytoma/diabetic/cardiac cause of fainting spell. I still don't know what it was, but it was an atypical presentation of the fall. Geriatric patients just have a long list of medical problems with a long list of past surgical/medical history plus a long list of medications. Anyway, after handing in my case report, I got really good grades for it. This will be my first thing that I was ever happy with in terms of marks and the only thing that I know I definitely passed.

Aside from studies, another news would be that Grace is in Perth now for a holiday and completing her journey across the latitude. She is basically been doing what my parents have been telling me to do... EXPLORE. And she has been to more places than we have in Perth... And I have been giving the same old excuses; no transport, no time, no money. Which are really just excuses. Anyway, its great to have a familiar face visiting, aside from hearing a familiar voice ie Raj.

And while Grace is here, she found out interesting stuff to do in Perth like the German dude's Human Body thingy. I last heard about it was by Raj and YP when it was in Singapore. It was so exciting as we approached, but Alas! it was over just the day before... Disappointed, we went to cd, dvd, and book fair instead. We bought a total of 21 books and 5 cds... Books for AU$4 each. There's my manic episode for you.

So with Grace helping to bring over my convomag and a copy of Talley & O'Connor... I have a huge list of reading material to last me my stay in Perth... Thanks Grace!

And my current past time:

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Viral Infection

My computer has been a little buggy over the weekend. It took a while to load up and whenever I open Internet Explorer, I will be directed to an antispyware site. A rogue antispyware. It gives popups about your computer being infected and you need to download antispyware programs to get rid of it. I know they are false stuff and cancelled everything, but it slowly made its way into my system anyway. So, here a page that loads everytime I open Internet Explorer and it automatically downloads spywares. And they in return download more. Never ending chain...

My quest started on Friday 11.58pm. My initial response was to reformat harddisk. Actually, 5 people told me to do so over the next few days. I was really tempted to but I took the short cut and decided to attack the virus/spyware manually. (Short cut coz I didn't want to go through all the backing up, file transfers, reinstalling everything...). I talked to Raj the expert and downloaded a few antivirus/antispyware programs to hope to get rid of it, but this little bugger is dodgy (wow, aussie words) and reinstalls itself everytime I restart the computer. I gave up.

My next step was to go search the world wide web for more information about how to get rid of it. It really helps when you know what to look for. The Net is both blessing and a pain. Anyway, after searching a few websites, taking down notes, experimenting on my comp, I finally deleted the suspected files manually from my sacred Windows folder.

Lo and Behold... Them popups no bothering me anymore. I checked the time, it was 2am Tuesday.

I restarted my computer just to make sure. A few times. I was happy.

Now, I am feeling sick in the gut, lethargic, muscle ache and back pain. I think I caught a virus.

I'll just post up the irritating file name and what I did. Go google to see full instructions.

1. Turn off systemrestore
2. Restart in safe mode
3. Delete the following files. All these files were found in my Windows/system32 folder:
(can't remember what else...)
4. Delete some things from the registry regarding these files
5. Restart
6. Change homepage before opening Internet Explorer
7, 8, 9, & 10. Restart to make sure.

Monday, June 26, 2006


People have asked me before what type of girl I would like, and I never actually had an answer to that. I have certain criteria, but I never ever pen it down. But I don't think I can pen them down here either. Anyway, what does the title have to do with criteria? I'll come to that in a while, but just let me bore you with what I have to say first.

What I guess is important to me in a a person is someone who is mature and caring, but is occasionally 'immature'. I would like to think I'm the same, but I may be the opposite; someone who is immature and occasionally mature. So I guess that sort of compliments me if I ever do find a girl like that. But I don't know which I am really. How can you tell anyway?

This also brings up the topic on alcohol. (Now you must be really thinking that I'm not being coherant...) When someone is drunk, some experts say that you lose all inhibition. I'm taking it to be 'you will show who you really are'. I mean if you are really drunk, you won't be surpressing your innermost deepest secrets and no longer put on the face that you have been putting on all these while. So, is my plan to get the girl drunk to find out who she really is? Haha.

Nah. I just want to bring out a point that some people are just faking being mature. I know of some who act so mature, but at other times are so immature. It's not a pretty picture and is such a turn off. However, I also know of some who are really mature and can be so fun to be with when they are 'immature'. That's something that attracts me, that maturity.

So, I would really like to get drunk one day, and be who I really am, because I don't know. I want to know whether I am still that innocent mature boy I used to be, or this corrupted immature guy I currently see myself as. It would be an interesting experiment, wouldn't it?

Anyway, finally, touching on the title, Dementia. I sort of see dementia as something similar to being drunk, minus the drinking but much more pain. Dementia also sort of destroys your inhibition process (of course, much worse than it seems). I've seen some that really lose themselves when demented, and seen docile quiet cases too. Some say that Dementia is a process of change, in terms of personality and behaviour. But I think there is still some truth in that you "become who you really are" at some point in the process of being demented.

I've just came back from a presentation, where a carer was talking about her husband who has dementia. He was a respectable man and everything, and he lost everything, except his sense of humour. What stuck me was the fact that his sense of humour was still there and that is what I conclude as his "true self".

So my ending note is: Who are you really?

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Life’s 10 Simple Pleasures

Raj's and KenJ's doing... oh well. Since my exam is over, I guess I have time for this now... (anyway, I had difficulty in finding the 'simple' pleasures, so some of it may be deep...)

1. If you know me well enough, you would know that I play computer games and I like games that have some sort of storyline in them. Mindless ones like CS and DotA are okay too. So my first simple pleasure is to play a good interesting game. Something that stimulates my mind, something that is meaningful in my life. Recommendations would be The Longest Journey, Black & White, StarCraft, Warcraft.

2. As much as I enjoy playing and living in an adventure, I also like reading about it. So my next simple pleasure would be reading. Preferbly some novel. I especially like Michael Crichton. He write a novel with researched facts and it almost seems plausible. Another similar author is the acclaimed Dan Brown. I like mostly fiction books, ranging from Animorphs to Tolkein, to Star Wars. Other books in my list include All Creatures Great and Small, The Abyss, I Robot, Life of Pi, Animal Farm, Case for Christ, Myst.

3. Reading, playing... now it's the most passive of all entertainment... Watching movies. Any movie will do, excluding horror of course. I have too long a list to jot down. I've always liked movies... how they are filmed, what camera tricks they used, what special effects they used, role of the characters, directors, etc. Everything. My favourite directors are Steven Spielberg and George Lucas. Favourite actors include Bruce Willis, Jim Carrey and Robin Williams. Actresses... nyeh... Cartoons and animations are great too. I like movies that make me think, and something that I can relate to, or derive something out of it.

4. Goes without saying, I like watching TV series as well. House, Scrubs, Grey's Anatomy are my top three: they are medical and about medical life. I also like watching Jap Anime. They are sort of like extended movies that spans over 6 hours plus. Again, with the rest, I like watching something that keeps me thinking about my life and how I am coping with it. Themes that I have watch include love, sacrifice, determination, breaking tradition.

