Newer stuff... somethings in life aren't always as they seem, some sad looking person maybe experiencing the greatest love of his life. Another person who is happy to the stage of euphoric, he may be torn deep inside. A leaf isn't a leaf when it has six legs and feelers and moves about. A wolf can hide in sheeps' clothing. One word: deceit. Okay, maybe a few more, lies, false, deception.

My point is, I guess, is that we are all living in a world full of lies. So whom do we trust? In a friend whom you could confide in? A loving partner? Parents who are always there for you? Some higher power which we feel but not seen? For some, these things work, for others, this is a load of crap. I don't know which am I...

How can someone believe in something so much and yet commit a crime that is against his/her own principle? I mean a person can boast so much that he is an avid recycling kind of guy, but still litters in the parks. They speak so much of Greenpeace but still polute the environment with car fumes. Do these people deserve to live? I guess they should, they have to make the world balanced. Good vs Evil, Black against White, Angels vs Devils, Elf vs Orcs, poor vs rich, stupid vs intelligent... But I know some do not know that they are wrong. Nobody told them.

Where do you think you stand? Where do others think you stand? It's hard for me to say where I stand in life. Someone can tell me that I am doing great, another can say that I am a pile of crap. I guess my mother was right in a way, I'll never have a girlfriend, with this attitude of mine. As much as I believe there is bound to be someone in this whole wide world for me, I also say that there will be one for every other idiot there is. I may not amount to much to some, and I guess I wouldn't be much in the world; I'm just a grain of sand on the beach, a thread in a carpet. But I am happy that I have made my mark here. I'll die happy.

All I can say is that, nobody knows me, and I am waiting for someone who can enlighten me, be my friend. Is that so hard to do? I guess it is. I am the way I am, and if you don't want to accept me for who I am, well, you can make the sun set in the east, I wouldn't really give a damn. I may end up lonely in the world, but at least I won't have you there.

Nah, should not give the boring start of the day stuff, I just lead a typical Ken Rhee life... Woke up late though...

Wanted to join today's practical so that I'll have more free time on Friday, but was scared of the overcrowded look in the lab and the labtechs shut the dorr on us... oh well... Caught by Yee Neng to do the banner again. Since I have the time now, I decided to help. All is well. Want to put it up today and brilliance! NO STRING!!! ah, wasted more time...

Anywaym the message i'm trying to bring across is.. THE BANNER DESIGN IS MINE, SO CRITICISE ALL YOU WANT, I STILL LIKE MY CREATION.
I am in the library wearing nothing but sandals, bermuda shorts and a t-shirt.. of course the underwear... and imu tag... I thought they stricten up the rules? HAHA, the Krazy Kreature strikes again...

BUt lesson learnt today...

Another weekend over, another painful time to get up early and go to 8am lectures... I got up normally after three tiring nightmares. I really hate them nightmares. I mean I am constantly wary of the 'being' that is always on me. I know there is a psychological reasoning behind this stupid sensation of being squashed. oh well, I am just glad it's over... I changed up and did something new, putting on my free pair of contacts. I didn't have much trouble putting them on and my eye didn't hurt as much. I guess I am getting used to it... I was 'late' so I decided to skip breakfast...

I got to school on time, but not as early as I hoped. Stupid cleaners just throw away anything they see on the floor. Can'y you see that they are IMPORTANT? I guess not, since you are just a cleaner, won't know what is the difference. It happened during the AIDS week. My beautiful poster GONE just like that. I really wish they smarten up and see what they are throwing away...

Anyway boring lectures, fell asleep twice... dashed to have my breakfast/lunch, dashed to the computer lab to print my elective report, dashed back to PBL room, hoping to get things done as soon as possible so that I can spend more time with her. But it back fires...

PBL was a more fun one today, more joking around. I like this PBL group. Not that my previous one was bad, just more study orientated. This time, though serious work is done, it's still fun. I miss Gowri though... It would be the same without her, but this is a new atmosphere I think I would enjoy, and would miss it once it's gone... I guess it gets better everytime and it all can't be the same...

PBL done, Yee Neng decides to have a meeting... I couldn't really get anything done in the meeting, my body may be there, but my mind is somewhere else, and my heart is somewhere else... As I said, my plans for today didn't go really well... All I wanted was to spend as much time as I can with her, but I am caught in the middle of different committees here and there, and I can't be as free for her as I like. I don't know what to do. As much as I want to spend time with her, I also want these things to do so that I get to write something on my report card. I don't know what's the use and I don't know why I still keep doing it.

