Adventures in Albany - Day 17

It was kind of a depressing day for me.

It started out with a worrying dream/nightmare. I cannot remember the details of the dream but the feeling that you get after the dream lingered and it made me worry that something bad was going to happen. Perhaps it was just anxiety, but I don't know what of. May be it was nothing.

The day started with normal consults, with me realizing that I cannot get into the mode of a GP consult. It was annoying. I couldn’t think on my feet, and I struggled to keep awake most of the time.

There were a few familiar ‘difficult’ patients who make my day worse. There may be something going on, but the way they present themselves is really not appealing. They bring in every other aches and tingling sensation, obscuring the true definite symptom. Although I like the variety of GP, sometimes I just cannot or don’t want to handle these type of patients.

I just felt like an inadequate doctor sometimes when these things happen. Later in the afternoon, my GP kept sending me out on errands, which made me feel that he did not want me in the room. It felt like I was not performing as well as he would like and probably seeing me as disinterested. I am interested, I just don’t know how to act interested.

Maybe if there was something that I was really interested in, I would be more active and engaging, but after the mentally exhausting morning, I didn’t really seem to be able to get into gear. I guess it is just the fatigue that you get from taking a jog after not exercising for a long time. It is true that I am no longer fit, but am I no longer fit mentally?

At the end of the day, I was drained and I couldn’t do much else.

Even planning for an exciting weekend seemed impossible.

We’ll see…