5. I love creating as well. So it is a pleasure for me to complete an art work, either with some artwork, or writing poetry. I take pride in them as well, and I do always feel happy while doing them as well.

6. I also take pleasure in helping others. I really do. I do like helping others and I do help others whenever I can. I'm serious. Not joking. Well, I used to be able to do it more than now. But I do. That's one of the reasons why I want to be a doctor. I want to be af significance to others. I want to make a difference to everybody.

7. I think the reason why I haven't been able to help others as much as I could, is because I am not doing too good myself. And at times like these, I really enjoy the company of friends whom I can turn to and share my experiences with. I just like talking about everything and nothing at all. Usually a good chat would really cheer me up and keeps me going just for another day. And I really thank those who have helped me in the past. Honourary mention goes to Raj, Grace Chew, Rachel Chew, Jonathan Ch'ng, Martin Lesmana, Wei Song, Jason Kok, Jo En, Evelyn. Thank you all...

8. Jonathan Ch'ng, I will remember you for mostly your jokes. I love listening to jokes, even those as lame as yours. Haha. Jokes are great, and as they say, "Laughter is the Best Medicine", and "Laughing is contagious, it has many advantages". As Patch Adams once said. Jokes are great. Comedies are great. To come up with one? Devine...

9. When I mention that I am not doing too good, is probably because I find myself quite alone in this world. I am quite used to it, but I do feel that I need something more. I think that feeling that I am missing is the feeling of Love; to Love and to be Loved. Quote from Moulin Rouge: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. Or this quote: Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Yes, there is pleasure in having the feeling of Love in your life...

10. To come to the end of a deep meaningful thought.

That's it...
Hmm... Who shall I tag?
Jo En
Rachel Chew
Jason Kok
Koh Chee Seng
(I wonder whether you guys still read my blog...)

Sunday, June 18, 2006


There was once a timid shy boy. He didn't speak any other languages other than English and loved maths. He didn't really like kindergarden and at any opportunity, he would skip kindergarden and basically did nothing at home. He found the activities in kindergarden a bore most of times as most of the things taught were mostly already known to him. He had very good parents who taught him everything he knew. Other day activities in kindergarden involved playing with plasticine and drawing pictures. This boy also liked trying new things and did everything he can.

Another boy, was also as shy. He loved school and didn't play truant like the first boy. He also excelled in his studies and was very good nutured. He was popular among the teachers and but being this good, he wasn't into sports. He didn't do well in games but he tried mixing around. He had some close friends. He also became a prefect, naturally and other students look up to him. But he was still a shy boy and never liked public speaking and stuff. He never liked breaking the rules and always abide to them.

This thrid boy, was a very playful boy. He had very playful friends and often get into trouble with them, despite being a prefect. They didn't do anything illegal or harmful, but just fun. They also had loads of fun doing stuff other than studies. However, he also excelled in his studies and was quite independant. As the boy before, other people look up to him, but there were others who despised him. However, he never got into that sort of trouble.

Another boy, a one I met in Singapore, was an adventurous one. He loved trying out new things and made lots of friends. He was very independant and studious. He always tried to abide by rules and never complain about anything. He was also a leader in various ways, and the juniors like to go to him if they had any problems. He would try his very best to help out. He also joined many service societies and did a lot of voluntary work. He seldom thinks about himself and don't usually think about what others think about him.

The second boy in Singapore was not so good in his studies, but he did everything that he wanted. He had a good bunch of friends, but he never felt like he belonged anywhere. He was everywhere and nowhere. He was not such an outstanding leader, nor was he that talented. He didn't shine as others would have. He didn't have any complains though, and enjoyed whatever he did.

This next story is about a young man struggling to go through life. He was rather dependant on others to survive, mainly getting support from his peers. Others often go to him for help in artsy stuff and he took pride this thing that he had. Some say that he was being used, but he liked being useful. He also liked dance, movies and music. He even joined the Cheerleading team to give whatever support he could to his friends. He had a few close friends, but nobody actually knew him. He had 2 failed relationships in which he came out off tired and emotionally drained.

Finally, this story is about another young man, who is shy and timid. He has many friends, but nobody is close to him. He is on a emotional and spiritual journey to discover his purpose in life. He isn't doing well in his studies and is struggling to achieve what he had set out to do 6 years ago. He is plagued by disappointments and failures which gives him much distress. He constantly feels lonely and only has his computer as a companion.

This is me. My life.

Currently reading: lecture notes
Currently listening: Akatsuki no Kuruma by Yuuka
Currently playing: Civilization IV
Currently watching: Fate Stay Night, Bleach, Utawarerumono, Gundam SEED
Currently studying: for my semester exam

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

My Sword

a poem...

You stand shining in the sun,
That gleam in your eye,
Lifts my spirits high,
For the battle that has begun,
Oh my Lords!
Brandish your swords!
There is a battle to be won.

There is beauty in your jewels,
Your heart is pure as gold,
Your body nice to hold,
Mesmerizing everyone in your duels,
Your tongue is sharp,
That cuts through tarp,
Anybody in your way, are merely fools.

You dance ever so elegantly,
Singing the songs of war,
With tuneful turns and rhythmic roar,
Piercing through men’s hearts so swiftly,
Ever flowing,
Ever so charming,
And men kneel down to you, willingly.

You pierce through the thickest armour,
You’ve broken my shield,
With that, to you I yield,
With that, may you be my new master,
To you I serve,
You, I’ll preserve,
With my life, will you never be torn asunder.

You, my Graceful Sword, I will protect,
Shield you from harm,
Wrap you in my arms,
Together we will stand erect,
Standing tall,
Defeating all,
Any assault will not have any effect.

I will never falter, I will stand guard,
With you by my side,
You’ll ever be my guide,
The battle won, the journey hard,
My Lady, my Lord,
You are my sword,
And I will be your scabbard.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Spring Cleaning
Currently reading: The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel
Currently listening: to noisy construction work upstairs...
Currently playing: Freecell, Minesweeper
Currently watching: my life passing by...
Anime watching: Fate Stay Night, Bleach, Utawarerumono
Currently studying: for my semester exam

I'm done with tidying up my room, adding my IMU notes to my shelf. I'm done playing Dreamfall: The Longest Journey II. Now, I can finally finish reading the book and start studying. Sometime I can't help by wonder how life's coincidences are so common around me. There I was getting all drained and confused about my capabilities as a student and a doctor, and comes along Dreamfall.

The theme behind this story I gather, was about finding one's self. Almost EVERYONE in the game was on a journey. and by EVERYONE, I meant those characters from the first game. Brief run through:

Zoe, the main character:
School drop out, don't know who she is anymore. Took on this journey because all she has is her friends and that was what she was doing it for.

April, main character from the first game:
Got told that she was no longer needed to save the world. Doesn't know what else to do now, except fight.