I rush back to my apartment to look after it as the workers were finally finishing Kenneth's room. Evelyn came later and she was really angry at me. I know that I am wrong, and I tried so much to apologise, but I guess I am not as thoughtful as I thought I was. I guess that this was what Sheena meant by 'taking her for granted'. I had my dose, I am guilty, I feel guilty. I want so much to change my stupid attitude. All I have is one more chance... ONE more...

The workers were done at about 1600hrs and I waited for Choon Keong and Yick Yeong to come back. As soon as they were back, I rushed back to school...

Dance practice was a bore and for me, a waste. I'm sorry that I came late, but I don't think it would make a difference if I came earlier. I danced twice or two and a half times, and slacked most of the time. Before I knew it, it was time to go. oh well.. Had dinner with Yuhana and Aishah and then, I head to the library to do some research... BORING

Well, today is a short day, right? WRONG. I woke up the normal time and ironed out my labcoat. What they said yesterday was that our labcoats were supposed to be well pressed so I took extra effort to actually iron out all the creases. I noted that it's harder to iron the labcoat as it is l-o-n-g-e-r than the normal shirts that I have and have to move the labcoat accordingly on the ironing board and waste precious time... Anyway, I got to uni still on time.

The banner was missing, slight panic. Calmed down later when Yee Neng told me where it was... dang all my hard work. And to think just the night before, Nam Fei was telling me that we were supposed to send the design to the SAD for approval before starting on it. ALL MY HARD WORK!!! oh, well, it's all done and over with.

Lecturer was Dr. Thani, counted 61 "as such" and I think I am getting bored with it. I need to get some concentration done. After that, we had Q&A, and Dr. Vishna came in to tell us more stories! Dr. Thani also voiced out his opinion about Q&A sessions and wasted quite a lot of precious time...

I dashed to the computer lab to get my report online. Then, I went over to Puchong to get the pictures and typing done. I tried so hard to concentrate, but I only manage to finish typing my section and still have te editting to do. oh bother bother. I couldn't print them out to be binded and I still needed the cover.

I overshot my time and went for the later lab session instead of my scheduled one. It wasn't as bad, attendance was taken, but I couldn't sign my name as my name WASN'T there!!! I had to explain myself to Dr. Thani and he ask me to see the office to get my name signed. All is well, and I could even signed for Steven. I hope it gets cleared. Back to the Lab. Dr. Thani did mostly talking and showing some pictures that only the eyes of a pathologist would understand. Okay, I see some red dots there, lighter than the rest... oh, what are they called? Red blood cells, you say? wow, better write that down... and what about that yellow coloured thing? Air spaces! Excellent! *scribble, scribble* And all the black dots? oh, some are lymphocytes and the others are nucleus of other cells... I don't see a difference...

When it ended, I went to collect my new glasses. I still cannot find my old one. And I beg to anyone who has any idea on where it is PLEASE return them to me... I bought one that looked as close as possible to my old ones, hoping that it will make me look as nice as it did with the original pair. She says I look cute. I'm happy. It has a tight fitting and I had slight dizziness... oh well, I have to get used to them.

Later, I went to the pasar malam to buy vcd's, dinner, breakfast, and some fruits for desert. They had a raid and I had to wait til the DBKL people leave the area so that the stalls will open up again. It really looked cool to a certain extent when the vendors all have earphones in their ears and standing there trying to look cool. weird, but cool.

After that, we went back to Vista and sat in the car talking. She took my glasses to try them on, and wow... She does look nice in them. But then, maybe it was the light... haha... well, tomorrow is another day...

18th March 2004, Thrusday (KrazyKreaturez's Journal)

Today is a busy day, as was yesterday. And the day before, now thtat I think of it... Anyway, today was a busy day. I started out earlier, as I did yesterday, at about 0645hrs. I ironed my shirt and washed up. I rushed to the auditorium and found the audi EMPTY!!! Rare occasion in the wee hour of the day (0715hrs), but there are people there. Only recognised Victor, Renuka...

Anyway, I set out to do what I came for, I laid the white 6mx4m cloth and brought out my chalks. Okay, how do I start? I mean, all I had was an idea in my head and a rough black and white sketch. But I carry on anyway, hoping my imagination will be as good as I hope it will be. I drew the hourglass. Darn, i finish my 2 inch chalk. At this rate, I'm screwed...

I ran out of chalk. By the time I decided to stop drawing, the Audi was half full.. half empty, depending on which side you are talking about. Oh well, I shall get on with it another time.

