Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Adventures in Albany - Day 01

At the end of any day, especially since when the weather is so gloomy, all I want to do is to see that certain rainbow, to tell you about my day, about all the good and bad, all my thoughts and feelings, and to hear yours. But like a rainbow, you are not always there, and sometimes you will not appear when I really want to see you.

But when I least expect it, I managed to see three rainbows on the way down to Albany today. The weather was so gloomy when I woke up today, with extra dread, sadness and anxiety that I have been experiencing over the past few weeks. I really didn’t want to leave Perth at this moment. Although I would only be 6 hours drive away, it is still a long way and I already promised myself not to make any trips back though.

My housemate was kind enough to drive me to the busport. The ride there was the usual ‘business’ conversation, me telling him about why I was going down there, him telling me about his new uni timetable, me reminding him about paying the rent, him reminding me to transfer money into his account, etc. Otherwise, it was a smooth ride and I was at the terminal at 0830. And right outside, there was the first beautiful rainbow. It had both ends of the arc touching the horizon. Just as with you, the mere sight of it made me feel happy.

The sight of the rainbow eased the fears I had and I managed to catch up with some sleep. Of course, being extra tired from not getting enough sleep the previous night made it easy. I never knew how to handle good-byes, except from what I have seen on TV. Like, “Don’t look back,” or “Can I write to you?” or “You’re the only one he said good-bye to.” I don’t think that I can pull it off, saying something original or meaningful when I say good-bye. I have changed locations so many times in the past, and I would think that I would have gotten used to it by now. But I haven’t. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”, I hope, but there is also the opposite, “Out of sight, out of mind.” At least for now, I am already missing my friends, but I know I am still just a phone call away.

The journey was all so familiar to my days in Singapore, having also showed a movie. I could have read the book I brought but I occupied my time solving the 5x5x5 cube and watching Toy Story 2, a movie that I have seen it many times. The message that I got out of the movie was, “I would rather see him grow up than to not be loved at all.” I do not know what to make of the quote. Could I live to love someone and watch them grow up and in the end be cast away? Do I have the capacity of unrequited love and not to expect anything in return? It got me thinking about my feelings and how ideal I want my future to be with a family, but am I really capable of doing such things? It really sounds like a quote that is said by a parental figure of some sort. As it is, I am already not giving anything back to my parents. With such atrocious grades, I feel like I am a failure to them.

This is my goal here in Albany – to NOT be a failure to them. The room I was given when I got here was very conducive for studying. I could not get any internet, there was ample light, and it was quite cosy. There were facilities for everything. It doesn’t look too bad for a start, and I definitely have a good feeling about this rotation.

 

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