Kian, minor main character:
Journey of discovering his faith. A devoted and loyal Apostle, who finds things that shatter his beliefs in everything that he had lived for.

Brian, another character from the first game:
Depressed when he first was in Arcadia, but started to 'live' and discover new things all around.

Crow, the talking bird from the first game:
The most funniest character ever, and still is. Went on a journey after being left by April. His definition was to drop everything, forget about everything and get rid of every burden off his shoulders. Doesn't seem like a bad idea you know...

Conclusion, this game IS the longest JOURNEY. Not so long, as I finished the game within a few days... What I like about the game was the storyline, and how much it just reflects on how I am and how to get out of this... phase. It also had really real words like S*** and F*** and stuff like that. It's just more realistic that way. Come on, would there actually be a real life character that speaks in perfect english and all??

What I didn't like about the game was it's simplicity and decieving selling tags. You DON'T actually control all THREE characters freely. It's more like 1 and 3/4. Kian's role was... minimal, just lots of sword fighting. According to the box, there are a few ways to do things, but in reality, there is more or less 1 way and the paths are really really straight. Not much walkthrough was needed. But then again, in this game, you finally get to lose by dying.

Well... back on my own longest journey...

Friday, June 09, 2006

It's over...
Currently reading: The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel
Currently listening: Fields of Hope, by Tanaka Rie
Currently playing: Dreamfall: The Longest Journey II
Currently watching: Scrubs (I'm bored, need inspiration)
Anime watching: Fate Stay Night, Bleach
Currently studying: for my semester exam

Today is the last week of the Genereal Medicine term. Again, I see myself making the same mistakes I made in Psychiatry, and it doesn't look too good for me. The only conforting words I got was that I know my stuff. My only problem is now to practise practicing medicine. But then again, ANY idiot can pick up a medic book and memorize whatever that is in there. So I need to be more of a doctor and not just anybody.

Oh well... Anyway, to get me out of my depressed state last week, I listened to this song which really suits my mood:

Fields of Hope, by Tanaka Rie
Translated into English

Beneath a veil so cold,
You deeply sleep, all alone
The melody of prayer; on the lonely fields,
a little light shined

I watched as you dreamed
You laughed like a child
So dear, and yet so far -
That is the promise of our future

That one day, on a green morning,
One day, we will make it there
Because in this wintered sky
We still believe
Fields of Hope

On the day we were born, we were embraced
And now we search for those gentle hands again
The melody of prayer; one vanishes,
And all begins again; a powerless, painful continuation

One day, to that green morning,
We'll cross through all these nights
Because that is the place each one of us searches for

Now, within my own heart,
I want to keep you warm
So dear, and yet so far -
In the name of peace
Fields of Hope

So dear, and yet so far -
The fields of promise
Fields of Hope
Fields of Hope

Monday, June 05, 2006

Adventures in World of Warcraft

That's me... and Raj way way ahead

Same trip, flown a bit further...

My other character on his ride
Top 100 Games by PC Power Play Australia
(* played before, + want to play)

From 100...
Space Tripper
Chessmaster 10th Ed
Gothic 2
Star Control 2
Pro Evolution Soccer 5
* Worms World Party (you've played one, you've played it all)
+ Myst 4: Revelation (definite must if you're a fan of the series like me)
+ The Last Express (cartoon aventure... no stressing yourself for good graphic cards)
+ Total Annihilation (can you believe I have not played this one??)
Silent Storm
MVP Baseball 2005
Codename: Panzers Phase 2
* Fahrenheit (good game with multiple storylines to one ending. Tests reflexes more than skill...)
* Zeus (I love greek mythology...)
Live for Speed
X-Com: Enemy Unknown
* The Longest Journey (the BEST adventure game so far... language use was so natural)
Tiger Woods 2005
* Mechwarrior 4: Mercenaries (BATTLETECH!!!)
Silent Hunter 3
+ Alien vs Predator (start a face hugger, end an ultimate killing machine)
* Homeworld (takes RTS to the next level with 3D field)
Falcon 4: Allied Force
* Grim Fandango (takes Death to the next level...)
Microsoft Flight Simulator 2004
Grand Prix 4
* C&C Generals (I can never get over them C&C games...)
Lock on: Modern Air Combat
DOOM 2 (Raj probably will kill me for not playing or even wanting to play this)
Football manager 2005
Silent Hill 2 (takes Resident Evil to the next level...)
Freedom Force vs the Third Reich
* Neverwinter Nights (so long D&D boardgames... one of the best RPGs...)
Hidden & Dangerous 2
Rise of Nations
City of Villians
Master of Orion 2
+ Sim City 4 (who can resist Sim City games??? With you since your first...)
* Freespace 2 (The BEST space sim of all time...)
* The Movies (unless you have time and a good script, don't bother, ^_^)
+ Dawn of War (Come on.. Warhammer 40K? Who'd miss that?)
Trackmania Sunrise
* Baldur's Gate 2 (precursor to Neverwinter Nights. Multiple character control though...)
Ghost Recon
Hostile Waters: Antaeus Rising
* Diablo 2 (Who'd resist Blizzard games???)
IL-2 Sturmovik
+ No One Lives Forever (James Bond? Ladies style...)
+ Sid Meier's Pirates (Another game thanks to Raj)
+ Battle for Middle Earth (LotR fans must-buy)
* Quake 3 Arena (story? what story?)
Fallout 2
Guild Wars
+ Halo (Good enough for X-Box, good enough for me)
* Morrowind (First person sword fighting???)
EVE online
* Knight of the Old Republic 2 (RPG + Star Wars... Oh yeah!!!)
Far Cry
* The Sims 2 (censorgridsize=0 anyone? woohoo!!!)
* Alpha Centauri (Where Civilization II space craft landed...)
Gran Prix Legends
* Warcraft 3 (What? no 31 only???)
* Unreal Tournament 2004 (I miss Raj...)
* Counter-Strike (even my sister plays this...)
* F.E.A.R. (Headaches, sleepless nights... hell, still a good game)
V8 Supercars 3
+ Beyond Good and Evil (don't get me wrong, I'm just attracted to the name...)
System Shock 2
Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory
Battle Realms
+ Age of Mythology (I repeat, I love Greek mythology!)
Chronicles of Riddick
+ Prince of Persia: Sands of Time (ahh, remember the good old platform games?)
* StarCraft (*neuclear launch detected...)
Age of Empires III
+ Half Life (what? I haven't played this game???)
Deus Ex: Invisible War
Vampire: Bloodlines
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (Wasn't this the game with the ingame porn?)
Thief: Deadly Shadows (again, first person sword fighting??)
GTA: San Andreas
Psychonauts (aww, aren't they cute little things...)
* World of Warcraft (drool...)
Planescape Torment
Call of Duty
+ Civilization IV (some day... some day...)

Deus Ex

* Rome: Total War (Civ 4 + Battle for Middle Earth...)

* Battlefield 2 (The plane is MINE, MINE I tell you!!!)