Lecture starts and again, I find myself counting the number of 'as such' again. 62 this time, but I am a bit confused about the exact number as whenever my mind wonders off for a while, I don't listen to him. This isn't a good sign as I don't get the information being presented, but I hope that I can cover it later in life, before Summ1. Next was Dr. Vishna and her carefree lecture on B-lymphocytes and antibodies. I almost got what she was saying this time... And she ended her lecture with a story of her being scared of animals. Cruelty to animals, but we can't avoid it. I mean I LOVE animals, but I know how important it is for the researchers to use them. Research on animals is important and 'better' than using acutal humans, but not many people seem to realise this. All they can see is "Oh, poor animals..." "They were so kewt..."

Then was PBL. I don't know how effective having PBL's are though. I used to be from a group that gives out handout so that we don't really need to copy anything. But this time, the material is voluntarily given out. I decided not to give any out this time as there isn't much to say and I'm not really sure on what it is. Adding to the fact that I have been busy this WHOLE week, I don't have time to actually research thoroughly... Anyway, I thought it was quite good and the rest were as good and boring...

After PBL, at 1300hrs I had a meeting with the Dance Club Committee. They basically want us to perform some dances for the recruitment drive, as with last sem. I get to dance in at least 2 of them. oh wow, oh joy... And I finally get to see the committee for this sem. The tall Pharmacy girl is actually the VP... odd... but oh well...

Later at 1400hrs, CSU!!! Yeah, session was scary, not knowing what to expect and fearing the worst. It turned out quite well, and I guess anything always can be better. I forgot to bring my tape, so I forced Steven to be the Doctor this time. As we waited for our turn, we went through the question and I don't know why, though I feel more insecure, I seem to know what to do, more than he did, but he did an okay job though. I'm getting too big a nose now... Later at the debriefing, my nose shrinks smaller... I feel so unknowledgable. And I seem to know nothing at all, except what other students told me before this.

When everything was done, I got onto doing the banner paint job. I did most of the hourglass as only I knew of what I wanted. DUH The rest helped out and I really thank them. Especially the 'moral support' I needed... The banner would be up soon, and I am proud to have left a legacy.. heh heh heh...

Now I sit here trying to write the elective report... Editing is more like it though.. haha

I didn't know you still visit this site.. haha... I dont really have time to add anything though...

problems? well, I DONT GET TO SPEND ENOUGH TIME WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE ANGRY AT ME COZ I DONT SPEND ENOUGH TIME WITH YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE... haha, irony of it all..

I miss you, Princess...

12th March 2004, Friday (KrazyKreaturez's Journal)

Argh.. things can't get any worse... What a day to fall sick. Yesterday, I woke up from a nap felling really really nasty and my throat was dry and painful. Liquid oozing out of my nose and slightly blurred vision. A little difficulty in breathing and slight cough. Anybody care to make a diagnose??

Today I feel slightly better, but it is just a relative term. I went to lecture and I realised something... It's hard to concentrate during lectures if there is a dozen things going in your head: Problems with ex, Lecture to understand, Posters and Banners to think of, Video advert to make, Stupid flu, don't want to infect others, Counting the number of "as such" (which totals to 71 this time), Where are my darn glasses, I can't see much without them! Am I fat? Does this windbreaker make me look fat?, new club Elena wants to start, does thinking this much make me look stressed and making my illness worse?

Anyway, getting e-mail from Celia again. I hope i can come up with the list soon so that I will finally get to see my cards... gosh, does Goldberry look nice... haha Radagast looks horried!!!

Yeah, I also went to see the doctor this morning. Wonderful chap. Basically went through all the chit chat, history taking, basic stuff. Cost me RM12 for Vit-C, runny nose pills, Lozenges and cough syrup. I gotta find out the medic names for them now.. haha...

Went back with a feeling of not doing anything at all. I felt so bad... Dance class was later, but I really didn't feel like doing anything because there will only be the three of us going. I fell asleep frustratedly only to wake up to find Evelyn at my doorstep. She walked all the way from Pearl Point to Vista. How more miserable can I make myself feel? Anyway, we went to the dance class anyway with Vasan and 'enjoyed' ourselves... Had dinner and then went back to IMU.
To make matters worse I felt a ping of unfairness at work with the politics of IMU... sigh...

I conclude by saying there is never a day where all good things happen, but there are days where all bad things will happen. of course there is also a dose of good things happening in midst of bad things... And to safely say that I enjoyed the day, the little quantity of good must override the quality of the numerous bad things that happen.

Woke up late, iron clothes messily... But still managed to get to Lecture on time. It seems strange that only half the Audi was full for no reason. Is it because the Audi has a greater capacity or that less people are attending the lecture? Anyway, Sheena was wearing almost the same colour code as I did... Freaky.... But then, so did Evelyn, though the opposite...

