Year 4
Another new year brings in many new faces, again in Boarding, in the ASEAN community and in the Band. Another batch of juniors to teach you new things and people who will look up to you. A new year is a time to meet new people and make more friends.

I've never felt so lost before. Now I am the super senior, nobody I can turn to except the adults and myself. At this time, I needed my friends more than anything, to confide in and to share my feelings with. Juniors and friends turning to me too. This was the time that I felt so close to people, yet still distant from everyone.

My studies were affected. I failed a few more subjects and I didn't understand the lessons. I slept in lectures and didn't do my tutorials. Comparing this final crucial year with when I first came, this was a different me. I was becoming lazy and over-confident, yet worried about everything. I failed in Biology and Chemistry, and yet excelled in Maths. My english was improving, but will never be good. Imagine speaking the language all your life and it being your forte, I reallised I will never be as good as they wanted us to be.

I had to study, I knew I just had to start, but I was getting distracted easily. I could never find the will power to start. I could tell everyone to study and buck up, but I could never do it myself. I relied very much on friends to keep me out of the depressing state. I really miss them. I felt stronger when I'm with them. There are also times when I would crawl to my friend's room and sleep with them, instead of my own bed.

Towards the end of the year, we all had to step down from our CCAs. I felt more lost when I had to step down from the Band. I was no longer playing the anthem and school song. I no longer had to meet in the Band room. I was to queue up with the rest of my class and that felt weird. Change. Change feels funny. Change needs to get use to.

Finally, there were the A-Levels...

...working in Singapore