* The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (If only I had better graphics card...)
* Half Life 2 (Best scripted FPS game ever!)

Monday, May 29, 2006

Shining Light
a poem...
Religious Turmoil

Currently reading: The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel
Currently listening: The DaVinci Code Soundtrack
Currently playing: Diablo II: Lord of Destruction
Currently watching: none (summer is here, and all series has ended)
Anime watching: Tactics, Mai Otome, Fate Stay Night, Bleach
Currently studying: General Medicine

First Review:
Life of Pi is a smart little book. An Indian boy, who grew up a Hindu, who embraced Lord Jesus as his Savior, and Praised Allah. Quoting Ghandi (I believe), Piscine Molitor Patel told his parents in front of three religious heads that all religions are true, and that the religions all praise one God, and that all he wanted to do was to love God. It was interesting to read about how the three religious heads at each other's throats about whose religion is wrong and whose was right, and to be shut up at the reason this young boy gave. If all the religions are true, it either means all of us are doomed to hell, or all of us will be in heaven.

His story starts out with jumbled pieces of his life, telling us more about his childhood and he what person he turned out to be. His tells us his adventures in religion, and in his father's zoo. Then, how he ended up on a trip to Canada, in which the ship sank and cause him to be in a boat with an Orang Utan, a Zebra, a Hyena and a Bengal Tiger. At first, I thought his story was not credible at all. How could all these animals be on that boat? Then as the story progressed, I believed it more and more to be true. It was not impossible and he basically tells us about laws of survival.

This story tells us about how Pi survived those months on the boat, and about the animal in all of us, and what the desire to survive can do to us.

As I read the last chapters of the book (100 in all) a friend called about going out to watch the movie Posseidon. Great, another story about a sinking ship... (oh, btw, this book is going to be a movie next year)

Second Review:
As my friend and I reached the ticket counter, we asked for tickets for the movie but unfortunately Posseidon was scheduled to be out only oh Thursday, so fortunately, we could watch the Da Vinci Code instead. Oh well, not a sinking ship, but still related to the Life of Pi - Religion.

As I felt myself drawing closer and deeper into Christianity, this movie was a reminder about finding the truth of things. If the facts and fiction in the book/movie were true, I want to know why it is being manipulated. Why can't she be real? Why must she be hidden?

In the book, it says that History is determined by the winner, and that is the history that we know. I recalled the history we learnt in Malaysia, and compare it with the history we learnt in Singapore. Both sides tell different stories, but based on the same facts. Some more hidden than others, and thus... there is a cast of doubt over the best selling book of all time, written by men, who were disciples of Jesus and of God, but still men, who were the winners and heroes of their time.

I learnt before, that followers of Christianity belief in something that they had not witness, but they still have that kind of faith in them. That faith is something that I still cannot embrace nor comprehend.

I will now continue on this journey of mine... in search of the Truth.

Friday, May 26, 2006

I went again to see this marvelous show. STOMP really defines me and my character. I like everything about it. I am everything out of it.

Percussion: I was only in the percussion section for 1 1/2 years, but it has affected me greatly. I still remember how I handled the drum with lots of beads in it, to make sounds of the waves in Song of Sailor and Sea... I remember I had to play the bass guitar in I remember I had to play many instruments myself and any mistake I make would be made known to all... I was never a solo player. But I actually learnt to be confident with myself and go all out. Confidence is what I still lack, but I will slowly get there. Slowly.

Percussion also made known to me the wonders of rhythm. I grew to love rhythms more and more and the deep resonating hums of the drums always get me going. It reminds me of the 'lub-dub' sounds that keeps us alive. I love the necessary accessory sounds, which gives the piece a sparkle and liveliness...

Dance: Another form of activity in which I enjoy doing. I have not danced in a while... and watching STOMP brings back many memories, from my first attemps from watching Backstreet Boys', 5ive's, and N'sync's music video back in secondary school, to Orientation in NJC, to cheerleading times in IMU. I wish I could learn more, I wish I could do more.

Trash: I love trash. One man's wine is another man's poison. Or rather, another man's poison is my wine. I keep everything, and my mother always complains that I keep all these junk. But I never like throwing things out, coz everything I see has some purpose. You will never know when you just might need the use of a paper cup or straws. Straws I make into flowers. Cups I make into... cups. but you catch my drift... In STOMP, everythings can be made into music. Throw in a few trash cans, some brooms, some basket balls and heck, even the kitchen sink, and you will have an orchestra of wonderful noise.

Comedy: Everyone needs comedy. But it is something that does not come by practise. You can try, like me, but if you have it, you have it. If you don't, sometimes it's hard. I was always in company of person who has interesting and funny things to say or do. And I've always enjoyed a good laugh. I love watching comedies, reading sarcastic wit, and just acting crazy. Everyone loves humour. Laughter is contagious, and it is the best medicine.

Monday, May 22, 2006

One time, at Med camp...
(pictures in a while)

I just got back form Med camp. It has everything to do with medic, but not much of the knowledge stuff. We did things related to medic. On the first day, we had an intern to talk to us about what he has done and what installed for us. The next day we had lecturers telling us about what we can do as doctors aside from medicine, like relief work and research. We even had the person who discovered H. Pylori, Robin Warren, come talk to us. On the last day, we had a psychiatrist come in and tell us about treatments that we would never ever think of but was proven to work.

We also managed to do some suturing on poor pork limbs. We also had a little bit of Yoga. We wrapped ourselves in plaster and bandages...

The nights were filled with fun activities. We played poker, basketball, soccer... Sat by the campfire... explored the beach in the middle of the night... and played with two little kids. I guess the highlight of the camp was the quiz in the second night. No, not the medic based stuff you would think, but stuff like sports, music, things about the batch, and things about the country. I had fun doing the puzzles and I still have not gotten the answer for: 7 C___ in the B___ and 22 P___ on a S___ H____.

The grand prize was a Harrison's.

It was a fun time at Med camp.

oh yeah, I've seen some blogs having these little things somewhere and I've decided to add it in too:
Currently reading: Life of Pi, Yann Martel
Currently listening: Teardrop, by Massive Attack (just love the beats)
Currently playing: World of Warcraft
Currently watching: House, Lost
Anime watching: Tactics, Fate Stay Night, Bleach
Currently studying: General Medicine

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Making girls cry...

I really feel guilty, that I was a part of making a girl cry. Maybe it's just inate in me to make girls cry >_<, but this is probably the worst I felt. I'm SORRY!!! It got me thinking though... about why people cry. For some, crying is a sign of weakness. Like how they say men should not cry, as it is showing that you cannot handle the situation emotionally. I recalled, during the process of making that someone cry, that when I was little, I used to cry often. I was usually bullied by my siblings or my cousins, as they took advantage of me. We got along, but when it comes to the games like Speed, and Chess, I cried whenever I lose, feeling that things are not fair. How many people can actually take unfairness and still have a smile on their face? And how long can that smile last?

