I just watched Joey, episode 21

Life really sucks. I'm not supposed to spoil anything here, but nobody visits this page anyway. So who cares?

I don't like Eric. I feel like Alex. But it is expected, I did want it to be that way anyway. Come on, I wanted it to happen so badly, but when it did, I hate it. I guess I didn't know it will be that hard, but it is my decision and I have to stick to it. Not many people are happy with my indecisiveness, and it's being used against me. Truth about me is I don't like making decisions. It's not that I don't want to be resposible when it goes wrong, but I don't want to make the wrong decision. There are many things that are attached to the decision, and when it's wrong, it's hard to handle it. Looking back in the past, I have made some really stupid mistakes and decisions. Some of them still going on...

Like me deciding to do medic. Medic is a really difficult thing, especially for a lazy pig like me. I have no motivation, save the occasional nudge by friends. I am so used to being arrogant study wise. Primary school in Malaysia was no challenge and I ended up being over confident. The lessons were too easy, exams can be passed without studying much... and sadly, the time where the brain is most absorbant is when you are young. So, I ended up being lazy and arrogant about studies. I was proven wrong time and time again, but I have not learnt my lesson. Going through secondary school in Singapore, I felt what competition is like. It's enthrilling, I love the rush of adrenaline. So, I worked harder and in the end, the exams were not that difficult. But I became over confident again and by the time I was in Junior College, I have really gotten lazy.

Hence my presence in IMU.

It may be a blessing in disguise, but it's really ironic because in Singapore, EVERYONE ELSE was hating Singapore and telling me how much they want to get out of it. I was the one telling people how much better it was in Singapore compared to Malaysia. One can say that I was blinded by the government, brainwashed. But I still find it BETTER compared to Malaysia where racism is still an issue.

So here I am, back in Malaysia; when all those who hated Singapore are still there studying. My decision was to do medic. I forgone a chance to really lighten my parents financial burden by getting the ASEAN scholarship and do Engineering in NUS. My friend, who was in the same boat, decide to take on the scholarship, and now he is staying for free in my place, with an almost free education. Looking at my results, I am better at Physics and Maths, so I should be better suited for engineering, yet I took up Medic... Not only does my fees costs a fortune, I also have to pay to stay in KL. And for the past 2 years, I had to also accomodate another person.

It's time to live with my decision and get on with the studying.. but it is still fresh in my head and getting over it is not that easy. Oh well... I got to study and do well to prove that this is a good decision...