The first lecture was quite boring, as it was mostly introduction and nothing important (I think). But I managed to stay awake and when I looked behind me, I noticed that about a third of the class were sleeping too!! haha. The second lecture was better. Notice the word, BETTER meaning not necessary good. I didn't fall asleep again! I'm so proud of myself!!!

After lecture, we went to Dome for lunch... Worse idea we ever had. I rather have stayed in Uni to do my PBL and research for elective. And also blog and Utopia... cost me RM27 and I will never ever go to Dome ever again unless I am fully treated or at least a 50% discount. Gowri owes big time... Nevertheless, I had a great time with Evelyn, bought her the pair of Jeans that she wanted for SO long. She finally found it and she was ever so happy... Then the two of us went looking around, at Memory Lane and stuff like that.

MPH doesn't have books that I want, but almost tempted to buy Jurassic Park and Lost World for less then RM25...

Tried to study again, but can't. No materials... But stayed with Evelyn til it was time to go. Now going back to sleep...

I'm feeling rather bad today... Firstly, I wasn't that all happy that yesterday ended. I had such a wonderful time I really wanted it not to end. I wished that time would just stop at my command and that I can do what I want to do and get over things that I did not want to go through...

The day started out so nicely, skipping dance practice, etc... but...

I wished that I could been a more supporting Orientation Officer and not some sickly guy with twisted testicles... Screwed Balls... whatever... It was so hurting, and it was even more hurting that I could not join the group as much as I could have. Given the fact that Sheena washed my clothes DESPITE my protest and managed to wash my Orientation T-shirt and pants which I wanted to use for the Treasure Hunt. I am still annoyed at that. I should forgive her, I know I should... Evelyn says I should, but I am too angry at her... Anyway, I scared Evelyn with my anger and I calmed down after that... I don't ever want to vent my anger at her again... The pain in my balls were too great that I decided to sit out of the rest of the games and went to the Student Lounge. There, I felt much better, though the pain is still there...

After the Treasure Hunt, I went back to bathe and went out for a drink with Richard, Grace and Evelyn. Then we went back to Grace's apartment and chatted til Elena woke up. I feel so sorry for her, she was so tired but looked so adorable when she was sleeping. Richard was walking about and we were all tired...

When Elena finally woke up, I saw them off and fell straight back to sleep when I got back to my apartment. Sheena called me, I was too sleepy to talk...

I guess that it is my birthday today... It started out rather well I guess. The order in which people wished me is confusing.. If I consider the time exactly, then Evelyn will be the first to have wished me... Richard and Grace next... Shi Ching somewhere along the line, and Vasan's sms, I can't really remember when did Sheena and Yean Koon wished me... oh well, the calls stopped at about 1pm and I finally get to have some sleep...

I was feeling depressed in the afternoon, as I didn't know what is going on and where they were planning to take me... I waited and recieved calls from Evelyn and Shi Ching trying to decide where on Earth they were going to take me. And I was getting scared that they were going to pull it off... What a day... So I decided to shut myself off from the world as planned and done the previous year and went to sleep. Come on, if they got me so excited I was scared that I would be disappointed...

It was a peaceful half an hour before I had to start doing things again. I had to move my things to my new apartment and I was all alone. I wasn't happy that I was alone, but I was glad that I had time for myself. But finally, Evelyn called me down, greeted me with a cake. I feel so much better already...

First stop, Swensons. It's so annoying when you invite people along, and in the end they don't have anything to say to you much. And the person whom I want to be with can't go near me. Ate two ice-cream all by myself... lime flavoured... interesting... ate 4 cherries and only one stalk I managed to tie a knot in... Ah, then I played with dry ice... cool, but dangerous.

Next, we went to somewhere near Taylors to have our dinner.. strangely after two bowls of ice-cream, I still could still eat a beef steak... or what looked like a beef steak... haha. Nice, but not really worth my RM10... oh well... While eating this meal, we played scrabble. Wonderful game which my mother insisted so much on playing to improve our English and skills the like. Evelyn paired up with Jody, Elena and I were helped by our score keeper, Grace. Oh yeah, since it was my birthday, i guessed that they would let me win... I breached the 200points barrier and I am so proud of myself... not really, but given the fact that I was under pressure and such a great amount of hurt and insecurity... ah well...

After dinner, we went back to Grace's place to eat my cake... well, Evelyn's cake actually.. and they sang 'Can't take my eyes off you'... nice, love it. The day got better and better but I was glad it was over...

Presents that I got: Kisses from my group members (I apologise to those who would be jealous...), In Motion (?) perfume from the bestest group of friends that I could ever wished for, Box of chocolates from Ai Lee, Chocolates from my granddaugther, BEAUTIFUL animal stamps from Sheena, icecream from Siaw...