Maybe I cried because I am sad? Sad that I lost? Sad that I could not prove to them that I am of equal standard? But being sad is everywhere. I can cry at movies, watching that hero sacrifce himself at the very end to save the world, at the sight of the creature fighting for his life but still die... But I didn't cry at my grandmother's funeral. I don't know why, but I was sad. I guess it still comes back to fairness; whether it was fair for her to be taken from us.

Another reason for crying would also be for attention. When I lose, I want the game to be my win and I cry so that the other person will give in to me. I cry so that I will win next time. But that rarely happens... but still, crying to gain pity is a very common thing to do. So does sulking, throwing tantrums, giving the cold shoulder, etc... but they still are different forms of crying. But...

What she showed, was a differnt kind of crying. I could only think of how mature she was when she cried. She didn't throw tantrums, she didn't want anyone to be spoiling her, she didn't demand that things were done... she was just crying to herself and jumped back on her feet. She even talked things out and everything worked out well in the end. I really wish you well and God bless you even more.

And for self advertisement:

This is how I used to look like

and if you donate some money, that will go to the Leukemia Foundation

I will look like this:

So please make a donation ^_^

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Fun with Dick and Jane

See Dick. See Jane. See Dick and Jane have fun. (ok this is beginning to sound pervertic...)

Movie unknown to me until recently, this movie pictures how doing good will not always be rewarded with good. Everything was perfect with Dick (Jim Carrey) and Jane (Tea Leoni), and they never did anything bad. But when there is evil in the world, not all good will get good in this lifetime. (you may debate afterlife, but that's not the point here...)

Modern society values materialism and things of the now, more than the later. How happy will you be if nothing is going your way and there is no silver lining? Even if you are, how long can you last? In case of Dick and Jane, the ended up resorting to robbery and what not. Of course, this is only out of desperation, and they never hurt anyone. Ponder that. What will you do if you are bankrupt and have no where to live? No food, water, electricity... To what extent will you go?

Anyways the story ends quite... er... I can't describe it, but I didn't really agree with it. But it showed, the good will get good. That's a moral for ya.

Face it, everyone of us will value materialism some time, in one way or the other. And to show that I am guilty of it, I would say that I would like the follwing items:
1. PDA - need it for easy reference
2. Camera in my phone or PDA - thinking of taking pictures of visual signs
3. Clinical Examination by Talley & O'conner - for reference
4. Heater - else I will freeze in winter here...
5. Novels - desperately bored. Else, a PDA can store eBooks...
6. Winter clothing - same as heater
7. Mode of private transport - Bicycle will do, but a car will be better...

These are things that I am currently living without and still surviving. So the question would be whether I really need them or not.

My senior was kind enough to take us (transport) to a shopping complex to look for some of these things. Couldn't find a cheap heater or winter clothes and instead I bought 2 shirts that I probably don't need. Ah well... this is what you get from a Manic Episode.

And of course since my senior had to follow me around, I had to follow my senior too. So we went to this women clothing shop called Witchery. It's just weird to go in there. There wasn't anything wrong with the place... but it just feels weird to be going into a shop for women... and neither of us were one. brr...

Adventures... sigh...

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Too Much Free Time, yet so much to do...

"All ignorant people generalize"

I like to generalize things. So in the end, I will contradict myself. I tried to explain my feelings and thoughts but they always end up being total opposites. Since I can't remember when, I have been inflicted with a chronic sense of boredom. There are so many things that I can do, like studying, or reading. But instead, I find myself just lazing around playing or watching anime. Then, I get bored of doing those things as well... now I am not doing anything productive at all.

I've just only started writing notes on my previous rotation. Something that I should have done during the last rotation. My problem seems to be the filing system. I want something organised, but what actually comes organised by itself? apart from the text book... I should be doing notes on MEDICAL stuff, not psychiatry... psychiatry should be my the least of my worries.

General Med has been... too relaxed. I am getting worried about how slack I am. After what happpened in Psych, I really should have learnt my lesson, yet I am still stuck this way. So far, I have approached 5 patients; 1 moreless completed history (but got transfered down to cardiology), 1 informal chat session (missed out so much medical information), 1 just the presenting complaint (not even history of presenting complaint), and 2 turned me down because they were in pain. I wish they weren't sick.

So, I am left with 1 case to present tomorrow.

I conclude that I am living in a undecisive, contradicting world...

However, there are somethings that are certain. And when I am sure of it, I will assert it. Again, i assert that I am living in a undecisive, contradicting world...

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Black and White
(Post for Easter)

How often can you, at the end of the day, lie in bed and think about the day, and not wish that something was different? Last Friday was a day that I can think back and truly say that I don’t want anything changed. No “what if” questions, no worries about tomorrow, and no “I should have done this, done that.” It really was a Good Friday for me…

The church service in the morning was interesting. The pastor questioned, Though we live luxuriously (compared to the past), why are we still not happy? What will make everyone happier?

It isn’t hard for us to split everyone into 2 groups; one good, one bad. We just need to get rid of the ‘bad’ and everyone would be living peacefully. It’s just so easy to do that and it’s not impossible… Relationship to Black and White? It’s all about good and bad.

In the game, there are almost always 2 ways to solve a problem or mission; a good way, and an evil way. As time progresses, you and your creature would either start glowing in an angelic halo, or bear scars and claws of anger and hatred. The good way, naturally takes more time and nobody gets hurt, and the evil, speeds up the game tremendously.
In all, it shows our nature about things, we all have the potential to do good and bad. And it’s not about splitting the world into 2, but more like our own hearts that is split up. And it is up to us to show which side of it.

Later that night, there was another church event, with dinner and performances. There is something about being in this group of people gives me courage and make me build my own confidence… There were many talented performers that night, and I was wishing that I could be as talented as them; Rachel, Lydia, Katie, Steve... even the little Abby, who was helping out diligently. ^_^

There was also a talk, on the topic of Jesus and the Simpsons. The speaker showed many remarks by the characters about God and religion and how God in the Simpsons have 5 fingers when the other characters all had 4. It’s how like I see stuff in House and make me wonder about things. The Simpsons do have some ideas on how life is in reality, and there are really moral values that can be learnt from that series.

But then again, which show doesn't have moral values?

Thursday, April 13, 2006

My Manic Episode

Mania is characterised by:
A. having a period of abnormally and persistently elevated mood.
B. (1) inflated self-esteem, (2) decrease need for sleep, (3) more talkative, (4) flight of ideas, (5)easily distracted, (6) increase in goal directed activity, (7) excessive involment in pleasurable activities.
C. impaired social functioning

This episode can be a defence mechanism which hides the fact that I am internally distraught and chaotic. I have been more talkative than necessary, having trains of ideas, I'm not paying attention in lectures, and I almost got involved in a shopping spree.

And this is what I had been up to the past hour or so:

Meet Linda.

(picture has been removed)

And of course, me.

This is what she did to me.

And this is what she did to me further.

It was fun to get a free hair cut. Heh... (hum Queer Eye for the Straight Guy)

This is a break from my very agitated self. I didn't do well for my Psychiatry Exam and I am set to have practice interviewing sessions later in the year. So I can brush up my skills. It may be a bore and chore, but I think this is a very good opportunity for me to really be serious about things and do well. I don't have a problem being empathetic (I think...) but I think I sacrificed too much of the goal directed questions.

I also plan to get a job soon, and buy a bicycle. At least I will have a source of income and a mode of transport. And it would be a good experience and a method of exercise.

Oh well. We'll see how things go.


Monday, April 10, 2006

This is a very depressing posting for me. This posting will make you start to think about the different people around you and understand why they act the way the act... and then you start diagnosing them with psychiatric illnesses. They are amongst us.

Heck, there are even movies about these people, and even real life celebrities who have psychiatric illnesses. Some professions just needs a person to be so, accountants should have a compulsive disorder, lighthouse watch should be a schizoid, actors be hysterionic... They are more prevalant than you think!

Anyway, back to my posting... Psychiatry is a very long process, from long history takings, long management, and long list of problems and treatment.

Long History. Tomorrow, I will be sitting for an exam, that will test my presentation skills and diagnosing and management. Today, I sat for one that tested my interviewing skills. I failed miserably. I declare the session unjust, but I know where I went wrong. I was probably to familiar with the patient and knew her diagnosis before I sat down to interview her. That led me to only have a checklist and not ask in detail about her change. That cost me dearly. Depressing.

Long List of Problems. The list is almost endless. Mood disorders - Depression, mania, depression with psychotic symptoms, mania with psychotic symptoms, hypomanic, hypothymic, cyclothymic, bipolar I, bipolar II, etc... Anxiety disorders - OCD, PTSD, generalized anxiety, social phobia, specific phobia, agoraphobia, panic attack, etc... Schizophrenia. Schizophreniaform. Schizoaffective. brief Schizo... Drug induced... Sleep disorders... Sexual disorders (which reminds me of what we did in Moral Studies; necrophilia, zoophilia, paedophilia, homophilia, etc...) ... erm... that's all I can remember apart from the Dementia/Delirium and other medical causes for psychiatric problems.

Long List of Treatment. Each grouping has it's specific drug, but since each disorder can overlap into the other, the drugs will also overlap. It's just too long a list to do here. And that's just the drugs. There is also the other Therapies, like CBT, ECT, hypnotism, acupucture, etc...

Long List of Management. I am getting tired of listing down stuff. It's a long list. There are many ways to manage psychiatric patients.

The only difference in the outcome is whether the patient complies or not. Some do. Some don't know they need to. Some don't get better anyway. So it's sad.

It's hard not to get depressed in here.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Harvie Krumpet

Won the Best Animated Short Film in the 2003 Australian Film Institute. I do wonder though, why it won. It was interesting, but NOT for children. It's for us studying psychiatry. It's just interesting how the director does things. In the DVD that I have, there are other short films also with weird stories that are related to psych.

Harvie is a very unfortunate man. He was born with a schizophrenic mother who developed Alzheimers, had Tourette's Syndrome, had his skull cracked, struck by lightning, has a testicle removed... He got married (but his wife later died of a stroke), they adopted a little girl (who went on to be a lawyer, and finally he himself developed Alzheimers.

This story is basically a journey to discover himself. And in the middle of the film, the famous words get uttered again: CARPE DIEM. And so he went on doing strange stuff like liberating animals from the slaughter house, became a vegetarian, joined a nudist camp... It's interesting how those words keep coming up in the things I do.

So, in total, I have watched 6 films, not including the ones I watched on TV. However, they are all older movies and none of the new ones. I am also watching Anime before I go to bed. If I think about it, I'm doing not badly in surviving here in Perth.

Last night was a friend's birthday party. We showered him with water and flour. I miss this kind of fun... I have not had this much fun for a long time. It feels quite nostalgic when I think back about things that have happened to me in the past. Like the countless orientation that I've been through; in ASEAN, in NJ, and in IMU. It's just so much fun to not be a grown-up just for that few minutes. It's just interesting how much you can find out from a person by the way they play. Work is one thing, and everyone can put up a face in normal times. But when it come to play, I think you can get much of a person's personality and character. There is also the words that mean something like: judging a person from how he treats the people under him and how he treats his peers.

Of course everybody has their own personality, but most people hide it in public. Everybody wants to look good in front of others, nobody shows who they really are (of course there are exceptions). Harvie shows who he really is, and he is free and he knows what it is to be human...

Anyway, this song is from Harvie Krumpet:

God is better than football
God is better than beer
God is better than cricket'
Cause God's there all the year

He isn't shut on Sundays
He isn't stopped by rain
He's better than a captain coach
You can talk to Him again and again and again and again and again

Ooh! God is better than football
God is better than beer
God is better than cricket
'Cause God's there all the year

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Thank God for Fidays

Its the weekend again. The only difference this time was that my Friday was a busy one. Started with just PBL. The still remaining problem is that I tend not to speak up. My topic was on the Diagnostic Criteria for Schizophrenia and we were supposed to go through it at the beginning. Of course when I don't say anything, we tend to skip it. I should talk more, speak up more. I mean even in history taking I don't pronouce the words correctly. It's called dysarthria.

After PBL, I went to Royal Perth Hospital to meet up with my group members about our research project. I finally got a research project. It was a great milestone as the due date for the proposal was Friday. oh wait... this IS Fridy. Anyway, my supervisor is a very nice man. He likes to talk, I feel, and is very enthusiastic about his work. He has a Toshiba laptop that is huge. Larger than Martin's one was. It has a remote and everything. And doctors get to buy one every year tax-free. Anyway, after a brief discussion, we were sent off with writing the proposal while another group discussed theirs...

I went to Princess Margarets Hospital for Children next to see my Mentor. We talked and it was fun to have someone to be guiding you and asking how we're getting along in Perth. I've answered that question 3 times on Friday, and all of it are to different people and I gave different answers. All in all, the general idea is that I'm coping. It's been fun and a much educational expereince. Of course there are still stuff to do like reading up on antibiotic regiments.

Next was a vegetarian dinner in the City. It really does taste like the real meat. It was great.

Next, we watched another 2 movies. Van Wilder and Being John Malkovich. They both have their own pros. Van Wilder is the comedic, sexual movie, where else Being John Malkovich is twisted. The underlying message in Van Wilder, the most popular guy in school, is that everybody is cool in their own right, and there is potential in all of us. Oh yeah, point to note is dog semen is fetocidal.

The second movie is an old movie, by the same writer as Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind and just as twisted. There are very good actors in it, John Cusack, Cameron Diaz, etc... I still have no opinions as to what the show actually means but it's about being someone else. The feel to be someone different. It's for those who are experiencing identity crisis and want to know who they really are. And the way to do it is to be someone else for the time being. I guess we all want to be someone different at some point in our lives, but not all of us get to do that.

The similarities in these two movie? Live for moment. Carpe Diem, Memento Mori.

And to end the day (or night) I finally was able to watch Book of Daniel, a series that I've stumbled upon in my search for entertainment. A priest who sees Jesus, who's married to a lovely wife, and have 3 children: a gay son, an adopted chinese guy, and a drug selling daughter; has a Bishop as a father (a father for a father just makes the show weirder...) , a mother who suffers from Alzhiemers, a gullible ignorant innocent sister in law. People talk.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

1 Month Late...

In conjuction with my psychiatric posting, I have listed the MSN nicknames that I have used over the past two weeks. Each nick name has it's own story and I guess it's a way for me to recall them after the weeks gone by...

Which animal do you like?
Which ladder am I in?
Cereal Killer and Murder Mister Rhee
Psychosomatic or Somatopsychic?
Med Dinner
King of Clubs, Queen of Hearts, Jack of all Trades
Angels: Delusions or Religious
Beach & Bleach
Is this conversation recorded?
experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Psychiatry is a very colourful subject. There is something new every day and there is still much to learn. It has been an up and down journey being in this ward. There are times when I feel that I have Bipolar disorder. There are times when I feel at the top of the world, and there are times when I feel like I don't know anything. I do don't know anything...

other happenings:
My birthday was on Thursday, and as usual, I can't think of anything special to do that can actually be done. I thought of disappearing for the day as there isn't much to miss. But of course there were things that I cannot disappear from. Thursdays are always busy for us. We have lectures and people actually dress up for lectures. or dress down, whichever way you see it.

That night, we went out to the cafe by the riverside to have a late night snack. That was my celebration. It was good enough for me.

Then of course they surprised me with a cake on Friday. It was the beginning of the weekend and everybody could stay out later. I had a nice cake: spongy. I had nice candles. Had chilli mussles, spaghetti and garlic bread. It was nice. The funny thing about birthdays is that I don't believe in them. It's just another day for me, but it is a time for me to be older and be depressed about it. It's nice to have friends over and everything, but we do that all the time. I do thank them though. I like friends over, but yet I like to be alone on my birthday. Ironic, isn't it.

That night, we rented movies and watched it over at the girls' campus, with a big wide screeen and chips and vodka. The first movie was a "based on a true story" movie with no story. If you have watched House of Wax, this show is much worse. The bodies were never found and there was only one survivor who has no idea what happened to his friends. He escaped without the bad guy knowing and was found out in the desert. So the story was most probably made up and the heroic acts by the two other girls might not be real. They died anyway, so we don't actually know the truth. There was a courtcase but there were not enough evidence and the killer was set free. Do not ever visit or watch Wolf Creek

The second movie was Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. I've watched it already, and it's not as good as the first one. But hilarious. And as a psych rotation student, the main highlight I saw was: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

On Saturday we went to the beach. We rode the waves and it was FUN! Never in Malaysia were the waves this big. It was 38 Degrees, but it was worth it. And we stayed until the sun set, something I have not done. It was nice watching the sky turning red and melt into dark blue.

On Sunday, I finally got to try Sarawak Laksa, courtesy of Grace's cousin, Rachel.

Well, that's a summary of what happened over the last weekend.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Perth, Week 3

I just enjoy my time here. There is so much to do and see here. And I repeat, I LOVE NATURE. I simply love the easy life, wonderful trees and animals...

Just this week, I have seen many exotic birds here. Parakeets are flying free overhead, and not trapped in a cage that I've seen all this while. I just love being free.

Ironically, I have decided to stick to the hospital as much as I can. I feel much more at home in the hospital and I get to interact with people. I made some friends there too. I saw one of my patients get discharge. He was such a nice man that was stuck in the hospital. Now he is free. Anyway, I was trying to say, I learn things when I am at the hospital. Our doctor advice us to get used to examining patients and have a go at least once in all the systems. And if you wait long enough, you can even get to do other stuff, like injecting people's medication, drawing blood, and inserting an IV drip. There are lots of BP taking, temperature and PR as well.

I am having fun there la. I guess it can either go up or down from here. I hope it goes up!

Monday, February 06, 2006

Perth, Week 1 & 2
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It's been slightly over two weeks that I have been in Perth. The place is just BEAUTIFUL. I love UWA. It is a park. It is a PARK with lovely trees and many birds. There are resident peacocks there and ducks... I just enjoy it here. It is just so calming. To tell how beautiful it is, people can actually have their weddings here in UWA. It is an open campus, where public can enjoy themselves to the many sceneries here. UWA is also situated beside the Swan River, with a small little beach and sand. The river is so wide, that it almost seem like the sea.
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The first time I went to the river bank, it was with some other Malaysians studying medic in UWA. some came when they were wee small, and some only after SPM. I made new friends that day, of course not forgetting my old ones. They were a bunch of friendly people. We watch the Australia Day fireworks from the river bank. It was about 15 minutes long, with lots of beautiful colourful sparkles. After some games of Mafia and Bluff, and after the fireworks, we went to a Vietnamese restaurant for dinner and just to hang out. Before we knew it, we were the last customers in the store and we had to leave...
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The second outing was at one of their house. His name is Francis. He cooks. He is sporty. He is an artist. He does well in exams. He's single. He's perfect.

Back in classes, we did a range of stuff, from things that we IMU people already knew, stuff that we were taught, but not thoroughly. So basically, we did the same things, but in greater depth. We drew blood from friends, we insert catheters into models' arms and penis, we performed CPR and defib SimMan.

I am in the middle of my Nursing attachment, and I had to bathe patients, take vital stats, gave a subcutaneous injection to a patient and make beds. It was the closest exposure I ever had. And in this point in time, I felt more confident than I was in IMU, in KKB or Seremban. There was motivation. I had something pushing me, yet it was the same clinical situation.

Next week, I get to examine women's breasts. Something I think we will never do in IMU. But maybe I am just lucky to have the right Doctor.

In short, I am enjoying myself.

Monday, January 23, 2006

I am at the airport now... flight got delayed... How many more times must I be delayed???

Wishing everyone the best...

Sunday, January 22, 2006

My Last of Everything...

I had my last sumptiuos meal last night. I had a nice chinese dinner with 5 dishes. As I was eating, I wondered when will be the next time I will be having this sort of food again. I am not sure what type of food I will be eating in Australia. I heard that it cost AU$3.50 for a plate of chicken rice. I won't be far from home then. I was planning to cook for myself or just buy back food from campus. But then, they say hospital food is not that good. I had satay also, last Friday. That was probably the last time for a long time. My kon-loh mee breakfast was probably the last too.

I'm blogging for the last time in Malaysia... I am not sure when I will be blogging next, as my time will be packed (I assume) and I might not have internet over there. So I can say good bye to watching House, Grey's Anatomy, and Scrubs. Unless there is someone who is willing to break it up into 10mb parts and send through gmail. that's 35 files wach episode. Any takers?

I played on the piano for the first and last time this year... good bye to making music. I'm thinking about getting some instrument there, if it is cheaper. Violin sounds nice, and much cheaper than saxaphone. Though Saxaphone looks cooler...

Now that I thought of it, there wasn't much 'Last Things to Do' for me. It all just feels like I will be going for a short while. (Considering my age, it IS a short time). So in summary, what I guess I will be missing are:
1. Family. I have been apart from them for a long time, but I will still miss them nonetheless.
2. Friends. I have said goodbyes, and some not as I liked, but those were the last times I would have seen them. I didn't get to say goodbye to everyone though. I will miss you guys.
3. The family computer with internet. I have many memories here... but most of it has been transfered to my computer, which I will be bringing down. But the internet is what I will miss...
4. Durian, and all the other Malaysian fruits.
5. Food. Malaysian food. Cheap Malaysian food. Cheap and tasty Malaysian food.
6. Weather. I will be going to a more dry country, with a lot of flies. Cold nights and Hot days. Yep, definitely going to miss SEA's weather.
7. To reemphasise, I will definitely miss my friends
8. And saving the Best for Last... I will miss my loving, caring, beautiful girlfriend Evelyn. I will long for a hug from you again...

Friday, January 20, 2006

My Gundam

Various building processes...

...and the final product!!!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

My Gundam

Various parts during construction. Tedious colouring process.

Assembled torso. Ugly residue and bad colouring.

Posing. Death by getting chopped in the torso

Of Dentists and Wicker Park

As I read Pre-Teena in today's news paper, I was told that I was to go see the dentist... My last visit was in 2000. My father was surprised that I didn't have to get any fillings or crownings for such a long time. This was comparing to my brother who already got two crownings and a couple of fillings. Of course his exposure to sports makes him more vulnerable, and his frequent accidents let him see the dentist on a regular basis.

Me, on the other hand, do not got see dentists. My last trip was when I was Sec 4, and the ASEAN scholars had to go for a check up. Mine took the longest though, I had calcifications. Meaning the hardened residue that stick to the teeth, prominently at the gumline. I had to endure a long cleaning session, as the dentist picked at my teeth. With a pick. Not dril. Pick.

This time round, I had the same thing. But this time, the dentist used a drill. Did not hurt much. I can hear the thing brushing around my teeth and hearing them squeak is horrible. There was too much conduction hearing. Too high pitch. What does one do while sitting in a dentist's chair while the dentist picks away at your teeth? He doesn't really talk to you, and you can't really answer. I stared into the lights and a million thoughts ran through my mind. I was attached to a dentist once. She told me how hard it was to be a dentistry student. Medicine had it easy, she said. I still wonder how different it would be, and how would it have played out if NUS had given me dentistry... I also had a tough time trying to swallow my saliva. I starting thinking of this experiment I thought of.

Try swallowing 10 times in 15 seconds.

Anyway, when the dentist was done, I gargled and spit out quite a lot of blood. I checked the mirror to see more blood. I have seen too much of my blood these past two months, from the numerous blood tests I needed. To check my Hep B, Visa medical checkup, Visa follow up check, now the dentist. I have been trying to find out why I can't donate blood and was trying to see whether I was too chicken to see the sight of my own blood being drained. I think I am afraid.

Anyway, with all the tests done, I finally got my Visa today. It was dated 1AM. The amusing (but unfortunate) thing is that I was holding on to a ticket for the 19th, but I had to let it go yesterday. And NOW my visa comes, and I don't have a confirmed date for my flight. And the person doing all the work all these while went on leave today. We could have gotten on the waiting list for the 19th, but the replacement was on half day. She didn't bother to do so and just left with her half day. It was irritating. But I might not have gotten it anyway.

I was watching Wicker Park just now. I had no idea what the storyline is, but I was too bored to do antyhing else. In the movie also, there was a scene where the guy had to change his plane ticket. The magic time seems to be 4pm. After that time, there will be openings... just like mine. So I hope they will get me a ticket soon. I don't want to miss classes and I was hoping that I can settle in, get a place, open bank accounts etc... Keep praying

Wicker Park is about an obsessive character. At first I thought it was the guy. Then as the story reveals itself, more flashbacks, introduce more characters and more of their flashbacks... The way that they show it was nice. Each flashback had a different point of view, of the same event. And only when everything is put back together, it makes perfect sense.

Apart from the cinematography, the thing about Wicker Park was about what one can or will do when you are in love (or obsessed about). Lying to your friend, planning scenarios, making up stories, twisting the plot so that you get to be with the one you love (or obsessed about). But it was a sad beginning... The guy that she liked ended up liking (and loving) her friend instead. The agony of hearing stories about how nice the guy is and everything, and yet you still have to be nice and caring to your friend... The sad thing was that she managed to sabotage the relationship when opportunity came.

The question is now... what will you do for the person you like/love/obsessed about and how far will you go?

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I'm Still Here

Two things I thought of to say.

First, I was watching a children's show on the alphabet. A is for Armadillo, B is for Bison, C is for Chameleon, D is for Dolphin, E is for Elephant, F is for Flamingo, etc. Don't get me wrong and make fun of me. I was eating my dinner at a restaurant and it was playing. It got me thinking. I used to know animals for every letter... but I couldn't remember what was for I. The video introduced Insects for I. I felt that it was just plain wrong to do that. But I can't remember I. I have numbat and narwhal for N, and Xenosaurus for X. But I, I cannot remember.

Apart from that, I was also wondering about child development. We used to learn that as we grow up, we classify things from the basics. First we learn that anything that moves other than people are animals. we learn cats and dogs... then we learn more specific names like poodle and bulldog, tigers and leopards... But that video is so advanced. Except for that Insect part, which is more like the learning process. Then I started to think how we all learn the ABC's... and whether there is any difference between learning the A is for Apple, B for Boy stuff and learning through the method above... Will we be smarter from the way we learn our ABC's? or our 123's?

What makes a person smart? I have always wondered how do people end up smarter than others. Genetics play a role I guess, but what did our parents do for us to be smart? How will I be able to teach my own children?

Anyway, saving that for future use... My second thought was when I was watching Disney's Sleeping Beauty. Ok, you can make fun of me now. Anyway, I was watching it and I have this feeling about destiny and fate. Aurora was cursed. Cursed a certain fate. Even though the good fairies tried to prevent her from going through it, Aurora still did get pricked and fell asleep. And as all fairy tales end, the price manage to wake her up. And he was the prince that she was to fixed to marry when she was born. Fate? What is fate? Is life preordestined? Do we have no choice? or do we have choices but it was already fated that we choose that choice? Sounds like the Matrix... (Don't get me started on that Idea...)

The other idea is that certain events are predestined. The journey there can be changed. It's like an inescapable event. No matter what choice you make, it will end up at that point. Like meeting your soulmate. Or ending up on an Island. it's all back to Lost... I'm engrossed in it.


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